It's All A Bit Much

Dear God:

Thanks for all the good stuff, but please cut back on the bad stuff.

Thank you,
Daphne, Terri, Katie, Cleo and Tiger Lily

So.... today I took little Tiger Lily to the vet to have a lump examined. Lumps are never good. In this case, it seems particularly not-good. There's a very strong chance that she has mammary cancer. Which is not good. Really, really not good. The growth is pretty big. I'm very worried, and deeply scared.

We'll find out in a few days (maybe tomorrow) if it's malignant or not. I'm dreading all this. It's part of being a pet owner -- part of being alive -- but it sucks.

Our little Tiger Lily is the sweetest little kitty ever. She has had her share of mishaps: being a stray kitty (luckily found by me!), falling out of a 3-story window, having numerous serious bouts with mysterious viruses (and making miraculous recoveries), etc. However, she has the sweetest spirit ever, so friendly and funny and loving. We call her The Little because she just seems like a little baby, so innocent and curious and needing to be loved and snuggled all the time.

I can't imagine life without her. We have just been sitting in bed crying, praying for... we don't know what. For a benign tumor, of course. That her life continues to be sweet and full of love, no matter what. She isn't acting sick right now -- is eating fine, etc., so I'm hopeful that this means she'll have a good quality of life for however long, in any case.

I just feel like: come on. Terri has a chronic illness (she's doing a little better, by the way -- yay!), Katie has chronic renal failure (which is, miraculously, stable so far -- so we are very lucky), Cleo is getting older (she's at least 13 or 14 by now) and now this.

It's all a bit much.

I'm really glad I've been on vacation the last few days. I'm more rested and feeling better. I know I have to take really good care of myself. I'm not quite sure what else I need to do. We just bought a copy of Pema Chodron's When Things Fall Apart, so I think I'll be reading that. Terri also mentioned church again... I'm really not very churchy, but I could use some spiritual guidance and community support, so I'm all for it.

In the meantime, no more sad books for me. Lots of rest and fruits and veggies. Lots and lots of kitty snuggles.

Here's Miss Little doing what she does best: stealing someone else's dinner (in this case, Thanksgiving stuffing)

Good thoughts would be welcomed. Thanks, everyone. I'll post updates as we get them.