Monday, July 06, 2009

It's All A Bit Much

Dear God:

Thanks for all the good stuff, but please cut back on the bad stuff.

Thank you,
Daphne, Terri, Katie, Cleo and Tiger Lily

So.... today I took little Tiger Lily to the vet to have a lump examined. Lumps are never good. In this case, it seems particularly not-good. There's a very strong chance that she has mammary cancer. Which is not good. Really, really not good. The growth is pretty big. I'm very worried, and deeply scared.

We'll find out in a few days (maybe tomorrow) if it's malignant or not. I'm dreading all this. It's part of being a pet owner -- part of being alive -- but it sucks.

Our little Tiger Lily is the sweetest little kitty ever. She has had her share of mishaps: being a stray kitty (luckily found by me!), falling out of a 3-story window, having numerous serious bouts with mysterious viruses (and making miraculous recoveries), etc. However, she has the sweetest spirit ever, so friendly and funny and loving. We call her The Little because she just seems like a little baby, so innocent and curious and needing to be loved and snuggled all the time.

I can't imagine life without her. We have just been sitting in bed crying, praying for... we don't know what. For a benign tumor, of course. That her life continues to be sweet and full of love, no matter what. She isn't acting sick right now -- is eating fine, etc., so I'm hopeful that this means she'll have a good quality of life for however long, in any case.

I just feel like: come on. Terri has a chronic illness (she's doing a little better, by the way -- yay!), Katie has chronic renal failure (which is, miraculously, stable so far -- so we are very lucky), Cleo is getting older (she's at least 13 or 14 by now) and now this.

It's all a bit much.

I'm really glad I've been on vacation the last few days. I'm more rested and feeling better. I know I have to take really good care of myself. I'm not quite sure what else I need to do. We just bought a copy of Pema Chodron's When Things Fall Apart, so I think I'll be reading that. Terri also mentioned church again... I'm really not very churchy, but I could use some spiritual guidance and community support, so I'm all for it.

In the meantime, no more sad books for me. Lots of rest and fruits and veggies. Lots and lots of kitty snuggles.

Here's Miss Little doing what she does best: stealing someone else's dinner (in this case, Thanksgiving stuffing)

Good thoughts would be welcomed. Thanks, everyone. I'll post updates as we get them.

10 comments:

Nymeth said...

Oh no :( Keeping all my fingers and toes crossed that it's benign. That part of being a pet owner really does suck :(

Tammie said...

ugh, daphne i feel for you. this is definitely the worst part of being a pet owner.

i really, really hope it ends up being nothing, but if it ends up being something, im sure you and terri have given (and will continue to give) lovely Tiger Lily a wonderful life---for however long that may be.

i know this pain well. hang in there. hug terri. snuggle with your kitties. keep us updated.

Stefanie said...

Oh no Daphne! Tiger Lily is so pretty. I know you and Terri will take good care of her whatever the tests reveal. And hopefully the test will say nothing to worry about. But I Know exactly how you feel. Sending hugs and good thoughts.

Daphne said...

Ana: thanks... it totally sucks.

Tammie and Stefanie: thank you both so much... I know that you unfortunately know how it is. It's terrible! Thanks for the good thoughts, and much love back to you both.

Lara Starr said...

Oh hon, I'll be thinking good thoughts for Miss Lily, and her mamas too.

Eva said...

*hugs* My dog died last year, and it was awful. So I'll be keeping you all in my thoughts.

Daphne said...

Lara: thanks... we all need them!

Eva: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that... it's just awful no matter what.

teabird said...

I am so sorry - You and your kitties will be in my thoughts.

When Things Fall Apart is a very good choice for now -

namaste.

Kate said...

Oh nooooo...I'm thinking of you and y'all. All good thoughts.

Susan said...

Oh Daphne, I'm so sorry. My kitty has a tumor, which because it's on her face and not really interfering with anything, we're ignoring for as long as we can. But there are days when I wonder how many we have left. She gets lots of cuddles from me! even when she wakes me at 4:30 meowing because she wants to eat already (she loves food!)

hugs and prayers to you and Terri, and the kitties, all of them, of course!