Sunday, January 18, 2009

Oh, Martha

Tonight I thought I would indulge a little weakness of mine and got myself the February edition of Martha Stewart's Living magazine. I used to subscribe to it, quite a few years ago, until I realized that it was completely useless, although beautiful.

I was tempted by the beautiful cupcakes on the cover, and the Valentine crafts (we didn't do holiday cards this year, so I thought we could do Valentines instead). I generally buy this magazine about once a year, when a cover is so pretty that I just can't resist. I always hope that THIS will be the issue when Martha's tricks will make sense for my life.

(let me first say that I am not a Martha fan in general -- I sort of like her ideas, but I think she's completely overblown and pretentious and her recipes never work for me. However, her magazines are laid out beautifully, and the color pages are great for certain crafts, and her tips and tricks always seem like they'll be good, until I try them and realized that they're totally impractical. Tying ribbons around towels in the linen closet? Puh-leeze)

So anyway. I'm here with my tea and cookies (from my sweet Terri, again taking care of me), and I open the magazine in anticipation of cupcake recipes and Valentine crafts. Instead, I am greeted with Martha's travelling tips. These include (I am not making these up): never ever checking your suitcases unless you can first shrink-wrap them (because they are so often damaged by rough conveyor belts). Using layers of acid-free paper in your sweaters before you fold them. Before putting your shoes in custom canvas bags, stuff the toes with acid-free paper. Pre-assemble your outfits and hang them on sturdy hangers, and then wrap those in plastic.

She then goes on to say, "This packing system works well and is easy to incorporate into your next trip." Right. Right. Let me get out my, uh, shrink-wrapping machine. Martha, I am sorry to say, but I am not your type of girl.

It was so pretty today (the trees are confused, see above). V and I went out thrift-shopping. I haven't been in a long time, so it was really fun. I got some great things:

* 4 stained-glass votive candle holders that look amazing on the mantle
* a soft kitty-blanket for the bottom shelf of the hall closet that the cats have claimed
* an olive plate (yes, we eat olives enough to justify a pretty little olive plate)
* a little bird-and-tree knickknack to hold my jewelry in the bathroom
* a Zen chime clock that I've been wanting for years -- 5 bucks!

All this joy for $18.

Now that, Martha, is living.


Tammie said...

i have the same feeling about martha. i recently thought it might be a good idea to subscribe to her magazine. i got my first issue friday and fell in love with the cupcake cover and was all set to get to baking.
sigh...even martha's cupcakes are over the top, and cupcakes are something i can usually do without incident.
im thinking i'll be marking "cancel" on the bill.

Kate said...

Clearly Martha has never traisped her way through Europe on one backpack. I'd never fit anything in that if I packed like she did.

And my "linen closet" (i.e. catch-all for sheets, towels, bathroom stuff, toilet paper, cleaners, etc.) would probably send her into shock.

Anonymous said...

Oh I think all us girls have love/hate relationships with Martha.

One of my "favorite" Martha tips was to keep dish soap in a cut-glass bottle with one of those pour-tops like for olive oil or liquor.

Yeah - reach again and again for a glass container while your hands are all wet and soapy.

I could just imagine Maria or whoever actually *does* the dishes at Turkey Hill keeping a secret plastic bottle of Dawn under the sink that she has to hide from Mrs. Martha...



Stefanie said...

The ribbons on the towels are just too much for me. It's like the Pottery Barn catalog, I would love my house to look like their spreads but I could never actually live there. Your thrift-shopping sounds like fun. Please report on how you like the chime clock. I've often wondered if I would like one of my own.

Daphne said...

Tammie: Oh, I hear you. I would subscribe to her magazine... except it's always a disappointment!

Kate: exactly. I don't know what world she lives in, but it's not mine! I don't even have a linen closet!

Lara: you are too funny.

Stefanie: the clock is great, but it's only working intermittently (which is why it was at the thrift store, I'm sure). When it works, I love it! It sure is pretty. I'm going to see if i can get it working.