The Be-Nice-To-Me Month

So, how's it going?

Well, in typical Virgo fashion, I'm thinking it's not going well enough. I'm not taking good enough care of myself. I'm not relaxing enough.

Still. It's going pretty well. I've made some changes in my life (small, but powerful)

• Letting the laundry sit on the couch for a few days if I just don't feel like putting it away
• Not worrying about the clothes piling up on my dresser (not only did I simply not put them away, I also DID NOT WORRY ABOUT IT)
• Did not overbook this 3-day weekend, although I was tempted.
• Etc.

I notice this is a list of things I did not do. I think that's kind of interesting. Before I can add in more things, things that I want or love or would rather do, I have to go through the process of not-doing things that I don't want to do.

I was thinking about how, if your hands are clenched tight around something (old), you don't have any room for anything (new). You have to let go before you can have room for something new (most of the time, anyway). That's been a really helpful image for me this past week. When I start to get anxious about not being a perfect housekeeper (and I am far from perfect), I think about letting go of the idea that I have to be a perfect Martha, and I imagine opening my hands to another idea: a little mess is okay. Now, there's always been a little mess in my house. But now instead of allowing it to make me feel bad, I'm just going to let it be okay. I can always clean it up later, when I feel like it. Our house is not filthy. There are a few piles. So what?

In that same vein, I'm allowing myself to do (small, to start) things that I really want to do:

• Bake cookies, and then give most of them to the office because really all I wanted was a few spoonfuls of cookie dough and a couple of fresh-baked ones
• Go out with friends and not worry about the things I'm not doing
• Plant that little cutting that's been patiently waiting in a jelly jar on my kitchen sill for months - and not worry about the other plants that need repotting
• Spend all morning reading in bed while Terri catches up on sleep. I also spent most of Saturday on the couch with a book.

I'm so worried about waste. Wasting time, wasting food, wasting money, wasting opportunity... I think it's time to let some of that go, too. It's okay if sometimes, I forget to use up the cut lemons and they get all dry. It's okay to spend an afternoon letting the laundry get dirtier while I read. And, it's okay to not act on perceived opportunities, if I really feel like doing something else first.

Yesterday, we had a great afternoon. We went to Banana Republic and tried on clothes (and I didn't feel bad when nothing fit right), then went up to Point Isabel just to watch the doggies run and play, and then we went to Chaat Cafe and had Indian food. Then we came home and watched Desperate Housewives and then I watched a documentary on the making of Star Wars (geek!). Pretty perfect, if you ask me.