Quarterly Update; and, thoughts on creativity

Well, here we are, already just over a quarter of the way through the year. Taking a cue from corporate culture, here's a quarterly report on yours truly:

House Buying:

Oh, Oakland, you are breaking my heart. As much as we want to stay here, I'm not sure we're going to be able to buy in Oakland.

Our choices are:

* crappy condos in (sometimes) OK (meh) neighborhoods

* falling-down dumps in OK (meh) neighborhoods

* incredibly adorable renovated perfect charmers in extremely dangerous neighborhoods (painful to see these and then look at crime reports)

or sometimes

* incredibly tiny one-bedroom condo jewels in decent neighborhoods

None of these really fit what we're looking for. So, we're looking east. Either we stay where we are (nice retro 1-bedroom apartment in fantastic neighborhood which we adore) and don't buy anything, or we move farther out to various suburbs. Which isn't a bad option, just... far.

So, we are temporarily not really looking. We'll wait until the SSDI hearing to see what we've got to work with. And then start touring.

Art and Such

Who knew I was such a wimp? As previously noted, our house is COLD. There are no heaters in the room I use as art studio, and if I plug in a heater, it's a 50/50 chance that the fuse will blow (yes, fuses. See: retro apartment). So. It's been cold and rainy for a really long time now (which I like in theory, but not when our house is freezing) and so... i haven't been painting. However, I have one in progress. I decided to start playing around with abstracts, just to get creative-juices flowing (aside: does anybody else cringe when people over-use the word juicy? Bleck.) I was doing really good with it... and then I over-did it. So time to backtrack. And maybe turn it upside down. And try some gold leaf. Gold leaf makes everything better, don't you think?

A few more words on creativity: sometimes it just KILLS me that I'm not messing around with art stuff every single day. Wasting time! Wasting talent! Waste! Waste! It breaks my own heart that I do this to myself.

And yet: Cold! Worried! Working really, really hard! Really, really tired! Those things suck up creative energy very quickly.

Still, as soon as it warms up, am totally going to resume at least one night a week of art, plus at least one afternoon per weekend of art. That should help. I may have to move my target of "art show" (meaning: have something up in a public space) back a few months, but that's okay.

My other idea, which was a cookbook, has been put on-hold as my energy is being eaten up by all this other stuff. Not ditching that idea yet, however. Just... rationing out energy.

Other Stuff:

Feeling pretty good about progress in other areas.

* I got both of my websites updated (although I am seriously not happy with the graphic design one and will be redesigning as soon as I figure out my options). Have been wanting to do this for over a year, so Yay Me!

* Despite feeling discouraged, the ball is actually rolling in house-buying arena. Major accomplishment.

* Despite feeling mad at myself, I'm thinking more about art than I have in a long time. I think as soon as I have warmth/energy/can quit worrying, I'll make some real progress.

* Have had better luck with books so far this year. Am enjoying just reading "whatever I want."

* Am feeling like after the SSDI hearing, I'm going to hop right back into that "Make Stuff Happen" mode and start... well, making stuff happen.

* Although lately I have been really very tired and kinda crabby, my optimism remains firmly in place (only falling off the tracks every once in awhile). We have approximately one more week until the hearing, and then we'll know what's what.

***

A few more thoughts on creativity.

I have been thinking about what sorts of things foster creativity. I look at my own world and I see that although I have a very full, rich reading life, and I am great with cooking creatively, I'm not doing a whole lot visually. I don't go to art shows, I don't go to museums, I don't look at art books, I don't read artist biographies.

There seems to be two schools of thought about this sort of thing. One is: don't look at anybody else's stuff, because you'll either start comparing yourself (and get paralyzed) or become overly influenced (and become unoriginal). The other school says to surround yourself with creative stimuli all the time: books, people, shows, classes, etc.

I've been in a visual vacuum for awhile, so I'm going to try the other way and see how that goes. I got some books on abstract art (more instructional than theory), and I need to make a point of going around to local galleries and just seeing what's there. There is an Art Murmur in Oakland on the first Friday of the month, so maybe I ought to start going to that sometimes as well.

I know part of why I don't do these things is because it breaks my heart to do them without Terri, but maybe I can do them sometimes anyway, just an hour or two here and there.

So, as spring starts to warm things up around here, I'm going to try and step out of my own box.

And I PROMISE to not start "marinating" in my own "juicy" creativity while "honoring" my "authentic self." People! Use regular words!!!

(have I said lately that this tiredness is making me slightly crabby?)

Foggy

Oh, hi there blog! Wow, where have I been?

Oh yeah, on vacation, and then at work, and then it's been a weird weekend, and here we are and it's Monday and I'm totally out of the loop.

Friday was weird. I woke up with giant puffy, swollen eyes. I have never in my life had eyes that swollen -- I couldn't even see to drive. I was a little freaked out. In retrospect, it's probably not that big of a deal, but at the time, I could not imagine what had happened and I was a little (a little?) anxious about it. After a few hours I realized that I had tried a new eye makeup color the previous day, as well as had two immunizations in the last two weeks, so my body just freaked out a little. I've never had any sensitivity to eye makeup before, so hopefully it's just the grand confluence of immunizations, a new color, oh and getting my period as well. I would be very sad to have to completely start over with hypoallergenic eyemakeup, or egads, no makeup at all!! Noooo! I will wait another week before trying anything, just to be safe.

We did get a good space heater, and put it in the kitchen. Although it takes a little bit of time to warm it up, it's nice to have the kitchen brought up to a decent temperature, you know, like 60. I'm waiting for the temp to reach 65 -- won't that be a grand day? It doesn't exactly warm up the rest of the house, but it's nice to not freeze when you need to get a snack. If we are still here next year, I think we're going to invest in an Eden heater.

On that note, went to a first-time homebuyer's seminar on Saturday. Very, very encouraging and inspiring. We're going to move forward with getting all of our ducks in a row, knowing that we'd like to buy this fall (for a number of reasons) but wanting to get the process started now. I feel like we have a very short window of opportunity here in the Bay Area and I don't want to lose it. So that was exciting.

However most of the last few days have been extremely foggy (in my head). I was already tired from my trip, and then having the allergy reaction (and all the subsequent antihistamines, which I am very sensitive to) tired me out, and then I got my period, and basically I have no idea of anything going on around me at all. What? We need groceries? What? I should do some laundry? What? I was supposed to meet a friend for a walk this morning and completely slept through it?

Sigh. Some days (weeks?) are like that.

I have two books which I hope to finish today and tomorrow, so book reviews coming soon, but mostly I've been completely out of it. I hope to wake up this week! How are you all?

Wish: Granted

So remember how I keep complaining about how warm and not-wintry it is here? Well, my wish for winter weather has been granted. It's quite cold here (about 40 out right now, and dropping, with snow in the hills and surrounding cities -- we are somewhat insulated from hot or cold by low elevation and proximity to the Bay). And although today was sunny and cold and bright, it's supposed to be rainy and snowy and stormy later in the week. Which makes me VERY happy.

However, the one part about the winter weather which I always forget is that our house is freezing. I realized today that this is the only the second time I've lived in a house with electric baseboard heating, and the other house that I lived in that had the electric heat also had a wood stove (and room for a ton of wood out back) so that helped. I've either had wood heat, gas heat, or steam heat. All of which are lovely. Electric baseboard heaters, in a virtually non-insulated house, are a joke.

So, we are hunkered in our bedroom, having abandoned the rest of the house, which is a balmy 50 degrees. We only venture into the kitchen for hot tea or food, which we bring back to the bedroom. We have our trusty oil radiator heater on low, which warms up the room nicely, and if we keep the door closed, it's quite cozy. Everybody's in here, me and Terri and the kitties.

Actually, if we wanted to be in the living room, we could warm it up with a combination of the oil radiator and the baseboard heater, and we could have a fire and it would be fine. But frankly, it's pretty darn cozy and comfy in the bedroom, so why bother? Here's another view, with what we refer to as the "sinful" new TV, which, having figured out all the problems (and actually we just got a different TV), we love. It's so decadent having this lovely TV in the bedroom. We feel very luxurious, all cozy and snug with a movie on.


We still haven't got all our art up on the walls, just random pieces that we like. It's a work in progress. But the bed is fabulous, especially when we tuck in the hot water bottles. It's seriously warm and cozy.
Katie takes up the entire middle of the bed, and we are relegated to the sides. She is the Empress of the Bedroom, so it's only right. She allows us on the bed (usually) and we are very grateful.

My mood seems to have improved -- it was headed for a serious downslide a day or two ago. Funny how appropriate weather and a good talk with your sweetie can make everything right.

Now, back to hibernating under the covers! We made this recipe over the weekend and it is PERFECT for a cold winter night. So delicious and cozy and healthy.

Some Thoughts (Vacation)

Well, my vacation (oh, sweet vacation, how I've loved you) is almost over. I'm actually really sad. It's been so very nice to not have to do anything, not have to drive all over creation for jobs #2 and #3, not have to keep track of too many things and too many worries. I know my life is pretty easy compared to lots of people, but it's been a rough go for a bit and I really needed the break.

Mostly what I've done the past week or so, is rest. A little bit of exercise, a little bit of creativity, a little bit of cooking. Lots of sleeping in, as long as I possibly can. Lots of reading, but not even a very concentrated effort there -- lots of magazine flipping and newspaper browsing. Lots of half-hearted movie-watching as I flipped through catalogs.

We've taken lots of around-town drives. A couple drives up to Berkeley. Some shop-browsing. Terri's held up pretty well, actually. We've taken it easy and just concentrated on having low-key fun.

I've been wondering how to keep this nice state of relaxation. I think it boils down to three things:

1. Enough sleep

2. Not worrying

3. Enjoying myself

Let's see if I can keep it up for the rest of the year.

We also talked a lot about the next two years. I keep wondering if I should go back to school (my perpetual question). Since I really, really, really can't make up my mind, I think I will take that as a "not yet" and instead focus on art some more. I really want to have my own show next fall. I'd like to get involved some kind of creative community. And we want to find a spiritual community.

I've decided on a theme for my art efforts for the next year, sort of an "enchanted forest" sort of thing. Owls included. I'd like to have 12 paintings to shop around to coffeeshops, community shows, etc. I'm working on #4 right now. I suppose my black-and-yellow tree painting also fits, so maybe I'm up to #5.

I have no idea where to look for a creative community. I have this idea that I'd like to work on a group project of some kind. So I'm going to look around and see what I can come up with. Lots of art stuff happening in the East Bay these days so I should come up with something.

And we've found four churches we'd like to scope out. A Unitarian, a Congregational, an Episcopal, and a Catholic. I think we're going to try the Unitarian church next week since their second worship starts at 11:30 (Terri absolutely needs to sleep as much as possible, so a late start is kind of a plus). I think I'm kind of a Unitarian kind of a gal, but we'll see how we like it.

We've also decided to wait a bit longer before deciding one way or another about bringing kids into the picture. There are still a couple of things that need to get settled before we know what's what. 40 is the new 30, right? Right. We should have things figured out within a year and a half. so for now, I'm going to use all this 'free' time I have to focus on these other things. Luckily we're right on-trend to be older parents (if that's what we decide). We're very trendy, you know.

I think this vacation helped me put some things in perspective. I'm going to try to hold onto this and really enjoy the next few months, since it's my favorite time of year. Things are fine, life is good, I've got lots of good work to focus on.

Making The Most Of A Nice Day

As Mr. Kitty out here demonstrates (he loves our back porch), summer is a perfect time for getting some rest. To that end, we are heading out again to look for blackout curtains. Terri is having a terrible time sleeping and our bedroom is pretty light at night... so off we go. We got some a few weeks ago but they were UGLY. This time we are going for the very simple IKEA version. Light gray, simple, cheap. Let's hope they work.

Since they'll have to be hemmed, that's a perfect time to finish my pillow covers. I washed the fabric and now I just need to stitch them up. I'm kind of excited about this. The world of slipcovered pillows is opening up to me...

I also went to the library today to pick up some books. I got The Godfather... I didn't even know it was a novel? What kind of a bibliophile am I?? So. We'll see. I'm still on the search for The Book. The Book Of The Year. Last year it was The Terror. This year.... still searching. I also got my book club book, Madapple (local author), and East of Eden. Because it's about time for a dose of Steinbeck. I'm reading (quickly) the classic Feel The Fear... And Do It Anyway, which I found on our shelves last night as I was desperately searching for something to read. I was very... AFRAID... of not having any books!! So, this little self-help classic is actually kind of awesome. I'll post a review and I might even do the One-Month Challenge described in the book. Why not?

What else was I going to do today? Oh yes... clean the bedroom, and grocery shop. We have been eating a TON of fruit and I swear it's helping me feel better. Terri is not so sure it is helping her, but I'm feeling pretty good lately so we're going to keep it up. Since Berkeley Bowl is so awesome, it's just a *little* bit more expensive to eat so much fruit, but since we also cut WAY down on dairy (I've stopped eating it altogether except for a tiny bit of cheese now and again, and Terri is cutting down dramatically), the cost might actually average out. I've been having fruit for breakfast and a Greek salad for lunch all week, then our usual healthy dinner. It's been pretty great.

OK. Off to IKEA for curtains, then back for crafting and cleaning. Gotta get that girl to SLEEP tonight!! I'll post some pictures of the finished projects...

Vacation Day Three: Calling In Sick

I'm not really sick. I'm just all out of sorts. However, the only way I could justify doing what I need to do (which is to just give up and stay in bed) is to 'call in sick.'

Dear Sewing Machine: I'm not going to bring you out today, either. I will only end up hurting one of us.

Dear Fourth Of July Activities: It's too cold and windy and bright out there for me. And I don't like barbeque, anyway.

Dear Alameda Parade: You made my morning petsitting duties impossible because all the streets were blocked off. So I have to go back over to Alameda this evening. Which makes me grouchy.

Dear Fox Woman: You are a sad book. You are very beautiful, but you are bumming me out.

So, as my grandpa would have said, I know when I've been licked. It's time to call it quits and just give up. Terri had this good suggestion: "Why don't you just stay in bed and I'll bring you things?"

See why I love her?

Thrifting: Veddy Proper

Finding myself in a rare moment of being alone AND having nothing I needed to do, I decided to go drop off some stuff at the thrift store and poke around.

The minute I walked in, I felt better. Some people find thrift shops depressing. I find them exciting and inspiring. You can have a lot of fun for $20 at the thrift store. Heck, you can have a lot of fun for $10 or $5. Which is another reason why I love the thrift store. Cheap, creative fun. And shopping! All in one!

And every once in awhile, you get really lucky. Today was one of those days.

A brief history about me and tea things: my grandma had a large collection of beautiful tea cups, all different. When I would go to visit her, one of our rituals would be that we would wash all the teacups and saucers, and then sit down and have a tea party. I always got to choose my teacup, and what a decision that was! I *loved* doing this. Eventually I inherited the teacups. Sadly, they are in my dad's attic, as I have no place to display them.

So anyway, I kind of have a thing for teacups, teapots, etc. I try *very* hard not to indulge this little passion because, again: no room. However, I did need a teapot. I have had a few teapots over the years and either they weren't quite right, or they met an untimely end when one of my shelves crashed down a few years ago. And so I found myself without a proper teapot.

Until today. Behold:

Oooh, ahhhh. Yes, oohs and ahhs are in order. Isn't it pretty? It's all crackly and creamy with pretty gold-and-teal wild roses. It's a Gibson, which apparently means something (it means nothing to me -- as long as it's pretty and doesn't leak, I'm happy).

It was a little more expensive than I'd usually pay at a thrift store: $16. However, it's perfect. I love it. As soon as I picked it up, I knew it would be coming home with me. And, it goes quite nicely with my set of 'good' china, don't you think?

Of course I had to come home and have a proper cup of tea. Veddy proper. Since I now have a lovely dining room table (and dining room) AND a teapot, I will be having morning and afternoon tea more often. Even if it's just a tea party for myself. Although you are certainly invited.

(I think I may have to attempt making crumpets! I don't believe I have ever had a crumpet. I love experimental baking...)

Comforts

Today was so long. Running, running, running. On top of having my period. And a really late night after a really long day yesterday. I'm really freaking tired.

However, finding comfort in a few things.

* Finally finding deoderant that doesn't stink, smell like flowers, or sickening baby powder. For some reason, Dove Clean Scent is making me happy. Kind of like Caress soap: the smell reminds me of home, or my grandmother's, or something. I feel like I've been looking for non-disgusting deoderant forever. I tried natural brands and they just didn't work for me. Sadly, since I'd much rather smell like mandarin orange and cinnamon or something (they always seem to have the best scents! I wish they worked for me!)

* A really good book. I'm reading Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn, and ooh it's so creepy and good! It takes a lot to creep me out, but last night I had a classic babysitter moment, when I was sitting on the couch reading, and got freaked out, and couldn't look at the sliding glass door to the outside for fear of what I would see.

* Going to bed early. I can't wait to go to bed. Our bed is sooooo comfy. If you are considering buying a new bed, I would seriously recommend natural latex. We have not regretted this purchase one single night. It is so incredibly comfy and supportive and snuggly. Awful as the move was, I'm really glad that we got this new bed.

* Cereal for dinner. I don't actually get to have cereal for dinner tonight, but I really want this. I would like something retro, like Golden Grahams, or maybe even just corn flakes. All we have is super-high-fiber healthy cereal. Nothing comforting about that. It might be an oatmeal night. I feel like a baby.

Oh, I finished a book. I should write my review. However, much too tired tonight. I really can't wait to go to bed.

The Weekend

Here's a newsflash: Sometimes when you are really tired and don't know it, you get really crabby. Who knew?

Saturday was just a big grump-fest at our house. Terri wasn't feeling well and I was just totally out of sorts. I don't even know what I did. It was super hot, our house was way too warm, and we were all prickly. Eventually I left to babysit a really cute kid and that helped (going out with cute kid to ice cream also helped), but mostly I just needed to sleep. A lot. So I did.

Sunday was way better. Suddenly in a good mood, but still way too warm, I was inspired to go get an inexpensive bedroom air conditioner so that there would be at least one cool room in the house on really hot days. Our cats are all elderly and Terri isn't doing well in the heat with the Valcyte treatment. I figured it was worth it to have kitties not panting and Terri not sweltering. So I got the AC, installed it, and within minutes, everyone was happy. Amazing how that happened. All of a sudden, all five of us (well, we tried to get Tiger Lily in the bedroom but for some reason she preferred being out in the hot living room) were in the cool bedroom. The cats were happily sleeping, Terri and I were reading and eating Fudgesicles. It was almost comical how much happier we all were.

The rest of the day was good as well. I went grocery shopping and it wasn't a madhouse. We had iceberg lettuce with blue cheese dressing for dinner. I finished my Ugly Bathroom painting. Etc.

So. The Ugly Bathroom. I warned you, it's ugly. Here's the linoleum, whose sole positive attribute is that it doesn't show dirt AT ALL.

Here is the sink corner. You can see the lovely pale mustard yellow, which is echoed in the toilet as well. And the nondescript sort-of-grayish-off-white paint. Lovely, no? I think I need a window treatment. I think that would help.

So, given the glorious color scheme, I decided to sort of embrace it. This is what I came up with. I had this idea that it would be cream, yellow and black, and I like the end results. I wanted it very simple, graphic and sort of modern-ish. Also, I like Gorey and this reminds me of Gorey-style trees. It's totally unlike my usual style, subject, or color palette but I kind of like it anyway. At the very least, now we have something on the wall above the toilet so there's not this huge ugly expanse of gray wall.

Today is Monday and it's my third day off, which is saving my life and sanity (have three days off). I think I was so sick and wiped out last week -- I needed the extra day to catch up. Today I actually feel pretty good. I woke up feeling kind of drugged but I think I'm getting used to my new allergy medicine (maybe? I don't know. Maybe I'm just still tired). But I got up and decided to make the rhubarb pie first thing.

While the pie baked, I went out and sat on our newly-bedecked deck (get it?). Cleo came out with me and sniffed all the flowers and herbs. I've got petunias and alyssum in the hanging pots, and lemon verbena and dill in another hanging pot. Then there's lavender, basil, stevia, some geraniums, and a cherry tomato. That's plenty. And the new chair. Isn't it pretty? It's so calm and peaceful, with the nice city view (which you can't really see in this photo). Perfect for having some tea and reading, which is what I did.

Finally, a cute cat picture. The other day Katie had her tongue out, and kept it out while I took tons of photos. Insanely adorable, so you'll see more of those pictures in the next few days.

The rest of today is going to be spent dropping some stuff off at the thrift store, reading, eating some pie, and a bit of babysitting in the evening (which means sitting on the couch and reading some more). I *so* needed this weekend. Whew.

House Full Of Hotties

It's nearly 8 pm and it's still almost 80 degrees. It's just barely starting to cool off, which is a relief. Everyone here at home has been melting all day long. The last three days have been hot, hot, hot. Only today did we remember that we have a ceiling fan in the dining room (first time we've turned it on since we moved). Cleo (the big bully) is afraid of it and so won't come into the room. She just stares at the moving fan and then slinks away, tail tucked. Silly kitty.

So we'll be looking into an inexpensive window AC unit for these occasional super-hot days. When it gets over 90 degrees, it's just too hot for our elderly kitties and Terri's tolerance for heat and cold is extremely lowered on her Valcyte treatment. Thankfully during spring, summer and fall we don't get over 80 or 85 very often.

I've been flipping through various books and watching movies -- too hot to get into anything very deeply. We watched Apocalypse Now Redux the other night -- I actually really enjoyed it, which surprised me. I thought it was strange and beautiful.

It should be cooling off tomorrow, so we're just going to 'enjoy' the last night of this freak heat wave by following the kitties' example and flopping around. I think I might have ice cream for dinner. Sometimes I love being an adult.

Easter Egg Tree, Plus, Thoughts

I'm too tired to download all my egg tree photos, but luckily I liked the first one, so here it is! I love this gentle yellow color with the lavender ribbon. You can see some of the other eggs hanging... there is also a half-egg shell that I will be putting a small little chick into, once I find one. It is surprisingly difficult to find small fluffy chicks! Come on! It's Easter season! Chick time!

My mood has been less than great for a couple of weeks now -- a few high points, but mostly pretty subdued. The infection took a lot out of me, and I've just been very tired. I'm trying to eat better and next week will be attempting to get up early and go for a walk in the morning. Note that I said "attempting."

I've been noticing something since we moved. Although I've lived in Oakland before, this time around it feels different. I may have mentioned this before. This time around, I am feeling a strong sense of place -- a strong sense of belonging, which has completely surprised me. I am a born-and-bred Oregonian and nowhere will ever feel as much like "home" as Oregon. However, I am feeling connected to Oakland and it's very comforting. I love Alameda (where I've lived on and off for probably 8 years) but something never quite felt exactly right. However, maybe it's the neighborhood, or maybe it's the house, or maybe it's just life circumstances -- this time, living in Oakland, I am feeling a teensy, tiny little bit of Oakland pride.

It's kind of bewildering, to tell you the truth.

Oakland can be kind of harsh. It's also beautiful, with wooded hills, amazing homes, and art deco architecture so wonderful that they give walking tours to see the downtown buildings. It is one of the most amazingly diverse cities in America. People here are gritty. There is a rough mix of high- and low-income. It's completely different from my roots in the small-town logging community where I grew up. But somehow, it's feeling... almost... not quite... but almost... like home. *A* home, perhaps.

Maybe because Oakland is, if nothing else, a story of struggle. And we are living in struggle right now. So maybe I'm feeling a kinship with this proud but struggling city. It feels kind of good. I like my morning commute. I like my weekend errand routes. I like my neighborhood stores. I like the mix of people.

And I especially like the all-night donut store, which is dangerously close.

Speaking of all-night, it's time for bed.

A Really Good Weekend

(I will have pictures tomorrow)

So here was the (good) list I had suggested for myself this weekend:

* Browse new book and food blogs (half-heartedly done)
* Finish reading The Grotesque (done!)
* Make some origami (going to do next!)
* Buy frame for new owl painting, start painting (in progress!)
* Organize art stuff (partially done!)
* Make rice pudding (done -- twice!)
* Make new dinner recipe (got Chinese instead)
* Browse for bowls (done!)
* Go for walk; take camera (done!)

I did pretty good! In addition, I also managed to sweep and vacuum, do six (!!) loads of laundry, visit with a friend, do a couple small errands and buy a dining room table... I did all the chore-like activities yesterday so I could just do what I wanted today. That plan worked out great.

Can I just say how happy I am to have a dining room table? I am thrilled. I have wanted a real dining room table for the 10 years I've lived in California. I've had tiny kitchen tables, but not a real table. I found exactly what I wanted at a very good price (on clearance) and bought the floor model. As soon as it was in the dining room, I felt this little piece of a puzzle dropping into place in my heart. As if some long-held desire was finally fulfilled. Actually, that's exactly what it was. I don't know why the dining room table means so much to me, but it does. I'm absurdly pleased about it.

Today was lovely. I got up, made coffee, and shivered in the dining room for a little while eating breakfast and reading the news. Then I decided that I needed a vinyl tablecloth to cover the new table while doing art projects. I went to the Long's nearby (the biggest Long's EVER) and was dismayed to discover that apparently they only make intensely ugly vinyl tablecloths. I chose the least horrible of the bunch -- gold stripes on cream background, deciding it was 'baroque' -- and came home to paint. I was debating about background color -- I wanted red, but thought maybe it would be too much. Terri said to try it. So I did. I like it. It's kind of macabre.

The rest of the day followed suit -- nice, easy, very-low stress. I'm feeling quite relaxed. I'd forgotten what this felt like!

So, photos tomorrow. I think this plan of doing some chores on Saturday (mixed with some fun) and then just playing on Sunday is a very good plan.

Closer To Fine

Not fine. (poor little baby fridge, practically swimming in that space)

Fine.
(look at all that room up top, I should put shelves)

Not fine interior.

Fine interior.

Well, it doesn't look THAT different in photos, I guess. But believe me, 3.5 cubic feet makes a world of difference. This, while not huge, is totally fine. I can work with this.

Who knew I was so picky about refrigerators? It must be a family trait.

Progress

I've been fighting off a grumpy mood all day, but I did manage to accomplish some stuff today. I also wanted to show off some progress!

So here is the cute antique faucet in the bathtub. The bathtub/shower is odd (the shower comes out directly overhead) but it does have cute details and the bath is quite deep, so I'm not complaining.


And, ta-da! The nook, transformed into a wonderful chef's galley (or something like that). All the kitchen 'overflow' is here as well as a nice big table. I got some low stools to sit under the table for casual dining/sitting and working on stuff at the table. I kind of love the kitchen, which is a nice surprise as the kitchen was the 'compromise' of the place.

Here's the view of downtown Oakland from the back deck that we share with our neighbor. It feels very nice and open back here.

And, the coziest reading spot ever. Miss Cleo agrees, it's pretty wonderful.

I managed to get all my spices put away (believe me, that is a feat) and got some other things done. Not much rest today, despite best intentions. I have a hard time relaxing when things are not in order at home.

I was very pleased with myself that I managed to salvage a nice MagLight flashlight. I went to change the batteries and discovered that the old batteries had leaked (?) and become adhered to the walls of the flashlight. With some WD-40, an old knife and lots of pounding, I managed to get the batteries out, the case all cleaned, and the flashlight working again. Which is good, since one of the things about this new place is that some fairly important circuits run on fuses, and it's the thing where if you forget to turn off the one thing when you run the other thing, the whole fuse blows. So, it's good to have a flashlight handy.

Well, the grumpy mood remains barely at bay, so I'll leave off now and have dinner and try to finish my book.

At Last! Photos!

Keeping in mind that we've only been here about a week so it's still really messy and incomplete, here are some photos of the new place, all happy, healthy, safe and lovely.

Our first night. We had our tree, our lawn chairs, and the fireplace. And TiVo. Those lawn chairs were awful. I don't recommend this.

Temporary kitty-city (before we moved everything in) in the gigantic walk-in closet off the living room (behind the lawn chairs)

View from the bedroom window. The view from the deck is the same, only expanded, and prettier.

I know you are envious of the lovely color scheme of the bathroom. It actually doesn't look too bad now. We're going with 'earth tones.' This is the oddest bathroom ever, but it's turning into something nice. We'll get there.

I love this view and these trees from our living room windows.

The fireplace. Inset are little carvings of phoenix birds. So lovely.

OK, now there is some furniture in the room. You can sort of see the couch color here, and the 'reading nook'. And the big box of firewood because it's been so cold.

This is the dining room. This is what you see when you first walk in. The living room is to your left, kitchen to your right. We'll be using this built-in for art supplies. The card table, while lovely, will be replaced with a real table of some sort, to be used for projects and also, on occasion, dining.

View of dining room and living room, from kitchen.

From dining room, looking into entryway. Priorities, you know. These were some of the survivors from the Great Book Purge.

These are two of the survivors from The Great Move. Poor kitties. This is in the hallway in the kitchen, in the converted icebox, an old remmant from the 20s. Also known as a perfect cat hiding place.

From dining room to kitchen. Lonely cookbooks need a home. They are keeping the vacuum company right now.

Reading nook. I love this. The tree is oddly placed for now but whatever. This is going to be my favorite spot, I can tell already. Also please notice amazing quilt, handmade by my talented mother, and keeping me toasty warm.

Gigantic bed in nearly empty bedroom. Also known as Cat Land. I have a fabric-covered box as a nightstand, and Terri has a chair (which, oddly, matches the bed frame I now see). Also includes oil radiator since these old Oakland buildings are not made for the cold!

Kitchen, working its way towards being charming. I really like this kitchen. Also includes a nook off to the left, which now houses a small table and extra kitchen storage. Too messy for a photo.

That's it for now! I'll put up more later as it gets more settled, and of the neighborhood, which is really wonderful. We very much like this place and best of all, it's not toxic! (crossing fingers)

But don't you think it needs more books?

Feeling More Like Home

You know how when you're feeling bad, you think it's never going to end?

That's how I've been feeling these past two months or so. Most intensely in the last month. In a constant state of intense stress, worry, anxiety, and overwhelm. My to-do list stretched (and continues to stretch) on for miles. I really did not know how I was going to come out of it.

Friday night I just couldn't take it anymore and had a little meltdown. Have I mentioned how wonderful Terri is? She's wonderful. In her kind, gentle, wise way, she listened to everything and didn't try to fix it (I wish I were as good as she is at that). She just helped hold all the heaviness with me. And that made it lighter.

The next day, we figured out a few key pieces of furniture that needed to be shifted. Once we moved those, we were able to put the bedroom away (mostly), and then the living room started to take shape.

Miraculously, the bags and boxes are starting to disappear. Books are cozily arranged on shelves. The new living room furniture is snuggly and pretty. The bed is wonderful. The bathroom is shaping up (although still a puzzle). The kitchen is very functional and will be wonderful when complete.

I can't believe that just a couple weeks ago, we were living in misery, unsure just how badly poisoned we were being, feeling scared and worried and unable to do anything about it. The deep misery was unbearable. We were just gritting our teeth to get through it. It really felt like it would never end. But, apparently, the worst of the storm has passed.

Because right now I am wrapped in a big quilt, by a crackling fire, with 10-bean soup on the stove. The living room glows with the little Christmas tree and two soft lamps. Although the heater sucks, it's enough to take the chill out of the air. We're planning where to hang pictures. Things are feeling very sweet and homey and snuggly.

We have a long road to go, both of us, to feeling recovered from this move. But the first steps are in place. It's starting to feel like a sanctuary, which is our goal. Home should be a healing place, a place of peace and creativity and love and rejuvenation. I think we're getting there.

Having a happy, healthy, safe home that feels comfortable and peaceful is an amazing holiday gift to us. I'm feeling so grateful right now, and incredibly blessed. I'm going to be very busy the next two weeks, but having a wonderful place to come home to will help a lot.

I don't feel like I'm sinking into the mire anymore. Friday I was not able to see the light. Today, the world feels full of light again (even though it's the darkest night of the year).

(photos of the new cozy house coming tomorrow I hope!!)

Good Things (even if it is freezing)

It's damn cold here. I know it's NOTHING like it is in other parts of the country (or even state), but when you're not prepared and when the temperature usually doesn't dip below 50, 30-something degrees feels very cold.

Anyway. Because with every move, there are good things and bad things, I'm going to list the good things. Because the bad things are getting me down right now. I'm very tired.

1. The beautiful red-and-orange fiery trees right outside the living room
2. The working fireplace
3. Our new bed
4. The pretty dining room
5. Sun-filled bedroom
6. Lovely view off the back porch
7. Gigantic walk-in closet
8. Deep bathtub (made even deeper by one of these)
9. A big fun blank-slate kitchen
10. Nice neighbors

I won't list the bad things. There aren't that many. I'm just very tired, very cold, and very much needing to sleep for a month.

Now, I'm off to do more errands and hopefully warm up the house after the fuses blew today. (okay, just the one bad thing)

We're In!

Oh, what a difference a clean, safe place to live makes.

It will be even better once we can find... oh... ANYTHING. What a mess.

Lovely apartment, lovely view, lovely fireplace... we love it.

Photos coming soon, as soon as I can find the cord to transfer photos...

Can I Just Say?

I have the best friends in the whole world! People are amazing in the depths of their kindness.

The move is still a Rubik's Cube of what goes where, when, and how (and what doesn't), but I feel like if I get enough people here, we'll be able to make it work. At least, even if it's a disaster, we'll be surrounded by people who love us.

The Mold Experts (people who were as sick as Terri who moved to get out of mold, took nothing with them, and are now better) are scaring us with stories of "Don't Take A Single Thing" but it's really hard to know what to believe and what is necessary. This is all so complicated.

I'm just really grateful I have such loving friends. I was so moved by everyone's generous offers of time, financial help, and love that I was crying on the way home.

I'm still overwhelmed but trying to think about things positively. I can't get too worried about Doing It Perfectly, regardless of what the Experts say, because that is what is stressing me out, along with the sheer logistics and regular stress of moving. (but what if I don't do it perfectly? Nothing less than Terri's health and wellbeing is on the line!)

(see what I mean?)

Anyway. We're going to do the best we can. I think we made the decision tonight to have a storage unit to decontaminate the bulk of the stuff we're keeping. That means hiring movers twice (once to bring it there, once to bring it to the new house), but whatever. That's what college students are for, right?

Now we have to make our Bare Minimum list. What is the least we can live with for two months?

Thank goodness there's a library close by to the new house because we can't take any books with us initially.

PS: edited to add -- feeling better now. We're making some decisions and that's helping take some control over the situation.

The Great Divide

(I forgot to post this yesterday so let's just pretend it's Saturday, okay?)

My good friend V. came over today to help us with The Great Divide. The goal is to have ONLY what is coming with us (with the exception of certain pieces of furniture which are being sold but are still in use) in the apartment. Everything else, in the garage, waiting for Craigslist or the garage sale or, eventually, the Salvation Army truck which is coming the day before we move.

We made HUGE progress. I was ruthless. It felt great. It's very nice knowing the the Salvation Army truck is coming at the end of all this to take everything away -- it helps to know that once it's out of the house, I won't have to deal with it again except to put it someone else's hands in one form or another.

If it was porous or questionable (as in, do we really want/use this?), out it went. We are going to try to take as few mold spores with us as possible. It is strongly recommended that we set up a 'waystation' in a storage space to clean everything before bringing it to the new house. This seems like a good idea. A hell of a lot of work and hassle, but a good idea. We will probably do some form of this, not sure exactly what form yet.

Terri worked at sorting books. This is a huge job. We have five or six large bookshelves full of books. Most of these will be sold or given away. They are like babies -- how do you choose what to keep? Even what we keep will have to be 'cleaned' in some way so again, incentive to reduce the 'keep' pile. I reduced my cookbook collection by half. And then got rid of a few more. That was hard.

What's left? Going through things one more time and deciding on the heart-tuggers (the little pitcher I love but never use, the small box of ribbons, the art supplies, etc.). Straightening up from the giant rummage-fest. Listing things on Craigslist. Making garage sale signs.

However, we did SIGN THE LEASE. Done deal. Thank goodness. And drove through our new neighborhood on a bright, sunny, pretty fall day. We are very excited to be moving there.

This house is starting to smell more moldy. I think it's the change in weather. It makes me very anxious to get out ASAP.

Soon, I will be able to post our happy new housekeeping stories, with photos. Soon, we will have a clean, fresh, healthy house. We're in the home stretch. Only 3 weeks (or less?).