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Today I got honored at a work-function luncheon thingie. It was supposed to be a surprise but people accidentally dropped hints about it during the week, so I guessed. Still, it was awfully sweet. Kristi Yamaguchi was at the event. She's very, very tiny and adorable.I have a really hard time with things like these. On the one hand, I rationally know they could have chosen any number of other women at my table (who, I would argue, are WAY more deserving of being honored than I). On the other hand, I have such a hard time accepting that I could ever, in any universe, deserve any sort of recognition that I actually felt really awkward and weird.
Work: "Hey, Daph! We love you! We're honoring you! Let's give you an award and love and encouragement!"
Me: "Huh? Why on earth would you want to do that? This is a cruel joke. Please stop."
(I also have to say that admitting all this makes me feel bad too, but this is one of those times where I'm trying to be transparent and not-perfect and messy. So, here you go.)
(and did I mention that Kristi Yamaguchi is about the tiniest person alive?)
7 comments:
i never think i deserve any kind of honor/commendation. i always assume im just being set up for some cruel joke and everyone is going to laugh at me.
i feel your pain.
My brain plays tricks like that on me all the time. Good things make me feel unworthy and undeserving and like an imposter. And I get extremely anxious that everyone will suddenly discover that no, I suck, actually, so they all should be throwing rocks at me rather than doing nice things, and it's just...blah.
Insecurity is terrible. Even when we're aware of it it's just so hard to stop having those thoughts.
Bottom line: I definitely sympathize.
I do know about feeling that special things must be done first before special thanks, and maybe, your coworkers wanted to do something a little different, that ordinarily you couldn't go to, be done for you just because they could. Hmm, maybe the anger is because you want to do it all yourself - make the choice to go to that event with those guests - instead of it being done for you. Which is something I definitely know very very well!
I hope you were able to enjoy it a little bit, if only to be able to hear women like this talk about whatever it was for. Me, I'd be tongue-tied at being around women who've done awesome thing!
and what was your award certificate for? :-D
Thanks, everyone. I feel somewhat better today. It's amazing how things like this can sneak up on you when you're not expecting it -- I just felt bad that I had such a weird reaction. Oh well. I did enjoy myself and today I feel better and am grateful and pleased and thankful. Thanks for the nice words, everybody.
Congrats! Even if you don't think so, I am sure it is well deserved :) And how cool that Kristi Yamaguchi was there. Did you get to meet her?
Hi Daph,
I am just getting caught up on some blog reading - much more fun than the pile of work I have to do!! This is so cool!! LuAnn mentioned something about the flowers that you got, too. Couldn't have happened to a more deserving person, that's for sure!! Congratulations!!
Cathy
Congrats to you! I have no doubt you earned it and am thrilled for you.
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