Book: Fingersmith

I'm now in the Fingersmith club: oh the twists and turns! The reveals that continue on and on -- how many more layers can there be? Like a Victorian woman's dress, this book has so many mysterious layers and each one reveals more than you'd expect.

It starts out in Victorian London, in a house of thieves. Young Susan, raised in these questionable surroundings, has been pampered (relatively speaking) since birth. Her mother, a murderess, was hanged when she was a wee baby, and her foster mother, Mrs. Sucksby (I can't get over that name) raised her like she was her own. "Someday, Susan is going to make our fortune," she says all the time.

And one day, the time comes for Susan to head out into the world and make that fortune. A mysterious grifter named Gentleman comes to the house with a crazy plot. He wants to marry a sheltered heiress and get his hands on her money, but he needs Susan's help to convince the heiress. Once they get the money, they'll put the heiress in a madhouse and escape to live the life of luxury. Although pricked by her conscience ("Isn't it, well, rather a bad thing we mean to do?"), Susan decides to go along with the plan and soon heads out to the country to serve as a lady's maid for the heiress.

The heiress, Maud, is kept virtual prisoner in her uncle's house. Forced to read to him and help him in his library work, Maud knows nothing of the outside world. She welcomes Susan with open arms and the two become quite close, confidantes, even. And then Gentleman arrives, and the plot to snare Maud must begin in earnest. Only, Susan feels quite tender towards her mistress, and hesitates to send her to her doom. Still, Gentleman is forceful and convincing and so the plot goes forward. Not without a hitch or two, and a night of passion which no one can forget.

However, once they are on the path to freedom, everything shifts and suddenly the world as we know it (for Susan and for the reader) is turned on its side, and we start to question everything we thought we knew...

Unfortunately, that's all I can write about the plot without giving it all away. What I loved about this book is that you are pretty sure there is a big twist -- everyone says there is, right? What I didn't realize was that there was not just one twist, but several, and I couldn't see any of them coming (except the first one, which I had a vague idea about but still couldn't quite figure out until it happened).

I've read a couple of Waters books (Affinity and Tipping the Velvet) and so I knew I would enjoy this book, and oh, I did. As usual, she writes with incredible style and balances that line between being "literary" and very readable. Her characters are well-drawn and compelling, and quite complex and conflicted. You are never quite sure if someone is supposed to be "good" or not -- and I really appreciate that as it feels more true to life. The setting, of dark-and-dirty London and secluded country house, was so interesting.

I especially liked the parts about the thieves house -- how they ran their small-time crime operation, how they considered themselves "honest" thieves.

The women in the book, Maud and Susan (and to some degree, Mrs. Sucksby), were full and vibrant. Complicated and troubling, but also so sweet (well, not Mrs. Sucksby). As usual, Waters writes about lesbian themes with such natural grace that nothing feels jarring -- it is presented, as it happens in real life -- as something that happens naturally and with a feeling of wonder, a gift. A big deal, but really, not such a big deal. I looked her website and saw this fantastic quote:

"... lesbian passions and issues are there in my books in the same way that they are there in my life: they are both vitally important to me, and completely incidental."

I love that, and that's exactly how it feels in her books. The key relationship between two women is both vitally important in that the plot hinges on this affection, and yet, it's like any other relationship and nothing extraordinary at all.

It's how I feel in my own life: my relationship with Terri is of vital importance, and yet, I don't feel compelled to make a big deal out of it. She's the person I love, and that's how it is. No big deal, no fanfare, no need to identify any particular way. She's my sweetie and it's no big deal, and yet it's a very big deal, because hello? She's awesome! :)

Anyway. If you haven't read any Sarah Waters yet, get thee to the library and pick up one. If you like a shorter book, read Affinity. If you like a big fat book to really get into, choose Tipping the Velvet or Fingersmith. I can't say which of these three are my favorite, but I did really, really enjoy Fingersmith.

Now I'm reading a friend's unpublished book (the second in her series) and I'm going to start reading Anna Karenina again. I think I will follow the example of some other book bloggers and write about Anna along the way, since I think it will take me a few weeks to finish, and will be much more than I can put into one post.

Also, small note: I put up a 'followers' link on my sidebar for convenience for folks. I might take it down as I find it strangely painful to see readers come and go. I guess we are all 7th graders at heart and want people to like us, don't we? Maybe I'll leave it up and use it as a good way to remind myself not to worry about whether people like me (or my blog) or not. Yes, that's what I'll do. However, feel free to 'follow' me! :)

This Holiday Season: Getting It Right

It's December 1st, the beginning of the holiday season. The winter holidays are not my favorite (Halloween has that top billing) but I used to love Christmas and all the family rituals. The last 10-15 years, however, I really haven't enjoyed the holidays as much as I used to. Everyone talks about the commercialization of Christmas, and I think, yes, it kind of bums me out. I get sick of the decorations and the pressure to buy the perfect gift, decorate the perfect tree, throw the perfect holiday party...the pressure for everything to be perfect. I felt very stressed out all month and was relieved when it was over. I ended up not doing the things I wanted to do, and really not enjoying any of it.

The past couple of years have taught me very clearly that nothing is perfect and to think it ought to be and to wish it were so, is just silly and a recipe for disappointment and frustration. How much nicer to just enjoy how things are. The same goes for the holidays. Last year was the worst holiday season of my entire life, but certain things were made very clear.

I enjoy: the tree and the accompanying decorations, a little bit of certain types of holiday music, a few holiday cookies, buying a few gifts for certain special people, going to holiday music events and seeing pretty decorations, and old Christmas TV specials. I also like doing a big "project" of some small crafty or baked goods gift to be given out at work and to friends. So those are the things I'm going to focus on this year. If I don't want to do something or if it makes me feel bad, I'm not going to do it. That way I'll have more energy to do the things I do want to do, with a full and happy heart.

I have a very very small shopping list and most of it is already done. Now I just get to do my favorite things: making cookies, decorating the tree, enjoying the lights and maybe getting out the keyboard and playing some favorite songs (my fingers are sure to be awfully rusty, but oh well). I'm going to try out some new cookie recipes and look up Oakland holiday music events. We'll have a small family party sometime during the month to see Terri's family. I'm looking forward to attending the Unitarian services this month and enjoying the full spectrum of holidays which occur in December. And mostly, I look forward to really having a good time and not being a grump. I'm surprised by my actual enthusiasm for the holidays this year and I think it's because I see very clearly what I want to do, and what I don't want to do, and I feel no guilt about not doing the things I don't want to do!

The past year has opened my eyes to a lot of things. How I look at money, how I look at myself and what I really want out of life. I expected this past year to be really hard and scary, and sometimes it was, but mostly, it was full of really good things, most of them small and not noticeable to most people, but very noticeable to me. I'm feeling pretty good right now. I feel very happy and secure, and optimistic, and full of hope and energy for doing the things I really want to do. I'm going to make next year even better, starting with this holiday season.

Happy Thanksgiving! (The Food Post)

When it comes to Thanksgiving, I'm a pretty traditional girl.

I like to use hand-me-down dishes. These are Terri's mother's. They are so beautiful; we have a small set and I'd love to get a full set for Terri. They're Lenox Princess.

I like to make traditional food, even if it's updated. Here we have some lovely Brussels sprouts, which I never had as a kid, but I love now. This is the lovely 101Cookbook version. My brother gave me her cookbook and we've loved everything we've tried by her. (The pretty Thanksgiving table runner was made by my mom)

We always had homemade, from scratch, rolls for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I like to do this too. We almost never have bread at home -- we just don't eat sandwiches or toast very often (except for the occasional cinnamon bread) -- so homemade bread is a treat. I made these pretty butter roll-ups. They were soooo good.

We used Terri's grandmother's dishes for the serving. Terri made the stuffing and mashed potatoes. The gravy is a yummy vegetarian gravy I've modified a few times.

A special salad and some vegan chickpea cutlets (which didn't photograph well, although you can see them, little brown patties, here) round out the meal.

Of course for dessert we have two kinds of pie, a sour-cream apple pie and a banana-cream-without-bananas pie (Terri doesn't like the texture of bananas, so I just used banana flavoring, but the rest of the filling is 'real'). I happened to have some frozen pie crust (I don't know why, usually I'm a make-from-scratch kind of gal) so I just took the easy way out and used those.

I was a bit off my game today. A little tired and having those once-monthly issues, not thinking very straight. The cream pie turned out a little lumpy and didn't set quite as well as it should, and I nearly burned a couple of things because I wasn't paying attention. Still, it all turned out pretty well. The full menu:

Homemade rolls

Brussels sprouts

Salad (romaine with broccoli, a crunchy topping, sweet-and-sour dressing)

Mashed potatoes and gravy

Stuffing

Chickpea cutlets

Sparkling water

Pie for dessert

Although I felt a little wobbly all day, it was a really good day. Last year was not so good (although it was fun to have my mom here). The year before that was also not good, although I certainly didn't mention it in my post. So this year, the fact that we are nicely settled and happy in our home, and not going anywhere, and we have the rest of the weekend off, is really really nice. We have a lot to be thankful for, and we are. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Day 2 of Thanksgiving

Almost missed my next-to-last day!

I'm feeling very thankful tonight. Here are 10 things which I can honestly say I am very thankful for tonight:

1. That we successfully returned all the electronic bits and pieces which didn't work out, with no hassle. And that we solved the TV problem!

2. That my kitties are here with us and all furry and adorable. They make every single day better. I seriously adore these girls.

3. That I have the next 5 days off.

4. That I actually feel enthusiastic about Thanksgiving and making some yummy things tomorrow. It seems like a fun day, rather than a chore. Also, the fact that there will be two pies is making me very happy.

5. That I am wearing flannel pajamas.

6. That I have super-fun crafty-bakey-movie plans for Sunday with my friend Lara.

7. That I found the Best Sweatshirt Ever on super-duper-cheap sale tonight. Score!

8. That I can afford said sweatshirt. Seriously, I am so grateful that I have a job and we have been so good with money this year. Money stuff has been so low-stress this year because we have really worked hard at it -- what a freaking relief! On that note, I have enough -- but not too much -- petsitting this weekend. Just enough for cuteness, not enough for frustration and tiredness. I love those critters I check in on.

9. That my current book, Fingersmith, does not suck. In fact, it is the polar opposite of sucking. It totally rocks and I cant' wait to read it this weekend. Also, I have three magazines and a new London Review of Books. I can't wait for this whole weekend.

10. Last but never least, I am so thankful for my sweetie Terri, who was able to go out and return stuff with me tonight and have some fun. She is the best, best, best girl ever.

I'll report in about food tomorrow!

Day 3 of Thanksgiving

Prewriting today's thanks-giving and completely out of time and inspiration, but I will tell you what I am NOT thankful for (and maybe that's why it's giving us such trouble): consumer electronics. I have had it up to here with the damn pieces of crap.

We have been trying for days to figure out some way to set up headphones to our new TV (which is a total indulgence and which we are SO thankful for! we had some help buying it and it was the best present for Terri EVER since she is stuck in the bedroom so often).

People: if you have to buy a new TV, and you like to use headphones, BE SURE IT HAS A HEADPHONE JACK. Because otherwise you will be doomed to trying every conceivable way to hook headphones, or small external speakers, or some combination thereof, and FAILING MISERABLY BECAUSE IT IS IMPOSSIBLE. It is not possible. It's so impossible that we are considering returning this TV and getting a different one with a headphone jack, because there is no converter currently made to solve this problem, and I am seriously out of patience with this issue. Packing up and returning a TV is such a hassle that that alone tells you how frustrated we are, that we are even considering taking such extreme measures.

We need headphones because our house has no insulation. It's freezing, and sound carries. So we'd like to be considerate neighbors when we're cuddled in bed against the freezing, trying to watch Buffy slay some vamps, and not wanting to blast our neighbors out of bed.

Again, this is a problem of abundance and not of lack, but in this case, "lack" is sounding better and better.

Currently we have to return items to Sears, RadioShack and BestBuy, all of which were promised to work and none of which did.

So I'm not very thankful for modern consumer electronics, but I AM thankful for liberal return policies. Is that good enough for a thankfulness post?

Day 4 of Thanksgiving

Today I am thankful for days of relaxation.

The weekend has been relaxing but busy. We've been trying to set up the TV in the bedroom so that we can both have headphones on so as not to disturb the downstairs neighbors. Very considerate of us, don't you think? Anyway, the makers of electronics do not want you to be quiet and considerate. They make it very, very difficult to do any of this sort of "how to make my TV unobtrusive" stuff. So I am out of patience with it and am taking the day off from puzzling over it. Terri has taken over management of most of it but it's still a puzzle. It should not be this hard. Geez.

So instead, today I am relaxing. And grocery shopping (but I will do it in a relaxed way, before the lunchtime rush). I am not doing any of the projects on my list (unless something sounds fun). I *might* go to the hardware store, but that's actually sort of a fun, laid-back errand, so that doesn't count.

I will read my book (Fingersmith, which is excellent thank goodness) and eat a few cookies and enjoy the fact that all my weather-proofing efforts seem to have made a difference after all. I figured out that if I turn on the heat full blast for about 20-30 minutes, I can then turn it down to low and the room, newly insulated with that plastic window sheeting, will retain the heat reasonably well. This makes me happy. No scarves or hats yesterday. I got a taste of what Terri goes through every day and I did not enjoy it, so hopefully this will fix things a little bit. Chilly and thick socks and sweaters is okay. Cold, as in camping-in-winter-cold, fingers-freezing cold, is not okay.

I'm tired and I'm looking forward to a few days off this week. I haven't gotten sick this year yet (thank God!!!) but I'm a little run-down and PMS so I think having some time to rest will be good. I'll be doing quite a bit of petsitting but not crazy-busy, so that's good.

So that's my thankfulness for today. Time to rest and regroup and recoup and enjoy the fruits of labor (or ignore the labor waiting for me, whichever the case may be...)

Day 5 of Thanksgiving

Made garlic rolls and cinnamon bread, both from the Amish White Bread recipe suggested by Barefoot Mommy. Sure was grateful for the abundance of time, money, and know-how needed to create such yummy things. (no, they didn't take much time nor money nor know-how, but I've been thinking lately just how lucky I really am)

Today I am grateful for the good things in my life I might take for granted:

* free books from the library

* enough money to feed ourselves

* a nice apartment (even though it's freezing)

* a car that works well (and one that is limping along)

* two adorable senior kitties

* my adorable and wonderful partner

* a great job and a great boss (and friend)

And so much else.

Yesterday was a good day, but it seems I'm moving into PMS-land and so it ended on a grumpy note. I got overwhelmed by technical details while trying to hook up wireless headphones so we can watch TV in the bedroom without disturbing our neighbors. I also managed to lift too many heavy things yesterday, and so I was tired. We lost the movie we were going to watch (after setting up the headphones)... and so on. And then, to top it all off, my book was stupid.

Still, it was a grumpiness brought on by abundance and not lack, and that is something to be thankful for.

Today I'm going to go for a walk with my new neighborhood walking buddy, and then possibly go to church. And then I'm going to fix the technical problems and return library books and start Fingersmith. I'm having trouble with books lately. I have started and stopped Howard's End, Moonlight and Vines (short stories by de Lint) and Dinner with Anna Karenina (the book that turned out to be stupid). After Fingersmith I'm going to read (and finish) Anna K. These two I know are pretty much guaranteed to be good, so maybe that will pull me out of my reading slump.

Anyway. Today, I am thankful for all the abundance in my life, for all the little things which help make things go well, for the fact that (Terri's health excepted) we have all the basics covered, plus some nice extras.

And now it's time to suit up and go for a walk and try to shake this grumpy mood.