Why Do I Do This To Myself?

Anyone who knows me for any length of time at some point becomes informed of the fact that I am scared of the dark in general, and of ghosts (and other unknown beasties) in particular.

Sure, I'm scared of real life bad guys like any normal person, but the thing that really makes me panic is the thought of ghosts, spirits, aliens, unknown forces.

Not that this stops me from being completely fascinated with these things (real or imagined, they have got my attention!)

So tonight, after a terrific night of bumming around with Shea, I come home and do a few things then settled on the bed with Cleo and Katie and poke around the internet.

Of course, somehow I make it over to YouTube and start watching 'ghost hunter' videos.

Why do I do this? I know that suddenly I'll be terrified of my closet, won't be able to step out in the hallway without leaping for the lightswitch, and will listen to the cats playing in the other room with my heart beating in terror as I think about how that could be a ghost making all that noise. And, I'm home alone.

I'm such a weenie, and what a silly thing to be afraid of. If nothing else, watching Ghost Hunters on the SciFi channel should show me that there's really nothing to be afraid of. Even if provoked, the most a bad ghost will do is push you down.

Upon which I'd promptly die of fright.

I've never seen a ghost, but I'm just fascinated with anything paranormal. When I was in middle school and realized there was a whole branch of study called "Metaphysics", I had this aha moment: I could study metaphysics in college!! I didn't realize that they don't really teach this stuff at state schools.

I have my how-to for making dowsing rods. I have my pendulum. I went to a dowser's meeting but I think it was a little too kooky for me (although it makes a great story!). What I'd really like to do is go on a real ghost hunt. I'm signed up with the Bay Area Paranormal group and I was signed up for a ghost hunting class (which I didn't attend because I had something else going on that day). Someday I will. I just want to see for myself if there's anything to be scared of, I guess.

When I was younger, I read everything my school library had about paranormal stuff, and sometimes I would get so scared that I had to leave the books, face-down, on the table in the dining room (instead of in my room).

So I'm hoping I don't have to do that tonight. Although, leaving your laptop on the table doesn't have quite the same symbolic punch.