Friday, July 28, 2006

Rock and a Hard Place

I'm tired. When I'm this tired, I just want to come home and flop. However, the house is a little disheveled with papers and suitcases and such. I can't relax when the house is messy. But I'm too tired to clean. What to do, what to do...

I've been reading about the Lebanon/Israel fight. It just sounds horrible from both sides. I don't know enough to intelligently put forth discourse here (and since I can just barely tolerate political talk, I wouldn't expect anyone to read it here). However, it just makes me sad. And what also makes me sad is the thought of all the troops over there, from all over the world, fighting more stupid wars. Putting out fires. I wonder, if over time, there's really any progress. Frankly, I think it'll take more women in power all over the world to really change things.

But. I do want to say, for the record, that I have nothing but respect, admiration, and deep gratitude for the men and women who serve our (and others') country. While I am deeply against war of any kind, and pretty much fall directly under the title of "Peacenik," I have always said that I'm pro-peace, not anti-soldier. I'm sure there's some thrill in the fight, and I admire military tactics and such, and I know there is good, good work being done. Kind work, humanitarian work. I'm just really sorry that part of their jobs include possibly killing other people sometimes. This thought, of killing other people in the name of political struggle, makes me unbearably sad. I'm angry at the people in charge, both sides, who go forward with this. But I am grateful to the people who are actually out there doing the work, trying to save people, and trying to get home to their families.

Anyway. I don't know why the Lebanese thing is hitting me hard. Maybe it's because I've read what Anthony Bourdain has written; his first-hand account of being in Lebanon when the first missles struck. Maybe it's because I adore Lebanese food... which is a really, really dumb reason, but I can't think of any other reason for my sudden affection for Lebanon.

It does make me feel more committed to keeping peace in my own circle, using good judgement, being kind, being compassionate, being slow to anger and quick to forgive.

I feel better after writing this. It's been on my mind all day. I think I feel calm enough to go wash a load of laundry, wash the floor, and then sit down to bead. I wish I had enough energy to whip up something spectacular for dinner, but that will have to wait for another night.

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