God's Got It

It's the 12th chapter of The Artist's Way (I would say the 12th week, but truthfully it's been longer than that). Yay! I did it. Of course the first words I want to type after that is "... I didn't really do a very good job with it." But it's Be Nice To Myself Month, so the important thing is that I Did It, and I can do it again. And again. As much as I want!

So this final week, a few things stuck with me. The theme of the week was Recovering A Sense of Faith (actually, of course this came right at the right time for me). It says, "Creativity requires faith. Faith requires that we relinquish control. This is frightening. Our resistance to our creativity is a form of self-destruction. We throw up roadblocks. Why? In order to maintain the illusion of control. We say, "I don't know..." but we DO know. And we know we know." So how do we get this faith back? Relinquish control? One thing the book suggests is "I know the things I know"... in other words, I've already got the tools, I just have to have faith and use them.

So in light of this being Self-Care Month and all (you notice how the names keep shifting? I'm letting that be OK, too), here's a little bit of What I Know.

• I work best BOTH when I don't have a time limit, and also under tight deadlines. I like to have open-ended projects with NO deadline, and I also like to have time-challenges. I don't really like long-term deadlines. I get lost, bored, lose motivation.
• I like walking to work. It's a good meditation for me, and I'm going to keep doing it.
• I don't like how I feel when I eat too much sugary stuff. It turns my tummy sour and my brain to mush. However, I do enjoy and love really good desserts or a bite of brownie or good chocolate.
• If I let myself play, I can come up with some pretty good stuff artistically.
• I don't like doing the same thing over and over. Like I rarely make the same recipe twice, I much prefer doing something new to tried-and-true.
• I can take about an hour of concentrated TV, and then I'm done. I have to get a book, or some knitting, or a project, then I can sort of half-view some more. But I have a pretty low tolerance, and I don't mean that in a snobby "I hate TV" kind of way. My eyes start to hurt and my head kind of feels funny after about an hour. Don't get me wrong; we just got hooked on Ugly Betty and you know I love me some Project Runway.
• I can tolerate just about anything but intolerance. And I get hung up on this sometimes, like I should accept everyone. And then I remember the Holocaust, the Native Americans, the Hutus and Tutsis, the African Americans. Oh, right. Sometimes you do have to fight the good fight.
• When it comes down to it, I have a lot of faith in myself. I just need to remind myself.

One of my favorite quotes in the world is from Joseph Campbell: "Follow your bliss and doors will open where there were no doors before." I've been thinking a lot about this the last couple of days. What do I want, really? What's my bliss? I want to help people. I want to work with art. I love to cook. I love making people happy, making their lives easier somehow. I like to create beauty. I like doing new things.

So I decided to be brave and pitch a new idea at work. Taking a cue from Julia, I'm not really going to talk about work on this blog. But I decided to follow a thin thread of an idea and see if I can carve a new path for myself at my job, something really fulfilling, fun, and something I'd be good at. It's exciting to think about. I'm going to think positively. Pitching this idea shows my initiative, my creativity, and my willingness to think outside the box. I'm creating value for the company. And, they already love my idea (they just don't know it yet!)

The other thing that really stuck with me from this last chapter was the idea of a God Box/Jar/Whatever. A container to put fears, hopes, dreams, worries. Maybe it should be Dear Universe. Whatever. Get some paper pads. Decorate a terrific jar/box/whatever. And then when I get worried or feel like I'm not 'moving fast enough' on something, I can remember: "God's got it". It's in good hands. Then I can do the next right thing.

I like this. It's like, getting out of my own way. My dad used to tell me to write down the scary dreams, tear them up, and then know that they were gone. It's sort of along those lines. Write it down, release it, get on with things.

I'm going to reread the Artist's Way, and do the exercises. But I might not do them in order. You know. Never the same thing twice.