Progress and Stumbles

Well, this has been a productive and fun weekend so far.

Friday night I went to Julia's family Shabbat dinner, which was fun (gotta love little kids singing blessings!), then we attended services. This was my first Jewish service ever, and I really liked it. What I liked most was the 'study and discuss' part of the service, where we were given a prayer to read with a small group, and then to discuss what part pulled most at us.

...Help us to feel, deeply as we possibly can, what it means to stand on the threshold of our own destiny.
Give us the strength, O God, to do battle with life, to overcome our fears, to look into our hearts and souls, to examine them, to look into our relations with those we love, with those who are hungry, with those who are sick, and those who mourn.
Help us to be mindful of our responsibilities and our blessings...

I liked the opportunity to sit and think about these things, and then to have a short, but heart-felt discussion. It felt very... engaging. As a non-Jew, I definitely had a slight feeling of being an outsider, but it wasn't unpleasant, and in fact I felt really priveledged to be there with my friend, supporting her and learning more about her family and culture.

Yesterday we undertook the task of rearranging the furniture in the living room. As it was, we cuoldn't use the heater (since it would burn up the back of the sofa!). So we sort of moved everything one shift counter-clockwise. And put the big yellow chair in the garage and replaced it with the rocking chair, which is much more in scale with the room and still looks comfy and homey. While I was busy carrying and shifting furniture, Terri put away a few office boxes. So now we have a new (and much larger-appearing) living room, and a clean-ish office. Yay!

In other news, I am feeling so very unsure and frightened about my businesses and my future in general. I guess I hit a little creative speed bump... and now, despite my best intentions, all signs are "Caution!" "Slow Down!" and even "Stop!"

Using the baby-steps approach, here are are some things I need to keep in mind:

I do some things very well:
* Creating harmonious and unusual color combinations
* Creative custom work -- one-of-a-kind pieces created especially for someone
* Starting from scratch -- something different each time
* Addressing specific challenges

Things that trip me up:
* Repetition (kills my creativity)
* Thinking I need to fit a mold, an expectation
* Tedium

With that in mind, I've been thinking about this holiday jewelry show I've been planning on doing (but have not had the energry to prepare for). I'm wondering if it's worth it. It will require a LOT of work to prepare for, and I'm just not sure that I have that much energy to spare. I'd rather spend my evenings cooking, exercising, doing varied creative projects as well as beading, and focusing on building my life. And, as part of that, my business, but slowly. Remembering that my main focus right now is learning, having fun, finding out out myself.

So, now what?
* Instead of working my fingers to death to prepare for a show, I will do some inventory so I have some on hand, but I won't do the show. Yet.
* I'll focus on building my website, and taking jewelry classes
* I'll focus on having fun
* I'll do what my heart feels is best

Like I said, I've been feeling a little less-than-confident, and anxious. Here is what I want:
* I have a thriving pet business focused mainly in Alameda, which I never need to advertise aside from a Craigslist ad and a website
* I have a growing jewelry/art business, with surprising opportunities popping up every so often to keep me on my toes
* I am making new, like-minded friends who support me and my dreams
* I am strengthening my current friendships and deepening the relationships
* I am a part of an active spiritual community, which loves and accepts me and Terri and our family
* Our home is blessed with health and true wealth: security, happiness, and peace

I have everything I need and want. Sometimes I just need help knowing which corners to peek behind to find it.

A short prayer/request to the Universe: Help me to feel my own power and successes, and to be brave when I feel small, and to enjoy my life and all my opportunities. Thanks.