random!

(I like this building, near North Beach, in SF. I wonder what the apartment upstairs is like...)

A few random thoughts:

1. We are watching the last season of Buffy. Note to people who have not watched Buffy yet -- you MUST watch Buffy (no question) but be aware that the first half of the first season is a little slow, but then it gets REALLY good very quickly, so stick with it. And, I am being reminded, the last season is also a little slow and actually sort of depressing. But we need to see it through to the end. The middle 5 1/2 seasons are completely, totally amazing. YOU MUST WATCH IT.

2. I'm on a madcap reading spree. Finishing Auntie Mame right now, and heading straight for Jeeves and Wooster. I need a little madcap to keep me from fidgeting and being anxious about next Tuesday.

3. We have GOT to start eating something other than plain pasta (for Terri) or 3-ingredient quickie meals (me). Although strangely I really don't seem to mind. It's nice to take a break from cooking so much sometimes. However, it's spring and veggies must be consumed.

4. I'm really, really tired. Have I mentioned this before? Yeah. Tired. My walking buddy (Jenn) and I are trying to walk three nights a week (about 3 miles each time). This is great. We are walking (maybe jogging some of it) the Bay to Breakers race in May (with my BFF Erin, who is coming down for it) so we have to keep doing it, but really all I want to do is come home and get in bed. Three nights a week is feeling like a lot, even though it's actually not that much. Have I mentioned that I will be glad when next Tuesday is over?

We seem to be on minimal-use autopilot right now, just sort of skimming along until we know what next Tuesday will bring. That's okay, that's exactly what we need to be doing right now. Still, I'll be happy when we can start househunting in earnest, when we can eat more vegetables and real meals, and when I can devote more energy to my own fun stuff. It's been a really long year and a half of hard work and creative frugal-izing, and while I'm eternally grateful that I have the skills, talents, and knowledge to have made it work so well, I'll be happy to be able to relax just a wee bit.

Hmm

Bizarre string of days/weeks lately. Just weird, weird, weird stuff happening all around.

Today, I woke up in a slightly grumpy mood, and it didn't help that I had a stomachache. And then, that my hair rebelled and gave me the worst hair day I've had in years. And then that I drove all the way to work and realized, as I pulled into the parking lot (late) that I forgot something essential for the workday, so I had to go home and get it.

Sigh.

And then the day was just busy busy busy, with some extremely random weirdness thrown in. A good day work-wise, but then I made a lovely faux-pas at the end which makes me feel like a dummy and hope that I didn't hurt someone's feelings. Ugh.

And then diving deeper into the weirdness when I got home (no weirdness at home, just looking into the weirdness that came up during the day), which is unsettling.

My best friend emailed me something about how there is this major cosmic astrological upheaval happening right now through August. It makes sense, because things just do not feel right with the world.

I just feel like retreating slightly. Things don't feel quite stable. Books and solid, real things seem like good things to focus on right now. I have some fun bookish things to share, but will save it for tomorrow or the weekend when I'm thinking a little more clearly.

Is anyone else having this experience of things seeming incredibly weird lately?

In Which Our Author Talks About Random Things...

Things like...

* I'm currently reading The Bible: A Biography (from the Books That Changed The World series) by Karen Armstrong. It's essentially a history of how the Bible came into being, who wrote it, and why, and how it's related to the Torah, etc. It's completely fascinating and a little bit above my head. It's taking me forever to read. But it's so interesting! The rise of Christianity is particularly interesting, especially how historical events played a part in Christianity being 'rescued' from obscurity. I have many thoughts about this book. It's not a religious book at all; it's a historical accounting, which makes it even more interesting to me. It actually made me want to look some things up in an actual Bible. I don't even know if we have one? I'm sure we do somewhere...

* We rescued an adorable husky puppy yesterday. He was running loose, and we managed to grab him after almost hitting him while driving. Poor guy was totally frantic and worn out. Thankfully he seemed glad to be captured, and didn't fight us. We put him in the car and called the number on his collar tag. His owner was completely shocked that he was out -- apparently he is usually in the back yard, but somehow escaped. We were so, so glad that that story had a happy ending! Although, we wouldn't have minded having a puppy visitor at our house for a little while...

* Is there something going on astrologically? Everywhere I look, people seem to be having an unusually grumpy time. Or maybe it's just me. Also, things just seem weird. Weird goings-on at work. Weird interactions with people at the store. Weird mood swings. Also this seems to be coinciding with the sudden onslaught of spring allergens. I don't ever notice my allergies (I don't get itchy eyes or nose or anything obvious), but apparently they are the reason why every spring, my ears fill with fluid and I get ear infections. This year I am just going to take the allergy medicine and see if I can keep my ears safe. The downside to this is that I'm very susceptible to allergy medicine side-effects, so I either feel totally drowsy and weird, or totally speedy and weird. Basically, things just seem weird. Is it me?

* Using an additive approach, there are a number of things I'd like to do more of. They include, in no particular order:

Going to the library and reading magazines

Sitting in coffeeshops and writing

Hiking or trail runs

Watch more movies (I am really bad at this for some reason; I end up half-watching TV/half-reading instead, because somehow I think a movie takes too much time. Bizarre!)

And of course, paint. Tonight is Tuesday: time to paint!

And also, go listen to people/authors speak.

* It is becoming very obvious that if we buy in Oakland, it will be a condo or a townhouse. We are holding out hope for a townhouse. But we are also thinking that in the spring, we'll be looking elsewhere, because we'd really like a house with a large yard. Petaluma, or Martinez, perhaps. We're going to drive around and look at surrounding towns. It's a little disappointing, but you never know what will happen!

* Also, I'm thinking of starting a support group for families affected by chronic illness. There are a few support groups for the people actually afflicted, but not any, that I can find, for the families or partners of the ill person. I know that we could certainly use some community and occasional help (even with things like: carrying furniture up the stairs, or perhaps someone might need some meals delivered sometimes, that sort of thing). Other people must, also. We can't get to church (it's too early in the day for Terri) and frankly we'd like to be surrounded by people who 'get it.' I'm thinking it would be more sharing/fellowship than therapy-style support. Get together once a month to share what's going on, see who needs help with what, etc. I think this could be really great.

That's about it. Everything feels a little weird right now for some reason. But I hold firm to my idea that this year is going to be a good one.

Lately...

Lately my house has been less than clean. We've been slacking on the chores. I give that a big fat "Oh Well"

Lately my painting has been sitting, half-done, on the table. Not sure why I haven't finished it. I guess I'm waiting to feel like I know what to do with this weird tall shape the canvas is.

Lately I have been in a weird reading mood. I feel like reading biographies. This is completely unlike me. I never read biographies, and I've just read three in as many weeks. Weird.

Lately I have been listening to NPR. This is so ABSOLUTELY completely unlike me (me, who hates talk radio of any sort -- I just can't stand the droning). I suspect body-snatching.

Lately I have been cooking more. This feels good. Summer drains me. Fall rejuvenates me.

Lately I have been feeling -- dare I say it -- optimistic? A few months ago I felt like I had forgotten what that emotion felt like. Now I feel this vague but pleasant sense of hope and faith that things are fine. It's nice. But perhaps another result of body-snatching.

Lately I have been really wanting a little scooter for commuting. Well, I've always wanted one, but lately I've been seriously lobbying for one. The Other One In Charge remains unconvinced, but we're still talking about it.

Lately I have been laughing at this video. My favorite part, "WAS!!" (for best viewing, start it then pause it while it loads)

Random Updates

1. Wow, I am really behind on comments-commenting, and catching up on blog-reading. I had to finish up my book club book, "Madapple" by last night when a fellow bookclubber was going to borrow my book, so I had a deadline. Hopefully tonight I'll spend some time catching up.

2. Our little kitty had a mini-seizure last night, poor thing. It was just a little one, but apparently can happen with cancers. Thankfully she didn't seem to know anything had happened and is fine today. Breaks my heart, but we are so thankful to have this time with her.

3. It has been HOT. I have to say, the blackout curtains in the bedroom made a huge difference. The cats were grateful (as were we!).

4. I am going to sew today (dammit). I have two pillow covers, some pj bottoms and an easy quilt to make. I have to first stop by the thrift shop, however, to get a blanket to fill the quilt. I'm going old-school easy on this one.

5. And lastly, I have been seized by the music bug. A bunch of favorites are coming to play in Oakland this fall: Bon Iver, Echo & the Bunnymen, the Pixies... sooooo tempting. I'd like to see at least one show, I haven't been to see music in forever.

That's all. Now I'm off to start the day and get some stuff done! Terri has a PET brain scan tomorrow and has to eat a low-to-zero carb/high protein diet the rest of today and tomorrow until the scan. Kinda difficult for a vegetarian with selective (ahem) tastes, but we'll figure it out. Just one day. The PET scan should be interesting (I think it's actually a SPECT scan? I could be wrong). Oh, the joy of medical tests.

Some bookish thoughts... and a very large fish

First, here's my dad. And his very large fish. My dad is a very talented fisherman (can you be *talented* at fishing?). I have no other photos to post so thought I would post this one since it's making me smile.

Anyway, a few bookish thoughts...

* I started to read Happiness Is An Inside Job by Sylvia Boorstein (upon recommendation from my aunt). It's basically about Buddhist loving-kindness meditation and how to use it in everyday situations. Which seems like it would be a nice book to read, right? Instead, it's making me feel very anxious and uncomfortable. I'm not sure why. The more I read, the worse I feel. So I'm putting it down. Maybe I'm just not feeling like I should read anything that is telling me (or even kindly suggesting) that I ought to be doing something else on top of everything. Also, I really don't need any reminders that life is fleeting and I need to stay in the moment. That is right in front of my nose all the time, thank you very much. So... maybe it's not what I need right now.

(however, coincidentally, there have been a few times in the past few days where I've seen strangers who look very very unhappy -- walking by me, stifling sobs, that sort of thing -- and because I read about doing this in the book, I send them some loving and comforting thoughts and energy. So maybe it's doing me some good anyway)

* I'm also reading The Picture of Dorian Gray on Daily Lit. It's really great. It's a little odd to read just a few paragraphs a day, however. I'm not sure how much I like the format of getting only a small snippet of something every day, with no way to keep reading if you feel like it. I was also reading Emma that way, but I think Austen is best read in giant chunks because it's difficult to keep everyone and everything straight if you aren't immersed in it. Do you know about Daily Lit? It's fun.

* I have to get to the library this weekend. I need to get my book club book, and I'm out of anything else to read. I'm reading Free-Range Kids which is really funny and fascinating, but it's not exactly relevant to my life since I have no kids... however, it's passing the time until I can get to the library!

In other news, the janitors at my job apparently vacuumed up the cord to my heating pad (which I keep on my lap at all times because it's freezing in my office) . When I got in this morning, it was absolutely filthy and had that burned-vacuum smell. You know when you accidentally suck up a cord or string or something? That horrible smell (and sound)? Yeah. It was disgusting. It still smells terrible, too. I had to get one of those Mr. Clean sponge thingies and scrub it down because it was so filthy. Yuck.

I've been in a strange place lately. Just feeling somewhat disconnected -- but that's not really it. I feel like there is something brewing. Plans to be made, etc. Probably just thinking about the stuff I alluded to in my previous post. I feel very busy and very preoccupied with plans. Not that I'm really making any plans... I'm just planning on making plans. You know how that is?

It's interesting because I feel very centered, very certain of myself (which is awesome after spending the last 15 years feeling so unfocused), and I feel like I have a number of very viable paths ahead of me. But I haven't quite stepped onto one yet -- I'm in that just-before stage. I'm just watching to see what's going to be the first one, as they shift and vie for the #1 slot. It's all very interesting in a super-detached way.

And finally, we are rewatching all of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If you have not seen this series, put it on your Netflix list STAT!! It is *so* good.

Random Roundup

• The homemade deodorant ROCKS. Truly. I've worn it all week, and even on our hot, stuffy drive up to Santa Rosa yesterday -- no stink. I added a little vanilla-amber essential oil to the mix, and even at the very end of the day (and, I might add, I took my shower the night before, so a full 24-hours later), absolutely no stink. Just a hint of vanilla. No sweat smell. Not even *clean* sweat smell, just... nothing. I'm impressed, as even the crystal stuff left some kind of odd scent. This seems to work great on feet as well. No, it doesn't stop the perspiration, but here's a bonus: because the sweat isn't all mixed up with gross chemical stuff, it just dries up right away and doesn't leave a stain or a scent. I don't feel clammy or yucky at all. The shirt I wore all day yesterday (and sweated in the hot car in) STILL SMELLS CLEAN. Seriously. I'm kind of amazed.
• Watched Coraline last night. Great visuals, although I prefer the original story better. I was pleased that it *was* a bit creepy and not completely sanitized. The Other Mother is still scary... but she was scarier in the book.
  
• Sleep is still difficult. I'm realizing that I am carrying anxiety to bed and that's making it hard to stay asleep. I'm working on that. And, Terri's doctor recommended we get blackout curtains for the bedroom. Right now we have just simple, light & airy white sheers. Blackouts would be a big change, but I bet it would make a difference.
• Speaking of big changes that would make a difference, we got more information about the raw food diet from the doctor. Ok, so... I'm not sure I'm ready for this. I'm pretty gung-ho about making healthy changes usually, but this kind of makes me trepidatious. It's all raw, all the time, and mostly fruit. I have a lot of questions. I think we're going to look for the book and check out the science (and sources). I did some research online and although it's an extreme diet, it does seem to help people with various chronic conditions (however, that's all from the internet, which must be taken with at least two grains of salt).
  
  I'm way more open/ready for the macrobiotic diet, which seems positively lenient in comparison. I was thinking about this today and I realized how much I use cooking as a hobby. If we went all raw/fruit... uh, there goes one of my major hobbies. At least with macrobiotic, there's lots of yummy food, lots of new things to try, lots of variety and different flavors, textures, techniques, etc. It sounds interesting and tasty (and healthy). However, raw fruit and greens... besides some chopping and perhaps some blending... there's not much to be done. It sounds... boring. And also makes my tummy hurt just thinking about it.
  
  So, we're going to think on it for awhile. I think we can go ahead and start incorporating macrobiotic stuff into our lives. Cut out dairy, replace refined sugar with maple syrup, agave, etc.... eat whole grains, cook miso... I can do all that. No problem. Maybe what we'll do is just try to eat a raw meal a few times a week -- a big salad, or a fruit blend, or whatever. I really get that the raw foods can have a big impact on health. However, exslusively raw... I don't think we're there yet.
  
  The doctor said that macrobiotic was the second best diet for CFS. So, we'll do second-best for awhile. Sometimes that is just good enough. Frankly I feel like I am not quite ready to give up my hobby, and I really can't imagine going through the winter eating just fruits and greens. I need some hot meals!!
  
  I am excited to learn how to make my own miso soup, however, since I crave this at least once a week (although I only have it every other month or so). That, and a big grain-and-veggie salad are going to be my weekend cooking projects. The idea of a nice bowl of miso soup every morning sounds heavenly.
  
• Reading The Book Of Lost Things... it's unusual and I'm really enjoying it.
• Back on the Valcyte means lots of more applesauce (Terri has to crush the Valcyte and take it in applesauce). If you ever need to eat large quantities of applesauce, let me spare your tastebuds and let you know that Trader Joe's has the very best unsweetened applesauce. Don't even bother with anything else. Just go straight to TJ's. I actually ordered a case of applesauce today because I get sick of buying it!

That's about it for today. We're cleaning the house and running a few errands, and then I'm going to go stock up on macro foods. I'm kind of excited about this since I am feeling a strong pull towards this way of eating (lots of whole grains, veggies, some fruits, as local and fresh as you can get it). There's a whole yin-yang philosophy that goes with it but I'm just going to focus on the food right now.

And miso soup. Yum. I really can't wait.

Needing Something New (edited)

3-D movies are not necessarily new, but check out the funky glasses. I miss the red and blue cardboard oldies, because these sucked. Photo by Brother.

I realized something as I was grumping my way through the day today (yes, I have been grumpy in general lately. Wanna make something of it?). I think I need, as Huey Lewis so eloquently put it, A New Drug. Well, maybe just A New Thing (but not necessarily an object). A new craft, a new project, a new focus, a new mindset.

I liked doing my Ugly Bathroom painting because it was a new style. I think I need to do another one, maybe a different size/shape canvas. I'm kind of into those creepy trees. I like trees. So there's one new project. I could easily do a whole tree series.

I have a lot of sewing to do as well. Maybe this weekend I will get the sewing machine out. There's a few more new projects. I usually stick to business with sewing: curtains, quilts, mending, the occasional ill-conceived craft project (frogs, anyone?). However, maybe I should try something new. I have an idea for a comfy living-room comforter that I would like to make, but it requires thrift-shop and garage-sale scouring. Which is fine, but not immediate. And also slightly unseasonal. Maybe a skirt. I used to be able to make skirts. Or maybe this sweater, which is more crafty than sewing, but which I love. Or maybe I don't. Now that I look at it, it's a bit... much. But maybe it's still a do-able project. But... not in pink. I'll keep my eye out for a nice (cheap) cardigan.

Or maybe something multi-media for this one corner of our dining room that needs a really cool (and large) piece of art. I see bad art in cool frames at the thrift store all the time. Maybe I should buy one of them and paint over the bad art. That could be fun.

I keep thinking I will get up 30 minutes early and go for a walk (every time I mention this, Terri starts to laugh uncontrollably... she totally gets the church giggles and can't stop laughing, which slightly hurts my feelings but is also very funny). Clearly this is not happening, at least not while I'm either sick or drugged by antihistamine. But 30 minutes when I get home, I could do. I keep saying this, but now there is no excuse at all since the weather is turning lovely. (edited to add: I went out after work; so proud of myself! About a mile into it, a bee or wasp got stuck under the arm of my sunglasses near my temple (or in my hair, or something) and stung me a couple times. I ran home and put ice on it, but it's swelling up and it hurts to even wear my glasses. Um, did NOT need this!!)

Over the weekend I really wanted to read a trashy vampire novel, but had to substitute in a gory serial killer novel (which is kind of the same thing, don't you think?). Review coming soon, it's a quick read. Hello, summer reading! Trying to make a new TBR list since clearly my selections have been increasingly random. Having some new books to be excited about would probably also help.

Speaking of increasingly random, this post is getting all wander-y. However. Back to my point. Needing Something New. I'm going to make a point of trying some new things over the next few weeks. New recipes, new art direction, maybe a new craft project, maybe some new music on the Shuffle, and maybe a new haircut. I've only had one haircut in the last 11 months and it is getting shaggggggy.

Any other suggestions for New, to get a New Attitude (again with the bad 80s aerobics-class music references... someone help me!)? I need a whole list, I think.