Feeling More Like Home

You know how when you're feeling bad, you think it's never going to end?

That's how I've been feeling these past two months or so. Most intensely in the last month. In a constant state of intense stress, worry, anxiety, and overwhelm. My to-do list stretched (and continues to stretch) on for miles. I really did not know how I was going to come out of it.

Friday night I just couldn't take it anymore and had a little meltdown. Have I mentioned how wonderful Terri is? She's wonderful. In her kind, gentle, wise way, she listened to everything and didn't try to fix it (I wish I were as good as she is at that). She just helped hold all the heaviness with me. And that made it lighter.

The next day, we figured out a few key pieces of furniture that needed to be shifted. Once we moved those, we were able to put the bedroom away (mostly), and then the living room started to take shape.

Miraculously, the bags and boxes are starting to disappear. Books are cozily arranged on shelves. The new living room furniture is snuggly and pretty. The bed is wonderful. The bathroom is shaping up (although still a puzzle). The kitchen is very functional and will be wonderful when complete.

I can't believe that just a couple weeks ago, we were living in misery, unsure just how badly poisoned we were being, feeling scared and worried and unable to do anything about it. The deep misery was unbearable. We were just gritting our teeth to get through it. It really felt like it would never end. But, apparently, the worst of the storm has passed.

Because right now I am wrapped in a big quilt, by a crackling fire, with 10-bean soup on the stove. The living room glows with the little Christmas tree and two soft lamps. Although the heater sucks, it's enough to take the chill out of the air. We're planning where to hang pictures. Things are feeling very sweet and homey and snuggly.

We have a long road to go, both of us, to feeling recovered from this move. But the first steps are in place. It's starting to feel like a sanctuary, which is our goal. Home should be a healing place, a place of peace and creativity and love and rejuvenation. I think we're getting there.

Having a happy, healthy, safe home that feels comfortable and peaceful is an amazing holiday gift to us. I'm feeling so grateful right now, and incredibly blessed. I'm going to be very busy the next two weeks, but having a wonderful place to come home to will help a lot.

I don't feel like I'm sinking into the mire anymore. Friday I was not able to see the light. Today, the world feels full of light again (even though it's the darkest night of the year).

(photos of the new cozy house coming tomorrow I hope!!)