somewhere i have never travelled

Just a reminder, I've moved!

2010-05-23T12:26:00.000-07:00

If you haven't yet, please update your reader to:

http://nevertravelled.wordpress.com

See ya'll over there!

Moving! (new blog address)

2010-04-20T12:08:00.000-07:00

Well, just the blog.

Decided to try WordPress:

http://nevertravelled.wordpress.com/

It's really, really boring and ugly right now because I am still figuring it out. This blog will remain active, but please update your links/feeds to my new blog since I'll be posting over there now!

Vacation Day Two

2010-04-19T19:26:00.001-07:00

Well, I didn't perform at the Condor today, but I was topless and bottomless (albeit wrapped in a towel and covered in comfy soft blankies) for a lovely facial today. :)

Woke up at 8:30 and headed out to Berkeley Bowl for provisions. I'm on vacation, but we've still got to eat, right?
Got home and lounged around, had coffee, read blogs (am sadly behind on all blog reading...)
Headed around the corner to the day spa (so nice that it's literally around the corner from my house) and had a very nice facial, and a manicure and pedicure. The facial I loved. I've only had maybe two facials before, but I think I'm going to get one each season (4x/year is reasonable, right?). My skin feels great and it was genuinely relaxing. The manicure I can do without. Frankly I don't care that much about my nails, which are short and unpolished (for some reason polish does not stay on my fingernails for more than a day, no matter what). I like the results of the pedicure but I always feel incredibly awkward being in the high chair with someone kneeling in front of me, pampering my feet. I just have a hard time relaxing. Although it was better today; the nail tech was very sweet and genuinely kind, so that helped. Still, I think next time I will just go for the facial.
Came home and Terri made brownies for me. Thanks, sweetie!
Went for a walk with my friend even though I really didn't want to. We went through the local rose garden park, which was lovely. I would have rather strolled through, taking time to smell the roses (literally), but we power-walked around the park twice (with me only stopping a *few* times...). I actually really enjoy exercising but lately I have just not been in the mood. I think I'd rather take a long slow hike with my camera than power-walk.
Am now home, where I am going to take a shower to clean all the facial gunk out of my hair, and have roasted potatoes and asparagus for dinner, and watch Buffy.

Tomorrow it's supposed to thunderstorm and be cold and rainy. I think we are going to stay in bed all day and watch spooky movies. Includes: The Orphanage, Let The Right One In, The Entity and possibly The Innocents (based on Turn of the Screw). I haven't been able to read much, even though I'm really enjoying Carry On, Jeeves. I'm feeling incredibly overstimulated by everything, and can barely watch movies. My attention span just can't seem to handle a book. I'm hoping to feel better in the next day or two.

Doesn't help that we heard today from the SSDI department that it could take as long as six months to get a decision (we are hoping there was some sort of misunderstanding, since originally we were told a week to 90 days), nor that Terri's doctor is recommending an out-of-the-country treatment which would cost $20,000. I don't know if that covers travel costs or what. You know what that means! Bake Sale of the Century! (do you think I could raise $20,000 by selling home baked brownies?)

Vacation Day One

2010-04-19T08:43:00.001-07:00

Ahhh. Vacation.

Since I had to be busy all day up until 1 AM on Saturday, I didn't consider my vacation started until Sunday. So. Yesterday, I:

Slept in until 10 (which was still only 8 hours since I went to bed at 2)
Had too much coffee
Read the paper
Half-watched a couple Lifetime movies
Went out with Terri to the garden center and got some plants for the porch, including a hanging strawberry plant, which I'm very excited about
Planted all the plants (which was maybe 3-4)
Did quickie sand/refinish to a small table I'm going to use for my jewelry (found at garage sale)
Made two more fancy necklaces for myself while watching another Lifetime movie
Made roasted new potatoes and asparagus for dinner
Watched a couple episodes of Buffy and then something on PBS about cemeteries

I don't usually like Lifetime movies but they were kind of perfect yesterday. It was a gorgeous day, almost too warm, but so nice.

Today I am going to have a facial and mani/pedi at the day spa around the corner from our house. And then come home and fall back into bed for a nap. Ahh.

3/4 of a day to go... (plus, the painting)

2010-04-17T10:35:00.000-07:00

A terrible photo of my latest painting, my first real foray into abstract, wherein I have no idea what I'm doing but just messed around. Am still not sure what I think. Anyway. Here it is. A decent first attempt, perhaps. (or not). I go between thinking it's okay and hating it. Oh well.

Tomorrow starts my week's vacation. No babysitting, petsitting, graphic design or day job, and no worrying or thinking about any of those things either. I can't WAIT. Today, I am still doing two of those four jobs, so it's not exactly a vacation yet.

Giant list of stuff I intend to do over the next week or so:

Finish the companion painting to the one above
Study abstract art (I got a ton of library books on the subject as review)
Go to at least one museum or art gallery
Go to day spa around the corner for facial and mani/pedi
Have mid-30s makeover at fancy makeup store (I figure this is a good idea once a decade or so)
A few chores: wash all bedding, sort closet, etc.
Watch a bunch of movies
Work on my cross stitch project
Finish current TBR stack
Go to the city for T. medical test and hopefully a bit of city fun
Maybe a springtime hike in the hills
Oh yeah, and rest a bunch too

Who knows what I'll manage to do off that list, but mostly I intend to catch up on rest and really do a lot of soul-nourishing stuff so I feel actually rejuvenated. We were *hoping* to have our good news by now so we could celebrate, but alas. Still, can enjoy ourselves in any case.

flowers make it better

2010-04-16T10:54:00.001-07:00

I was in charge of purchasing and arranging flowers for a work-related event on Wednesday. So pretty. I think I need to go back to the flower market and get armfuls of lilacs for next week's vacation.

small ranty post so I can get on with my day

2010-04-16T09:14:00.000-07:00

Point #1: receiving a grumpy email first thing in the morning does not set a good tone for the day. If you see an email in your inbox and suspect it might be grump-inducing, save it for later. I'm just sayin'.

Point #2: These generic Facebook posts about Day of Prayer and Christmas Trees and Healthcare and all that stuff drive me crazy. They are all about getting people riled up, based on untruths, and never serve any purpose except to make people all righteous and uppity. What strikes me as ironic and also detrimental is that there are never any posts about, say, the awesomeness that is the separation of church and state, or the fact that anyone can have a Christmas tree and call it a Holiday Tree or Solstice Tree or anything they damn well please, because, hello, it's a FREE COUNTRY. That is what it means = you can say Happy Holidays if you don't celebrate Christmas. You can have an freaking St. Patty's Tree if you want. So why no Facebook posts saying, "I'm thrilled that my country holds millions of points of view and that we all get to learn from one another and increase our tolerance for "otherness"? This stuff drives me crazy.

Point #3: I am going on vacation on Sunday and apparently I need it, badly. Tears, anger, upset tummy, etc. All indications that perhaps a break is needed. One that includes a massage and a makeover and a trip to the museum and delicious smoothies and naps.

Yep, that's about the size of it.

Stress Eating a la NY Magazine

2010-04-15T18:00:00.000-07:00

(delicious latte from downtown Oakland... love the little heart on top!)

Does anyone else love to read that NY Magazine feature about what people eat during the week?

Like this one, or this one. They interview all kinds of people; I just happened to find two models, but it's not just about what models (don't) eat. I'm just fascinated by what people eat every day. I'm not talking about calories in and calories burned, I'm just talking about what people choose to eat every day. It's so interesting

I did a little experiment to see what I ate in the days leading up to the hearing. I was stressed, tired, wiped out and needed comfort food. This is about as bad as my eating gets. I can tolerate this sort of diet for about a week and then I start craving vegetables (see: the last dinner entry). I wrote down everything that I ate for a few days, but, same as the article, did not write down exact quantities. Also, a few notes here and there about what I was eating. I refuse to calculate calories or to judge myself: crappy times call for crappy food (sometimes).

Friday, April 9, 2010

Coffee + no-sugar-added hot chocolate mix (faux mocha)
Peppermint tea (plain, to combat tummy upset from coffee)
2 small granola bars
Taro bun (taro-stuffed sweet bun, brought in by sweet co-worker)
handful cocoa-covered almonds (were in the office kitchen, and were delicious)
Amy’s frozen beans-and-rice burrito
Small cup of coffee with cream
Small bag of potato chips
Giant salad (romaine, corn-onion mix, tomato, avocado, cilantro) (this was really good)

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Pop-tart (1) (we don't usually have Pop-Tarts and so forth in the house, but Terri has had a hard time eating much of anything, so we've been going for easy-to-eat high-calorie foods. Unfortunately, for me, they are very easy to grab in the morning.)
Granola and unflavored (plain) lowfat yogurt
Corn nuts (um, a lot of corn nuts. way too many corn nuts)
Tortilla and very light cheese sprinkling, melted in micro (babysitting food)
Couple bites BBQ chicken (don't usually eat chicken, but I sampled what the kids were eating. Two bites was enough for me)
Zero-cal flavored sparkling water (black raspberry)
Bowl of Weetabix cereal w/So Delicious (nondairy coconut “milk”) (got home and was starving)

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Pop-tart (the other one from the pack I opened the day before)
Coffee with evap. milk (I've been using evaporated milk rather than cream. Cheaper, lowfat, and tastes good)
Granola and plain yogurt
Salad with romaine, tomato, avocado, cilantro
Small handful Panda raspberry licorice
Pop-tarts (succumbed to the cherry poptarts again in the afternoon. We really have to get these out of the house)
Pizza (I decided to take the easy road and ordered pizza. Got roasted red pepper and garlic. Was delicious)

Monday, April 12, 2010

Pizza for breakfast (slice) (Terri can't eat pizza right now so it was up to me to finish it all)
Pizza for lunch (slice) (by now I am really sick of pizza)
Coffee with evap milk
2 pc chocolate
Last piece of pizza (thank god) (felt crappy by this time)
More Weetabix, with soymilk

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 (Morning of the hearing, didn't eat until we got home at 10 am)

Piece cranberry-orange bread (Terri's sister made this. It was amazing)
Small piece poundcake (she also brought a ton of other goodies, so I had to sample some)
Tea (plain)
Chocolate chip cookie (also from her sister... dang you, Liz!!)
Gigantic plate of steamed broccoli, carrots, Jasmine rice (I could not take any more sugar, flour, or processed food by this point. This plate of vegetables and rice tasted AMAZING!!)

Thoughts from the experiment:

Well, I know that this is a fairly skewed towards a highly-processed diet, which we usually do not eat. However, in times of great stress and exhaustion, apparently I am as susceptible as anyone to the easy and yummy, if sorta crappy. I also found that after eating all the dreck, I felt terrible and now just want to eat vegetables 24/7 for the next month.

High points: mmm, the salads were delicious. Need more of those. So yummy.

Low points: corn nuts and pop-tarts? you know it's bad when...

Onward to happy fresh spring eating and good news from the judge (crossing fingers!)

Book: Witches Abroad

2010-04-14T20:20:00.000-07:00

This is my first Terry Pratchett book (well, Terry Pratchett alone; I did read Good Omens, by him and Neil Gaiman). I knew a couple of things going into it: it was going to be funny, it was going to be fantasy, and that everyone adores Terry Pratchett. So how could it go wrong?

Well... it didn't!

It was a super-fun romp through Discworld, with witches Granny Weatherwax, Magrat Garlicke, and Nanny Ogg. When Magrat discovers that she is, in fact, a fairy godmother; and what's more, a fairy godmother with a mission to help fair Ella in far off Genua, the other two (slightly meddlesome, as of course the best witches would be) accompany her.

The witches must travel across Discworld. None of them have traveled much before, so they are constantly adjusting to 'foreigners.' Along the way, they fall in and out of various well-known stories. Gollum makes an appearance, as does Red Riding Hood, the wolf, Dracula, etc. They finally reach Genua (obviously modeled after New Orleans... with a bit of The Frog Prince and Cinderella thrown in for good measure) and must help Emberella ("Ella" or "Ember"), who does NOT wish to marry the prince. Unfortunately, she has TWO fairy godmothers: the good one, and the bad one. But which witch is which?

The only thing about this book is that I didn't immediately catch on that the whole thing was essentially parody after parody after parody, so at first I was like, "What is Gollum doing here?" The other thing is that sometimes this sort of humor, similar to Douglas Adams books or even Mel Brooks movies, sometimes doesn't really work for me. I don't know why... I have to be in just the right mood for this kind of playful absurdity.

I started off not in the right mood and so was unsure if the book was going to work for me, but by the time I finished the book, it was exactly what I needed. Silly and smart and playful and pun-y and joke after joke after joke. I was feeling so stressed and anxious that I really needed this sort of lighthearted, goodnatured fun.

So I ended up loving it.

With great relief.

After all, I have heard so many amazing things about Terry Pratchett and I didn't want to be the only one in the world not to "get" it! So, with a deep sigh of relief, I now include the amazing Terry Pratchett in my list of "Authors To Turn To In Times Of Need!" I am excited to read more Discworld novels.

...and the verdict is...

2010-04-13T11:14:00.000-07:00

...not in yet. Sigh. But, the thing is DONE!

The lawyer said it went as well as it could have gone, so that's encouraging. The judge said he believed Terri's testimony, and I think that after all is said and done they proved that Terri cannot work a 40-hour week, which is what we were there to prove. I did not have to testify, as the judge felt he had enough information without my additional testimony (which the lawyer interpreted as a good sign). So... although we did not get a ruling today, we feel fairly optimistic that Terri will receive a favorable ruling and get her full benefits.

We'll know anywhere from a week to 90 days; we'll get the results in the mail. Kinda frustrating, but at least it seems that things went well and it's DONE! Terri's sisters were there for support and overall, it went as well as we could have hoped.

So, keep those good thoughts coming and I'll let you know when we finally DO hear. :)

National Library Week

2010-04-12T16:55:00.001-07:00

Let's distract ourselves with a little rambly post about libraries, in celebration of National Library Week, shall we?

As any good book blogger worth her salt, I adore my local library and use it all the time. Like, weekly. Once I discovered that I could request books online and have them delivered -- for free -- to my local branch, I have been a frequent visitor to the little Piedmont Avenue library, which is, I think, both the smallest branch in Oakland but which also houses the largest collection of LGBT literature. Kind of awesome. Not that I read much LGBT lit (not sure why) but it's nice that's it's there. I always take a quick look in that section to see if anything looks interesting.

So, let's see. Let's do a Top 10 Rambly Facts about Daphne and Libraries:

From as far back as I can remember, I have used the library frequently. I learned to read very early and some of my earliest memories are of going to our little library (in my small town of 3000) and loading up with books. That was back in the days of stamping the cards and writing your name on the cards... there are still a lot of children's books in the Philomath collection with my name written on it multiple times.
We used to have those read-a-thon summer reading challenges and my librarian used to roll her eyes at me, because I usually reached the top count by around week two.
I volunteered at that same little local library a few summers when I was a teenager, helping kids do book-related crafts and such. I've always loved children's books and art, so the two together was an obvious choice for a summer volunteer job.
One time in college, I left my wallet in the city library bathroom. I was about to go on a trip so it was stuffed with cash (well, "stuffed" being a relative term since I was a college student). I realized that I had left it there in the middle of my Russian Literature final. Gah!! Thankfully, library patrons are wonderful people and someone returned it (all the cash intact)
The city library (in the larger town next to my small town) had a great reading room, full of big soft wingback chairs and tons of magazines. I used to go there and just read and be cozy when I had a break from class or before work (I worked at the newspaper and so worked in the afternoon/evening). Libraries need cozy reading rooms.
When I first moved to California, my local library (The Alameda Free Library) was housed in a really cool old building. Too bad it shut down within the first two months of my living here. The library moved to the high school temporarily, while the new library was constructed. I didn't go to the library much during this time. The temporary location was sort of depressing.
The new Alameda library is totally green -- insulated with shredded denim, uses solar panels, etc. It also has a nice little cafe inside and is an extremely cozy and nice library. I used it a lot until I moved to Oakland. I still go there sometimes on my lunch break from work (I work in Alameda).
The Oakland library system is so much larger than the Alameda system. I can find pretty much anything I want. Combine that resource with the Alameda library and the Berkeley library system, and there is an endless supply of books at my fingertips. Needless to say, I am delighted by this and take full advantage of it all the time.
My local library branch has been offering free handmade bookmarks at the checkout counter. I'm considering making up some and delivering them as I have taken and enjoyed quite a few myself. They are just simple cardboard bookmarks, sometimes just collaged paper or strips of children's art (which make lovely patterns), but it's fun to look to see what's available. I don't know who donates these. I think I'll make some on my vacation next week.
The final and most important fact about me and the library is that, well, I LOVE the library and would willingly lobby/fight/collect signatures/speak/go door-to-door for the library. There pretty much isn't anything else I would do these things for, but I consider the library a lifeline and I really don't know what I would do without it. I think I've only bought maybe two or three books (the "just for reading" kind, not reference books like health or cookbooks) in the past 2 years because of the library, and that certainly has helped my budget! It is a constant source of joy that I can get pretty much any book I want, for free, delivered to just a few blocks away, anytime. It's one of my favorite things ever.

So... hooray for libraries and hooray for Neil Gaiman, this year's Library Week Chair! Am currently watching the Neverwhere series and it's quite campy good fun.

Counting Down

2010-04-11T15:39:00.000-07:00

Well, we've got two days to go until the SSDI hearing on Tuesday morning. I have a pretty good feeling about it, but we could use all the help we could get, so if you have a minute and wouldn't mind sending some good thoughts our way for Tuesday morning, we'd appreciate it!

All the paperwork is filed, so all there is to do now is sit around and try not to be nervous. Ha!

I sincerely feel for anyone who has to go through this process. It completely, totally sucks to have to document all the things that you or your loved one can't do anymore, and to go over the entire awful story in detail, and then have someone judge whether or not you are really that disabled (or, presumably, just trying to "mooch off the system.") It's terrible. I will be so glad when it's over.

I'm actually doing pretty well. I'm tired, of course, and worried, but I really *do* have a good feeling, so I'm assuming that means the Universe is telling me that it will be fine and we'll have a favorable outcome. I really hope so. This is so important on so many levels. The income will help, of course, and then we'll be able to afford the $5500 OUT-OF-POCKET treatment that Terri needs (which is a bargain compared to the $20,000 it *could* cost if we went to Panama for it, which we won't be doing... yet). But it will really help Terri feel like she's contributing to our household, which is essential for someone who is such a 'do-er' as she is. Also, it would be very nice for me to have a little less pressure to keep working so much all the time. There is a lot at stake.

In preparation, we are spending today and tomorrow pretty much in bed. Of course I have work to do, but I'm doing it while resting in bed. We're having crazy stormy weather, so at least that's an excellent excuse to turn up the little heater, snuggle under the covers, put on a dumb movie and have some tea while getting my work done.

That's about it. We'll be single-mindedly trying to keep a lid on the anxiety and be thinking good thoughts. I will report back on Tuesday! With excellent, celebratory news, I'm sure.

Book: Auntie Mame

2010-04-09T08:43:00.001-07:00

"But darling... I'm your Auntie Mame!"

Oh, who wouldn't love an Auntie Mame? I know I would. A rich, fabulous, irreverent, eccentric, idealistic, open-minded, quirky loving auntie to sweep you up and love you and concoct wild schemes and always, always come through for you... when she isn't pulling you into unfortunate escapades or making you break school rules or throwing you into inappropriate parties, that is.

(but still, you know you love every minute of it)

I've only ever seen the Rosalind Russell movie, so it was fun to read the book and have Mame a bit more fleshed out and her sharp, quirky ways elaborated upon. Mame is not only all about life's banquet (where at, she says in the movie but not the book, "most poor bastards are starving to death."), but she is about Art and all the good things life has to offer ALL people, not only the rich and fabulous. I loved that about Mame: she is open-minded and accepting to a fault (except there is NEVER a fault in that).

Even in the 1930s and 40s (the book was published in 1955), Mame fought prejudice and closed-mindedness, as excellently portrayed in the scene with young-adult Patrick's intended in-laws (where they are discussing the prospect of a Jewish family moving to the property next door):

"Buster," Auntie Mame said, "What's come over you? They're charming people. She's very dark and vivacious and one of the best cooks in..."

"I'll bet she's dark and vivacious. A greasy, thick-lipped, loud-mouthed little..."

"Oh, but you're all wrong there. Sylvia's divine, really, and Abe went to Harvard in the same class with Samuel..."

"You mean you really know these people?" Mr. Upson asked.

"But of course. He has a marvelous job with..."

"But they're Jews."

"Well, certainly they're Jews. She's related somehow to Rabbi Wise and he..."

"Can't you get it through your thick head that they're JEWS? That they want to move in right next to ME?" Mr. Upson said.

(more vile vitriol from Mr. Upson, and then...)

"Just how many Jews do you know personally, Claude?"

"I know all I want to, " he screamed. "Pushy, bossy, aggressive, loud..."

"As loud as you're being at this moment?"

"Goddamn it! I'm talking about a pack of kikes moving in and rubbing shoulders with nice people -- decent people!"

"And this is an example of your nicety? Your decency? ... I've known dozens of Jews in my life and it has also been my sorry experience to have heard quite a few gentiles who have talked about Jews as you do. I know all the adjectives -- all of them. Jews, you will tell me, are Mean, Pushy, Avaricious, Possessive, Loud, Vulgar, Garish, Bossy people. But I've yet to meet one, from the poorest pushcart vendor on First Avenue to the richest philanthropist on Fifth Avenue, who could hold a candle to you when it comes to displaying all of those qualities."

Wow. You tell him, Mame! I wanted to stand up and clap when I read this. To me, this is as good as any example of why it's so important continue to fight bigotry and ignorant hate, in whatever form it comes across your path. People who spew this sort of small-minded idiotic opinions are, as far as I'm concerned, simply reflecting the yuckiness inside themselves. And they need to be called on it, every single time. This sort of hatred creates evil in the world and we need as little of it as possible.

Anyway. Along with being pure liberal awesomeness, Mame is funny, vulnerable, fashionable, fabulous, loving, unrealistic, and pure fun. I loved reading this book and actually feel I learned a lot about how to conduct oneself in life. Even when you have lost everything ("Everything, darling!"), one must continue to go out and fight and do the very best you can, and what's more, help everyone you meet in whatever way you are able.

Mame is not perfect, not at all, and could be extremely maddening. And yet... how can you not love someone so full of life and goodwill and charm? Loved it, every sentence.

Fun fact: the author seems fascinating as well. A bohemian bisexual man, set loose in New York City (while still attempting to maintain a wife and children), he eventually retired from writing bestselling novels and became an "exemplary butler" to elite families in West Palm Beach and Chicago. So, apple perhaps not falling far from tree, if we can consider Mame an apple. (she's more of a peach, really)

random!

2010-04-08T07:31:00.000-07:00

(I like this building, near North Beach, in SF. I wonder what the apartment upstairs is like...)

A few random thoughts:

1. We are watching the last season of Buffy. Note to people who have not watched Buffy yet -- you MUST watch Buffy (no question) but be aware that the first half of the first season is a little slow, but then it gets REALLY good very quickly, so stick with it. And, I am being reminded, the last season is also a little slow and actually sort of depressing. But we need to see it through to the end. The middle 5 1/2 seasons are completely, totally amazing. YOU MUST WATCH IT.

2. I'm on a madcap reading spree. Finishing Auntie Mame right now, and heading straight for Jeeves and Wooster. I need a little madcap to keep me from fidgeting and being anxious about next Tuesday.

3. We have GOT to start eating something other than plain pasta (for Terri) or 3-ingredient quickie meals (me). Although strangely I really don't seem to mind. It's nice to take a break from cooking so much sometimes. However, it's spring and veggies must be consumed.

4. I'm really, really tired. Have I mentioned this before? Yeah. Tired. My walking buddy (Jenn) and I are trying to walk three nights a week (about 3 miles each time). This is great. We are walking (maybe jogging some of it) the Bay to Breakers race in May (with my BFF Erin, who is coming down for it) so we have to keep doing it, but really all I want to do is come home and get in bed. Three nights a week is feeling like a lot, even though it's actually not that much. Have I mentioned that I will be glad when next Tuesday is over?

We seem to be on minimal-use autopilot right now, just sort of skimming along until we know what next Tuesday will bring. That's okay, that's exactly what we need to be doing right now. Still, I'll be happy when we can start househunting in earnest, when we can eat more vegetables and real meals, and when I can devote more energy to my own fun stuff. It's been a really long year and a half of hard work and creative frugal-izing, and while I'm eternally grateful that I have the skills, talents, and knowledge to have made it work so well, I'll be happy to be able to relax just a wee bit.

good things

2010-04-06T18:22:00.000-07:00

A few happy things:

* I have recently become (slightly) obsessed with Amanda Palmer and her various endeavors. I saw that her new project, Evelyn Evelyn, is coming to San Francisco in May, and I thought to myself, "Boy, I would love to go see that." And then I thought, "Well, why the hell not?" So today I bought tickets! My friend Shea is going to go with me. I can't wait.

* I finished a painting! I'm sitting with it for a few days to see if it's really done or if it needs a little more tweaking. When it's really done, I'll post pictures. I tried abstract. I like it. I'm, as usual, terrified that it's crap. But really, who cares if it's crap? I mean really. Does it matter? Not at all. Who's to say if it's crap or not? Hello, earth to Daphne, you are not Picasso.

* Am currently reading Auntie Mame and enjoying every sentence. We all need an Auntie Mame. Or maybe we need to be Auntie Mame.

* Terri has talked things out with her doctor and feels MUCH better about things. There were some major problems with the office staff and he also admitted his own responsibility in the lack of response that had been happening. After apologizing sincerely multiple times, we forgave him and she feels good about him again. It's so frustrating when there aren't any answers... you never know what to think. Anyway... there is an exciting new treatment that she's going to try in May (or maybe June/July). It could be a big deal. Crossing fingers. In the meantime, it's enough to have faith in her doctor again. It was also a good lesson for us (for me, at least) in having faith and withholding judgment.

* We watched the Ram Dass documentary Fierce Grace. Wow, that was powerful. We both cried and cried through it, both tears of sadness and empathy, and the sort of tears which come when you are deeply moved by something. Anyway, we loved it. I knew nothing about Ram Dass before this, but now we feel like that spiritual door has been pushed open a wee bit more. So that's sort of exciting too.

* We just got a Netflix player (actually, it's a Blu-Ray DVD player, with NetFlix streaming capability). Woo! It's pretty fun. Our old DVD player broke, and we decided to splurge a little and get the fancy-pants gadget. Terri's home all day long and I keep thinking, if I were home all day long, I would want to be able to watch whatever the heck I wanted, and it would be awfully nice if it looked good and didn't skip or crap out on you. Yippee for new toys! This NetFlix streaming thing is pretty cool.

That's about it. On a little upswing. The hearing is in a week and we are filled with good, hopeful thoughts. Please keep us in your good thoughts this week, through to next Tuesday.

Book: The Te of Piglet

2010-04-04T01:42:00.000-07:00

Hmm.

Well, as the residents of the Hundred Acre Wood might say, this was Not What I Expected.

I really, really wanted to like this book. But I was continually, um, Rather Surprised that I didn't. It was a little Heavy Handed. I felt rather Beat Upon The Brow With An Iron Skillet.

I haven't read The Tao of Pooh (and I'd still like to, even though I was sadly disappointed in Piglet's book), but for the uninitiated, basically these are books explaining the main tenets of Taoism through the simple stories of Pooh And Friends. A wee bit precious, but I love classic Pooh, so I thought, why not?

Piglet, being A Very Small Animal, apparently embodies the taoist principle of Virtue very well. Being small, brave (in spite of being afraid), being helpful to everyone and not Making A Big Deal of things... all piglet-y goodness. I can get behind all this.

However, the author, Benjamin Hoff, seems to be rather on A High Horse throughout, railing against Confucianism, feminism, capitalism, conservatives, critics, computers... for all his talk about avoiding the Eeyores of the world, I started to wonder if the pot was perhaps calling the kettle a Wee Bit Black.

My first clue was when he started talking about the Eeyore Amazons. (really? Amazons?) "They are emotionally descended from the Puritans -- those grim souls who considered femininity No Good, along with art, music, dancing, singing, the natural world, and practically everything else that makes life enjoyable." Ok, so far, so good (sort of). But then he goes on to say, "As do a number of other people (us included), the Eeyore Amazons call themselves feminists. But the word doesn't quite fit them, somehow. They don't like femininity. Instead, they covet masculinity. Strange. Very strange."

We might also say, "Condescending. Very condescending." Basically, he doesn't like the so-called Femi-nazis (a term which really bugs me anyway -- he doesn't use this term, but clearly this is the group he's talking about). "Beyond their antimasculine words, it's Over-Masculinity as usual... they break up Men's Clubs... then they establish Women's Clubs, to which men are not invited. They accuse men of being sexist, but then they behave like sexists. They say they want Sensitive Men. When they encounter such men, they shove them about."

Wow. I didn't and don't even know what to think about this. I'm all for women (and men) embracing both sides of the coin: masculine and feminine. I'm all for men being softer and more grounded, and women being more powerful and in-charge (while still being able to do a damn cross-stitch if they feel like it). But while I agree that certain militant feminists are obnoxious and kind of perpetuate the problem, I'm not really sure why they are drawing such ire, since the reason that most extremely strong feminists feel they must overcompensate is because, hello, the balance of power is still heavily weighted in the corner of Men, sensitive or no.

I don't know if this story reinforces or negates my point, but it reminded me rather strongly and uncomfortably of a time when I was in college and had made friends with the leader of the rather small and goofy LGBT group on campus. I liked her at first, and then... well, the tide sort of shifted and pretty soon I was being recruited to help with the Take Back The Night event. I am ALL for these sorts of events -- women (and everyone) should feel safe walking to their cars, etc. at night. But she wanted to ban men from the event, which just seemed silly to me. She asked me for my opinion about whether or not men should come (looking for support, I assume), and I said that I felt like we needed all the help we can get, so men should be involved. Well. That was the end of that friendship. Which is stupid.

So I don't know what my point is, except to say that it annoyed me (both that event and this book). It even annoyed me when he railed against things upon which I actually agreed with him, such as the hypocrisy of (many) conservatives, the Gulf War(s), anti-environmentalism, etc. Mostly because he was using this sort of light, charming, fluffy shell (Piglet) to really be quite vitriolic in his own way against these groups. Which seems to me to be Kind Of The Same Thing.

While I was hoping for some Enlightenment, I got a Rant. I would put this Rant in the same category as Woozles and Heffalumps. "To Be Avoided."

The author might want to take a look at the Eeyore-mindset his is railing against, and then look in the mirror.

Speaking of Eeyore, Hoff is pretty hard on our favorite gloomy donkey. I felt like he was taking this character and twisting it and making Eeyore somehow unlovable. Come on! We all love Eeyore! We want to snuggle him! Not vilify him! Yes, he's gloomy and sad, but isn't compassion one of the main points of Taoism?

Anyway. I ended up not liking this book at all, although I did enjoy the actual Taoist stories, and I do want to read the Tao of Pooh. I also was reminded that there is a Taoist Center in Oakland and I want to go try their free meditation classes.

So, if you are feeling like you want an ally to rant with, by all means, pick up Te of Piglet. But otherwise, I'd skip it.

Quarterly Update; and, thoughts on creativity

2010-04-03T06:09:00.000-07:00

Well, here we are, already just over a quarter of the way through the year. Taking a cue from corporate culture, here's a quarterly report on yours truly:

House Buying:

Oh, Oakland, you are breaking my heart. As much as we want to stay here, I'm not sure we're going to be able to buy in Oakland.

Our choices are:

* crappy condos in (sometimes) OK (meh) neighborhoods

* falling-down dumps in OK (meh) neighborhoods

* incredibly adorable renovated perfect charmers in extremely dangerous neighborhoods (painful to see these and then look at crime reports)

or sometimes

* incredibly tiny one-bedroom condo jewels in decent neighborhoods

None of these really fit what we're looking for. So, we're looking east. Either we stay where we are (nice retro 1-bedroom apartment in fantastic neighborhood which we adore) and don't buy anything, or we move farther out to various suburbs. Which isn't a bad option, just... far.

So, we are temporarily not really looking. We'll wait until the SSDI hearing to see what we've got to work with. And then start touring.

Art and Such

Who knew I was such a wimp? As previously noted, our house is COLD. There are no heaters in the room I use as art studio, and if I plug in a heater, it's a 50/50 chance that the fuse will blow (yes, fuses. See: retro apartment). So. It's been cold and rainy for a really long time now (which I like in theory, but not when our house is freezing) and so... i haven't been painting. However, I have one in progress. I decided to start playing around with abstracts, just to get creative-juices flowing (aside: does anybody else cringe when people over-use the word juicy? Bleck.) I was doing really good with it... and then I over-did it. So time to backtrack. And maybe turn it upside down. And try some gold leaf. Gold leaf makes everything better, don't you think?

A few more words on creativity: sometimes it just KILLS me that I'm not messing around with art stuff every single day. Wasting time! Wasting talent! Waste! Waste! It breaks my own heart that I do this to myself.

And yet: Cold! Worried! Working really, really hard! Really, really tired! Those things suck up creative energy very quickly.

Still, as soon as it warms up, am totally going to resume at least one night a week of art, plus at least one afternoon per weekend of art. That should help. I may have to move my target of "art show" (meaning: have something up in a public space) back a few months, but that's okay.

My other idea, which was a cookbook, has been put on-hold as my energy is being eaten up by all this other stuff. Not ditching that idea yet, however. Just... rationing out energy.

Other Stuff:

Feeling pretty good about progress in other areas.

* I got both of my websites updated (although I am seriously not happy with the graphic design one and will be redesigning as soon as I figure out my options). Have been wanting to do this for over a year, so Yay Me!

* Despite feeling discouraged, the ball is actually rolling in house-buying arena. Major accomplishment.

* Despite feeling mad at myself, I'm thinking more about art than I have in a long time. I think as soon as I have warmth/energy/can quit worrying, I'll make some real progress.

* Have had better luck with books so far this year. Am enjoying just reading "whatever I want."

* Am feeling like after the SSDI hearing, I'm going to hop right back into that "Make Stuff Happen" mode and start... well, making stuff happen.

* Although lately I have been really very tired and kinda crabby, my optimism remains firmly in place (only falling off the tracks every once in awhile). We have approximately one more week until the hearing, and then we'll know what's what.

***

A few more thoughts on creativity.

I have been thinking about what sorts of things foster creativity. I look at my own world and I see that although I have a very full, rich reading life, and I am great with cooking creatively, I'm not doing a whole lot visually. I don't go to art shows, I don't go to museums, I don't look at art books, I don't read artist biographies.

There seems to be two schools of thought about this sort of thing. One is: don't look at anybody else's stuff, because you'll either start comparing yourself (and get paralyzed) or become overly influenced (and become unoriginal). The other school says to surround yourself with creative stimuli all the time: books, people, shows, classes, etc.

I've been in a visual vacuum for awhile, so I'm going to try the other way and see how that goes. I got some books on abstract art (more instructional than theory), and I need to make a point of going around to local galleries and just seeing what's there. There is an Art Murmur in Oakland on the first Friday of the month, so maybe I ought to start going to that sometimes as well.

I know part of why I don't do these things is because it breaks my heart to do them without Terri, but maybe I can do them sometimes anyway, just an hour or two here and there.

So, as spring starts to warm things up around here, I'm going to try and step out of my own box.

And I PROMISE to not start "marinating" in my own "juicy" creativity while "honoring" my "authentic self." People! Use regular words!!!

(have I said lately that this tiredness is making me slightly crabby?)

in which our author has an Idea

2010-04-02T06:38:00.000-07:00

So, I'm sure other people have thought of this before me, but I saw Eva's post with the adorable pink cottage, and got to thinking: wouldn't it be fun to have a book blogger retreat? Nothing like BlogHer or anything crazy like that, but something warm and intimate and cozy.

Other bloggers (crafty, small-business types, mostly) seem to have retreats all the time. They always sound fun, but kind of vaguely intimidating. Is it just me? Anyway.

So I was thinking, what if I organized something actually relaxing? Like a slumber party for grownup girls who love books? The only criteria would be that you needed to love books, and either love reading book blogs or have one of your own. (I wouldn't be real strict about this)

(eventually I would love to do a week-long summer camp for book lovers. Now wouldn't THAT be fun!)

My loose idea:

Rent a lovely cottage or house somewhere fun, like Calistoga. Something like this?
That way, there are plenty of spa experiences available for those who want them. I could organize a few day trip options.
Lounging at the cottage (maybe there would be a pool?) would also be an option.
Other activities could include a "book club" where we all read a specified book in advance and then one evening have a "meeting" where we talk about the book in detail.
Book swap?
Book art project?
Perhaps it might be arranged around an author-speaking date?
Lots of time for reading!
Game of Authors in the evening
Featuring of course fabulous food and coffee and literary gossip and possibly book-theme movie-viewing

What do you think? Doesn't that sound nice? Maybe it's just me, craving some relaxing time to just lounge around with my books, and maybe have some yummy food and a massage.

I don't know many bloggers here on the west coast, but I *could.* And maybe this could be enticing enough to lure folks from elsewhere.

Thinking, thinking, thinking...

joke of all jokes? (possible TMI!)

2010-04-01T10:42:00.000-07:00

Happy April Fool's Day!

We're all friends here, right? So: true confession. Most of my life I've had some sort of foot-and/or-toenail fungus thingie happening. I blame growing up in Oregon and wearing soggy shoes most of the year. Anyway, aside from being a minor annoyance, I've never really thought much about it. It never goes away, right?

So, without going into detail, I have a new incentive to get rid of it once and for all. The doctor would like me to go on Lamisil, and recommended getting rid of all my shoes.

Let me repeat that: getting rid of all my shoes.

Why could this not have happened when I was in college and had, like, three pairs of ratty shoes, all of which I hated? I finally grew up and now have a lovely shoe collection, all nicely cared for. You get older, you buy better shoes. As in, more-expensive shoes. Which you intend to keep for many years.

I have to go back in next week for the test results and prescription, and I will clarify this with him. Do I have to get rid of ALL my shoes? All of them? Really? Or can I salvage the ones I only wear rarely, all my pretty dress-up shoes? I'm okay with replacing the ones I wear most often. That would be probably 3-4 pairs, maybe 5. Expensive, but, okay. Worth it. I'm not sure I can get rid of ALL of them. There's got to be an alternative, even if it means doing some sort of treatment before and after wearing them (since I only wear them each a couple times a year).

On the plus side: shoe shopping! (he said he wished he could write me a prescription for Nordstrom's). On the down side: expensive!

Well, this will get me to do some serious shoe-sorting, anyway.

And come this summer, I will have the cutest, prettiest feet EVAR.

let's not get crazy now

2010-04-01T06:46:00.000-07:00

...but I redid my pet-sitting website too. Ahhh! So freaking cute!

I have to say that Yahoo's site-building software (site-builder) is SO MUCH EASIER than GoDaddy's (which I used for my graphic design site, and which I am not very happy with).

Dilemma. I already paid for my GoDaddy site (for TWO YEARS. I was thinking positively, what can I say? Thankfully, it was cheap). But it's really not the greatest, I'm not too happy with the design, and it's frustrating to work with. I am tempted to chalk it up to experience and trash it and rebuild it in Site Builder. What does a frugal small-business owner do? Sigh.

Anyway. I'm very happy with my cutie-pie petsitting site. I think I need new business cards now.

Book: The Lace Reader

2010-03-31T09:35:00.000-07:00

This was this month's book-club pick. We met and discussed last night. Here's the consensus:

What We Liked:

We loved the fantastic sense of place: modern-day Salem, Massachusetts. A very good feel for being a "local" in a very touristy town (not unlike living in San Francisco or any other highly popular city). A fantastic family mystery told in a page-turning style. A sympathetic and interesting main character. We all really enjoyed the book, being completely caught up in the story.

Towner (real name: Sophya) is called back to Salem when her great-aunt (or is she her grandmother? another point of discussion last night) is missing. After having escaped Salem for so long (after innumerable family tragedies), Towner is loathe to return. However, she does, and is immediately swept back into her family drama. Having lost her twin sister when she was a teenager, Towner recoils from reconnecting with her past. But her past rushes up to greet her in the form of bewildered, heartbroken ex-boyfriends; horrifyingly abusive ex-uncles; reclusive, isolated mothers; and a deep mystery that just won't die.

What We Didn't Love So Much:

This book, while totally engrossing and enjoyable, was plagued by red herrings, trails to nowhere, and a confusing family tree. We spent a long time trying to figure out how everyone was related, and puzzling over the timeline of events. The main character, Towner, is admittedly an unreliable narrator (which leads to a big twist at the end, which I totally did not see coming, but other people picked up on clues more than I did), which makes the entire story the tiniest bit murky, but never once were we bored, or uninterested in the story.

We wanted more about "lace reading" -- fortune-telling, using hand-tatted lace. We wanted more explanation about what exactly happened at certain points. We wanted resolution for some of these tantalizing side journeys which were never completed.

In spite of all these small flaws, it was agreed: we all completely enjoyed the book.

**

Pardon the terrible book review, but I am tired and unable to really come up with more to say about it. It was good. It would fall under the category of "great for travel" or "good vacation book" or "enjoyable vaguely gothic page-turner with a touch of romance, mystery, suspense."

Book club, however, was fantastic. Great dinner, lovely friends, interesting discussion. I nearly fell asleep by 9:30 (even after a double espresso) so had to call it quits before I wanted to, but it was a lovely evening.

Next book pick is still TBA. Her Fearful Symmetry was tossed out as a suggestion, and I threw The Little Stranger into the ring as well. A few others were named... we'll know by the end of the week what it'll be.

Will now stop babbling incoherently. Ta!

Book: Forests of the Heart

2010-03-30T09:35:00.000-07:00

I was in a bit of a reading pickle, having read all my library books and not knowing what to read next, when I remembered I had this de Lint tucked away on my bookshelf, for "emergencies." Charles de Lint! Always good in a reading emergency.

I'd picked this one up once or twice before, but for some reason couldn't get into it. However, this time it "took" and, as per usual when reading de Lint, was instantly swept up and away to Newford, where nobody does blending of myth, magic, and urban realism like de Lint.

Bettina San Miguel, a Mexican-Indian (meaning Mexican Indian, I think) healer, has found herself in Newford, living in an eclectic artists' retreat, doing modeling for the artists and creating small healing charms for the residents. She is unsure what she is doing here, until one day she looks out the back window and sees a group of men standing around in the yard. She senses magic clinging to them, although they appear to be ordinary, slightly rough dark men. Through a series of rather dramatic events, it is revealed that they are actually homeless, roaming Irish spirits, brought over from the Old Country with the immigrants, now becoming harder and angrier and fiercer as they hatch plans to take the New World land from the native spirits which currently reside here.

There were many storylines interweaving closer and closer together until they all came together in a single focal point, and all of them were interesting. However, unlike de Lint's older novels, I didn't feel as though there was quite as much introspection within the characters this time. I felt as though there were a few (small, but noticeable) holes in the character's inner lives (as revealed to us, anyway). For instance, Ellie, a sculptor who plays a key role in the book, apparently carries an astounding amount of power/magic inside her. She has been completely unaware of this until Bettina tells her... and even though she and her magic are essential to the story, we don't feel her magic. She never quite feels it either... apparently it just exists, whether she knows it or not.

Which is what I assume happens usually anyway in real life. We all carry power and magic within us, and often we have no idea. But, when reading about it, I'd like to have a feeling of revelation, of magic blossoming. Still, that's a small quibble.

Lots of action in this book, and lots of old familiar characters popping up here and there. I really enjoyed this book, more than I thought I would. It was sort of sad, however. Blending Celtic, Mexican, and Native American myths and spiritualism, I learned a lot while being completely engrossed in the story.

One part in particular really got to me. In Bettina's past, she was trained in brujera, magical healing arts, by her grandmother, in the New Mexico deserts. As part of her training, she was introduced to the myth-time, where the spirits live. On her first solo visit to the myth-time, she encounters a small band of brightly-colored los cadejos, spirit-dogs. She is drawn to them, as they play and sing, so lively and cheerful. And yet, they are homeless, and wish nothing more than to have a home, to have someone know them. Bettina invites them and they leap into her chest, to be carried about with her always... until a tragedy turns her away from all spirit dogs, and they leave her. With an empty heart.

In the end, they are reunited. This is what made me so happy and broke my heart, all at the same time.

"Have you though more of our bargain?" she asked. "What you would like in return for the help you gave me?"
"Si. We want you to be our friend."
Bettina laughed and shook her head. "We are already friends."
"We want to be friends forever."
"That is not something friends bargain over," Bettina told them.
"That is all we want."
"Nothing more."
"!Nada, Nada, Nada!"
"But you have this already," Bettina said.
"Then we are content."
"Here in the forest of your heart."
"Where we have our beautiful home."
"La casa del cadejos."
"We are content."

For some reason this made me think of our sweet Tiger Lily, whom I found as a little lost kitty, desperate for a home and love. She adopted me instantly and I fell in love with her on the spot. She left us, too soon, last September and I still find myself in tears often, missing her deeply. She was such a presence in our home and hearts. After finishing this book, late at night, I just cried and cried. I know she is living in my heart and keeping close tabs on us, but I still want her back, every day.

Anyway. This was a great book, and if you like de Lint, you'll love this one as well. I wouldn't start here, however. Still, it reminded me of this little idea inside which has been tugging at me, saying that it wants to go to the desert. We will see. I am needing wide open spaces and clean air and quiet dark nights with brilliant stars. I'm not generally a desert person (preferring forests) but this has been nagging at me for awhile. Who knows what the next year will bring?

I'm so tired and this SSDI crap is taking its toll on us. I've said it before and I'll say it again; I can't wait for April 13th so we can finally take a step forward. I'm exhausted (Terri is beyond exhausted) and trying to just keep my sights on what's immediately in front of me, placing a temporary hiatus on all worries, plans, "shoulds" and wishes. Two more weeks. We can do it.

library books and stuff

2010-03-26T06:55:00.000-07:00

Apparently I have worn myself out lately. I woke up on Thursday with a tummyache, felt horribly unrested, so decided to stay in bed a wee bit longer. A "wee bit" turned into 2-3 hours, and by the time I checked my email again my lovely boss had kindly suggested perhaps I just take the day off to rest. I took her advice. I think there is a lot of background stress happening and I'm having trouble slowing everything down enough to keep up with it all, so I end up spinning and spinning late into the night and not getting enough rest, etc. So, I rested. I slept in, then went to the library and got some great stuff:

Tropic of Cancer, Henry Miller. Have always wanted to read this. It popped off the shelf at me, so I figured it was time. Or, at least, time to bring it home and see how it goes. You know how it is with library books. Paris in the 30s; debauchery. Sign me up!
Witches Abroad, Terry Pratchett. The only Pratchett I've read so far is Good Omens, which of course I liked a whole lot but didn't lose my mind over, to the dismay of Pratchett/Gaiman fans the blogging-world over... still, was reminded by my walking buddy last night that he's very much worth reading, so I decided to give it a try. Can I just leap into Discworld or should I start somewhere else rather than here?
Carry On, Jeeves, PG Wodehouse. Another classic author which I've never read. I started to read Remains of the Day last night, but it was just feeling too sad and melancholy (although of course beautifully written), so I decided to just return it and try again in a few months. However, I do love English-butler stories, so Jeeves and Wooster will be perfect, I think.
The Third Man, Graham Greene. Another author I've seen in library shelves FOREVER. My walking buddy (from hereon called Jenn) also recommended Greene. This looked not-too-taxing and sort of noir-ish and fun. I think actually I've seen the movie, now that I think about it. But it was so long ago, I have no idea what the book is about, but I'm sure I'll enjoy it.
The Te of Piglet, Benjamin Hoff. Because come on, it's Piglet! Perhaps a little Taoist Piglet-y philosophy will help carry me through until April 13. I like Taoist writings. This also just leapt off the shelf into my hand, so... how could I refuse? Also, anything classic-Pooh-related makes me happy.

As I said, I had started to read Remains of the Day last night, but although it was beautifully written and although I could tell that I would like it (someday), I really need something not so slow and melancholy. I'm a little overtired, overstressed, overworried (all of this sort of in the background... I'm not fully aware of worrying and stressing, but I am tired and feeling distracted, so am taking body cues and assuming I am all of these things). I need something interesting, fun, on the light side (but still worth reading). Luckily I already had a copy of Charles de Lint's Forests of the Heart, which I've been saving for an emergency. I picked it up last night and it's, of course, perfect. This particular story seems to be especially perfect for some reason. Good enough. Thank you, yet again, Mr. de Lint.

Also, a kind blogging friend suggested I read some Jane Hirshfield, which I will be requesting from the library since my local branch didn't have any today.

So, armed with a stack of excellent books, we hunker down to wait out the last few weeks before this dang hearing and getting on with the rest of the year already!

Book: PUSH

2010-03-24T20:52:00.000-07:00

And now for something completely different.

As per my usual habit when a novel-based movie gets good reviews, I want to read the book before watching the movie. I know the movie is pretty intense, so I was prepared for an intense book.

And it was intense. And dense. And spare, at the same time. A little like the life it describes.

Claireece Precious Jones is 16 years old and lives with her abusive mother in Harlem. She has already had one child (at 12) by her father. She is obese, illiterate, falling to the bottom of a well of a million poverties. And yet... she wants to be more. Despite the fact that she cannot read, she likes school. She likes math. She wants to do well. If only... how?

Despite being pregnant with her second child (again by her father), she starts to do well at the new school her social worker has referred her to. Her teacher takes an interest in her, and she flourishes, learning to read, learning to write. She shows signs of being a poet.

Once she has her second baby, she starts to make big changes. She lives in a half-way house. She refuses contact with her horrible mother. She takes care of her child. And then... she finds out that her father has just died of AIDS. And she has to take the test, herself.

What more can you pile upon a single girl? Unfortunately, I know that this book is not an exaggeration for too many kids in this country. That alone makes me very sad. It's not an easy book to read. It's not an easy thought to have resting in your head.

Was the book good? Yes. Did I like it? I don't know. But it was worth reading.

Written by poet Sapphire, I am not quite sure what I think about the language, since I am completely ignorant of whether it feels true or not. Still, it was interesting.

"...My name? Precious Jones. Claireece Precious Jones to be exact. Birth date? November 4, 1970. Where? "Here," I say, "right chere in Harlem Hospital." "Nineteen seventy?" the nurse say confuse quiet. Then she say, "How old are you?" I say, "Twelve." I was heavy at twelve too, nobody get twelve 'less I tell them. I'm tall. I jus' know I'm over two hundred 'cause the needle on the scale in the bathroom stop there it don't can go no further. Last time they want to weigh me at school I say no. Why for, I know I'm fat. So what. Next topic for the day."

"I have to say sometimes I hate my muver. She don't love me. I wonder how she could love Little Mongo (thas my daughter). Mongo sound Spanish, don't it? Yeah, thas why I chose it, but what it is is short for Mongoloid Down Sinder, which is what she is; sometimes what I feel I is. I feel so stupid sometimes. So ugly, worth nuffin'. I could just sit here wif my muver everyday wif the shades drawed, watching TV, eat, watch TV, eat. Carl come over fuck us'es. Go from room to room, slap me on my ass when he through, holler WHEE WHEE! Call me name Butter Ball Big MamaTwo Ton of Fun. I hate hear him talk more than I hate fuck."

It's not a gentle book. It's harsh but good reading.

I am not at all sure I want to see the movie, however. Sometimes these things are more difficult to watch than they are to read about.

Anyway. That sort of wore me out. I have Remains of the Day sitting here waiting to be read, but it's actually already overdue at the library, so maybe I should choose something else. I have Of Human Bondage, or that medieval mystery I never finished, or a couple other books which looked good until I got them home, and a whole stack of romantic/historical fantasy which a friend lent me (I'm always ambivalent about romance, but the books look fun...). What I want to read is more E. Von Arnim, and Auntie Mame, which I just requested from the library. I also need to make my Once Upon A Time challenge list, but I am plumb out of energy for that. It will happen this weekend.

Sigh. Well, maybe I'll read Remains of the Day since I won't be returning it until Saturday at least anyway. May as well. I wish it were Room With A View.

restoring my faith in humanity

2010-03-24T09:21:00.000-07:00

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Conservative Libertarian

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show Full Episodes

Political Humor

Health Care Reform

(if it doesn't play and you haven't seen it yet and want to, click here)

Also, I had written a, um, well, rather emotional response to that post on Facebook. I try to keep my mouth shut, but I have to say, when I read these upsetting, inflammatory conservative opinions (there are some rational ones, of course, but mostly the people speaking up are interested drawing direct lines from Obama to Hitler. People. COME. ON. That is so not okay.) -- that poem keeps running through my mind:

"THEY CAME FIRST for the Communists,

and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.

THEN THEY CAME for the Jews,

and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.

THEN THEY CAME for the trade unionists,

and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.

THEN THEY CAME for the Catholics,

and I didn’t speak up because I was a Protestant.

THEN THEY CAME for me

and by that time no one was left to speak up."

I strongly believe that I have to speak up when things are being said or done that I don't feel is right. I know that's what the extremist conservatives are doing, and that's totally fine. We have freedom of speech, even and especially when I don't agree with what's being said. However, I don't want them to be the only voice speaking.

Enter Jon Stewart. Thank you!!!

healthcare rant

2010-03-23T18:45:00.000-07:00

A comment on Facebook:

"I think many of you miss points in this bill. Of course its great for people to have insurance who have been denied, but that is what jobs are for..you are insured from your place of work. For those of you who can work get a job. We as Americans should not be made to have health insurance and then we are penalized if we refuse health insurance this bill is out rageous! Why not pass a bill for those who cannot work with the promise of health coverage..thats all that should have been done. I am someone who has many pre-existing health issues..many do you hear me say yay! No you don't nor will you. I have a job that covers me. Just another way to divide and then the Pres will come in and conqure and our world will me so much worse that I believe many of you acan't even begin to understand"

What?

1. Um, sorry, but not everyone can work. And not every job provides health coverage. And not every health coverage offered is affordable, because not every job pays a living wage.

2. You as an American are made to pay for car insurance and house insurance. What -- you don't WANT health insurance? Clearly you are someone who has never been without insurance and faced a life-threatening illness or injury. All it takes is the slip of a knife, a moment's ill-attention at the wheel, or a microscopic virus. And then your life will be ruined if you don't have health coverage.

3. I'd rather conquer the world through universal health care than war. Just sayin'.

4. I have to giggle a little at the image of World Dictator Obama making the world "so much worse that many of us can't even begin to understand." Yeah. That's going to happen.

This stuff makes my head hurt. People do not get how important this is. I for one am happy to pay higher taxes so that my fellow tea-partying, birther anti-choice Americans can quit worrying about health coverage.

Maybe I'm feeling extra-stressed because of the impending SSDI hearing, but this just burns me up. Fine. Go hide in a bunker and hoard food and explosives. I'll be out here working my ass off for your Social Security and Medicare which you are loathe to give up, even as you acknowledge that they are flawed. Kinda like the healthcare bill.

lawyers, doctors, and politicians

2010-03-22T18:41:00.000-07:00

(and pretty green and white foliage)

Today was a very long day.

We got up early (early for Terri is 9 am -- it's hard for her to even function before 11) and got ready to go see Terri's SSDI lawyer. Her hearing is April 13th, so it's getting close. I got to meet the lawyer for the first time; I liked him a lot. The meeting wasn't exactly fun: we were prepping for the hearing, so Steve (the lawyer) wanted to go over everything. Which meant telling him (again -- for his final notes) everything about how the CFS has affected Terri. Which was hard. It wasn't very fun for everyone to examine in detail, with specific examples, how Terri went from being a star Ph.D student, highly-valued employee and much-loved therapist to being bed-ridden for up to 20 hours per day. It was hard not to cry, but we kept it together. I think he feels pretty good about the hearing, which is good. If she doesn't get approved, I will be beyond pissed, is all I can say.

Then, because we ARE waiting for SSDI and currently doing all this on my income, it was time for Job #2: checking on critters. I actually love my pet business and want to keep it no matter what happens. (Saturday I did Job #3, babysitting. Later this week I will continue working on Job #4, freelance design.) So we checked on some kitties and then checked on some doggies, which was actually pretty fun. Terri LOVES dogs, so she got lots of hugs and kisses from furry friends, and that was a good part in the day.

Then it was off to the doctor, to check on Terri's toes. AGAIN. Yes, the same toes which have been giving her problems for, oh, two years now? So. Back to the doctor.

Then it was 3 pm and time to go home. All I have to say about the health care reform passage is how thankful I am that at least I should soon be able to stop worrying about Terri getting dropped from health insurance if -- God forbid -- somehow I lose our insurance coverage. Her condition is frustrating and expensive for doctors and insurance companies and I'm sure they'd love to drop her like a hot potato. Regardless of whatever kinks need to be worked out, that is a huge relief for me. I pray those people we elected can make it work the way we all hope it can.

I just finished reading PUSH (the book Precious is based upon). I don't know what I think yet. It was not exactly cheerful. It was good, for sure. I can't say whether I "liked" or "enjoyed" it, because it's not the sort of thing you really "enjoy." But it was affecting and worth reading. More about that later.

So, it's the end of the day, and we are both exhausted. My stomach is upset because it's that time of the month and because I can't stomach the brownies which I was craving and made (cruel irony), and we are both worn out from all of this.

Mr. Lawyer: please do your job well.
Mr. Doctor: please take good care of my sweetie's toes.
Mr. and Ms. Politicians: we are the people you are working for. Please do right by us.

With that, it's time for flipping through magazines and resting in preparation for Job #1 (full-time corporate job, which thankfully I do happen to love). Sometimes I wonder why I'm not going like gangbusters on my painting or other endeavors, and then we have a day like today and I remember: oh yeah, it's because I am working my butt off already.

However - and I say this from the bottom of my heart - I do it with a heart full of love for this sweet darling person who makes me so happy to come home to her. This funny, caring, kind and supportive girl who tries to clean the house so I don't have to, who spends all day every day trying to figure out the puzzle of how to get well, how to have a life, how to make my life easier. We have to prove to the SSDI folks how sick and disabled she is, which just goes against every fiber of my being, as I see all the good things she is and all the good things she does.

With that, I think there is a Better Homes and Gardens with my name on it calling to me.

Book: Cemetery Dance

2010-03-22T07:41:00.000-07:00

A year or two ago I went through a big Preston/Child spree, and kind of burned myself out on them. However, a year has passed and I was totally ready for another. I just found out there are two more that I hadn't read yet! Yippee!

I suppose these are crime thrillers, but they always have a supernatural edge, and a fabulous FBI character: Special Agent Aloysius Pendergast, New Orleans gentleman, quirky, inscrutable, mysterious and a rule-bender. I'm really not that much into police thrillers but I love these.

It's really all about Pendergast. He is just a fabulous character. Always impeccably dressed in specially-made black suits, pale and blond with silvery eyes, he is a true man of mystery. He lives in a warren of luxurious rooms at The Dakota (and also is the owner of a run-down mansion in another part of New York, and also has the family estate in New Orleans, I think). His family past is full of criminally insane aristocrats, including the delightfully evil Aunt Cornelia, who must be in a full five-point restraint even as she offers you tea and sherry and calls for the "servants" (she lives in a home for the criminally insane but conveniently forgets that fact.) He is never without lock picks, flashlights, test tubes, all manner of small but deadly weapons. Speaks any number of obscure languages, well-read, has exquisite taste (when on location, ships in foodstuffs and wines from his private collection), rarely shows emotions (but clearly, still waters run deep with this one). He has a diabolical brother, Diogenes, whom may or may not have died in one of the last books. He's an extremely compelling character (even meriting his own entry in Wikipedia)

His partner-in-crime in many of the books is the classic Italian New York cop, Vincent D'Agosta. Vinnie is emotional, hard-boiled, smart, a skeptic. He comes to respect Pendergast's unusual ways throughout the series, and now the two are fast friends (as much as anyone can be friends with Pendergast).

There is a full range of other interesting characters which make their appearance throughout the series: Bill Smithback, annoying reporter; the elusive Wren, reclusive researcher; Constance Greene, a mystery unto herself... the list goes on. Half the fun of these books are the characters.

As I said, in each book there is a police angle and a supernatural (or seemingly supernatural) occurence. Cemetery Dance is about zombiis. At the very beginning of the book, one of our favorite characters is brutally murdered by what appears to be a zombii. The zombii then attacks a series of other people, and soon the police are called in. Clues start to surface: voodoo symbols drawn on the walls, gris-gris found placed on the murdered persons, links to a mysterious cult deep in the Inwood Hill Park forest (a primordial forest on the island of Manhattan, which does actually exist. Another reason to love this series is a very strong sense of place, no matter where they are set.)

More murders and another zombii later, D'Agosta and Pendergast are starting to wonder if there really are zombiis roaming Manhattan, singling out individuals who have reason to pester the cult. Pendergast brings in an old tutor from New Orleans, who helps the two uncover more clues (another quirky side character). Is the cult really sacrificing animals to feed the zombiis? Are there actually zombiis terrorizing Manhattan? What the heck is going on here?

The conclusion of the story is very satisfying, although looking back, one must suspend disbelief at a number of points for it all to work, but all of the storylines are so entertaining and satisfying that I didn't mind at all.

These authors have hits and misses, and this was definitely a hit. Completely satisfying, mildly disturbing/scary (yet still funny and interesting), great characters, and a whole lot of Pendergast. I loved every minute of it. This is exactly what this sort of book should be: thrilling, entertaining, full of fun characters, addictive, lightweight and satisfying. The best part is that a clue to the next book is given at the very end of this book... and my library has the next book! Woohoo!

Book: Strangers in Paradise (complete collection)

2010-03-20T07:05:00.000-07:00

(featuring this cover at full size so you can see the pretty art...)

Earlier this week I finished the entire series of my all-time favorite graphic novel, the acclaimed and beloved Strangers In Paradise. I read my first SiP a long, long time ago, probably at least nine years ago. A friend recommended them to me when she found out I had never read a graphic novel. (I've still only read a handful of titles, for some reason. I'm picky.) She said, "This is the PERFECT graphic novel for you to start on." Boy, was she ever right. She handed me a giant stack, which was probably about the first 1/3 of the story. I got so hooked that I subscribed to another year or two of them, and then one thing led to another and somehow I got out of the habit, only about 2/3 of the way through the entire story.

I've been wanting to catch up and find out how it all ended, and my walking partner said that she had the entire series in the collected books and that she would lend them to me!! Of course I jumped at the offer. I considered just figuring out where I left off and reading the last third or so, but I eventually decided to read the entire series again.

Wheee! What an amazing ride! Soooo worth reading all of them, and in one big gulp. I couldn't stop reading.

The basics of the story is this. There are two high school girls, Francine Peters and Katina Choovanski ("Katchoo" for short). They are best of friends, although they are a study in opposites. Francine is tall, curvy, innocent, pretty, somewhat vulnerable, sometimes not too smart, all empathy and feminine charm. Katchoo is small, wiry, tough, an artist with a hell of a backstory. And she loves Francine with all her heart.

We follow Francine and Katchoo through young adulthood, up through their early 30s. Along the way we meet and fall in love with (or hate) a cast of characters which are just like the friends you wished you always had (or not). There's love. There's marriage. There's death. There's the mob (with a twist). There's babies (eventually). And through it all, there's the big truth that everybody knows, and the big question which leads you through the entire story.

The truth: Katchoo and Francine belong together.
The question: But in what way?

Francine has always dreamed of the perfect husband, the perfect family, the perfect house. All she's ever wanted to do was make the eventual perfect husband happy. She loves Katchoo, but not in "that way." Or does she? Can she overcome her upbringing, society, her mother, the church... and figure out what her heart really wants?

All Katchoo wants is Francine. She wants to get away from her terrible past. She wants to make art and be with Francine, and that's about it. But roadblocks in every conceivable form keep dropping directly in her path. Will she eventually give up on Francine, who cannot seem to make up her mind? Will Life (with a capital "L") prove to be too much for the world-weary Katchoo? Will she walk away from the love of her life to try and create a life she can live with?

The drama! The heartache! The humor! The incredible art!

This series is flawless and heartwrenching and fun and charming and has a happy, happy ending. Eventually. Oh, that ending was worth waiting for. (I'm not really spoiling anything since we gets hints of it along the way, but HOW it happens is a treat.)

I can't say enough about this series. It's like Buffy in it's magnificence. You think it's one thing... but it's really so much deeper and more complex, and has an incredible story arc which sweeps you up and makes you think about all the things in your life.

Read it. Now. (need more convincing? Check out the website, and Wikipedia...)

a sunny afternoon in san francisco

2010-03-18T20:17:00.000-07:00

For the last two days I've been in San Francisco for an advanced Photoshop class. Just could not have been a prettier two days in a prettier city.

My class was held right across the street from the TransAmerica building (that big tall pointy one). I kind of love the TransAmerica building. It's so huge. (this photo was taken up on the hill at the beginning of North Beach, the old Italian section of the city - and my favorite neighborhood - where I hiked up before class to get a cup of coffee and a perfect almond croissant)

Both days I had a nice hour-and-fifteen-minute lunch. I completely and unabashedly took advantage of the fact that it was gorgeous weather, that we were so close to North Beach, and that I had over an hour to do whatever I wanted in my favorite part of town. Yesterday I didn't have my camera, so I just walked around and ate my lunch and read my book and enjoyed it completely. Today I did the exact same thing, only I took photos.

I am *so* doing this when we have a garden. Love these rusty tomato can planters.

I love Oakland, but I would jump at the chance for us to have a cozy apartment in North Beach. In my fantasy apartment, it's on a quiet side street, with a fireplace and big bay windows like these, and we have both stories to ourselves, and a rooftop garden.

Both days I got an absolutely amazing sandwich at Molinari's Italian deli. For about a dollar and a half more than a Subway sandwich, you can get a work of art that will blow your sandwich-loving mind. I was too preoccupied with figuring out which combination of fresh mozzarella, sundried tomatoes, basil spread and other various amazing toppings to put on my roll (which you choose for yourself out of a bin) to remember to take a photo, but it's total old-school Italian New-York style deli. I love it. Today when I went there, the guy remembered me, which earned him a tip in the tip jar. So friendly and fun. And delicious. Did I mention delicious?

However, after I devoured my sandwich, I did remember to take a photo of where I ate it: Washington Square park. Sitting on a warm park bench, listening to cathedral bells, watching kids and dogs play, and little old Asian ladies doing tai chi in the shade, feeling completely warm and full of amazing sandwich, I was supremely happy for about a half hour here.

On the stroll back to class, I decided to finally stop in to Stella Pastries, a traditional Italian pastry and cookie shop. I've wanted to go here ever since I moved here, but somehow just never have. But today was the day!

I sat at that little table by the door and had my first-ever slice of sacripantina. Holy cannoli, it was good. Light but rich, full of creamy flavor. I could easily have been happy with only half a slice, but there was only me there eating, and really, how can you waste half a slice of this? It was far too delicate to box up and have sitting in my bag for another 4-5 hours until I got home. So... I ate it all, every bite. I was so full but extremely happy.

Thankfully I had thought ahead and so had only eaten half my sandwich (which I am going to have for dinner as soon as I finish writing this), so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I ate entirely too much the last two days, but frankly I really don't care, since I enjoyed every bite, and I also hiked across town a fair bit.

I got back to class with a few minutes to spare, and there were my (two!) classmates, sitting there with Subway wrappers and Starbucks fruit cups in front of them, fiddling around online, still in the stuffy classroom. I had a brief moment of wanting to shake them, to say, "Don't you realize you could have had an orgasmic sandwich experience in Washington Square? Don't you know we're right next to North Beach? Subway? Subway!?!?" But I refrained, and instead, happily sat back down, in a blissful sunny carb-haze.

Anyway. I have lots more pictures but I will dole them out as I work on them (with my new Photoshop skills!). Right now, there is a sandwich waiting for me.

Sometimes I am so in love with San Francisco it hurts. Today was one of those days.

no thoughtless post-structuralists here

2010-03-15T08:40:00.000-07:00

Terri's sister gave us each a subscription to a magazine of our choice last year, and I chose The London Review of Books. I figured, hey, books and an international perspective sounds good. Every month or so, I get a large tabloid-sized magazine chock-full of super-smart essays about books. As a graphic designer, I know that a "wall of text" is the kiss of death for most people... but I absolutely LOVE opening this magazine and seeing nothing but gigantic blocks of text. No pictures (maybe a small illustration or a poem inserted here and there), no photos, very few ads... just intelligent discussions about books which are usually way out of my usual comfort zone. I used to try to read every article in the Review, but quickly realized I am just not that intellectual; now I just skim through and read the interesting ones, get the gist of the others, and read the ads.

The ads in the back are fantastic. I sort of want to get The New York Review of Books next year just because I think I'd be more familiar with the books and writers, but I would miss these fantastic ads:

Accommodation Available

"Double bedroom in Kennington. Space in a book-filled, relaxed flat. We have two balconies, occasional parties, vigorous private lives and a Polish cleaner with firm views. Longer rather than shorter stays preferred. No thoughtless post-structuralists."

Holiday Rental

"Our Apennine ponies are direct descendants of Gaulish war ponies who came to Italy to invade the Roman Empire and liked it so much they decided to stay. To see the attraction visit www.xxx.com (two apartments with pool in North Tuscany and nobody gets put out to grass.)"

Personals

"It's true. I have more than 200 books about post-revolutionary Russia. It's my thing. I'm that guy. Write anyway."

"Man seeks woman to read The Hobbit with. Humans and Elves only; no Goblins."

"Difficult, discerning woman, six months out of six year relationship, forgotten how dating works, seeks intelligent, funny men to practice with. Timewasters welcome if sufficiently amusing/educational."

"There's usually an atmosphere of dread when I show up at a party. Not so the next one, when you accompany me as both my groom to be and my designated driver. Easily drunk, garrulous F, 41, prone to molesting the teenage sons of suburban dinner party hosts and crying over the petit fours. WLTM sober expert in public apology, to age 50."

Oh, so many more. The ads are almost the best part of the whole thing. The essays are almost too smart for me and are difficult to review, but the ads are right up my alley. I'll try to post some of the best ones as I see them.

Reading The Lace Reader for book club. It's pretty good but a little bit odd. However, kind of suits my mood. I could use a week by the lake with a pile of books. And a big stack of Reviews to chuckle over.

Driving With Buddy (The Big Boy)

2010-03-14T20:21:00.000-07:00

It was a stunningly beautiful day today: mid-60s, sunny, blue skies. Buddy was practically begging to go out for a cruise, so we took him out for a spin.

He wanted to by and see some of his friends at the security office...
Then of course he wanted to see the construction happening a few blocks away. He's such a boy.
Here is a picture of his dash. You know, just because. That's the trunk-pop button in the middle there. Um, and the stereo. And it was actually 3:30... I hadn't figured out how to set the clock yet (but I figured it out later)
Terri drove for awhile, and then I drove while she took pictures (including all of the ones above). We drove around town and then up into the hills to Lake Temescal for a little sitting in the sun by the water.
Now we're home. I was craving something savory and hearty for dinner, so I pulled out an old favorite cookbook, The Supper Book, by Marion Cunningham. I have this one and The Breakfast Book and they are both just about the coziest cookbooks ever invented. If you see them in a thrift store or book sale, grab them.

I made garlic rolls and this pasta-mushroom-brown butter thing, both of which were simple and flavorful and amazing. I also made this very easy coconut pudding/custard thing. You make it in the blender and then pour it into dishes and bake. Couldn't be easier. And, delicious.

Such a nice day today. I started it by sitting out on the porch in the sun, having a nice little cup of coffee and reading the London Review of Books, and cracking up over the ads in the back (which is another post). A great way to start the day.

We were incredibly grateful that Terri was feeling a bit better and was able to get out for a drive. It's been a rough winter for her. It's pretty obvious that the cold is detrimental to her; if we have to stay here another winter, we will be doing serious winterizing. Which is crazy, because this is California... but she can't take 50-degree rooms for months on end. But hopefully next winter we'll be in our cozy new house somewhere. ?? We'll see. We love it here (aside from the cold) but of course we'd love our own house.

Anyway. A nice day, and Buddy continues to be a fantastic car for us. Come on by and we'll take you for a spin. Everyone waves and checks him out (Terri LOVES this aspect). It's pretty fun.

Springtime Cuteness

2010-03-13T11:30:00.001-08:00

Have you seen this? The epitome of springtime cuteness (for maximum cuteness, have the sound on):

I grew up one town over from Corvallis, home of Oregon State University (where I later got my degree). It's a school known mostly for agriculture and business. What was an art major doing there? It's a long story. But anyway. Agriculture. There were "lambing barns" on campus. Which meant that every spring, you could go over and watch little lambs being born. We used to go sometimes when I was little. We'd bundle up and head over to the warm barns, to stick our fingers through the fences and let the lambs suck on our fingertips, to watch the sheep give birth to their babies, to watch their first wobbly little steps.

But I don't think I ever saw anything as cute as this little lamb springing through the house. Can haz?

I know I bitched and moaned all fall about how warm it was and when was winter coming anyway, and begged for the rain and the cold. Well, we got it in buckets and I loved it; but now I'm ready for the spring. Warm sun and flowers and blue skies sounds pretty good right about now. I'm tired of our house being freezing all the time. I want to do my painting but it's hard to be creative when your "studio" is 50 degrees.

And of course, we can't wait to go cruising in our new car. So far, its name is "Buddy" or "the Big Boy." We'll see what sticks. But this is a car that needs a name. It is made of awesome.

Watch Out, Oakland!

2010-03-11T18:13:00.001-08:00

We are now the proud owners of a 1999 Police Interceptor! "Big Boy" joins my little Corolla in our little auto family.

What a kick.

We drove the big guy around this afternoon, and it is an experience driving around an ex-cop-car. People either stared and got out of our way, or smiled and waved (or, apparently yelling obscenities. Interesting). Terri was grinning ear to ear as she waved back. What a hoot!

Her little Honda finally went kaput, so it was time for an upgrade. She doesn't drive a whole lot so she decided to just get whatever she wanted, as long as it was reliable and fit the budget. This is both, and also fulfills (just a wee bit) her fantasy of being a cop. I swear, I haven't seen her that happy in months. She was having the time of her life driving it around.

I think I see some mirrored aviator glasses in her future.

What a relief. I hate car stuff. This car is super safe, very fast, and fun to drive. It still has that big grate on the front, so I'm not going to worry about bumping into *anything*. We were just so tickled as we cruised around. Hee!

(GIANT thank-you to Shea, for driving down to Fremont with me to get the car!! Diet Pepsi six-pack is on me!)

The New Look

2010-03-09T21:18:00.000-08:00

I used to go fabric/pattern shopping with my mom all the time. I loved flipping through the big pattern books... Simplicity, Butterick, and my favorite, The New Look (I think they were Vogue patterns). These were, of course, the more complicated patterns which my mom didn't have time to fiddle with, but I always wanted to look at them.

Anyway. Tangent! Here's my new look: short hair for spring! Rather a bit shorter than I expected, but it will be perfect in about a month.

Terri has been having serious appetite problems, so I've been trying to find good things for her to eat. "Good things" including, um, anything that sounds good. Which is not the same as healthy. But frankly, calories trump "healthy," so we have Pop-Tarts, Quadratini cookies, and pretty much anything else I can think of. Which DOES include asparagus; thank god it's asparagus season! Because the unfortunate thing is that *my* appetite isn't suffering...

I should do a post soon about some recent cooking. I've been obsessed with this new cookbook, Student's Vegetarian Cooking. Everything I've tried has been so yummy, so cheap, so easy. I think most recipes are vegan (or easily made vegan) and it's been fun to try some new things (and not have to slave away all night for them). More about this later.

On the reading front, I got totally sucked into the Strangers in Paradise world, so I am reading the entire series start to finish. I'd like to spend all day devouring them, but... however, will give my impressions after the complete self-indulgence of reading six giant collected books.

Yep. That's about it from here for now.

Book: The Bible (A Biography) (updated)

2010-03-06T22:54:00.000-08:00

Wow. Super-duper interesting book by one of my favorite authors, Karen Armstrong, who I am rarely smart enough to read all the way through (although I loved her autobiographical works).

My computer is almost out of juice so I'll keep this one short, with perhaps some edits later.

This wasn't a book on Christianity, per se, nor was it a book about religion. What it was, was a book about a book, and how that book got written, and how people studied it throughout the ages, and what that book currently means in modern society. That book being, of course, The Bible.

It was utterly fascinating.

I got a bit lost in the first few chapters, but mostly because I am no Bible scholar. My knowledge of the Bible mostly comes from a large children's Bible my grandma gave me long ago (which I read cover to cover and enjoyed immensely), and some bits and pieces picked up along the way from various churches I've gone to over the years. But I don't even know if we have a Bible in the house. Maybe Terri has one? I think I might have a mini-one from my grandma.

Shoot, out of juice. More to come. Let this just be a teaser -- check back later in the day!

OK, sorry about that.

Anyway. Back to Bible-talk. So, the book was incredibly interesting. She describes how the Bible started out as a collection of writings from different authors, some contradicting each other. They did not start out as a book at all. Over time, these writings were collected and various Jewish scholars assembled the Old Testament (which I believe is part of the Torah), which purposefully left in conflicting statements, as the study of the Bible was originally meant to be discussed, not taken literally. In fact, the original assemblers of the Bible were not sure there should be a written document at all, as the "Living Word" should be spoken and discussed, not set down in stone where there might be danger of misinterpretation and literalism. (ahem)

Later on, once Christianity was saved from obscurity by Constantine, the New Testament was put together in similar fashion. No one is entirely sure who actually wrote the various parts of the Bible. They are attributed to authors such as "J" and "E" and "Mark" and "Paul" but we don't know who these people actually were. And again, we have conflicting stories. And again, the Bible was originally intended to be a starting point for discussion and personal truth-finding -- not a literal document at all.

Various scholars later on studied the Bible (exegesis) with various results. The one that I liked the best and felt most optimistic about (and indeed, Karen Armstrong seems to agree) was one ancient rabbi who said that scripture should be read with the most charitable interpretation being the most accurate. Basically, don't look for reasons to hate, make war, or kill your neighbor in the Bible. Look for reasons to love, understand, make peace, bridge gaps.

Anyway... this little book was entirely crammed with super-interesting history. She stays away from opinions until the epilogue, where she writes a very nice chapter on how, in this time of fundamentalist Christianity/religion and fundamentalist secularism (where each automatically assumes everyone else is dead wrong), we ought to use the Bible as a tool for reconciliation, understanding, and peace-making. I really appreciated this viewpoint, since I have often felt conflicted about my own feelings towards religion.

I loved reading my children's Bible and mostly just read it for the Old Testament stories -- once we got to the New Testament, I got a little bored, although I always have loved (and still do) Jesus stories. In the words of King Missile, Jesus was way cool. I have no beef with Jesus. I don't really love modern extremism Christianity (or any extreme version of religion, which I think isn't really religion at all but dangerous fanaticism), but I am sort of fascinated with the Bible and religions in general.

Since this was not a book about Judaism or Christianity, but a book about the Bible, I didn't come away feeling like I was being preached to in any sense -- rather, it was a highly interesting history lesson that left me with a lot to think about. It really gives you a sense of how we really are all interconnected on a big level, no matter what your religion or nonreligion or race or culture. We can get so bogged down in minutiae that we lose sight of the important things: being kind, reaching for understanding, looking for the good, and making peace.

Now, it's time for something a little less heavy. I'm reading that medieval murder mystery (about the death of Edward II) and also a friend is lending me the full canon of SIP!!! Oh my goodness, I might just have to read the entire series start to finish.

Happiness: Thrifting

2010-03-06T08:00:00.000-08:00

Inspired by this lovely post by Tea and Cookies.

There are people who do not go, who do not know how to go, thrifting. Shocking, I know.

Maybe they are squicked out by "other people's stuff." Maybe they don't have time. Maybe it never occurs to them. I don't know. I don't get it.

But thankfully, I am not one of these people. I have the bug. I inherited it from my mother, who I suspect originally learned to go thrifting more out of necessity than desire, but who now joins me on exuberant thrifting adventures when we get together.

Everyone seems to have their own style when it comes to thrifting. There are those who go religiously every week, on a circuit. There are those dedicated garage-sale shoppers. Then there's my own style, which is to go about once a month or so, when I get the undeniable urge for some retail therapy. I don't need anything... but I like to go shopping. And I'm trying to be more creative with my wardrobe. And I'm trying not to spend too much money on things we don't need. And I like treasure-hunting.

My favorite place is the Oakland Chinatown Salvation Army, especially when they are having their half-off sale ("practically free" is my favorite price for anything). This location is a major drop-off point and it's a huge store, so I usually have good luck there. My second favorite place is the Alameda Goodwill, also, I suspect, a major drop-off place for Alameda. I have found some great scores there, although their prices are higher than S.A.

I like to go when I can spend at least two hours (although I can pack a lot into a lunch hour). I try to go through the entire store methodically, because that is how you find the treasures. I don't like to rush. I first go through the clothing, then the linens, then the housewares, and finally the books and/or miscellany. I totally get into the zone when I'm doing this. It's not a very social activity for me. I need to concentrate.

Here are my own personal rules and/or methods for thrifting.

1. Never buy anything irrevocably stained, torn, or damaged. Unless it's something easy like a missing button, I know I won't go the extra mile to salvage it. I look very closely for stains and tears, and I don't hesitate to put back damaged items.

2. Never buy anything that I could buy new for about the same price: i.e., Old Navy clothes (or Mervyn's, or any other crummy off-brand). It's just not worth it; the clothes are not very high quality, and the buck or two I save doesn't make much difference for a crappy piece of clothing. Possible exception: scarves or kitschy themed T-shirts (if I happen to need kitschy themed t-shirts)

3. If it doesn't fit, isn't the right color, or I just don't immediately love it, I don't buy it. This is highly subjective. I make allowances for if I'm trying a new style, or something ethnic/vintage (lately I'm into India/sari-style tops), or things that are slightly too large. Often these things fall into the 'acceptable' category even though I wouldn't spend the money to buy them new, because I want to experiment or I just happen to love the item. However, if it's unflattering or not my color, I don't buy it, even if it's really high-quality.

4. Check the label. I always do a double-check when I find something from a really good catalog label like Sundance or Lands End or something like that. I also slow down for Banana Republic, J.Crew, Ann Taylor or any of the higher-end Macy's-type lines, or for obviously quality clothing from smaller unfamiliar brands. The fabric is the giveaway: if it's a nice fabric, and a nice color, then I check the label. If it's a good label, then I pull it out to inspect more closely. I always check the fabric content. The size is not as important; often the clothes have enlarged or shrunk slightly but are still completely wearable.

5. Be aware of my own danger zones. I have an unfortunate thing for certain types of ugly patterns and dishes. I don't know why, but I will always pull out a garish paisley or a 1970s-era crockery dish. I love them. I try to indulge in small doses. For example, maybe the paisley urge gets satisfied with a silk scarf, and the ugly pottery gets used for a cat food dish or a small planter. I try very hard not to buy "things" unless I absolutely love it. I'm a little more liberal with clothes because I sort through my closet regularly.

6. I only buy books if it's something I know has very little chance of being found at the library, or if it's a reference book (gardening, or art, or something like that). I don't buy novels unless it's something hard-to-find. This has more to do with not wanting to accumulate books than any sort of pickiness. If I could, I would buy bags of books regularly.

7. Save pants and skirts for a whole separate trip, since these are more difficult to sort through and must be tried on.

8. Before checking out, go over every item one more time to make sure they are all acceptable quality, and that I really love each thing. Recently I put back a brilliant green long-sleeve T-shirt from J.Crew which I loved, but the neckline wasn't right, and a really pretty, soft Abercrombie shirt, because the color wasn't anything special. I've also had to talk myself out of any number of silk bathrobes because they weren't exactly right.

Some recent good finds include:

* a brand-new Lands End fleece nightgown, which I've been eyeing all winter in the catalog but haven't ordered. Now mine for only $4!

* a silk thermal turtleneck for Terri, which she's worn all winter long

* a whole slew of ethnic embroidered tops, which I intend to wear during the summer

* high-quality yoga clothing, which are so comfy for at home or walking

* a lovely collectible teapot, to replace an old one which I didn't love

* a Ralph Lauren black winter coat, which has been perfect this year

I have a few things I'm always on the lookout for:

* a beautiful sugar bowl. I had one that I loved, but it got broken a few years ago.

* a classic, high-quality trenchcoat. I'm being very picky about this one.

* lovely old picture frames

* unusual, large vases or glass bowls for terrariums

* holiday items (this year I found a perfect holiday tree skirt)

* pretty, old sheets (I want to make a soft summer quilt from old sheets)

Anyway. Clearly this is a subject I could go on and on about. I love thrifting. I don't usually go garage sale shopping as an activity (I will drop by if I happen to be driving by a good one) because it requires more driving and mapping and so on, but I do love a good thrift shop. I like it better than discount shopping, which is similar, but not quite as exciting. I like the thrill of the hunt, and I like the relatively small impact on my wallet.

Paying more attention to living frugally has had many surprise benefits, but really going back to thrifting has been the one which I am really enjoying. It's so much fun, for so little money, and satisfies that shopping urge without too much damage to the bank account.

Next up for summer: a few garage-sale trips to the tonier areas of town, and a couple ventures into San Francisco thrifting. I'll find that trenchcoat yet...

Friday Fill-Ins

2010-03-05T09:25:00.000-08:00

(lifted from Tea Leaves, whose answers I thought were just perfect)

1. A cup of tea is fast becoming my beverage of choice. So many options, so lovely and comforting and easy and delightful.

2. Snuggly kitties, soft chairs, and tons of books make a place feel like home.

3. Everything has its beauty, except those things resulting from a heart full of hate. Bigotry and hatred have no place in my life or my home.

4. The taste of strawberries makes me think of rich vanilla ice cream and perfect summer nights.

5. Art makes me intensely happy and/or thoughtful.

6. LOL I just noticed I forgot (unfortunately, the things I've been forgetting lately don't make me laugh out loud. Mostly I slap my forehead and sigh deeply and trudge back home again to retrieve them)

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a nice walk with a friend, and then snuggling with Terri and kitties. Tomorrow my plans include lots of resting and a little working, and Sunday, I want to read, perhaps finish my painting, and make a good menu for the week. Monday I am getting my hair cut and hopefully relaxing the rest of the day!

Hmm

2010-03-04T20:23:00.000-08:00

Bizarre string of days/weeks lately. Just weird, weird, weird stuff happening all around.

Today, I woke up in a slightly grumpy mood, and it didn't help that I had a stomachache. And then, that my hair rebelled and gave me the worst hair day I've had in years. And then that I drove all the way to work and realized, as I pulled into the parking lot (late) that I forgot something essential for the workday, so I had to go home and get it.

Sigh.

And then the day was just busy busy busy, with some extremely random weirdness thrown in. A good day work-wise, but then I made a lovely faux-pas at the end which makes me feel like a dummy and hope that I didn't hurt someone's feelings. Ugh.

And then diving deeper into the weirdness when I got home (no weirdness at home, just looking into the weirdness that came up during the day), which is unsettling.

My best friend emailed me something about how there is this major cosmic astrological upheaval happening right now through August. It makes sense, because things just do not feel right with the world.

I just feel like retreating slightly. Things don't feel quite stable. Books and solid, real things seem like good things to focus on right now. I have some fun bookish things to share, but will save it for tomorrow or the weekend when I'm thinking a little more clearly.

Is anyone else having this experience of things seeming incredibly weird lately?

Also...

2010-03-02T21:15:00.001-08:00

Can someone please make this for me? Please?

St. Louis Gooey Butter Cake

I've had a really long, stressful, weird day and I think this would make it all better. Pretty please? Anyone? Anyone?

In Which Our Author Talks About Random Things...

2010-03-02T10:19:00.000-08:00

Things like...

* I'm currently reading The Bible: A Biography (from the Books That Changed The World series) by Karen Armstrong. It's essentially a history of how the Bible came into being, who wrote it, and why, and how it's related to the Torah, etc. It's completely fascinating and a little bit above my head. It's taking me forever to read. But it's so interesting! The rise of Christianity is particularly interesting, especially how historical events played a part in Christianity being 'rescued' from obscurity. I have many thoughts about this book. It's not a religious book at all; it's a historical accounting, which makes it even more interesting to me. It actually made me want to look some things up in an actual Bible. I don't even know if we have one? I'm sure we do somewhere...

* We rescued an adorable husky puppy yesterday. He was running loose, and we managed to grab him after almost hitting him while driving. Poor guy was totally frantic and worn out. Thankfully he seemed glad to be captured, and didn't fight us. We put him in the car and called the number on his collar tag. His owner was completely shocked that he was out -- apparently he is usually in the back yard, but somehow escaped. We were so, so glad that that story had a happy ending! Although, we wouldn't have minded having a puppy visitor at our house for a little while...

* Is there something going on astrologically? Everywhere I look, people seem to be having an unusually grumpy time. Or maybe it's just me. Also, things just seem weird. Weird goings-on at work. Weird interactions with people at the store. Weird mood swings. Also this seems to be coinciding with the sudden onslaught of spring allergens. I don't ever notice my allergies (I don't get itchy eyes or nose or anything obvious), but apparently they are the reason why every spring, my ears fill with fluid and I get ear infections. This year I am just going to take the allergy medicine and see if I can keep my ears safe. The downside to this is that I'm very susceptible to allergy medicine side-effects, so I either feel totally drowsy and weird, or totally speedy and weird. Basically, things just seem weird. Is it me?

* Using an additive approach, there are a number of things I'd like to do more of. They include, in no particular order:

Going to the library and reading magazines

Sitting in coffeeshops and writing

Hiking or trail runs

Watch more movies (I am really bad at this for some reason; I end up half-watching TV/half-reading instead, because somehow I think a movie takes too much time. Bizarre!)

And of course, paint. Tonight is Tuesday: time to paint!

And also, go listen to people/authors speak.

* It is becoming very obvious that if we buy in Oakland, it will be a condo or a townhouse. We are holding out hope for a townhouse. But we are also thinking that in the spring, we'll be looking elsewhere, because we'd really like a house with a large yard. Petaluma, or Martinez, perhaps. We're going to drive around and look at surrounding towns. It's a little disappointing, but you never know what will happen!

* Also, I'm thinking of starting a support group for families affected by chronic illness. There are a few support groups for the people actually afflicted, but not any, that I can find, for the families or partners of the ill person. I know that we could certainly use some community and occasional help (even with things like: carrying furniture up the stairs, or perhaps someone might need some meals delivered sometimes, that sort of thing). Other people must, also. We can't get to church (it's too early in the day for Terri) and frankly we'd like to be surrounded by people who 'get it.' I'm thinking it would be more sharing/fellowship than therapy-style support. Get together once a month to share what's going on, see who needs help with what, etc. I think this could be really great.

That's about it. Everything feels a little weird right now for some reason. But I hold firm to my idea that this year is going to be a good one.

Hooray For Book Club

2010-02-28T23:02:00.001-08:00

I realize I don't talk about my book club very much here. Not sure why that is, because my book club is a pretty wonderful thing.

Membership varies, but usually we are about 8 women strong. Sometimes as many as 10, sometimes as little as 6. Usually the only reason someone drops out is because they move away. I've been a member for pretty much as long as I've lived in California, which I suppose is now 11 years or so, maybe more. Everyone in the group has been in the club for a very long time; I think the shortest membership (currently) is about 2 years.

We read just about anything, mostly novels, but some nonfiction too. We have a rotating schedule, and whoever's turn it is to host gets to pick the book. We meet once a month at the host's house (or sometimes at a restaurant or park for a picnic). Our meetings last anywhere from 3 to 5 hours, depending on how everyone is feeling and what we are talking about. Sometimes if a movie has been made from the book, we will watch it either at the host's house, or if it's in the theater, we'll go see it all together. We have an unofficial, self-designated secretary who keeps track of our books, schedule, and also has an awesome map of where all our books are set (we are working our way around the globe!).

We all like food, so a book club dinner is usually not something you want to miss. However, if you do miss a few meetings, it's no big deal. Our policy is this: just keep coming back! If you didn't read the book, it doesn't matter -- just show up anyway! Have to skip a few meetings because of life craziness? No biggie, just come when you can. Rules for membership are pretty loose.

Tonight we discussed Never Let Me Go, by Kazuo Ishiguro. Everyone liked the book but thought it was very disturbing. Which it was. We had a great discussion about the implications (which I can't go into, because if you haven't read the book then it will give away the secret!). We had individual vegetarian pot pies and chocolate cake, with appetizers of cheese and olives and steamed asparagus. I got to use all my pretty dishes (and then, sadly, had to wash all those pretty dishes by hand. Whenever I host book club, I really wish I had a dishwasher). Our next book is The Lace Reader, which sounds really fun.

We have been through a lot together. Babies, marriages, divorces, cancer scares, illness, good times and hard times. We see each other once a month (generally) but get together in different configurations for other events or socializing as well. We are all good, close friends. We are a little book-centric family. I absolutely love being a part of my book club and I feel so lucky to have all these amazing, smart women as friends. It's pretty awesome to get together with a group of sharp women and have an intelligent conversation about a book (and often, many other offshoot topics). We are not afraid to disagree with one another, which I also love.

So, hooray for Book Club! Anna, Nicki, Vanessa, Krista, Gina, Mary Jane, Amanda, and all the other book club members from years past: you are the best. May all our books be good picks, our dinners delicious, and our friendship strong.

impressive

2010-02-24T21:38:00.000-08:00

I was in an impressively bad mood today. I'm not sure why. The day didn't start off so bad (except for the fact that I had to leave our nice cozy warm bed). But, pretty soon after that, it started to go downhill.

It was like I was possessed, or had a demon temporarily (I hope) living inside me. It was sort of satisfying in its completeness. I was completely grumpy. Crabby. Irritable. Bad Mood Central. Giving off bad vibes (I'm sure). A Very Bad Bad Bad Mood.

I could make some guesses, I suppose, as to the origin of this incredibly bad mood, but instead I will just admire it for its audacity. I rather like a really good bad mood every now and again. I find that actually it helps me see clearly (sometimes). For instance: I could see, very clearly, during a meeting today, that what we were talking about was a complete moot point. This thing, which we were talking about, was never going to happen. Usually, you know, you try to sort of go along with things, make the road smoother, do what Needs To Be Done. But today? That little demon inside was having none of it. "This is baloney," it said (to itself, thankfully).

See? Kind of satisfying.

I got an offer to have another babysitting client. I don't think I want another babysitting client, actually. I think I would rather make my silly graphic design website, which is incredibly difficult for some reason. I thank my bad mood for pointing this out to me: I have plenty of kids now, thank you. No need for more. I like the ones I (occasionally) see and that's good enough. I would do better spending my time charging far more, for graphic design.

I really needed to be home tonight, for a variety of reasons. Instead, I am at someone else's house, taking care of their (very cute) kid. My bad mood clearly points out: You needed to be home. Do what you need to do to be home more.

Got it.

Every once in awhile, bad moods are actually quite constructive. I'm feeling better now, but I'd really really like to be home. Where I need to be.

Book: Don't Hassel The Hoff

2010-02-21T18:53:00.000-08:00

Ok, it would be a lie to say that I "read" this book... I read pages and sections but mostly skimmed it. It was pretty much unreadable. Clearly The Hoff did not use a ghost writer. Or, he used a really bad one. But given the massive weight of the HasselEgo, I'm guessing this is 100% pure Hoff.

As part of my new quest to review temptingly bad books (the kind that we so often scoff at and pass by, but not before stealthily flipping through a few pages), I'm starting off with Don't Hassel The Hoff, by none other than The World's Most-Watched TV Star himself, David Hasselhoff. Who doesn't know who David Hasselhoff is? He first met success as Dr. Snapper Foster on The Young and the Restless in the 70s. Then, his groundbreaking, action-packed (yet family-friendly) show Knight Rider was a super hit in the 80s. In the 90s, the uber-California Baywatch was shown in nearly every country around the globe. Mr. Hasselhoff was also an international rock star by this time as well, although he remained generally unknown to the elusive American music market. Nowadays he spends his time on Broadway, visiting dying children, and visiting the fine folks at Betty Ford.

In this autobiography, The Hoff shows that he is "much more than a hunk with a great tan and blue eyes (who can still fit into tight leather pants)"... or, let's see, is he "more than a guy who talked to a car, more than a guy in red Speedos running in slow motion across a beach"?

He is. He is much more than all of that. He is The Hoff. The Man With A Tan. The Hoffster. Friend of Liberace, Princess Diana and Lou Rawls. A rock star with more than 20 albums (including Night Rocker, Lovin' Feelings, Everybody Sunshine and More Than Words Can Say). The man gets around.

A few of my favorite quotes (not including the awesome one about the avocado tree and the wiener):

"When people stop me in the street today, nine times out of ten it's because of Knight Rider. It was a show about heroes, about a man who could change things, about a man who helped others. The Knight Rider slogan was, "One man can make a difference." I truly believe that I got the role of Michael Knight for a reason. I was given a power that could be used in a positive way, far greater than anyone could imagine, to help sick and terminally ill people, mainly children who watched the Knight Rider programme and believed in its hero."

Don't you like how he spelled "programme" with the extra M and E at the end? It makes it look more international, don't you think?

"I had been in South Africa for only twenty-four hours when I noticed that black South Africans would always shake my hand in such a way as to show they had no weapons up their sleeve. I walked on to a segregated bus, even though people warned me not to. I said to myself, "Hasselhoff can't go on that bus but Michael Knight can." To the consternation of the security guards, I boarded the bus. Every passenger was black and they began hugging and kissing me; everyone wanted to shake my hand."

International bringer of peace! Risking his life for international camaraderie!

"I accepted an offer from K-tel to make a new album entitled Lovin' Feelings, a complilation of love songs that was a complete change of pace from Night Rocker. Having succeeded in selling items like non-stick pans on television, K-tel was now marketing albums of past and present hits to consumers through flashy, high-powered TV advertising campaigns. Lovin' Feelings was to follow this formula. I would cover songs such as, "Always On My Mind," "Stand By Me," and "How Deep Is Your Love," plus a couple of numbers in Spanish to attract the big Hispanic market."

Bringing quality music to the masses!

"With bombastic sound and heavy fog, suddenly the door of a pyramidal tent, made of white satin, opens up. Slowly KITT rolls on stage and David is standing on his roof in a black leather outfit and playing a red guitar. He starts to sing the first song from his first LP, Night Rocker. Then he slowly slides down to the ground and asks, "Would you please say hi to my friend?" The whole hall was raging. The red light in front of KITT starts to blink, a sign that he wants to say something. The crowd is screaming, "We love you KITT!" and KITT answers, "I love you, too!" Then KITT starts reporting about their trip to Austria in German. He even teases David, "Hey David, why don't you speak German?"

You can feel the impact of his awesomeness even in third person!!

"Playing the ditzy blonde bimbo for all it was worth, Pamela (Anderson) soon had the press eating out of her hand. "I'll melt if you put me too near the radiator," she giggled. "I think I've got Tourette's syndrome, I love to talk about sex so much." The real Pamela was a clever little self-promoter. "A lot of people seem to think I'm just two boobs walking around," she said, "but I know what I'm doing." In her spare time, she meditated and read Carl Jung. She kept crystals in her trailer as a means of producing good karma and brought her golden retriever Star on the set for good luck. She was a free spirit, part rock chick, part earth mother."

And a darned nice girl, too. Perhaps a student of The Hoff school of self-promotion?

David Hasselhoff. What hasn't he done? He single-handedly created the success of Knight Rider by touring with a black Trans Am (um, for decades, apparently). He satisfied his legions of fans by routinely carrying signed pictures of himself to hand out in the streets as he walked to work (so thoughtful!). He flirted with Princess Di at her charity function (lover-boy!). He had Liberace over to dinner at his parents house (tolerant!). He is The Man. He saves children's lives.

Well, he doesn't really do that, but he answers their dying wishes by bringing Michael Knight to sick children the world over.

After a healthy skim of Don't Hassel The Hoff, a few things are clear:

1. David Hasselhoff is a powerhouse of self-promotion.

2. He is not unaware of his status as a kitsch icon, and seems to have a sense of humor about it.

3. He has a massive ego.

4. He truly believes that Michael Knight and KITT were sent from Heaven to help save the children.

5. Even SpongeBob loves The Hoff. How can you not love The Hoff?

(all snarkiness aside, he seems to do an amazing amount of sick-children visits)

One closing line:

"...with my wiener dogs in tow, I walked down the drive of my home in my underpants to get the newspapers. ... (after reading the headline) I looked down at my wieners and said, "This isn't a good sign."

I leave you with The Hoff and one of his wieners. Enjoy!

Pink Princess Tea Party Cupcakes

2010-02-21T18:46:00.001-08:00

Really, what else is there to say?

avocados and wieners

2010-02-19T23:25:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I'm reading (I say reading but really I'm skimming... quickly...) Don't Hassel The Hoff, by The World's Best-Known Actor, David Hasselhoff.

I can't wait to review it; I'm sure I won't be able to do it justice. However, this paragraph had me howling and I just had to share:

"All through the New Year of 1986 I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself and looking out of my window at my avocado tree. Suddenly, I decided to go to a pet store and buy a wiener dog -- I'd always wanted a wiener and I bought one. I brought him home and said, "Well, Wiener, it's you and me against the world."

I think I have to stop for the night, but I hope David and his wiener were very happy together.

As an aside, not sure if you were aware that during the run of Knight Rider, Hasselhoff released his first record: Night Rocker. Oh yes. You know you want it.

...funny you should say that...

2010-02-18T17:00:00.000-08:00

From my favorite astrology site:

"I need a break from watching you work your psyche to the bone. At least for now, I'm not willing to indulge you in your inclination to do your duty so exhaustively that you suffer. And as much as I admire your drive to get things perfect, I cannot in good conscience encourage you to do that, either. It is therefore with a sense of relief that I counsel you to take at least a week off from the behavior I described. Instead, try playful, messy experiments that are in service to your own needs. Be a freewheeling explorer, a wandering improviser. "

Oh, this makes me laugh. Who, me? Doing my (imagined) duty exhaustively? Nah.

Sigh.

The good news is that I've started painting again. Perhaps in a precog moment, I decided to try something different and do some abstract stuff. Inspired by, of all things, an ad for Cost Plus, I'm having a lot of fun with this new direction. Pictures to come soon.

It's been a weird week at work, and an overly thought-filled week at home (too many things to think about, not enough time to just BE). Although I have lots to do this weekend, I'm going to try to have fun with it all. Let's see here. In direct opposition to the horoscope imploring me to not plan stuff, here is what I've got planned:

* some painting

* a walk

* some babysitting (and working on a personal design website)

* making princess cupcakes for dear friend's daughter

* tea with an old friend

That's not too much, right? Mostly fun stuff, and Monday completely free.

Also to add: take stock of current TBR situation. I have to return some books to the library and get some new ones. I'm also attempting to read my first "So Bad It's..." book: Don't Hassel The Hoff. I don't know if I'll be able to read it through, but I'll give it a good skim. Plenty of bad review material already! Unintentionally hilarious! Poor David Hasselhoff.

Book: Blankets

2010-02-17T20:45:00.000-08:00

Hot on the heels of fantastic novel #1 (Never Let Me Go), we have Fantastic Novel #2, a graphic novel this time. Oh, what a beautiful piece of art this book is.

I'm not really into graphic novels per se. I like a few (Strangers in Paradise, Sandman), but I haven't really gotten into them as a thing.

You definitely do not have to be a fan of graphic novels to be incredibly, deeply moved by this lovely, lovely story of first love, growing up, bonding between siblings, religious journeys and the inevitable pain of all of it.

So many other people have written incredible, eloquent reviews of Blankets, and I don't know what I could say that would add to the adoration.

* Lu

* Stefanie

* Ana

As Ana says, "Dear friends who haven't read Blankets yet: please read it right now. I'm serious. And if you're thinking, "Could it possibly be as good as everyone says it is?", the answer is yes - as good, if not better."

I took her advice (and everyone else's) and I'm so glad I did. The story is incredibly touching. The art is wonderful. The story arcs are simple and clean and absorbing... it was crazy easy to read this in one sitting, completely blocking out the rest of the world.

Craig Thompson is the narrator (and author and artist) in this autobiographical account of growing up sharing a bed with his little brother (hilarious, moving, sad, scary, wonderful) and then later, falling in love for the first time, sharing a bed with someone for the first time (hilarious, moving, sad, scary, wonderful). The anguish and tension of first love, being a teenager, struggling with questions of faith and friendship and love and growing up.

Since everyone else has written such amazing things about it (and I'm very tired tonight and can't seem to pull up the words I want to write), just a few personal thoughts about it.

While I didn't have to sleep in the same bed as my little brother, we did have a great time having 'sleepovers' in each other's room sometimes, which I now look back on as such sweet, fun times. He and I both also battled a terrific fear of the dark (ghosty house), sleepwalking (sometimes in tandem), and developed a keen eye for looking out for each other as we navigated childhood camping, fishing, skiing, etc. Now both in our 30s (crazy) we are very close. The sequences about wanting to protect his little brother (and sometimes, not being able to) just shot me right through the heart. I love my brother intensely and the painful scenes in Blankets just made me want to weep.

I'm sure everyone's first experience with love is different, but I think everyone can find something to identify with as Craig and his friend Raina fall in love. That intensity, the narrow focus of only each other, the deep longing and joy. And the inevitable heartbreak when maybe somebody isn't on the same page as you. More tears.

A big thick, hefty chunk of a graphic novel, I wanted more when it was over. I might even have to read it again before it goes back to the library.

Book: Never Let Me Go (edited)

2010-02-16T20:11:00.000-08:00

Oh, how I wish I could write eloquently enough to describe this beautiful, sad, strange, utterly absorbing novel.

Unfortunately, even if I could, there is a terrible dark secret that is revealed slowly over time, and it would be awful to spill the beans if anyone hasn't read it yet.

The students of Hailsham, a boarding school of sorts, are special. They have a special role to play in society, and are shielded from the rest of the world. They spend their days studying art and poetry, sharing secrets in the dorms, and struggling to navigate the ins and outs of friendship and love.

However, just below the idyllic boarding school scene runs a dark undercurrent. Like the Hailsham students themselves, we are slowly "told but not told" the secret. At first, you can't quite believe what your brain knows to be true. It seems unthinkable. As more and more is revealed, the sense of horror grows just under the beautifully written relationship drama.

However, this is far from a horror novel. It reminds me very strongly of The Handmaids Tale, that favorite (but horrible) Atwood novel. On the surface, it's beautifully written, full of longing and melancholy, lovely English countryside scenes, complex friendships. But the shadow that lurks... weaves its way through the story... we are never able to quite break contact with the shadow.

I wish I could write more about this book, but I really can't without revealing too much. The complicated friendship between the protagonist, Kathy, and her best friend, Ruth, and their close friend Tommy, is rich and layered, often painfully true to life. The melancholy theme of 'never let me go' runs parallel to the dark shadow... both of them interweaving through the story. The friends are inseparable, until, inevitably, life separates them.

Unfortunately I had to return the book to the library, because there was more I wanted to write but I can't remember the specific parts, but I can write about my reaction to what I read. I found this book to be deeply affecting. The sense of futility and loss, so closely tied to the beauty of friendship and love, was heartwrenching. When I finished, I closed my eyes, let it wash over me, walked out into the kitchen to get a glass of water, and then stood at the sink and cried. It took a few minutes for the full impact of the story to sink in and hit me. It has stayed with me and I find myself drifting into Hailsham melancholy at odd moments.

So beautiful and sad. I loved it. I now need to read Remains of the Day, also by Ishiguro.

** edited to add: I was thinking about it this morning and this book took me a few chapters to get into. It's told in this beautiful, slow, slightly hazy way, and while that works incredibly well, it took a little while for me to get into it. I liked it, but I wondered what what going on, where all this was going, in its meandering way. The rest of the book unfolds in these beautiful gentle leaps and plays between present and past, always folding and refolding and unfolding and finally blooming open.

The other thing I was thinking about was how incredibly masterful the storytelling is. By the end of the book, you are devastated. But all along the way, you are somehow buoyed into this gentle, peaceful sense that it's all somehow okay (although you know it really isn't, somewhere deep down, you know this isn't going anywhere good... although the journey there is beautiful... and maybe that's kind of part of the point of the book?).

A short update

2010-02-13T23:32:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the radio silence... been awfully busy lately.

However, we did our first official drive-by yesterday! That was fun. And informative. There were some beautiful 3-bedroom lofts in Oakland that had recently been reduced by $50,000 (!!) so we drove by to see what they were like.

The lofts themselves looked very modern/industrial/arty from the outside, which I like in theory, but I think we are more Craftsman-cottage type people. (we didn't go inside) Anyway, the downside was the presence of several, let us say, houses of ill-repute, scattered all up and down the street. In Oakland parlance: crack houses.

Hence the rapid $50k price reduction (I am guessing)

Still, it was fun to take Step One on this journey and to see what's out there. I drove by another cute house today and although the street was very cramped and the neighborhood on the 'transitional' side, the house was freaking ADORABLE. So this gives me hope.

Reading Never Let Me Go, and having a difficult time stopping. So good. Reminds me of The Handmaid's Tale... more about that once I finish it.

A Sartorial Tale

2010-02-10T21:34:00.001-08:00

I got a really nice, long, straight, brown skirt at the thrift shop over the weekend. I thought it needed boots.

I also found a few tops that I thought would look good with skinny jeans.

I didn't have boots or skinny jeans. However, boots + skinny jeans would be great, right?

So I looked online, found some great brown boots for a good price, and ordered them.

They came today; they looked pretty good when I tried them on at work. At least I *thought* so.

I went out after work and tried on 10 or 12 pairs of skinny jeans before FINALLY finding a pair. They're black. My boots are brown. First problem.

I got home and showed Terri the jeans. She loved them. Then I tried them on with the boots. She did not love that. Then I tried on the jeans with flats. Two thumbs up.

Boots with any other combination got a solid thumbs down. In fact, the boots themselves got a thumbs down. Second problem.

But then, I found a pair of brown boots in my closet, behind the clothes (I have a very small closet).

And a pair of black boots.

Oh. So maybe I have no problem?

The moral of this story is: shopping is hard. And trying on skinny jeans is not for the faint of heart. And maybe I'm not cut out for skinny jeans plus boots.

But now I have cute skinny jeans. And the boots are going back.

I believe this warrants a "SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!"

2010-02-09T10:54:00.001-08:00

From the home-buying counseling agency:

"Based on reviewing the homebuyer counseling worksheet (and your credit report), it appears that you are an excellent prospect for home ownership."

I'm having a hard time keeping a lid on it.

Some Updates

2010-02-07T18:50:00.000-08:00

It's been a little quiet over here lately so I thought I would post a few updates.

* I've been incredibly busy with freelance work/jobs, which is great, but keeps me, well, busy. And then when I'm not busy, I'm really tired and needing to just veg. Also it's been cold and rainy, which I like, but not exactly beckoning me out to hike or whatever. So mostly, I've been working or doing not much at all.

* I've also been doing a low-key wheat-and-dairy-free thing for the past 2-3 weeks (seems like FOREVER). It's mostly for my tummy and energy levels, to see if it makes a difference. I think it *has,* because I feel less sleepy during the day (well, sometimes) and my stomach is happier. However, that doesn't mean that I'm happier. Dang, I didn't realize how much I rely on both wheat and dairy. Cutting out one (either) isn't so hard, but both at the same time is really difficult. I've been craving a burrito... it's not so hard to have a dairy-free burrito, but a wheat-free tortilla is a step further. Or a sandwich... but do I really want to spend $6 on a gluten-free loaf, just so I can have a sandwich (which wouldn't have any cheese, so what's the point) or a piece of toast? Sigh. Actually this wouldn't so bad except that I've been so busy that I haven't really been planning very well, so mostly I'm running around with that sort of hungry-sick feeling and not able to think very clearly about what I could be eating. I had veggie Pad Thai last night, and that was good, and today I had some guacamole (for Super Bowl viewing, not that I watched the game)... but since I'm the only one eating much in the house right now, it's hard to plan meals. And planning wheat-and-dairy-free meals (for one person) is taking a little more gumption than I seem to have at the moment.

* The reason why I'm the only one eating much in the house is because Terri had her endoscopy last Monday to see what's going on with her tummy. She's been having bad stomach pains since November, and has lost a ton of weight because she can't find anything to eat that doesn't hurt her stomach. So anyway, had the endoscopy, and looks like at least some gastritis. We'll get more information this week. Since Monday, she has been in a terrible crash and hasn't been able to leave the house (or barely get out of bed). Has had awful digestive issues and pains, and hasn't been able to eat much other than Gatorade, a little bit of rice, bananas, maybe some applesauce, and... yeah, that's about it. So she's literally not eating very much at all, so between sort of trying to help her figure out what to eat (or not), and having to puzzle out wheat/dairy-free eating for me, and being so busy... yeah. Not really thinking too clearly, and not doing very much meal-planning.

* In other news, I hope to hear from the home-buyer agency this week about what's the next steps for figuring out house-buying stuff. I'm very excited about this, even if they say we need to wait a little longer (for whatever reason). Just putting the wheels in motion is so excellent. I can't even think about moving (and leaving our wonderful neighborhood, wah!!). But looking at houses? Sounds like fun.

So, that's about it. I've been trying to read my book club book (Never Let Me Go, Ishiguro), but wow, I am pretty overwhelmed and all I can seem to manage to read are some Smithsonian magazine articles. Or, if I'm being totally honest, flipping through Better Homes and Gardens...

I'm hoping that after this week, I will feel a little more myself. I'll have a bunch of projects wrapped up, and will find some time to plan decent menus for myself, and we'll know what to do for Terri's tummy... but in the meantime, I'm a little overwhelmed, and really hungry. I really want a piece of Brie, a brownie, and a big toasted cheese sandwich. Sigh.

Book: Tales of the City

2010-02-04T20:07:00.000-08:00

Sorry to disappoint the bad-review fans, but this book was SO MUCH FUN.

Many people have told me that Tales of the City was a total trip, so silly and fun and gossipy and local (if you're in the Bay Area, that is). It's all true! SO much fun, so SEVENTIES. Oh my goodness, so seventies.

I loved it. I loved every single chapter.

I loved the adorable snarky queeny gay characters.

I loved the fag hags.

I loved the mysterious and generous (ahem) landlady. And her sweet romance.

I loved the naive newcomers and their perceptions of this freewheeling crazy city by the bay.

I loved the gossipy, bitchy, privileged society couples.

I just loved every page.

It was really fun to read this after having lived here for over 10 years now (wow), because I am very familiar with all the landmarks, some of the history, the neighborhoods. Apparently this was written as a series of columns, very current. Armistead Maupin, the author, was able to work in current events, so I can imagine how much fun it would be to read this each week or month or however often it was published. San Francisco in the 1970s?!? I don't necessarily wish I lived it, but it sure was fun to read about.

If The Bourne Identity was unintentionally amusing because of the dated technology, Tales of the City was a time capsule of the mid-1970s and was so far behind any sort of technology at all that it was completely charming. These two books have really made me question the place of technology in our everyday lives. I'm always sort of vaguely against modern technology, even though I use and love much of it (she writes, on her laptop, with wireless internet, with Blackberry charging in the other room...). Reading these two in a row has made me think hard about how much time I spend in front of the screen(s). I think I would feel much more human and centered if I spent more time in front of the canvas, or the page. I think I'm going to try to make some changes.

Anyway, I would love to quote this entire book, but here are a few that made me laugh out loud and made me very happy.

This one cracks me up for the non-ironic use of "boogie":

"... do you think I'm a fag hag?"

"What?"

"I do, I'm sure of it."

"You've been eating funny mushrooms again."

"I don't mind being a fag hag actually. There are worse things to be."

"You are not a fag hag, Mona."

"Look at the symptoms. I hang around with you, don't I? We go boogying at Buzzby's and The Endup. I'm practically a fixture at The Palms..."
"Mona..."

"Hell, Mouse! I hardly know any straight men anymore!"
"You live in San Francisco."

...They ate dinner at Pier 54, boogied briefly at Buzzby's, and arrived back at Barbary Lane at ten-thirty."

That phrase, "boogied briefly," cracks me up. I boogie, you boogie, we boogied, they boogied, we boogie together. Not danced. Boogied.

A few other choice bits:

"Mona's second-floor apartment was adorned with Indian wall hangings, assorted street signs, and Art Deco light globes. Her dining table was an industrial cable spool. Her armchair, a converted Victorian toilet."

"Maybe it was the light show or the rock ensemble... or the Afro-aphrodisia of the Reverend Willy Sessums, bojangling the bejeezus out of Third World Socialism. Or maybe it was the Quaalude she took at breakfast. Whatever. Today she felt mellow. Together. A karmic cog in the great, sway mechanisms of Glibb (Glide) Memorial. She sang out with the fervor of a Southern Baptist, flanked by a Noe Valley wood butcher and a Tenderloin drag queen in a coral prom gown."

"...I meet some person... male-type... at a bar or at the baths, and he seems really... what I want. A nice mustache, Levi's, a starched khaki army shirt... strong... then you go home with him to his house on Upper Market, and you try like hell not to go to the bathroom, because the bathroom is the giveaway, the fantasy-killer... It's the bathroom cabinet. Face creams and shampoos for days. And on top of the toilet tank they've always got one of those goddamn little gold pedestals full of colored soap balls!"

That last one cracked me up because my grandma had one of those little gold pedestals full of colored soap balls! I loved those when I was little, I was totally fascinated and desperately wanted a little soap ball of my own.

Ohhhhh, I loved this so much. I think I definitely have to read the next one. It's the perfect antidote to modern-day angst and worry and overwhelm. Have a Quaalude, smoke a joint, go do some boogying, go pick up a lovely gay man at the Market street Safeway for some rollerskating and then a hamburger at Hamburger Mary's. Now I think I have to go do a San Francisco Tales of the City landmark tour. And watch the show.

Book: The Bourne Identity

2010-02-01T10:57:00.000-08:00

A little background information before we jump into the review:

I do not generally read thrillers. There are a few exceptions: I love the Pendergast novels (by Lincoln & Child), and... um, well that's all I can think of. And the reason I like those is because the main character is so quirky and compelling, and because there is usually an element of the supernatural involved at some point. I also don't really like thriller movies, but Terri convinced me that I would enjoy The Bourne Identity when it was released, and I did like all three of those. There's a certain category of thriller book and movie which Terri loves, which I refer to as "Man Movies" or "Man Books." They're the equivalent of romantic comedies or chick-lit books. Usually the cover features very strong fonts, and an explosion, and people looking serious, and maybe a woman with a gun. You know the type (see: featured cover above). Anyway, The Bourne Identity was definitely a Man Book, but it was maybe Man Book Lite.

However, Terri said I would enjoy this book, and my library doesn't have it for some reason, and I was at the airport and they had a really bad selection of books but they had this one, so that's why I ended up reading this.

If you've seen the movie, you know the premise (although how it plays out differs in the movies). A man wakes up in a foreign country, severely injured, with no idea who he is or where he is or what happened to him. Complete amnesia. But he very quickly realizes that he has skills no ordinary person should have: he's great with a gun, extremely resourceful, a master of disguises, has no problem killing when necessary, and seems to have a sixth sense about who's trying to kill him. Why they are trying to kill him becomes the real question.

I have no idea how to review a thriller, because it followed what I assume to be the pretty standard format: set up premise, insert lots of guns and bad guys, race around trying to outsmart said bad guys, shoot a lot of people, involve espionage in some way, throw in a deep undercover US government operation, maybe a beautiful woman, and a nemesis. Voila: the thriller.

Anyway, I'd like to point out that this was a REALLY LONG BOOK. It was almost 600 pages. So I liked it enough to keep reading, although towards the end I was definitely skimming. I really enjoyed the first parts, when he was discovering all these really cool spy skills, and travelling all over France and Switzerland, and the part about the Swiss bank was fun. By the time he met Marie (the beautiful woman), he was starting to piece together bits of his past... but he is never quite sure exactly who or what he is. That's the big mystery. And we aren't sure either (which is fun).

By the last third, I was really ready for him to find his nemesis and get it over with. Of course we know it's a trilogy, so things aren't quite resolved, but good enough. Frankly by that point I didn't really care, I was so tired of reading this book. I doubt I'll read the next two unless I'm stranded at the airport again, or if I really need a change of pace. I did enjoy it, but it's just not my thing.

However, the thing that really struck me was the Lack Of Cell Phones. After a little while I realized that he was always racing to the pay phone and fumbling for coins. Wha? I checked the pub date: 1980. Aha! From then on, it became very amusing to notice the dated bits. The cell phone thing was a big one. How did the people in thriller book ever manage before cell phones? They are always looking for parking places (or smashing cars, making a parking space) and dealing with out-of-order pay phones, or renting hotel rooms just to use the phone, or waiting impatiently by the phone, or setting up elaborate "I'll call you at 7:17 pm SHARP" phone-relay systems. I imagine the entire world of espionage was revolutionized by the cell phone.

The other thing that cracked me up was the "glowing green screen of the wall of computer monitors." Remember when all your monitor had was blinking glowing green text? And what a huge deal it was when color monitors appeared, even in rudimentary form? Anyway, there was a serious lack of technology in this book, which strangely I think helped me enjoy it more, since I wasn't glazing over with talk of nano-this and mega-that.

Also, the HUGE SUM OF MONEY he recovered from the Swiss bank was FOUR MILLION DOLLARS!! Ok, ok, I know, if I had four million dollars that would be a pretty big deal. But I guess thirty years ago, four million dollars was more... it was enough to set you up in style FOR LIFE. Or something. I can't really make the comparison. Wait... the handy-dandy inflation calculator says that 4 million bucks in 1980 would be over 10 million dollars now. So, okay. I guess that's a pretty good chunk of change. But the way they were talking about it was as if he'd somehow managed to get a billion dollars or something.

So, it was enjoyable, and the most enjoyable parts were chuckling at the technological advances we've made in the past 30 years. However, it was really long, and had way too much international government blah blah blah undercover blah blah blah disguises blah blah blah. I liked the main character a lot, and I loved the premise, and the first half or so of the book was really fun.

Maybe I'll try the next one... next year. Or something.

Coincidentally, the night I finished up the book, the movie was playing on TV. I had it on in the background just for a bit of comparison... seriously, that whole movie is BASED on cell phones.

and some last few photos from the trip...

2010-01-30T06:54:00.000-08:00

Finally got around to processing all these...

Anyway. Mostly food and people, now!

My first meal once I landed in Portland, at The Waffle Window. Matt had a waffle with brie, bacon and basil. Mine was a waffle with ham and swiss (I think). They were both pretty amazing. Who knew waffles were so versatile? (just an aside: I usually suspend my vegetarianism when I go to Oregon... it's just easier. Just call me a waffler. Ha!)

My perfect Portland solo lunch at The Original, which saved me from trudging around in the rain with all my luggage as I waited for the Greyhound bus to take me down to Corvallis. This was the perfect respite. Coffee, a nice salad, a biscuit, some soup (which was good but too salty), and a book. And people-watching. I was very happy for an hour or so here.

Speaking of biscuits, Matt and I went to Pine State Biscuits for breakfast before our ski day. Matt's been telling me about this place for awhile.

He's been raving about this breakfast sandwich called The Reggie.

Biscuit, fried chicken, cheese, bacon, and gravy (Matt's, shown here, also had an egg). Uhhh, wow. That was quite a meal (it was delicious). However, since we at at around 7:30 AM and didn't eat again until around 4:30, and skiied hard all day, this was actually a pretty perfect breakfast. Kept us full and fueled up for a fun day. But I won't be eating something like this again for a looooong time.

A cute, but blurry, photo of Matt and his adorable girlfriend Alison. This was after skiing. I had some great mac and cheese.

We stopped in at Whole Foods to get Matt some tea... I liked looking at the beautiful Dungeness crabs they had. They were nice enough to hold them up for me and let me take a photo.

I painted a crab pot float for my dad for Christmas and wanted to use these as a model (the photos, not the actual crabs). I forgot to take a picture of the completed float, but let's just say I forgot to use the crabs as a model. Oh well.

My best friend Erin's "pet bird." Apparently every year this little bird (or a relative of his?) stakes a claim on this corner of Erin's porch to stay out of the weather. Adorable.

Let's see.... Erin's kids at my dad's house, "collecting eggs." I called ahead to make sure there were eggs available to be collected when we arrived. :)

My dad, in the kitchen of the house I grew up in, making the Worlds Best Fish. I usually dislike fish (although I ate it ALL THE TIME growing up... which does not mean I actually liked it then, either). Dad is an avid fisherman and always has great steelhead in the freezer, and since it's the only opportunity for me to have fish that I actually like, I always request it.

He cooks it over the BBQ, with special applewood smoke, and it is absolutely delicious. You can't get fish to taste like this in a restaurant or from the store.

Anyway. I think that's it for the photos from this trip. Back to photographing lovely Oakland, CA!

Book: Le Divorce

2010-01-29T17:32:00.000-08:00

Finally a review! I actually finished this a couple of weeks ago on my Oregon trip, but wanted to wait to review it until after my book club (as it was our January book pick).

The consensus: enjoyable, but mixed reactions to various parts.

The plot is this: a young woman (Isabelle, aimless, unsure what to do with her life) from California goes to Paris to help her stepsister, who is married to a Frenchie, prepare for her second child. She is to help with their toddler, do various odd jobs, etc. She later finds out that actually her sister is supposed to be helping Isabelle find a direction in her life, under the ruse of needing her help with the baby. There are many bait-and-switch moments like this in the book. Anyway, so Isabelle is an American in Paris, and quickly becomes swept into the family drama unfolding. Roxy's (the sister) husband has left her for another woman, and drama ensues.

Among the various dramas: Isabelle's affair with a powerful, sexy much-older man; a pottery-theft operation; various other affairs by various other members of the French branch of the family; a divorce proceeding which turns ugly over a valuable painting; a missing cat; a kidnapping; a murder; a birth and a death. And lots of other stuff.

And also: French-American relations commentary; Bosnian war opinions; domestic details, funny manners misunderstandings; EuroDisney and of course amazing French food.

There's a lot in this book.

And that's where the discussion got interesting. Some people enjoyed all the various plotlines and commentaries. Others (the majority) felt that many of them were extraneous and could have easily been left out. And then we had to discuss what point was being made by including so many plotlines, especially when mixed with beautiful prose and so many scenic, leisurely American-in-Paris scenes. Was it a slice-of-life? Or an overly-ambitious author?

I enjoyed the book but felt it was a little busy. There was a big dramatic event near the end which I felt could have been left out entirely. Although I didn't really find anyone particularly sympathetic (Roxy was too hysterical, and Isabelle very self-contained), I especially enjoyed Isabelle's affair with the older man. Isabelle gains a doorway into a higher cultural experience through this affair, and learns a lot about what sort of person she is and what sort of paths might become available to her. I don't have a problem with May-December romances in general, and could totally see how an adventurous young woman might stand to gain a lot (and enjoy a lot) by entering into this arrangement, especially if it's not forever, you know? It's a classic: she benefits from his attentions, his wealth, his connections. He benefits from her youth, her beauty, her freshness. They both have a good time. It's Paris! Why not?

This was definitely a fun, good read, although somewhat more complicated than it needed to be. It's a few steps above typical chick-lit, which I generally can't stand, but not too heavy. Had some nice language (some book club members felt the vocabulary was larger/fancier than warranted, but I appreciated an intelligently-written book), and certainly any sort of cultural-commentary book about Paris is fun to read. Once character is constantly trying to "crack the code" of Parisian women: how do they do that thing with their hair? What's with the scarves? What kind of perfume is the correct perfume? Why all the fancy lingerie? All the mysteries of Parisian femininity. I enjoyed those parts and wanted more.

So, overall, pretty interesting with lots of fascinating details about Parisian domestic life. With a bunch of other plotlines thrown in.

It's funny, I finished this in the airport and so had to buy another book. The book selection was TERRIBLE so I bought The Bourne Identity, which I've sort of wanted to read for awhile but my library acutally DOES NOT HAVE (how can they not have this?!), so I felt okay about buying it. It's also set in Paris, and is kind of incredibly long (well over 500 pages, but I will finish it tonight), but of course is a very different book from Le Divorce. Still, they have some similarities. While The Bourne Identity is what I would call a "man-book" (and of course there are also "man-movies"), it's somewhat better than what I typically think of as a man-book/thriller. Le Divorce could possibly be labeled as "chick-lit", but it was definitely a step or two above typical beach fluff. It's enriched fluff. Kind of like whole-grain Wonder bread.

I think I would like to watch the movie, although the sisters in the book have dark hair and in the movie, they are both blondies. Still, I'd like to see it.

Next up: Finishing Bourne, then finishing Tales of the City, and then perhaps The Song Is You or Ghost In Love or Never Let Me Go (next month's book club pick, chosen by me). So many good books in the pile. Such a good feeling.

Columbia Gorge and Mt. Hood

2010-01-29T06:46:00.000-08:00

I already shared my goofy ski videos but here are some more images from the trip to Mt. Hood Meadows. We drove up through the Columbia Gorge because it's so beautiful and one of my favorite places on earth.

Got some really interesting shots out the incredibly dirty windows of Matt's car...

and of course the Gorge is always happy to oblige with photogenic green trees and mists...
We used to stop at Multnomah Falls all the time on our way to my mom's family in Eastern Oregon. We always had to peek in the creek to see if we could find any fish. Usually there were a few to be found, but none this time.
Sooooo many memories of playing around this creek and looking for fish...

And just one more because it's so pretty.

Then onward to Mt. Hood! My mom calls this "her mountain" because you can have a great view of it from where she grew up, in Eastern Oregon (a small town called Grass Valley). I think of it as her mountain now, still.

Such a gorgeous day at Mt. Hood Meadows.

And pretty, pretty mountain scenes on the way back to Portland.

Mushroom Trophies (1,000th post!)

2010-01-28T06:37:00.000-08:00

Happy 1000th post to me! Hard to believe. That's a lot of posts.

My poor brother's birthday is three days after Christmas, so that means that he usually loses out on the birthday presents. But not this year! (actually, last year, I guess...)

He has said in the past that he wants to start collecting "sister art" (meaning, art made by me... altogether now, "Awww!"). So every once in awhile I remember this and make him something. This year he had a great idea: you know how hunters mount their trophies? Antlers and such? Well, Matt is a mushroom hunter, so he thought it would be cool to have "mushroom trophies." I took this idea and ran with it!

Yes, sculpted mushrooms, in three varieties: morel, chanterelle, and porcini...

mounted on trophy boards, of course. (these were plain pine, but I stained them to look like walnut or some other dark wood).

They turned out so awesome. I love these. Here are the morels:

And the chanterelles:
The underside of the chanterelles:

And the porcini:
I used Super Sculpey and it was so easy to use! I love this stuff now. I sculpted the mushrooms, and then cured them in the oven. Then, it was easy to paint them with acrylics. I used epoxy glue to mount them (I had to stain the epoxy with paint first, so it wouldn't show... apparently it dries in a cream color). Anyway, these are kitschy and fun and perfect for Matt. He loved them and that's what matters most!

Sleep Challenge

2010-01-27T17:31:00.000-08:00

I saw this post somewhere today and feel suddenly inspired to try it for the month of February:

The Huffington Post Sleep Challenge For Women

I usually do fairly well with sleep, although when I add it up I realize that I usually only get around 7 hours a night which I know is too few for me (sometimes if my book is really good, I get less, and then I really start to falter). I refuse to have more than a cup or two of caffeinated beverage a day, so I really do need eight to feel my best. So my guess is that I need to turn out the lights at... 10 p.m. Ok, there you have it. 10 p.m. lights out on work nights (Monday through Thursday, for me) for the month of February. Let's see how it goes.

Since I started working four 10-hour days, my stress level is much less, but I also know that I'm sleeping less because I didn't adjust my bedtime, so I'm sort of screwing myself out of the full benefit. I still turn out the lights around 11 (or later, if I"m being honest) mostly because I want to read another chapter or two or three. It's a bad habit.

And why am I reading so late at night? Well, mostly because I am playing on the computer, reading stuff or emailing or whatever. Wasting precious reading time. I've been trying to turn off the computer by 9, but I think it needs to be even earlier.

So let's talk it out. What do I need to do in order to turn out the lights by 10?

I need to turn off the computer by 8 pm (or earlier), and get out my book. I like to read for at least an hour every night. At least.

Maybe I just need to go ahead and say no TV or movies past 9 pm for me during the work week, too. So, let's just say no electronic media past 9 pm.

Dinner needs to be eaten by 7:30.

That all sounds reasonable and do-able for four nights a week. And I'll keep track of how much sleep I get and how good/bad I feel on some sort of little meter on the side of this blog. I'll figure that out this weekend.

A few years ago I took February and turned it into Take Care of Daphne month. Maybe I should do that this year too. Get more sleep, focus on eating better, spend more time doing art and exercising. I've been feeling really run down lately so I think this would do me a lot of good. We have a lot of important things/decisions coming up this spring so I need to be in really good health and with a sharp mind. Sleep and better overall health will help that.

***

Important Update: remember yesterday where I said it would be dangerous if the grocery store near my office carried my favorite greek yogurt? Well, shoot. Today I discovered that they DO. In my favorite flavors (honey and fig) and for CHEAPER than at Berkeley Bowl (which is a little shocking). I think this will be replacing my infrequent I'm-frustrated-and-need-a-treat chocolate bar. What? Replacing chocolate with yogurt? Is it really that good? Yes, it is. And how awesome is it that there is a grocery store within a five-minute walk of my office? Truly one of the perks.

Also, and related: I had a giant lettuce-tomato-avocado salad for lunch today which completely made up for my disgusting cooking failure yesterday. I can't wait for spring vegetables.

It Makes Me Smile

2010-01-26T18:39:00.000-08:00

(stole this idea from Tammie)

Wow, I am in a totally blah space. I'm pretty run-down healthwise for some reason (I guess a staph infection plus a sleepless vacation plus an allergic reaction plus getting my period will do that to a person...). I'm not exactly in a bad mood, just low energy and feeling like hibernating. It's gray and cold and rainy out (my favorite weather) which also makes me feel like curling up in a warm little ball in my bed. The cats are setting a perfect example, which is difficult to resist.

However, despite my blank and gray frame of mind, and a number of things to worry about (aren't there always?), there are still some things making me smile these days.

* The first-time homebuyers seminar! Woohoo! It was very informative, and gives me more than a little hope that we will be able to buy a house sometime soon. I am going to finish filling out our paperwork this week to get the process started. It's very exciting. Even if we have to start with a small townhouse, as long as it has an outdoor space, we'll be thrilled.

* My recent upswing in book success! I've had three good ones in a row. Actually two of them are nearly finished: The Bourne Identity and Tales of the City. The third, which I haven't blogged about because it's my book club book and I wanted to see what my fellow bookclubbers thought of it, was Le Divorce, which I also really enjoyed. Also a rare case where all three books have been made into movies and/or series, so I can enjoy them further. I actually really liked"The Bourne Identity" movie, and have many thoughts about comparing it to the book, which will be in my review once I finish it. I can't wait to watch "Tales of the City," and "Le Divorce" looks like it might be sort of fun as well.

* Epic cooking fail! I'm on a bit of a roll with being kind of ridiculous (see before-mentioned health issues... seriously? WTF!), but yesterday I topped it all off with a pretty amazing cooking disaster. I usually have pretty good success with my cooking experiments, but my attempt to combine a couple of Ethiopian-inspired dishes did not succeed. There is a dish that I love which has cabbage, onions, potatoes and carrots all cooked together, and another one with sweet potatoes. So I sort of put it all together in the crockpot, with tumeric and cumin. Sounds good, right? I don't know if it was the ratio or if I added too much water or what, but it turned out absolutely disgusting. I took some for lunch today. Usually I try to suffer through at least one serving of my mistakes, if only to teach myself a lesson (and not waste it). However, even with generous salting, I couldn't eat more than three bites of this. Seriously disgusting. The whole batch goes into the garbage. Thankfully it was a cheap experiment, but I hate wasting food like that. Next time, I'm following a recipe before experimenting. Still, it amuses me that it was such an absolute, unquestionable failure.

My other experiment, puffed millet treats (as opposed to rice crispy treats) turned out pretty well. They're not crispy (next time, I will buy crisped brown rice), but they are relatively healthy and don't taste too bad either. It's what I ended up having for lunch, anyway.

* Golden Temple Coconut Almond Granola! I finally figured out where this is in the bulk foods section at my beloved Berkeley Bowl. It kept hiding from me, and I would buy a different kind, thinking it was the right one, but it was not. However, I located it again, and my goodness, this is the perfect granola (for me). Crispy, not too chunky, with toasted almonds and perfectly toasted large shavings of not-too-sweet coconut. I seriously love this stuff. If I felt like being completely decadent I would eat it with my other current favorite, The Greek Gods full-fat greek yogurt (my favorites are honey and fig). Unfortunately it's a little expensive (and full of fat, although delicious) so I don't buy it often. But OMG, seriously people. Good stuff. I wonder if the grocery store near my office will carry it soon (the yogurt)? That could be dangerous.

Anyway. Book Club is this Thursday, so I will log a report about Le Divorce after that, and I expect to finish my other books very quickly, so a flurry of book reviews coming soon! In the meantime, you can find me (and Terri, and Cleo and Katie) snuggled in our bed, in our WARM (yes, I said it!!) bedroom, crunching on granola, reading books and watching lamentable TV.

Foggy

2010-01-25T12:06:00.001-08:00

Oh, hi there blog! Wow, where have I been?

Oh yeah, on vacation, and then at work, and then it's been a weird weekend, and here we are and it's Monday and I'm totally out of the loop.

Friday was weird. I woke up with giant puffy, swollen eyes. I have never in my life had eyes that swollen -- I couldn't even see to drive. I was a little freaked out. In retrospect, it's probably not that big of a deal, but at the time, I could not imagine what had happened and I was a little (a little?) anxious about it. After a few hours I realized that I had tried a new eye makeup color the previous day, as well as had two immunizations in the last two weeks, so my body just freaked out a little. I've never had any sensitivity to eye makeup before, so hopefully it's just the grand confluence of immunizations, a new color, oh and getting my period as well. I would be very sad to have to completely start over with hypoallergenic eyemakeup, or egads, no makeup at all!! Noooo! I will wait another week before trying anything, just to be safe.

We did get a good space heater, and put it in the kitchen. Although it takes a little bit of time to warm it up, it's nice to have the kitchen brought up to a decent temperature, you know, like 60. I'm waiting for the temp to reach 65 -- won't that be a grand day? It doesn't exactly warm up the rest of the house, but it's nice to not freeze when you need to get a snack. If we are still here next year, I think we're going to invest in an Eden heater.

On that note, went to a first-time homebuyer's seminar on Saturday. Very, very encouraging and inspiring. We're going to move forward with getting all of our ducks in a row, knowing that we'd like to buy this fall (for a number of reasons) but wanting to get the process started now. I feel like we have a very short window of opportunity here in the Bay Area and I don't want to lose it. So that was exciting.

However most of the last few days have been extremely foggy (in my head). I was already tired from my trip, and then having the allergy reaction (and all the subsequent antihistamines, which I am very sensitive to) tired me out, and then I got my period, and basically I have no idea of anything going on around me at all. What? We need groceries? What? I should do some laundry? What? I was supposed to meet a friend for a walk this morning and completely slept through it?

Sigh. Some days (weeks?) are like that.

I have two books which I hope to finish today and tomorrow, so book reviews coming soon, but mostly I've been completely out of it. I hope to wake up this week! How are you all?

that kind of a (week?)

2010-01-22T13:21:00.001-08:00

If you are a Neil Gaiman fan, then perhaps you read his journal or follow him on Twitter. And if you do, then you know that he has a very very sweet blind kitty. Who is now very very sick. I read about this last night and it has been breaking my heart ever since. I know that kitties get sick all the time (and it's awful every single time) but this little one reminds me of my Little and when kitties have that certain sweet look, I tear up and am full of misery and loss all over again.

However, a very sweet story about Gaiman's little girl here, and a picture of the darling, here. Send some good thoughts to little Zoe if you can. (stopping now, before I start crying again)

***

Some bad/good things:

Thankfully my leg (she of the recent staph infection) is healing, but this morning I woke up with my eyes completely puffed over. Apparently I am allergic to my new eyeshadow. Three hours of tea bags and one Claritin later, I could see well enough to drive to work. Benadryl for me tonight!

The house has been at around 50 degrees all week (inside the house), which is insane; however, we made the thrilling discovery last night that the bedroom can handle a higher-powered space heater without shorting out the entire house (which usually happens in other rooms, which is one reason why the house is 50 degrees). So tonight we will be going to Sears to purchase the best goddamned space heater they have. And maybe a programmable oil radiator for the rest of the house, to take the chill off. If it won't burst all the fuses. Or burst into flames. Either of those options are not good.

Other assorted goodness/badness:

Terri's car won't start.

I'm loving The Bourne Identity (book). Mindless fun.

Terri has discovered she makes a mean split pea soup in the slow cooker.

Terri found a good GI doc.

I'm going to a first-time homebuyers seminar tomorrow. W00t!

Apparently I am in full-on PMS mode.

It's been raining buckets, which is lovely, but makes our house even colder.

Yippee! Come on over to our house this weekend. Hopefully we'll have some heat, and I'll make popcorn and we can forget about the world.

the day

2010-01-21T20:06:00.000-08:00

It started with the oil heater fritzing out, first thing. Luckily we had another one. But still.

Then my soup leaked into my purse. So much for being all frugal and bringing my lunch.

Then, went to work. (enough said)

Then, came home to a sweetie-sicle (sweetie-pop?). Our house is just too freaking cold. It's ridiculous. I bet it's barely 50 degrees in here. With the heat on. (what passes for heat in this house) I pulled out the little inefficient fan-type space heater to try and warm her up (the sweetie, not the house. I've given up on the house). I just noticed this little heater has stopped oscillating. Two heaters down in one day! Yes!

Then, went out for my walk, in the freezing rain. I like rain. A lot. But I was already cold and although I'm glad I went, I am now wet and cold and frustrated.

(Did I mention Terri's car won't start, too?)

Anyone have a suggestion for the World's Best Space Heater?

Or want to come over and insulate our apartment?

it's my favorite color for a reason

2010-01-20T19:00:00.000-08:00

I have more photos, but here are just a few from the weekend up in Oregon.

Driving to Eugene on the backroad of Highway 99...

And in the Columbia Gorge, on the way to Mt. Hood for skiing...

And my favorite waterfall of all time, Multnomah Falls.

I was happy to come home to Oakland, but I do love, love, love that Pacific Northwest green.

inspiration

2010-01-19T17:27:00.001-08:00

This morning, Shea (my boss/coworker/partner-in-crime at work) calls me into her office to show me a photo of "who I want to be when I grow up."

Here she is, Iris Apfel, in all her glory:

I love it. Love it!!

I have been thinking about her all day. Just looking at her fabulousness makes me feel frumpy. I look at what I'm wearing today: black pants, black cowboy boots, slouchy black sweater with purple t-shirt underneath, paisley scarf. It's not so bad... but it needs work. I needed a bigger scarf. More jewelry. Different pants. I look tired, frumpy, not put-together.

I love this woman's philosophy: don't be ashamed of your body shape, and don't worry about your age. Just be fabulous (those are my words, not hers, but if you read the article, that's basically what she's saying)

She's not thin and tall and tightened and awful. She's wrinkly and exuberant and joyful and wears kooky huge glasses. She is the antithesis of over-surgerized Hollywood and I love it.

It got me to thinking about my own clothes. My own, natural inclination definitely leans towards the kooky (ask my best friend). If left to my own devices, I will choose bright paisley, bizarre shades of mustard yellow with gold trim, purple velvet. I love vintage clothes, and I don't mind if they are tattered. I love old jewelry and have tons (but not enough).

But what do I wear? Boring, boring, boring. Part of it comes from where I work: it's fairly conservative (not Wall Street, but not exactly artsy-fartsy). I don't have the money to be "well-dressed" (meaning = expensively) so I go for understated, but (hopefully) well-made basics. Which turns out looking incredibly dull. Yawn.

And part of it is that when I moved to California, I got rid of bags and bags of clothes which I'd collected since high school. Thrift-store vintage, costume dresses, tons of jewelry and shoes. Most of it needed to go, but I still think about certain pieces and wish I'd kept them. That red lace 60s dress. That plaid jacket. That gold frilled blouse.

And then part of it is that in the Bay Area, unless you have lots of money and buy a big house, you do not have big closets (generally speaking). So I have been paring down and trimming my wardrobe for the past 10 years until it is now at a pretty bare minimum.

And guess what: I'm not very happy about it.

So this year, I think that I'm going to bring out the few fabulous pieces I do have. The purple velvet jacket which I LOVE but have never worn to work. The satin shirt which I'm always afraid won't 'go'. And then I'm going to dredge up some old habits and when I go to the thrift store, if something looks velvety/shiny/brocaded/fabulous, and I love it, I'm going to buy it. And wear it. If I love it, I will be comfortable. I will find a way to wear that fabulous green Ann Taylor jacket I bought because it looked so good on me, but which I never wear because it feels too stuffy. It needs a pin, a bright blouse, some capri pants and red shoes.

I need a few things in order to make this work (a place to have my jewelry, so I can choose what to wear) and I need to start my thrift shopping again, with an eye for the fabulous. But this year, the year of Just Do It Already, I'm going to try to pull out that 17-year-old girl who loves funky clothes and find a way to make it work as a 35-year-old in an office.

I'm Back

2010-01-19T09:25:00.000-08:00

I'm back... had a great trip. Must process pictures and catch up on sleep, etc.

It's also wonderfully stormy outside... perfect snuggle-in-and-read weather. I just finished two great books and am starting on a third... reviews to come! (TK in newspaper-speak)

Shreddin' the Gnar (skiing videos by Sister and Brother)

2010-01-14T21:24:00.001-08:00

For your viewing pleasure... what I did today. (I have no idea what "shreddin' the gnar" means but it sounded all good and ski-like and stuff.)

Out For A Few Days

2010-01-12T22:10:00.000-08:00

I'm heading up to Oregon for a belated holiday visit with family and friends!

Photos and silliness when I return on Tuesday (or so).

Book: Floor Sample (by Julia Cameron)

2010-01-10T18:45:00.000-08:00

I shouldn't be reviewing this right now; I'm really tired and bound to be slightly crabby about this rather odd memoir.

Julia Cameron is the author of The Artist's Way as well as about a bajillion other works of fiction, non-fiction, plays, musicals, essays, etc. She has had quite a life (an understatement).

The book follows Julia from childhood through present(ish), through two marriages (one to director Martin Scorsese, and the other to Mark Bryan, collaborator on The Artist's Way), alcoholism and drug addiction, professional despair and great success, moving from Chicago to New York to Los Angeles to Taos to New York to Chicago to Taos to New York to Los Angeles to Chicago... (you get the picture), and finally psychotic episodes and a return to (shaky) sanity.

What a ride.

I liked The Artist's Way, but I find her style of writing to be a little... choppy? Over-simplified? I don't know... it's easy to read, but not at all lyrical. Maybe perhaps because her life has been so jam-packed with events and ups and downs, she seemed to skip or gloss over certain events (such as the development and impact of The Artist's Way), while long passages were devoted to her lapses in sanity (which, to be honest, were pretty interesting).

The book is both extremely linear and very muddled. I don't know -- the content was interesting, but I didn't love the writing style.

However, let me tell you, this lady is the EXPERT at "pulling a geographical." When life gets rough, just pull up stakes and haul ass to New York, or Los Angeles, or Taos, or Chicago. I lost track of how many cross-country moves she undertook... often traveling to a place "on vacation" and then just never returning home -- just having her things packed and shipped. That's one way of (not) dealing with life, I guess.

I kept reading because the course of her life was pretty interesting, but I can't say I loved the book. While undoubtedly extremely talented and gifted, she strikes me as (I hate to say it but) rather unstable in all sorts of ways. Her poor daughter Domenica gets pulled around through all these moves, and she (Julia) remains somewhat a victim to poor choices in men and an avoidance of facing facts. Which is interesting, considering that her most-famous work is based on 12-step recovery programs.

Anyway. I didn't find this very engaging, but it was an incredible account of a very creative, full, occasionally happy but ultimately kind of unsettling life. However, I do want to do The Artist's Way again. I feel like I've been through the wringer since I did it last, and I might actually "get" it this time. Maybe later this year.

just hand over the cheese and crackers...

2010-01-08T15:01:00.001-08:00

...because I'm pouring out the whine. I feel like a huge baby and I need to vent. Then I'll hush up, promise.

Today started out just fine. No problem. My neck was a little stiff, but no biggie. Until I started driving to work, and noticed that my shin (moving on from neck, now I'm talking about my leg) was, well, burning. At the next stop light, I felt my leg and it was hot.

Terrific.

I get to work and take off my boots and look at my leg. There is a big yucky blister surrounded by red, and another smaller blister further up my leg.

Nice.

I immediately think "spider bite" because that's what the doctor said last time this happened. However, the fact that it happened again, and the fact that I work in health care (at the corporate office, but still), made me start freaking out thinking about MRSA. People, do not use the internet to self-diagnose. Instant heart attack.

Anyway, luckily I was able to get to the doctor by 10 am. She looked carefully at the blisters and said they were most likely staph infections, but that they didn't look like MRSA. Probably got them from small cuts from shaving my legs or something. I seem to be susceptible to staph infections (I also get ear infections easily and they usually turn out to be staph). While I'm very glad they aren't MRSA nor do I have a homicidal spider loose in our bedroom, still, staph infections are nothing to sneeze at.

And then she says, "Oh, and you need a tetanus booster." Did I mention that I really, really don't like shots?

By this time my stiff neck has turned into made-of-wood-neck and I can barely look down. It feels like it did the day after I got rear-ended this summer. I've been stretching it lately and must have done too much. So I've got that going for me as well.

Anyway. I go back to work, finish up what I can, and go to the pharmacy to get my antibiotics, which takes an hour, and by the time I get home I'm about four years old. My leg aches and burns. My arm hurts and I'm getting a headache. My neck is incredibly stiff and painful. I feel like I've been pushed off a cliff.

So now, at 3 pm, I am in bed, with a heating pad on my neck, antibiotics and ibuprofin in my system, and am not feeling particularly happy about any of it.

Well. I could go on and whine a whole lot more, but you get the picture.

If anyone wants to come over and bring pizza and a giant pie for dessert, I would not say no. :)

i can haz a funny

2010-01-07T19:55:00.000-08:00

Making me laugh uncontrollably every time I think about it:

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Now THIS is what I'm talking about

2010-01-07T07:06:00.000-08:00

My horoscope from current favorite astrologer:

A reader calling herself Rebellioness collaborated with me to come up with five revolutionized approaches to the art of rebellion. I present them here for your use, as they identify the kinds of behavior that will be most nurturing for you to cultivate in the coming weeks.

1. Experimenting with uppity, mischievous optimism.

2. Invoking insurrectionary levels of wildly interesting generosity.

3. Indulging in an insolent refusal to be chronically fearful.

4. Pursuing a cheeky ambition to be as wide-awake as a dissident young messiah.

5. Bringing reckless levels of creative intelligence to all expressions of love.

This is making me VERY happy. I intend to follow this advice. Woohoo!

Things Which I Realized Last Night At 11:30 PM

2010-01-06T09:23:00.000-08:00

Behold, my late-night brilliance:

* I forgot to plug my cell phone in.

* I'd better get moving if I want to get a few of these goals marked off by age 40. Wait, 40? (breathe, Daphne, that's five years from now)

* Life is supposed to be enjoyed, even and especially the little things. No, really!

* I might want to try The Artists Way again.

* I think I might be able to accomplish all my before-age-40 goals. Wait, is that optimism?

* There's no point in drooling over perfect, affordable townhouses on the outskirts of Oakland which have no yard, because one of the reasons we want to buy is for a yard.

* I need warm work shoes.

* I forgot, yet again, to transfer my handwritten notes into a workable document.

* If I stick to a not-too-demanding schedule, I could even get those goals done BEFORE 40. Huh? Who IS that in my head?

Amazing what two hours of solid creative work, dinner (prepared by Terri and not me!), and a few days of rest will do for you. Well, apparently not much for my memory. But besides that.

Book: 12 Days on the Road; The Sex Pistols and America

2010-01-04T19:54:00.000-08:00

Although readers on Amazon give this book at least 4 stars, I have to be a true punk and go against the mainstream and say that this book was kind of, well, boring.

How can a book about the Sex Pistols be boring? How can a book written by the Sex Pistol's tour manager be boring? That there takes real talent.

Written by Noel Monk, who was there every step of the way on the Pistols' 12-day disastrous American tour, this should have been a pretty good time (watching the god-awful bad time these poor guys all had). However, it reads like a couple of dumb, drunk frat boys decided to write an epic tale about their trip to Mexico over the summer.

It's also very confusing, as it skips between present tense ("We are all on the road to Tulsa. Johnny looks out the window and makes yet another caustic remark.") and various other tenses, as the authors see fit. I also didn't like how there are entire conversations transcribed as if someone had had a tape recorder at the time, complete with "yeah" and "um" and so on. If the band and crew were as drunk as they say they were on the tour, there is no way they could have remembered the conversations 15 years later. That sort of thing annoys me. Especially when it's written in present tense, which should have some kind of excitement pushing things forward. Instead, the entire text is dead boring.

The author(s) are also omniscient, which bothers me in a nonfiction text. How could they know what ALL the band members and crew are thinking? In present tense? Annoying.

However, terrible storytelling style aside, the actual event of the Sex Pistols American tour is a pretty fascinating thing. The Sex Pistols as a group are totally fascinating. Were they a real band at all? Or a twisted version of today's formulated boy bands? Was Malcolm McLaren really as much of an asshole as history seems to present (I say yes)? Was Johnny Rotten a genius or a puppet? How in the world did four street kids come up with enough talent and attitude to pull off such a stunt as to spark an entire music revolution? The entire history and mystery surrounding the Sex Pistols is so interesting. Nobody seems to know exactly what happened for the entire two and a half years they were together. One amazing album and a whole lot of mayhem and destruction. Upon reflection, if that's not rock and roll, I don't know what is.

I first heard the Sex Pistols when I was a sophomore in high school. I knew NOTHING about them, except some vague idea that they were a punk band and kind of important. However, once I heard their album I had to have my own copy, and I've loved it ever since. Although I've never exactly been an uber-punk-rocker, I've always loved punk. It makes me happy. It sparks creativity and gives me energy, and wakes me up. When I'm mad or frustrated or feel like the whole world is stupid, punk is there to say, "Hell yeah! Now go break some stuff!"

Interestingly, Sex Pistols music does not translate well to ones' car stereo. It only sounds good (to me) blasted at home in the living room or through headphones. Somehow it loses something in the car (which is where I listen to most of my music, except for when I'm doing art). I wonder why that is? Perhaps the juxtaposition of listening to raw Pistols whilst driving in a little tame Corolla proves to be too much of an insult and the music sags under the weight of embarrassment?

No matter. Even if it was a bad book, it was still fun to look at some of the pictures and to ponder the incredible contradiction that is the punk rock music industry. And to feel sorry for Sid Vicious, a tragic image of stupid self-annihilation if there ever was one. That is one point over which I agree with the book's authors: poor kid should have gotten some help, instead of being pushed off on inept handlers.

So, if you are a Sex Pistols fan or interested in punk rock history, you might as well read this book. But it's not exactly worth your time otherwise.

Book: Death On The Nile

2010-01-03T22:04:00.001-08:00

Ah, the first book post of the year! Actually finished this New Year's Day but am just now getting around to writing about it.

I definitely like Hercule Poirot mysteries. I haven't tried any Miss Marple yet, but the oh-so-humble (said with tongue in cheek) Monsieur Poirot is delightful.

This is another international one (like my first Christie, Murder on the Orient Express). The beautiful English heiress is on her honeymoon with her unlikely groom, on a tour down the Nile in Egypt. Coincidentally, also on the tour is famed detective Hercule Poirot, a variety of amusing secondary cast characters, and... the groom's ex-fiancee?!? This can't be good, right? Right!

What follows is a dark and murderous journey down the Nile, with stops for temples and sphinxs, and lots of danger and mystery along the way.

What I loved about this one is the generous motley handful of clues (a velvet stole, a nail polish bottle and a pearl necklace?), the full cast of quirky characters (although there were a few too many for me and I kept getting the men all mixed up), and the rather sinister feel of the story, which was a welcome change after my last Christie, By The Pricking Of My Thumbs..., which I found kind of silly.

Some random thoughts:

Were Egypt and Nile tours popular as vacations and honeymoons back in 1930s? Many references are made to other people going to Egypt on their honeymoon, and most people on the boat are there for leisure. I'm trying to remember... was that when King Tut's tomb was discovered? Maybe that was the 20s, in which case I suppose the Egypt craze might still be continuing. I also remember from my art history classes something about Egypt and Oriental art influencing Art Deco, which was 30s.

(which reminds me again that there is a King Tut exhibit at the de Young museum in San Francisco right now, and I really should go.)

Also, lots of talk from the characters about "the Orientals" and "the Oriental character." Some other slightly derogatory chatter about "the natives" (as per usual from books of this era, or most English books pre-1960s...). I was annoyed by this but tried to keep it in perspective, i.e. the period during which this was written, and also that it was partly a commentary on the unhappy, ignorant, privileged lives of the rich.

One thing I've noticed about Agatha Christie mysteries is that you are given most of the clues, but not all of the clues, so I don't feel quite so bad that I couldn't figure out the main mystery (the whodunnit). There were certain key point that Poirot pulled out of his hat in order to demonstrate his theory, and they existed only in his head, nowhere else in the story. I can't decide how I feel about that. I'm a mystery novice -- I rarely read mysteries -- but I sort of assume that it's bad form to keep clues hidden from the reader, and then to pull them out at the last moment in order to keep the mystery a mystery. Isn't part of the fun of mysteries to solve them yourself?

That said, you really do get most of the clues if you pay attention, so I was able to figure out a few of the side mysteries along the way, and the main one became clear enough right before Poirot reveals the murderer. It was a pretty satisfying solution, I suppose.

The charm of these books to me isn't the murder mystery -- mysteries aren't really my thing. It's more the era in which these are set, and all the quirky characters, and Mr. Poirot himself is pretty delightful as well. This one was perfectly cozy and engaging and a perfect way to bring in the new year. I will definitely be reading another Christie this year. Next time, perhaps Miss Marple? I also want to reread some Sherlock Holmes. I haven't seen the new movie, but I read a ton of Sherlock stories in high school and they were so satsifying!

A Twilight Walk In Golden Gate Park

2010-01-02T20:33:00.001-08:00

Took a walk in Golden Gate Park over in the city tonight with some friends. Beautiful evening.

The new De Young museum, where there are two exhibits currently I really want to see, the King Tut and an Amish quilt exhibit...

Gotta remember to take my camera with me all the time; it's so much fun to play around with photography! I love this night photo stuff... but I need to take my tripod next time.

The Year Ahead

2010-01-01T06:03:00.000-08:00

The Blue Moon of New Year 09/10.

I'm going to continue my new tradition of not making any formal resolutions, but I'm very excited about the year ahead (for once!) and I have a few things I want to focus on.

1. I have two creative goals which I really want to accomplish this year. We are restructuring our week to accomodate my work on these things, and I'm really excited about it. You'll see bits and pieces as I work on them! I decided to skip school for another year to work on these instead, so I'm very motivated to get them done! (hint: they involve art, cooking, and books)

2. Continue my success of last year's Keeping Things Simple. Not too much spending, not too much worrying, not too many "shoulds"... trying to keep things ultra simple and low-stress. It's good for Terri's health and it's good for mine, too.

3. Focus on the positive. I know there will be rough spots, and tragedy strikes when you least expect it. But we have so many good things in our lives and I feel better when I focus on those things. It pulled me out of some rough spots last year, so I'm going to continue the practice.

4. Figure out the house-buying question. It still depends on a few things, but I'm really hoping that by the fall of 2010 we will at least know whether or not we can buy something in the Bay Area... somewhere. Small is fine, starter-home is fine, a bit of a fixer is fine, townhouse is fine, a bit of a commute is fine. Maybe I'm dreaming, but I'm really serious about figuring this out. So the next time I see one of those free home-buyer seminars, I'm going.

I think that's enough. #4 will depend on a few things... but I want to be prepared in case the stars align and things work out.

No resolutions about weight, exercise, reading, eating, resting, working, cleaning, stressing or anything else which implies a "should." Just stuff I'm excited about and want to make some progress on! I'm getting together with a friend tomorrow to work on her plans for the year... it seems like new year, new decade = good time to make some big plans.

Terri and I made some fun couple goals too: go camping at least once, spend the night in the city, go see some music, attend church more often (because we like it). She made some really terrific goals. I just feel so positive. I'm a little frightened of this new and unfamiliar feeling. :)

Oh, and lots of people are choosing words for the new year. I decided not to think about it too hard, and the words that popped in my mind were, "Hop To It." As in, get a move on. Get stuff done. Enough pondering -- get moving. So there you have it. My big philosophical statement for the year ahead. Hop To It. I finally feel ready.

What about you? Thoughts for the new year?

2009 In Review: In General

2009-12-31T07:18:00.000-08:00

On this last day of the year, I wanted to think about what the past year has been about.

A year of transition: to a new (toxic mold-free!) house; to a new way of thinking about the future; of Terri's health ever-so-slowly (but surely!) improving; to becoming a manager at work; to being a one-income household (but hopefully that will change SOON); to learning to accept what is

A year of getting priorities straight: about money; about health; about stress and shoulds; about putting peace and contentment above obligations (whenever possible); about art (although I'm still working on that one); about love

A year of settling in: to our new apartment; to a new normal; to living in Oakland; to exercising more; to being really okay with who I am

A year of simplifying: simple cooking; going to the library; thrifting; cutting clutter; simplifying wherever we can

A subtle shifting of attitude and goals, ending on a good note, with high hopes and a good attitude about next year. I'm feeling really positive and excited about next year. I've got five days to rest and transition to the new year and I'm really planning on getting some good stuff done. Decluttering the house, doing a little work on my projects, reading a bunch, and sleeping as much as I can.

2009 was much better than 2008, but still hard in lots of ways. We lost our baby girl Tiger Lily and Terri had some rough spots with Valcyte and toe surgery, and the inevitable struggles that come with CFS. I struggled with feeling overwhelmed at times, but overall I feel like I'm starting to see the light. The future seems like it has possibilities again and damn, that's a nice feeling. Happy New Year, everybody!c

2009 In Review: The Recipes

2009-12-29T20:00:00.000-08:00

(sadly, not my kitchen nor my photo... randomly found on the web; if it's yours, let me know!)

Well, I'm not sure how I want to do this post, but I have a few favorite new recipes I wanted to share, and talk about how my cooking changed this year.

I've always liked to cook, but since Terri got so sick, we pretty much stopped going out, um, ever (that's slowly starting to change, but in the beginning, she could barely leave the house). But I still liked to eat yummy food of all kinds and so decided that I needed to learn how to make whatever I would previously had gone out for (Indian, or Japanese, for instance).

Once we moved from the nightmare mold house, about a year ago, we needed to really watch money so my cooking became even more important. I intended to be as cost-efficient as possible while still serving really delicious food so we wouldn't feel the least bit deprived.

Overall, I've done a pretty good job. Dinner is still a struggle because Terri's tummy has some issues (another CFS side effect) but we've found that if we make a weekly menu, it helps her to anticipate what's coming, and things seem to go better. Also, making a menu means very efficient shopping and cooking. We've fallen out of the practice in the past couple months but we're all geared up for the new year, making a couple two-week menus that will simply rotate. Also, Terri is branching out and will be making dinner once a week, probably in the crock pot. So that's exciting! (I made a simple reference site for her -- feel free to use it, yourself!)

Anyway. So here are a few favorite recipes and dinner ideas from the past year.

We really like thin-crust pizza, but Terri doesn't like very much cheese and we like it very crispy, which is hard to find, especially delivery (and as we know, hello, not cheap). I already had a pizza stone, which makes this really easy to create excellent crispy thin-crust pizza. I use this extremely easy home-made pizza dough recipe from Smitten Kitchen, which only takes a little advance planning and tastes great. I make a quick homemade pizza sauce by lightly simmering a small can of tomato sauce with Italian herbs and extra basil. Then I heat the oven with the stone in it. I roll the dough and then take out the hot stone, sprinkle cornmeal over it, and then lay the dough out on the hot stone. I spread a VERY thin layer of sauce over the dough (lightly painting it, really), and then a very thin sprinkling of cheese (usually a four-cheese blend, preshredded, which, if you make a ton of thin-crust pizzas and use very little cheese, is actually pretty cheap). Our favorite topping is thinly sliced red peppers and chopped Kalamata olives. Into the hot oven (about 450) for 10-15 minutes, until nice and crispy. This makes very yummy next-day snacking.

I've also always wanted to learn how to make good Indian food. I don't have a recipe on-hand, but I do have a book recommendation. 660 Curries was a great book and my best friend just gave it to me for Christmas! This isn't a vegetarian book but there are a TON of vegetarian recipes in here, and the four that I tried turned out great, very tasty and flavorful without being bland or too sharp, as most homemade Indian turns out. The secret is using fresh spices and sometimes grinding your own when it calls for it. If you can buy bulk spices, it's very economical to buy fresh spices since you can just get a little bit. I'm going to continue trying out recipes and figure out what our favorites are.

Although I don't really like fish, I love Japanese food (well, the stuff that doesn't have fish in it). I especially love miso and udon soups. It took me a very long time, but I finally figured out how to make decent miso soup at home. It's very simple, but you really have to have the dashi. It was surprisingly difficult to figure out how to make this at home. All the recipes I saw were like, "Oh, just add miso to hot water -- ta da! Miso soup!" Not so. The simple recipe I figured out makes very yummy, quick, satisfying miso to which you can add very simple garnishes, or more substantial items for a heartier meal.

As for udon, surprisingly, the instant (or near-instant) udon packs from the grocery store work great and are not very expensive (a little over a dollar a bowl, and that's a BIG bowl of soup). I'm still figuring out if there's a non-pain-in-the-rear way to make the broth. But really, the instant packs are pretty delicious so I might not really bother.

If you follow my blog at all, you'll know that we like brownies here at our house. I went through a period of trying to find our perfect brownies. And then finally -- there they were. Our Perfect Brownies (again I refer to Smitten Kitchen, whose recipes I really love). They're adapted from Cook's Illustrated Classic Brownies. I use regular flour with no problem, and I don't add nuts to ours. They are really, really good.

We also like rice pudding and it's a sure-fire winner when tummies are upset, which they frequently are at our house (mine included). Here's the recipe we've been liking a lot lately, which is adapted from a few different recipes, including, of course, Smitten Kitchen's):

1/2 cup short-grain rice (although I made it with jasmine rice too and that was quite good)

4 cups milk (both whole and reduced-fat are fine)

1/4 cup sugar or less (we like less)

3-4 cardamom pods

1 bay leaf

1/2 teaspoon almond extract

1 tsp vanilla extract

(if you don't have bay leaves and/or cardamom pods, I also like to leave them out and then grate fresh nutmeg on top when it's done cooking)

In a large saucepan, place all the ingredients, except the extracts. Bring it to a gentle boil and then turn it down to a low simmer, stirring occasionally to keep it from sticking to the bottom, for about 30 to 40 minutes. Taste the rice to check for doneness. We like it a bit thicker; you may like yours soupier.

Take the pudding off the heat and stir in the extract(s). Serve and eat!

(word to the wise -- be very careful this doesn't boil over. I actually ended up gluing the lid to the pot and heat-sealing it because I wasn't paying attention. It was quite a comedy of errors trying to get that damn lid off the pot, and it's still warped. So don't do that)

Well, I could go on and on. I also made a lot of cinnamon bread.

The next year is going to bring lots more recipe development and fun with international comfort food. I've got an idea and I think I'm finally going to quit dithering and do something about it. And of course I'll be blogging all about it!

2009 In Review: The Books

2009-12-28T21:10:00.000-08:00

Hard to believe it's that time again, but here we are at the end of 2009 and time for the Big Book Roundup! I'll use the template from my "Best Of..." list I did last year. It's hard to believe this is only my second year of book blogging! It's so much fun and I feel like I didn't do as good a job this year as I would have liked, but oh well. I felt like this was an "off" year for reading. I'm hoping that reviewing them all will show me otherwise... anyway, with no further ado, I bring you The Books of 2009!

Books read: 78 (I'm still hoping to read two more to bring that number to 80 for the year, a fairly respectable number). That's a few more than last year, but only because I read a lot of children's books to get through my grief after Tiger Lily's passing, and a bunch of graphic novels. But who's counting?

Best Book Overall: This is a hard one. I didn't have many stand-out winners this year. I have to go with a couple: The Wood Wife (which may win a few other awards in this list), Fingersmith, and Sharp Objects/Dark Places (because I loved both of them equally as much).

Best Young Adult (YA): Probably Wintergirls, or Weetzie Bat. Both of these were pretty original, at least in writing style. Weetzie Bat was probably the more delightful. I'd like to read the full set of these.

Best Chunkster (450+): I didn't keep track of pages, so I'm guessing here, but The Thirteenth Tale was pretty great, as of course was Fingersmith. The Godfather and Let The Right One In were both also worthy of mention in this category.

Best Unexpected Delight: Well, I think I'll have to go with The Wood Wife, which I loved at the time of reading, and which I am loving even more in retrospect. It was just so tender and melancholy and beautiful. I also really enjoyed Murder on the Orient Express, which I had no idea I would enjoy so much. Oh, and The Enchanted April, which was utterly lovely and fantastic.

Best Non-Fiction: again, not a great year for non-fiction, but Spook was terrific. Mary Roach never disappoints. Well, and both of the Ruth Reichl books I read. She's fantastic too.

Worst Non-Fiction: Probably Waiter Rant. It was pretty bad. Sorry, dude.

Best/Worst Self Help: Thankfully didn't really too many of these. Best was probably The Tightwad Gazette (all three), which I will count as self-help since I really found them helpful. Worst would be Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway, which was mildly interesting and somewhat useful... but then I promptly forgot all about it and it's pretty dated and why am I even reading that stuff anyway? (it was on the shelf and I was bored, that's why)

Best Author I Should Have Been Reading All Along: Again I have to say Neil Gaiman, as I've started reading The Sandman graphic novels, and again I say, Hello?!? Why oh why didn't I read these before? I also read a lot of Charles de Lint this year, whom I've read before, but it had been far too long.

Best Horror: Definitely Let The Right One In, which was haunting and sad and scary and fantastic.

Biggest Disappointments: This was a disappointing year for books. I don't know if it was me, or the books, but I felt like so many books missed the mark for me. A few standout examples of books which should have stood out but didn't: Hell House, The Land of Laughs (although I'm definitely giving Carroll another chance -- Ghost In Love perhaps?), Hotel Translyvania, A Wizard of Earthsea, Angel of Darkness... not that these were bad books (well, not ALL of them), I just was disappointed in them for one reason or another. Especially Land of Laughs and Wizard of Earthsea... wanted to love them, but didn't. I still love you, Ursula!

Best Re-Read: The Tightwad Gazette (I, II, and III). Funny, useful, creative, ingenious, helpful, witty, thrifty and fun. Or, any of the Roald Dahls I re-read. Or Mother Night. Must read more Vonnegut next year.

Best Guilty Pleasure: Hmm. Lots of simple pleasures on my reading list (lots of children's books, for example)... but guilty pleasure? Probably The Heroin Diaries, by Nikki Sixx, which I really enjoyed. Rock star god on self-destructive path to hell... what's not to love?

And a couple of new categories:

Books Which I Didn't Give Enough Credit To At The Time, But Have Now Updated My Opinion After Months Of Thinking About Them: Definitely The Graveyard Book, for starters. I wrote that I was disappointed that it wasn't scarier and that I preferred Coraline, and it was pointed out to me that it wasn't meant to be scary, but rather touching and tender. And after thinking about it for months, I see the error of my ways. I went into reading this with completely the wrong mindset. I still liked Coraline better -- I thought it was livelier, scarier, darker, and very original. However, The Graveyard Book was indeed tender and melancholy and lovely and worthy of all those awards it won. I'm also pretty sure that I loved The Wood Wife the first time around, but that book has stuck with me and I find myself thinking about it at odd times. I think I tried to tell myself it was just a simple fantasy fairy tale, but it was so much more, so sad and strange and yet hopeful.

Disturbing Trends In Book Titles: The Short Title: Followed By Long Overly Descriptive Subtitle. I saw so many of these this year. These are the ones I got sucked into reading:

Swish: My Quest To Becoming The Gayest Person Ever

Not Buying It: My Year Without Shopping

Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip -- Confessions of a Cynical Waiter

The Heroin Diaries: A Year In The Life Of A Shattered Rock Star

Busted: Life Inside The Mortgage Meltdown

Spook: Science Tackles The Afterlife

Please! No more! This is only a fraction of the vast array of titles of this sort that I saw at the library this year.

And a little shout-out to the other books that didn't make the list but I still really enjoyed: All the Charles de Lint books except Angel of Darkness; The Woman in Black; The Ghost Writer/The Sceance; Ananzi Boys; The Jane Austen Book Club; The Rescuers; The Book of Lost Things; The Shadow of the Wind; and Called Out Of Darkness.

The entire list is here.

So, upon reflection, it was an okay year... but not stellar. Although I was thrilled about being in the Oakland library system with its amazingly large selection and easy online requesting system, I think my book selections were rather scattershot; I didn't follow my usual reading patterns. Also, although I hesitate to say it, I think I was too much influenced by other book bloggers. Although everyone has such good recommendations and I love to read everybody's reviews, I started to fall into the trap of hesitating to pick up a book unless I'd heard something about it. So I think I missed out on some books which may have otherwise really appealed to me. For whatever reason, my general attitude towards the majority of the books I read this year was "meh." At least, it seems that way. Although clearly there were some books which I really did enjoy a lot.

I also failed to read Anna Karenina or just about any other book I said I would... but that's okay. Lesson learned: don't make overly specific reading goals. It's like making a goal to exercise more: once you say it, it's harder to do it. Better to just follow whims and see where my reading takes me.

I'm not going to make any specific reading goals for next year. There're a few specific books I'd like to read, and a few trends I'd like to follow (more classics, more in-depth reading of certain authors), but mostly I'm going to go back to drifting through the library with nothing in mind and see where that takes me. I'd also like to follow up on some of the interesting books mentioned in the London Review of Books (and I'd like to blog more about these essays in this publication, which are totally fascinating and wonderful). But, no specific books. We'll just see what comes up.

2010, here I come. I think you're going to be a great year.

Next up in 2009 In Review: The Recipes.

Book: Wintergirls

2009-12-27T17:33:00.000-08:00

I've heard a lot about this book lately, and YA books are always good in a slump. So I read it in one go, last night.

And you know what? It was pretty great.

I had to think about it all day today to figure out what I wanted to say about it. I've read (for various reasons) many books about anorexia. This wasn't exactly original in the ground it covered, but the writing was phenomenal.

"Here stands a girl clutching a knife. There is grease on the stove, blood in the air, and angry words piled in the corners. We are trained not to see it, not to see any of it. {...body found in a motel room, alone...}

Someone just ripped off my eyelids."

Lia and Cassie are the best of friends, bound together by a love of books and secret obsessions. Something happened about six months ago, and then they weren't friends anymore. And now Cassie is dead, found alone in a motel room. And Lia begins to drown, to freeze, to whittle herself down to nonexistence. To join Cassie.

But is that what she really wants?

The writing in this book is really beautiful, and sometimes kind of brutal. Dancing on a fine line between reality and dream, between realtime and dreamtime, sanity and madness. The writing saves the book, because the story is all too familiar. Girl from well-to-do family is somehow never good enough. Dad is distant. Mom is controlling. Girl feels invisible. Tries hard, by starving herself, to make herself strong and small and perfect. But of course it never works.

The stepmother is the only character which breaks the mold. When Lia is in her downward spiral, haunted by the ghost of Cassie and determined to whittle herself down to triumphantly small numbers, stepmom Jennifer has had it up to here with the crap. When her daughter, Lia's stepsister, breaks her arm, Jennifer needs Lia to drive to the drugstore to pick up a prescription. Lia hasn't eaten in who knows how long, and isn't sure she's able to drive.

Jennifer reaches into the glass jar on the counter, pulls out an oatmeal raisin cookie the size of my head and shoves it at me. "Can we take the spotlight off you for just one minute, Lia? Put some food in your mouth, quit whining, and go to the damn drugstore."

I wanted to cheer. I liked Lia, actually. I felt sympathy for her illness and the desire to annihilate herself. But when you're 18 and you have your whole life ahead of you and sure, you and your family has issues, but who doesn't? -- I have to say I was losing patience with it. On the one hand, I get it. I get what anorexia is. It's an illness. It's an addiction. It's someone doing the best they can to do what they think they have to. But on the other hand, maybe I've just outgrown a certain degree of my own body issues, and maybe I've had a little taste of what real-world problems are, but another part of me felt like Lia was self-centered, selfish, stubborn, and self-destructive. She wants to die, end of story. Until she wants to live, there's not much anyone can do about it. I was glad that the book says as much. Lia could go to treatment for a third time, but unless she actually wants to live, really live, nothing's going to change.

So does she? You'll have to read the book to find out.

The writing was truly beautiful and the story was good, although if you've read The Best Little Girl In The Whole World or any other "the thinner is the winner" anorexia books, you'll not learn anything new here. However, Lia is sympathetic and her family is drawn realistically, and then there's that awesome writing.

Once I closed the book, I took a deep breath of gratitude that finally, at age 35, I feel mostly at peace with my own body, and can truthfully say I don't worry about it very much anymore (with very occasional flares of freakout, which thankfully only last a few hours at most). I feel like I waited all through my 20s for this body-acceptance that everyone said would come when you're over 30. It took a few years, but I'm awfully glad I feel okay about myself now. What a freaking relief, what a burden of self-absorption to have lifted.

Wintergirls doesn't break any new ground, but it's a beautifully written book and worth reading.

Holidays 2009: Got It Right This Time

2009-12-26T14:10:00.000-08:00

I have some photos, but I'm too lazy to upload them. Maybe later.

I have to say, this was the nicest holiday season I can remember since moving here to California. Possibly in my adult life -- is that crazy to say? Here's why:

Last year's holiday season was so awful. Just dreadful. From just before Thanksgiving all the way through New Year's, it sucked. I was determined to make this holiday season a nice one -- not overstuffed and stressful and trying-too-hard, but really nice and enjoyable. That's been my motto all year -- just trying to enjoy things rather than trying too hard.

So what did I do to make it so great?

1. I handmade almost all my gifts. One would think that this might make it more stressful, but it made it less stressful. I chose things that I thought everyone would actually enjoy (and wouldn't just be more stuff), and they were all easy and fun to make, and I gave myself all month to do it. I found this to be much more enjoyable than shopping. Also, much less expensive (and therefore, less stressful). And hopefully, more meaningful to the recipients.

2. I did only the things I wanted to do, and made sure to include the things I really wanted to do. I made a few batches of cookies, but when tempted to make one more batch (which I wasn't in the mood to make), I decided not to. I didn't spend very much time shopping (which, I think, was key for the enjoyment factor of the past month). We got a tree, which we really love. We did a little bit of decorating, but not too much. Just enough. I went to a holiday concert with a friend. I watched a couple silly holiday movies. I didn't over-plan for Christmas dinner. When it became obvious that Terri wasn't up for the big family party, we scaled it waaaay back. It worked out very well.

3. Sounds cheesy, but I really focused on all the good things we have to celebrate this year rather than all the negative/scary/frustrating stuff I could focus on. There's plenty of that stuff to worry about. But I really wanted to enjoy myself this holiday season, so I just decided to focus on enjoying things and being thankful. It really worked. I feel like we are so rich and lucky. I had only two days where I felt that icky holiday stress. One was the day I had to buy a new sewing machine, and the other was at the grocery store when everyone was pissed and stressed out and I almost got sucked into the bad energy. Other than that -- it was pretty dang nice.

It all culminated with a very nice Christmas Eve spent running a few errands and shopping for groceries (the stressful trip - seriously, Berkeley Bowl people, take it easy!), and doing a tiny bit of last-minute shopping with Terri, which was fun.

Christmas Day was perfect. I slept in, and then went and did the few petsitting jobs I had to do. Came back and got back into bed to read while Terri slept in with the kitties. Once she woke up, we had our stockings. Santa decided to keep the stockings strictly practical and/or delicious, so I got a magazine and some special imported candies which I really like but never have, and Terri got some favorite treats and a brain teaser book. We both got new toothbrushes. :)

After we both woke up a little, we warmed up the living room and went out to open gifts. We had wonderful presents from everyone, including each other. Mostly practical and much-needed/appreciated, plus a few fun items such as a beautiful snowy owl necklace from Terri (photo from the artist's Etsy page) and a Wii from my fabulous brother!! The rest of the afternoon was spent playing with the Wii, completely wearing ourselves out. We're both actually sore today!

Our lovely and low-key friends Vanessa and Steve came over for Christmas dinner. The menu was really great: spinach dip, salad, butternut squash gratin, pesto pasta, mashed potatoes, roasted beets, and fresh homemade caramel corn for dessert. Then we snuggled in to the living room to watch Elf, and then they went home and we went to bed to watch a Buffy episode and ended the night watching National Lampoon's Christmas and talking about what a nice Christmas we had.

I have to say, on this day after Christmas, I am extremely happy, grateful, thankful, content and peaceful. Which is a pretty dang nice way to end the year, and the perfect antidote to last year's badness. It was a rough year in many respects, and we missed our Tiger Little very much, but I worked really hard to make last year a good one and in spite of the rough patches, I think I succeeded. I'm actually looking forward to next year! Now that's an accomplishment.

Coming up next: the Year In Books review, and plotting out the upcoming year. Hope you all had nice holidays, no matter what you celebrate, and although I'm feeling a bit computered-out, I'm going to try to catch up with blogs in the next day or two. I'm a bit out of the loop. But happy!

Book: Hell House

2009-12-26T13:50:00.000-08:00

I've had this sitting around for awhile and, being in a complete reading slump, figured I would give it a try.

It's by Richard Matheson, who also wrote I Am Legend, Stir of Echoes, and some other fairly well-respected scary books. It's been on many Top Horror Books lists, and my library didn't have it, so I actually bought the book (used).

The premise is that there is this horrible house, reputed to be the most-haunted house in the world or something like that, from which no investigators (save one) have ever survived. So, of course the new batch of investigators (including the one survivor) decide that they are different and will make it through. This band of sillies includes a parapsychologist, who thinks that all paranormal activity is natural, generated from our own subconsciousness. Also along for the ride is his wife (a timid, easily-frightened woman -- why did he take her, again??), and two psychics, one of which previously survived the house.

What follows is supposed to be one of the most original and scary haunted-house books ever. However, I preferred The Haunting of Hill House, which is awfully similar to this one. Supposedly this is one of those books from which many more-current books and movies are based upon, but I think Shirley Jackson's book had that honor before this one.

Still, it was scary, I guess. There were only a few moments that got me shivery, but mostly it was the unsaid that was disturbing, rather than what actually happened in the book. It seemed fairly predictable and I didn't really care about any of the characters, and it also lacked a certain suspense, without which it felt a little flat.

So maybe I didn't really love it. I wanted to, though.

It would be a good RIP book, if anyone is creating their list early!!b

A Holiday Novel, After All

2009-12-24T11:35:00.000-08:00

Just finished reading Hell House (review soon). Yes, on Christmas Eve morning.

Here I was feeling slightly out of sync, reading a horror novel on Christmas Eve... but then I read the last words of the book. I kid you not, "Merry Christmas."

So, even Hell House wishes you a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays and a lovely return to the light and Happy New Year!

A Christmas Meme

2009-12-23T16:38:00.000-08:00

Because I have holiday-brain and am now officially in the Christmas spirit... a Christmas meme from Barefoot Mama who got it from someone else...

Eggnog or Hot Chocolate?

That's a tough one. I like eggnog in my coffee this time of year (I limit myself to one carton per season), and I like hot chocolate instead of dessert during the holidays. Because frankly I'm starting to get sick of baked goods by now.

Does Santa wrap the presents or leave them open under the tree?

Santa always left a few wrapped presents under our tree. I think everything was always wrapped. Sometimes he would even leave a candy-cane trail. And of course would always sample the cookies left out on the mantel. We had a wood stove and I was always very concerned about how Santa would get down the narrow pipe... I can't remember how that one was explained. Probably "magic."

Colored lights on a tree or white?

I like white lights but Terri likes the old-fashioned big colored ones. Actually I like those too, since that is what we had when I was growing up, plus bubble lights. I would like to find some of those bubble lights. The tree just has to have lights -- it doesn't really matter which color, I suppose! I wish I had planned ahead to put white lights on our mantel, but oh well.

Do you hang mistletoe?

When I have it. Sometimes someone brings some in to work to share (from up in Sonoma County). At home in Oregon you can find it in lots of trees.

When do you put your decorations up?

Usually around December 10th-ish, or whenever we get the tree. I can only take a few weeks of Christmas. I like it to feel special, and not get used to the decorations/tree. We got our tree on the 14th, this year, I think. It comes down about a week after New Year's.

What is your favorite holiday dish?

Well, cookies. And my great-grandma's coffeecake. I don't really have any special holiday dinner dishes that I'm particularly attached to. There's a special salad which we like which is becoming "holiday salad" -- other than that, if there's potatoes and dessert, I'm good.

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?

We usually did growing up, and Terri and I open up pajamas on Christmas Eve. I like that tradition. But just one.

How do you decorate your Christmas tree?

Ever since we were born, my mom has given my brother and me a Christmas ornament every year. Once we were old enough, we got to choose our ornament. So I grew up having a very treasured collection of ornaments which I absolutely love, even the funny little raggedy ones from when I was little. Each one has a story. As I got older, I started to gravitate towards very pretty, showy glass balls as my ornament. My mom still chooses one for us, which I think is so sweet and I look forward to it every year. I sort of assumed I would take over the tradition and buy it for myself, but it's really nice that my mom still does it. So our tree is full of very pretty glass balls, a few 1970s-style doll ornaments, two made-by-me kindergarten ornaments (a Santa and a pre-PC-in-schools baby Jesus). Terri is starting to collect some now too -- so we are getting a very nice collection of ornaments. I think we're starting to lean towards a bird theme now... but I'm not sure.

Snow. Love it or hate it?

I love snow. I got plenty when I lived in Finland, but other than that, growing up we only had a few days of snow a year. Of course here in Oakland we never have snow, except every once in awhile in the hills. We had some a few weeks ago! I do love it. I like weather of any kind. I get very tired of same-old-same-old sunny-and-nice all the time. Lately the weather has been terrific - cold, sunny or cloudy, a bit of rain -- variable. Oh, but I'm getting off-topic...

Can you ice skate?

Yes, but nothing fancy. I do love to skate though. I also love to ski!

What is your favorite holiday dessert?

I do love holiday cookies, especially gingerbread. I also like cherry cheesecake, which was a traditional dessert in my family growing up. I like pretty much any holiday dessert. Yep.

What is your favorite holiday tradition?

Hmm. Probably choosing and decorating the tree. When I first moved to California, my ex-husband and I didn't have a tree usually. No room, and he didn't care that much. I really missed it -- it doesn't feel like Christmas without a tree. I think Terri and I have had a tree every year we've been together. When I was growing up we always went to the u-cut place to choose our tree and cut it down together. For FIVE DOLLARS. (smacks forehead, thinking of how much trees are simply one state away...) I love choosing the tree, setting it up and getting all the decorations out and up.

I also like making at least one batch of gingerbread cookies, and I actually like wrapping gifts as well.

Candy Canes. Yum or yuck?

I'm really not into candycanes. They make me kind of sick.

***

A few notes about Christmas. Although my upbringing was not very religious, my grandmother (dad's mom) was Baptist (but a kinder, gentler Baptist) and so we had lots of emphasis on the Christmas story, which I absolutely loved. I loved singing religious carols and learning to play them on the piano, and I loved the Christmas books my grandma would give us, beautifully illustrated with the Nativity story. I do love that story. I loved all the Christmas stories -- the religious ones, the Santa ones, all the gentle children's stories that come out this time of year. Especially if it involved animals.

So, even though I'm not particularly Christian, I love the Christmas story and I love the message, so I feel perfectly comfortable celebrating Christmas in our household. I think about my grandma, whom I loved, and I like carrying on certain family traditions, like the ornaments.

I've always been fascinated with Solstice celebrations (Yule logs, etc.) and so I'd like to incorporate more of that as well in the future... but no matter what holiday you celebrate, this time of year is a time for enjoying yourself, being thankful, spending time with family and friends and resting up through the darkness. Which we are doing, and I'm very happy.

This year I handmade the majority of the gifts I'm giving, and that feels fantastic. I've only had one day of holiday stress -- the rest of it I've completely enjoyed. So... mission accomplished!

I'm off to enjoy the GIANT stack of books I just got from the library, nibble on some Chex mix, and watch some holiday movies.

Peace on Earth, good will to all!

A Serious Reading Slump

2009-12-20T19:43:00.000-08:00

I have been in a seriously bad reading slump since around November. I'm not sure why. All of a sudden I ran out of books that demanded immediate reading (either because of due dates or irresistibleness), and I had a lot of magazines to catch up on, and I've just been an odd mood in terms of book-interest.

I've also been falling out of the habit of reading blogs other than my usual few favorites -- I just feel overwhelmed by information lately. I can't take too much online browsing or reading, and I'm having a hard time getting into any books. This happened last year too, but I had the Move From Hell to blame for it. This year I'm not sure what my problem is.

I think this year has felt "off" for reading all year anyway. I've read quite a few good books, but only a handful of real winners. I think I've been doing less random browsing at the library and more book-blogger-recommended reading, which is great because everyone has such terrific recommendations, but I think I fell out of the rhythms of my own reading muse. You know how that is?

I can't wait for the year-end Reading Roundup because I'll be able to take a measure of all the books of the year and see if it was as ho-hum as I'm thinking, or if I'm just being influenced by my current book-blahs.

But, I find the new year to be totally inspiring in terms of reading, so I'm sure I'll come out of this slump after Christmas. Right now I am completely distracted with making gifts, baking, work stuff, and planning a few non-reading projects.

I've been told to read The Song Is You, and I'd like to read some more Sandman, and I have Wintergirls sitting here too. I'm reading Hell House by Richard Matheson and it's pretty good as far as haunted house stories go... it totally reminds me of The Haunting of Hill House. As long as my boss's computer keeps its mouth shut, I should be able to enjoy it fairly well and then move on to some other stuff.

Maybe I need to switch gears. Read some more non-fiction. Report on The London Review of Books (which is fascinating and always a good read). Etc.

But right now, I'm deciding which cookie to make tomorrow and planning my sewing projects, and thinking about a Christmas dinner menu. You know, important stuff.

Brittany and Mexico, Close To Home Photo Journey

2009-12-19T18:34:00.000-08:00

My friend Vanessa invited me to brunch today over in the Mission District in San Francisco. Since the restaurant she wanted to go to is very close to a BART (subway) station, I said yes. I love taking BART and it would make the trip easy and fast.

I drove to the closest station, at Rockridge (North Oakland). This is a nice station with beautiful views of the Oakland hills from the platform.

I forget how truly beautiful these hills are, especially on a chilly winter morning.
I had already taken a brisk walk in those hills this morning (in my beloved local cemetery) and so I was really hungry. But first, a very homey cup of cafe au lait. I really like this photo.

The restaurant, Ti Couz, is a creperie. But not just any creperie; they do authentic Brittany-style buckwheat crepes. Large and thin and filled with amazing savory or sweet goodness, they are amazing and I wish I had another one right now. I had a mushroom-and-cheese crepe. It had this very delicious sauce on top and I could barely talk, I was so busy eating. Yum.

After a really fun visit and being completely stuffed (too stuffed for Nutella-and-banana crepe, dang!), it was time to stroll back to BART. The Mission district in San Francisco has a strong Hispanic/Mexican history, and is colorful and full of great restaurants, thrifting, little produce stands and tons of hipster bars. It's a fun place to wander around.

Showing colors of one kind (hooray, rainbow flag!):

And of another. I loved this pretty buildings and awnings against the blue sky.

Then it was down to the subway again. I was struck by the colorful, busy street and the quiet dark passageway down to the tunnels.

Standing around waiting for the train.
And then home again, to our house and our Christmas tree. (maybe pics of the tree in daylight, tomorrow)
It was a perfect local adventure. I really wish I had another crepe right now. I wonder if I can learn to make those. It was amazing.

Book: Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 8 (The Long Way Home)

2009-12-17T08:28:00.000-08:00

We've been watching all of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series straight through for a few months now. It's been so much fun introducing Terri to the series, and it's even better watching them the second time around (for me). I'm struck by how powerful the emotional story is, and how it's such a classic example of the Hero's Journey. What they managed to do with a fairly silly premise is nothing short of amazing. If you haven't watched it, DO. (note: first season is shaky, but it really gets going in the second season)

So, I was doing a little geeky internet-searching over the weekend and discovered that there is a whole world of Buffy comics (of course!). My library had the first volume of the "Season Eight" series -- basically a continuation of the story where it leaves off at the end of Season 7 (the last of the TV episodes). I've been in a serious reading slump lately so I thought I would give it a try.

So how did I like it? Well, as you might say in Buffyverse, "Not so much with the likey."

There's nothing wrong with it, and I'm sure it's actually a great comic series, but compared to the richness and depth of the show, it really lacked the emotional power. The show has such fantastic dialogue, and you can't put all those words in a comic, so it really fell flat for me. Buffy's (the show) has always been great at summarizing giant cataclysmic events in a few witty sentences, but in the comic, we are reduced to a few mere words. I didn't feel very connected to the story.

The art was good, but it was a little, um... super-hero-y. Which Buffy is, of course. But I didn't love it.

So, I was a little relieved that I didn't love it, because there is a whole slew of Slayer comics and such, and my library doesn't have many of them, and I can't justify spending the money on comics right now. So... I was saved from a terrible, terrible consumer fate. By Buffy! Go Buffy! Even if I don't love your comic, you still saved the (my) world.

I think I'll stick with The Sandman in terms of graphic novels. My library system has all of those and now I'm totally invested in that storyline.

And again I repeat, if you are into Joseph Campbell, mythology, or even just witty dialogue and vampires, please please watch Buffy the TV show. Once you get past the silliness of the first half of Season One, it is something really incredible.

True Story

2009-12-16T12:29:00.000-08:00

Ok, so this just happened today. True story.

I'm sitting in my boss's office with her and we're working on stuff at her computer. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, her computer says (yes, it actually SAYS): "...daphne..." in this little, computer voice.

We both stopped, looked at each other, and then I'm like, "I'm skeered!" We couldn't figure out where it came from or why her computer would say that. Reasonable explanation is somehow it picked up my name from the document we were working on, and used voice-reading technology, but she says it's NEVER done that before.

I was laughing, but I was also so freaked out that I almost started crying. It's my worst nightmare! Inanimate objects coming to life! Saying my name! Aaaahhhh!

We kept working but I was keeping a close eye on her computer. I swear if it said one more word, I was going to go all Office Space on it.

Portrait of an Extrovert

2009-12-15T20:58:00.000-08:00

(oh wait, no photo because I am clearly not an extrovert)

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you'll probably note that I'm not a social butterfly. I'm the sort of person who makes a few very close friends and I keep them forever (hopefully forever!). I prefer one-on-one time to a group. I like in-depth conversations -- I'm terrible (really terrible) at small talk.

On the flip side, if I don't know someone very well, I definitely prefer a group because then I can 'blend' and I don't have to have a starring role. I am TERRIBLE at smalltalk or even mediumtalk (that stage before you get to a real, good conversation). I'm a walking, talking stereotype.

"Oh, hi, Daphne. What's new?"

"Oh, um, not much. Yeah. Uh... we've been having some sunny days lately, eh?" (this, in the middle of summer, when we don't have anything BUT sunny days)

It's PAINFUL. I do not know how extroverts do it.

(However, REAL conversations, I adore.)

Yesterday I got my hair cut. My hairdresser is a very nice girl, but she's not a huge talker. She talks just enough to keep things going, but she's not a chatterbox (I do better with chatterboxes because then I can just smile and nod). I'm the direct opposite of chatterbox. My appointment was two hours long and by the end of it, I was completely exhausted from trying to keep up my end of the conversation. We ended up talking about cheese. Yes, cheese. Pardon the expression, but I milked that cheese topic for everything it was worth. We spent at least half the appointment talking about cheese, because I am vaguely well-acquainted with different sorts of cheeses, and I love cheese, and I had NO IDEA what else to talk about. My cats? Shoes? Ummmm. Yeah. I have no idea.

It's the holiday season, and you know what that means. Lots and lots of chitchat. Office parties, family parties, friendly people in the stores. I'm a complete doofus and cannot handle myself in a party situation. I need one of those "How To Make Small Talk For Dummies" books. I need to study current events or something. Good lord, it's bad.

Sometimes I can pretend to be an extrovert and I do pretty well, but inevitably something will sneak up on me and I'll be completely at a loss, and then my cover is blown.

Frankly I wish everyone would agree to just talk about cats and books, or go straight to the good stuff and give me all the dirt on their marriage or have a soul-searching conversation about what to do with the rest of their lives. That's my comfort zone. It's cats, or destiny.