On Realizing How Lucky I Am

I'm lucky for many reasons. However, last night, I added a couple more.

1. I'm lucky that I've never been assualted or felt genuinely threatened
2. I'm lucky that I have what I have and I'm very grateful for it.

Last night I got off the BART train at a sketchy station (Civic Center) to walk to the restaurant. However, I didn't plan far enough ahead and I wasn't quite sure which way to walk once I got outside on the street. So I stood for a few minutes, completely disoriented, unable to figure out which way to walk. While I was doing this, I also noticed that I was completely surrounded by rather desperate-looking people, who were looking me up and down and beginning to ask for money, etc. (the part of Market Street where I was at is kind of a high-concentration sketchy area anyway).

Living in the Bay Area, unfortunately (for so many reasons, mostly because it's so heartbreaking) being asked for money or being surrounded by desperate people is not totally uncommon, depending on where you are. So I'm used to this, and usually I don't feel nervous at all. In fact, I've lived here almost 9 years, and I don't think I've ever felt much more than ' very alert' in certain areas.

However, this felt different. First, I was lost. Second, I had my purse and my camera and was still wearing my nice work clothes, so I really stood out. And third, I didn't see anyone else I could turn to for help. People were either completely ignoring my presence (which was fine) or were aggressively aware of me (not so fine). This in itself is unusual... usually there's a wide assortment of people and you can usually find someone to walk close to or another woman to team up with or something. I usually blend in. This time, I felt very conspicuous.

So I chose a direction and started walking... and it just got worse, and more desperate, and I started getting scared. Like, that tight-chest, something-bad-is-going-to-happen scared. I was trying very hard to keep my cool and figure out the best thing to do and look like I knew where I was going. I turned tail and walked back out to Market Street, and hailed a taxi.

I didn't know if the restaurant was 2 blocks or 10 blocks away (it was about 7 blocks away) but I was so grateful to be in the cab and safe.

So I learned some things. I learned that I need to plan my public-transportation trips a little more carefully. I learned that I need to not carry my purse and camera around when I have to get off at Civic Center. And I learned (was reminded) that I am a very lucky person, and that I'm so grateful that I have a home, and family, and health, and love, and possibilities. Very grateful.