Moving! (new blog address)

Well, just the blog.

Decided to try WordPress:

http://nevertravelled.wordpress.com/

It's really, really boring and ugly right now because I am still figuring it out. This blog will remain active, but please update your links/feeds to my new blog since I'll be posting over there now!

Vacation Day Two

Well, I didn't perform at the Condor today, but I was topless and bottomless (albeit wrapped in a towel and covered in comfy soft blankies) for a lovely facial today. :)

• Woke up at 8:30 and headed out to Berkeley Bowl for provisions. I'm on vacation, but we've still got to eat, right?
• Got home and lounged around, had coffee, read blogs (am sadly behind on all blog reading...)
• Headed around the corner to the day spa (so nice that it's literally around the corner from my house) and had a very nice facial, and a manicure and pedicure. The facial I loved. I've only had maybe two facials before, but I think I'm going to get one each season (4x/year is reasonable, right?). My skin feels great and it was genuinely relaxing. The manicure I can do without. Frankly I don't care that much about my nails, which are short and unpolished (for some reason polish does not stay on my fingernails for more than a day, no matter what). I like the results of the pedicure but I always feel incredibly awkward being in the high chair with someone kneeling in front of me, pampering my feet. I just have a hard time relaxing. Although it was better today; the nail tech was very sweet and genuinely kind, so that helped. Still, I think next time I will just go for the facial.
• Came home and Terri made brownies for me. Thanks, sweetie!
• Went for a walk with my friend even though I really didn't want to. We went through the local rose garden park, which was lovely. I would have rather strolled through, taking time to smell the roses (literally), but we power-walked around the park twice (with me only stopping a *few* times...). I actually really enjoy exercising but lately I have just not been in the mood. I think I'd rather take a long slow hike with my camera than power-walk.
• Am now home, where I am going to take a shower to clean all the facial gunk out of my hair, and have roasted potatoes and asparagus for dinner, and watch Buffy.

Tomorrow it's supposed to thunderstorm and be cold and rainy. I think we are going to stay in bed all day and watch spooky movies. Includes: The Orphanage, Let The Right One In, The Entity and possibly The Innocents (based on Turn of the Screw). I haven't been able to read much, even though I'm really enjoying Carry On, Jeeves. I'm feeling incredibly overstimulated by everything, and can barely watch movies. My attention span just can't seem to handle a book. I'm hoping to feel better in the next day or two.

Doesn't help that we heard today from the SSDI department that it could take as long as six months to get a decision (we are hoping there was some sort of misunderstanding, since originally we were told a week to 90 days), nor that Terri's doctor is recommending an out-of-the-country treatment which would cost $20,000. I don't know if that covers travel costs or what. You know what that means! Bake Sale of the Century! (do you think I could raise $20,000 by selling home baked brownies?)

Vacation Day One

Ahhh. Vacation.

Since I had to be busy all day up until 1 AM on Saturday, I didn't consider my vacation started until Sunday. So. Yesterday, I:

• Slept in until 10 (which was still only 8 hours since I went to bed at 2)
• Had too much coffee
• Read the paper
• Half-watched a couple Lifetime movies
• Went out with Terri to the garden center and got some plants for the porch, including a hanging strawberry plant, which I'm very excited about
• Planted all the plants (which was maybe 3-4)
• Did quickie sand/refinish to a small table I'm going to use for my jewelry (found at garage sale)
• Made two more fancy necklaces for myself while watching another Lifetime movie
• Made roasted new potatoes and asparagus for dinner
• Watched a couple episodes of Buffy and then something on PBS about cemeteries

I don't usually like Lifetime movies but they were kind of perfect yesterday. It was a gorgeous day, almost too warm, but so nice.

Today I am going to have a facial and mani/pedi at the day spa around the corner from our house. And then come home and fall back into bed for a nap. Ahh.

3/4 of a day to go... (plus, the painting)

A terrible photo of my latest painting, my first real foray into abstract, wherein I have no idea what I'm doing but just messed around. Am still not sure what I think. Anyway. Here it is. A decent first attempt, perhaps. (or not). I go between thinking it's okay and hating it. Oh well.

Tomorrow starts my week's vacation. No babysitting, petsitting, graphic design or day job, and no worrying or thinking about any of those things either. I can't WAIT. Today, I am still doing two of those four jobs, so it's not exactly a vacation yet.

Giant list of stuff I intend to do over the next week or so:

• Finish the companion painting to the one above
• Study abstract art (I got a ton of library books on the subject as review)
• Go to at least one museum or art gallery
• Go to day spa around the corner for facial and mani/pedi
• Have mid-30s makeover at fancy makeup store (I figure this is a good idea once a decade or so)
• A few chores: wash all bedding, sort closet, etc.
• Watch a bunch of movies
• Work on my cross stitch project
• Finish current TBR stack
• Go to the city for T. medical test and hopefully a bit of city fun
• Maybe a springtime hike in the hills
• Oh yeah, and rest a bunch too

Who knows what I'll manage to do off that list, but mostly I intend to catch up on rest and really do a lot of soul-nourishing stuff so I feel actually rejuvenated. We were *hoping* to have our good news by now so we could celebrate, but alas. Still, can enjoy ourselves in any case.

flowers make it better

I was in charge of purchasing and arranging flowers for a work-related event on Wednesday. So pretty. I think I need to go back to the flower market and get armfuls of lilacs for next week's vacation.

small ranty post so I can get on with my day

Point #1: receiving a grumpy email first thing in the morning does not set a good tone for the day. If you see an email in your inbox and suspect it might be grump-inducing, save it for later. I'm just sayin'.

Point #2: These generic Facebook posts about Day of Prayer and Christmas Trees and Healthcare and all that stuff drive me crazy. They are all about getting people riled up, based on untruths, and never serve any purpose except to make people all righteous and uppity. What strikes me as ironic and also detrimental is that there are never any posts about, say, the awesomeness that is the separation of church and state, or the fact that anyone can have a Christmas tree and call it a Holiday Tree or Solstice Tree or anything they damn well please, because, hello, it's a FREE COUNTRY. That is what it means = you can say Happy Holidays if you don't celebrate Christmas. You can have an freaking St. Patty's Tree if you want. So why no Facebook posts saying, "I'm thrilled that my country holds millions of points of view and that we all get to learn from one another and increase our tolerance for "otherness"? This stuff drives me crazy.

Point #3: I am going on vacation on Sunday and apparently I need it, badly. Tears, anger, upset tummy, etc. All indications that perhaps a break is needed. One that includes a massage and a makeover and a trip to the museum and delicious smoothies and naps.

Yep, that's about the size of it.

Stress Eating a la NY Magazine

(delicious latte from downtown Oakland... love the little heart on top!)

Does anyone else love to read that NY Magazine feature about what people eat during the week?

Like this one, or this one. They interview all kinds of people; I just happened to find two models, but it's not just about what models (don't) eat. I'm just fascinated by what people eat every day. I'm not talking about calories in and calories burned, I'm just talking about what people choose to eat every day. It's so interesting

I did a little experiment to see what I ate in the days leading up to the hearing. I was stressed, tired, wiped out and needed comfort food. This is about as bad as my eating gets. I can tolerate this sort of diet for about a week and then I start craving vegetables (see: the last dinner entry). I wrote down everything that I ate for a few days, but, same as the article, did not write down exact quantities. Also, a few notes here and there about what I was eating. I refuse to calculate calories or to judge myself: crappy times call for crappy food (sometimes).

Friday, April 9, 2010

• Coffee + no-sugar-added hot chocolate mix (faux mocha)
• Peppermint tea (plain, to combat tummy upset from coffee)
• 2 small granola bars
• Taro bun (taro-stuffed sweet bun, brought in by sweet co-worker)
• handful cocoa-covered almonds (were in the office kitchen, and were delicious)
• Amy’s frozen beans-and-rice burrito
• Small cup of coffee with cream
• Small bag of potato chips
• Giant salad (romaine, corn-onion mix, tomato, avocado, cilantro) (this was really good)

Saturday, April 10, 2010

• Pop-tart (1) (we don't usually have Pop-Tarts and so forth in the house, but Terri has had a hard time eating much of anything, so we've been going for easy-to-eat high-calorie foods. Unfortunately, for me, they are very easy to grab in the morning.)
• Granola and unflavored (plain) lowfat yogurt
• Corn nuts (um, a lot of corn nuts. way too many corn nuts)
• Tortilla and very light cheese sprinkling, melted in micro (babysitting food)
• Couple bites BBQ chicken (don't usually eat chicken, but I sampled what the kids were eating. Two bites was enough for me)
• Zero-cal flavored sparkling water (black raspberry)
• Bowl of Weetabix cereal w/So Delicious (nondairy coconut “milk”) (got home and was starving)

Sunday, April 11, 2010

• Pop-tart (the other one from the pack I opened the day before)
• Coffee with evap. milk (I've been using evaporated milk rather than cream. Cheaper, lowfat, and tastes good)
• Granola and plain yogurt
• Salad with romaine, tomato, avocado, cilantro
• Small handful Panda raspberry licorice
• Pop-tarts (succumbed to the cherry poptarts again in the afternoon. We really have to get these out of the house)
• Pizza (I decided to take the easy road and ordered pizza. Got roasted red pepper and garlic. Was delicious)

Monday, April 12, 2010

• Pizza for breakfast (slice) (Terri can't eat pizza right now so it was up to me to finish it all)
• Pizza for lunch (slice) (by now I am really sick of pizza)
• Coffee with evap milk
• 2 pc chocolate
• Last piece of pizza (thank god) (felt crappy by this time)
• More Weetabix, with soymilk

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 (Morning of the hearing, didn't eat until we got home at 10 am)

• Piece cranberry-orange bread (Terri's sister made this. It was amazing)
• Small piece poundcake (she also brought a ton of other goodies, so I had to sample some)
• Tea (plain)
• Chocolate chip cookie (also from her sister... dang you, Liz!!)
• Gigantic plate of steamed broccoli, carrots, Jasmine rice (I could not take any more sugar, flour, or processed food by this point. This plate of vegetables and rice tasted AMAZING!!)

Thoughts from the experiment:

Well, I know that this is a fairly skewed towards a highly-processed diet, which we usually do not eat. However, in times of great stress and exhaustion, apparently I am as susceptible as anyone to the easy and yummy, if sorta crappy. I also found that after eating all the dreck, I felt terrible and now just want to eat vegetables 24/7 for the next month.

High points: mmm, the salads were delicious. Need more of those. So yummy.

Low points: corn nuts and pop-tarts? you know it's bad when...

Onward to happy fresh spring eating and good news from the judge (crossing fingers!)

Book: Witches Abroad

This is my first Terry Pratchett book (well, Terry Pratchett alone; I did read Good Omens, by him and Neil Gaiman). I knew a couple of things going into it: it was going to be funny, it was going to be fantasy, and that everyone adores Terry Pratchett. So how could it go wrong?

Well... it didn't!

It was a super-fun romp through Discworld, with witches Granny Weatherwax, Magrat Garlicke, and Nanny Ogg. When Magrat discovers that she is, in fact, a fairy godmother; and what's more, a fairy godmother with a mission to help fair Ella in far off Genua, the other two (slightly meddlesome, as of course the best witches would be) accompany her.

The witches must travel across Discworld. None of them have traveled much before, so they are constantly adjusting to 'foreigners.' Along the way, they fall in and out of various well-known stories. Gollum makes an appearance, as does Red Riding Hood, the wolf, Dracula, etc. They finally reach Genua (obviously modeled after New Orleans... with a bit of The Frog Prince and Cinderella thrown in for good measure) and must help Emberella ("Ella" or "Ember"), who does NOT wish to marry the prince. Unfortunately, she has TWO fairy godmothers: the good one, and the bad one. But which witch is which?

The only thing about this book is that I didn't immediately catch on that the whole thing was essentially parody after parody after parody, so at first I was like, "What is Gollum doing here?" The other thing is that sometimes this sort of humor, similar to Douglas Adams books or even Mel Brooks movies, sometimes doesn't really work for me. I don't know why... I have to be in just the right mood for this kind of playful absurdity.

I started off not in the right mood and so was unsure if the book was going to work for me, but by the time I finished the book, it was exactly what I needed. Silly and smart and playful and pun-y and joke after joke after joke. I was feeling so stressed and anxious that I really needed this sort of lighthearted, goodnatured fun.

So I ended up loving it.

With great relief.

After all, I have heard so many amazing things about Terry Pratchett and I didn't want to be the only one in the world not to "get" it! So, with a deep sigh of relief, I now include the amazing Terry Pratchett in my list of "Authors To Turn To In Times Of Need!" I am excited to read more Discworld novels.

...and the verdict is...

...not in yet. Sigh. But, the thing is DONE!

The lawyer said it went as well as it could have gone, so that's encouraging. The judge said he believed Terri's testimony, and I think that after all is said and done they proved that Terri cannot work a 40-hour week, which is what we were there to prove. I did not have to testify, as the judge felt he had enough information without my additional testimony (which the lawyer interpreted as a good sign). So... although we did not get a ruling today, we feel fairly optimistic that Terri will receive a favorable ruling and get her full benefits.

We'll know anywhere from a week to 90 days; we'll get the results in the mail. Kinda frustrating, but at least it seems that things went well and it's DONE! Terri's sisters were there for support and overall, it went as well as we could have hoped.

So, keep those good thoughts coming and I'll let you know when we finally DO hear. :)

National Library Week

Let's distract ourselves with a little rambly post about libraries, in celebration of National Library Week, shall we?

As any good book blogger worth her salt, I adore my local library and use it all the time. Like, weekly. Once I discovered that I could request books online and have them delivered -- for free -- to my local branch, I have been a frequent visitor to the little Piedmont Avenue library, which is, I think, both the smallest branch in Oakland but which also houses the largest collection of LGBT literature. Kind of awesome. Not that I read much LGBT lit (not sure why) but it's nice that's it's there. I always take a quick look in that section to see if anything looks interesting.

So, let's see. Let's do a Top 10 Rambly Facts about Daphne and Libraries:

1. From as far back as I can remember, I have used the library frequently. I learned to read very early and some of my earliest memories are of going to our little library (in my small town of 3000) and loading up with books. That was back in the days of stamping the cards and writing your name on the cards... there are still a lot of children's books in the Philomath collection with my name written on it multiple times.
2. We used to have those read-a-thon summer reading challenges and my librarian used to roll her eyes at me, because I usually reached the top count by around week two.
3. I volunteered at that same little local library a few summers when I was a teenager, helping kids do book-related crafts and such. I've always loved children's books and art, so the two together was an obvious choice for a summer volunteer job.
4. One time in college, I left my wallet in the city library bathroom. I was about to go on a trip so it was stuffed with cash (well, "stuffed" being a relative term since I was a college student). I realized that I had left it there in the middle of my Russian Literature final. Gah!! Thankfully, library patrons are wonderful people and someone returned it (all the cash intact)
5. The city library (in the larger town next to my small town) had a great reading room, full of big soft wingback chairs and tons of magazines. I used to go there and just read and be cozy when I had a break from class or before work (I worked at the newspaper and so worked in the afternoon/evening). Libraries need cozy reading rooms.
6. When I first moved to California, my local library (The Alameda Free Library) was housed in a really cool old building. Too bad it shut down within the first two months of my living here. The library moved to the high school temporarily, while the new library was constructed. I didn't go to the library much during this time. The temporary location was sort of depressing.
7. The new Alameda library is totally green -- insulated with shredded denim, uses solar panels, etc. It also has a nice little cafe inside and is an extremely cozy and nice library. I used it a lot until I moved to Oakland. I still go there sometimes on my lunch break from work (I work in Alameda).
8. The Oakland library system is so much larger than the Alameda system. I can find pretty much anything I want. Combine that resource with the Alameda library and the Berkeley library system, and there is an endless supply of books at my fingertips. Needless to say, I am delighted by this and take full advantage of it all the time.
9. My local library branch has been offering free handmade bookmarks at the checkout counter. I'm considering making up some and delivering them as I have taken and enjoyed quite a few myself. They are just simple cardboard bookmarks, sometimes just collaged paper or strips of children's art (which make lovely patterns), but it's fun to look to see what's available. I don't know who donates these. I think I'll make some on my vacation next week.
10. The final and most important fact about me and the library is that, well, I LOVE the library and would willingly lobby/fight/collect signatures/speak/go door-to-door for the library. There pretty much isn't anything else I would do these things for, but I consider the library a lifeline and I really don't know what I would do without it. I think I've only bought maybe two or three books (the "just for reading" kind, not reference books like health or cookbooks) in the past 2 years because of the library, and that certainly has helped my budget! It is a constant source of joy that I can get pretty much any book I want, for free, delivered to just a few blocks away, anytime. It's one of my favorite things ever.

So... hooray for libraries and hooray for Neil Gaiman, this year's Library Week Chair! Am currently watching the Neverwhere series and it's quite campy good fun.

Counting Down

Well, we've got two days to go until the SSDI hearing on Tuesday morning. I have a pretty good feeling about it, but we could use all the help we could get, so if you have a minute and wouldn't mind sending some good thoughts our way for Tuesday morning, we'd appreciate it!

All the paperwork is filed, so all there is to do now is sit around and try not to be nervous. Ha!

I sincerely feel for anyone who has to go through this process. It completely, totally sucks to have to document all the things that you or your loved one can't do anymore, and to go over the entire awful story in detail, and then have someone judge whether or not you are really that disabled (or, presumably, just trying to "mooch off the system.") It's terrible. I will be so glad when it's over.

I'm actually doing pretty well. I'm tired, of course, and worried, but I really *do* have a good feeling, so I'm assuming that means the Universe is telling me that it will be fine and we'll have a favorable outcome. I really hope so. This is so important on so many levels. The income will help, of course, and then we'll be able to afford the $5500 OUT-OF-POCKET treatment that Terri needs (which is a bargain compared to the $20,000 it *could* cost if we went to Panama for it, which we won't be doing... yet). But it will really help Terri feel like she's contributing to our household, which is essential for someone who is such a 'do-er' as she is. Also, it would be very nice for me to have a little less pressure to keep working so much all the time. There is a lot at stake.

In preparation, we are spending today and tomorrow pretty much in bed. Of course I have work to do, but I'm doing it while resting in bed. We're having crazy stormy weather, so at least that's an excellent excuse to turn up the little heater, snuggle under the covers, put on a dumb movie and have some tea while getting my work done.

That's about it. We'll be single-mindedly trying to keep a lid on the anxiety and be thinking good thoughts. I will report back on Tuesday! With excellent, celebratory news, I'm sure.

Book: Auntie Mame

"But darling... I'm your Auntie Mame!"

Oh, who wouldn't love an Auntie Mame? I know I would. A rich, fabulous, irreverent, eccentric, idealistic, open-minded, quirky loving auntie to sweep you up and love you and concoct wild schemes and always, always come through for you... when she isn't pulling you into unfortunate escapades or making you break school rules or throwing you into inappropriate parties, that is.

(but still, you know you love every minute of it)

I've only ever seen the Rosalind Russell movie, so it was fun to read the book and have Mame a bit more fleshed out and her sharp, quirky ways elaborated upon. Mame is not only all about life's banquet (where at, she says in the movie but not the book, "most poor bastards are starving to death."), but she is about Art and all the good things life has to offer ALL people, not only the rich and fabulous. I loved that about Mame: she is open-minded and accepting to a fault (except there is NEVER a fault in that).

Even in the 1930s and 40s (the book was published in 1955), Mame fought prejudice and closed-mindedness, as excellently portrayed in the scene with young-adult Patrick's intended in-laws (where they are discussing the prospect of a Jewish family moving to the property next door):

"Buster," Auntie Mame said, "What's come over you? They're charming people. She's very dark and vivacious and one of the best cooks in..."

"I'll bet she's dark and vivacious. A greasy, thick-lipped, loud-mouthed little..."

"Oh, but you're all wrong there. Sylvia's divine, really, and Abe went to Harvard in the same class with Samuel..."

"You mean you really know these people?" Mr. Upson asked.

"But of course. He has a marvelous job with..."

"But they're Jews."

"Well, certainly they're Jews. She's related somehow to Rabbi Wise and he..."

"Can't you get it through your thick head that they're JEWS? That they want to move in right next to ME?" Mr. Upson said.

(more vile vitriol from Mr. Upson, and then...)

"Just how many Jews do you know personally, Claude?"

"I know all I want to, " he screamed. "Pushy, bossy, aggressive, loud..."

"As loud as you're being at this moment?"

"Goddamn it! I'm talking about a pack of kikes moving in and rubbing shoulders with nice people -- decent people!"

"And this is an example of your nicety? Your decency? ... I've known dozens of Jews in my life and it has also been my sorry experience to have heard quite a few gentiles who have talked about Jews as you do. I know all the adjectives -- all of them. Jews, you will tell me, are Mean, Pushy, Avaricious, Possessive, Loud, Vulgar, Garish, Bossy people. But I've yet to meet one, from the poorest pushcart vendor on First Avenue to the richest philanthropist on Fifth Avenue, who could hold a candle to you when it comes to displaying all of those qualities."

Wow. You tell him, Mame! I wanted to stand up and clap when I read this. To me, this is as good as any example of why it's so important continue to fight bigotry and ignorant hate, in whatever form it comes across your path. People who spew this sort of small-minded idiotic opinions are, as far as I'm concerned, simply reflecting the yuckiness inside themselves. And they need to be called on it, every single time. This sort of hatred creates evil in the world and we need as little of it as possible.

Anyway. Along with being pure liberal awesomeness, Mame is funny, vulnerable, fashionable, fabulous, loving, unrealistic, and pure fun. I loved reading this book and actually feel I learned a lot about how to conduct oneself in life. Even when you have lost everything ("Everything, darling!"), one must continue to go out and fight and do the very best you can, and what's more, help everyone you meet in whatever way you are able.

Mame is not perfect, not at all, and could be extremely maddening. And yet... how can you not love someone so full of life and goodwill and charm? Loved it, every sentence.

Fun fact: the author seems fascinating as well. A bohemian bisexual man, set loose in New York City (while still attempting to maintain a wife and children), he eventually retired from writing bestselling novels and became an "exemplary butler" to elite families in West Palm Beach and Chicago. So, apple perhaps not falling far from tree, if we can consider Mame an apple. (she's more of a peach, really)

random!

(I like this building, near North Beach, in SF. I wonder what the apartment upstairs is like...)

A few random thoughts:

1. We are watching the last season of Buffy. Note to people who have not watched Buffy yet -- you MUST watch Buffy (no question) but be aware that the first half of the first season is a little slow, but then it gets REALLY good very quickly, so stick with it. And, I am being reminded, the last season is also a little slow and actually sort of depressing. But we need to see it through to the end. The middle 5 1/2 seasons are completely, totally amazing. YOU MUST WATCH IT.

2. I'm on a madcap reading spree. Finishing Auntie Mame right now, and heading straight for Jeeves and Wooster. I need a little madcap to keep me from fidgeting and being anxious about next Tuesday.

3. We have GOT to start eating something other than plain pasta (for Terri) or 3-ingredient quickie meals (me). Although strangely I really don't seem to mind. It's nice to take a break from cooking so much sometimes. However, it's spring and veggies must be consumed.

4. I'm really, really tired. Have I mentioned this before? Yeah. Tired. My walking buddy (Jenn) and I are trying to walk three nights a week (about 3 miles each time). This is great. We are walking (maybe jogging some of it) the Bay to Breakers race in May (with my BFF Erin, who is coming down for it) so we have to keep doing it, but really all I want to do is come home and get in bed. Three nights a week is feeling like a lot, even though it's actually not that much. Have I mentioned that I will be glad when next Tuesday is over?

We seem to be on minimal-use autopilot right now, just sort of skimming along until we know what next Tuesday will bring. That's okay, that's exactly what we need to be doing right now. Still, I'll be happy when we can start househunting in earnest, when we can eat more vegetables and real meals, and when I can devote more energy to my own fun stuff. It's been a really long year and a half of hard work and creative frugal-izing, and while I'm eternally grateful that I have the skills, talents, and knowledge to have made it work so well, I'll be happy to be able to relax just a wee bit.

good things

A few happy things:

* I have recently become (slightly) obsessed with Amanda Palmer and her various endeavors. I saw that her new project, Evelyn Evelyn, is coming to San Francisco in May, and I thought to myself, "Boy, I would love to go see that." And then I thought, "Well, why the hell not?" So today I bought tickets! My friend Shea is going to go with me. I can't wait.

* I finished a painting! I'm sitting with it for a few days to see if it's really done or if it needs a little more tweaking. When it's really done, I'll post pictures. I tried abstract. I like it. I'm, as usual, terrified that it's crap. But really, who cares if it's crap? I mean really. Does it matter? Not at all. Who's to say if it's crap or not? Hello, earth to Daphne, you are not Picasso.

* Am currently reading Auntie Mame and enjoying every sentence. We all need an Auntie Mame. Or maybe we need to be Auntie Mame.

* Terri has talked things out with her doctor and feels MUCH better about things. There were some major problems with the office staff and he also admitted his own responsibility in the lack of response that had been happening. After apologizing sincerely multiple times, we forgave him and she feels good about him again. It's so frustrating when there aren't any answers... you never know what to think. Anyway... there is an exciting new treatment that she's going to try in May (or maybe June/July). It could be a big deal. Crossing fingers. In the meantime, it's enough to have faith in her doctor again. It was also a good lesson for us (for me, at least) in having faith and withholding judgment.

* We watched the Ram Dass documentary Fierce Grace. Wow, that was powerful. We both cried and cried through it, both tears of sadness and empathy, and the sort of tears which come when you are deeply moved by something. Anyway, we loved it. I knew nothing about Ram Dass before this, but now we feel like that spiritual door has been pushed open a wee bit more. So that's sort of exciting too.

* We just got a Netflix player (actually, it's a Blu-Ray DVD player, with NetFlix streaming capability). Woo! It's pretty fun. Our old DVD player broke, and we decided to splurge a little and get the fancy-pants gadget. Terri's home all day long and I keep thinking, if I were home all day long, I would want to be able to watch whatever the heck I wanted, and it would be awfully nice if it looked good and didn't skip or crap out on you. Yippee for new toys! This NetFlix streaming thing is pretty cool.

That's about it. On a little upswing. The hearing is in a week and we are filled with good, hopeful thoughts. Please keep us in your good thoughts this week, through to next Tuesday.

Book: The Te of Piglet

Hmm.

Well, as the residents of the Hundred Acre Wood might say, this was Not What I Expected.

I really, really wanted to like this book. But I was continually, um, Rather Surprised that I didn't. It was a little Heavy Handed. I felt rather Beat Upon The Brow With An Iron Skillet.

I haven't read The Tao of Pooh (and I'd still like to, even though I was sadly disappointed in Piglet's book), but for the uninitiated, basically these are books explaining the main tenets of Taoism through the simple stories of Pooh And Friends. A wee bit precious, but I love classic Pooh, so I thought, why not?

Piglet, being A Very Small Animal, apparently embodies the taoist principle of Virtue very well. Being small, brave (in spite of being afraid), being helpful to everyone and not Making A Big Deal of things... all piglet-y goodness. I can get behind all this.

However, the author, Benjamin Hoff, seems to be rather on A High Horse throughout, railing against Confucianism, feminism, capitalism, conservatives, critics, computers... for all his talk about avoiding the Eeyores of the world, I started to wonder if the pot was perhaps calling the kettle a Wee Bit Black.

My first clue was when he started talking about the Eeyore Amazons. (really? Amazons?) "They are emotionally descended from the Puritans -- those grim souls who considered femininity No Good, along with art, music, dancing, singing, the natural world, and practically everything else that makes life enjoyable." Ok, so far, so good (sort of). But then he goes on to say, "As do a number of other people (us included), the Eeyore Amazons call themselves feminists. But the word doesn't quite fit them, somehow. They don't like femininity. Instead, they covet masculinity. Strange. Very strange."

We might also say, "Condescending. Very condescending." Basically, he doesn't like the so-called Femi-nazis (a term which really bugs me anyway -- he doesn't use this term, but clearly this is the group he's talking about). "Beyond their antimasculine words, it's Over-Masculinity as usual... they break up Men's Clubs... then they establish Women's Clubs, to which men are not invited. They accuse men of being sexist, but then they behave like sexists. They say they want Sensitive Men. When they encounter such men, they shove them about."

Wow. I didn't and don't even know what to think about this. I'm all for women (and men) embracing both sides of the coin: masculine and feminine. I'm all for men being softer and more grounded, and women being more powerful and in-charge (while still being able to do a damn cross-stitch if they feel like it). But while I agree that certain militant feminists are obnoxious and kind of perpetuate the problem, I'm not really sure why they are drawing such ire, since the reason that most extremely strong feminists feel they must overcompensate is because, hello, the balance of power is still heavily weighted in the corner of Men, sensitive or no.

I don't know if this story reinforces or negates my point, but it reminded me rather strongly and uncomfortably of a time when I was in college and had made friends with the leader of the rather small and goofy LGBT group on campus. I liked her at first, and then... well, the tide sort of shifted and pretty soon I was being recruited to help with the Take Back The Night event. I am ALL for these sorts of events -- women (and everyone) should feel safe walking to their cars, etc. at night. But she wanted to ban men from the event, which just seemed silly to me. She asked me for my opinion about whether or not men should come (looking for support, I assume), and I said that I felt like we needed all the help we can get, so men should be involved. Well. That was the end of that friendship. Which is stupid.

So I don't know what my point is, except to say that it annoyed me (both that event and this book). It even annoyed me when he railed against things upon which I actually agreed with him, such as the hypocrisy of (many) conservatives, the Gulf War(s), anti-environmentalism, etc. Mostly because he was using this sort of light, charming, fluffy shell (Piglet) to really be quite vitriolic in his own way against these groups. Which seems to me to be Kind Of The Same Thing.

While I was hoping for some Enlightenment, I got a Rant. I would put this Rant in the same category as Woozles and Heffalumps. "To Be Avoided."

The author might want to take a look at the Eeyore-mindset his is railing against, and then look in the mirror.

Speaking of Eeyore, Hoff is pretty hard on our favorite gloomy donkey. I felt like he was taking this character and twisting it and making Eeyore somehow unlovable. Come on! We all love Eeyore! We want to snuggle him! Not vilify him! Yes, he's gloomy and sad, but isn't compassion one of the main points of Taoism?

Anyway. I ended up not liking this book at all, although I did enjoy the actual Taoist stories, and I do want to read the Tao of Pooh. I also was reminded that there is a Taoist Center in Oakland and I want to go try their free meditation classes.

So, if you are feeling like you want an ally to rant with, by all means, pick up Te of Piglet. But otherwise, I'd skip it.

Quarterly Update; and, thoughts on creativity

Well, here we are, already just over a quarter of the way through the year. Taking a cue from corporate culture, here's a quarterly report on yours truly:

House Buying:

Oh, Oakland, you are breaking my heart. As much as we want to stay here, I'm not sure we're going to be able to buy in Oakland.

Our choices are:

* crappy condos in (sometimes) OK (meh) neighborhoods

* falling-down dumps in OK (meh) neighborhoods

* incredibly adorable renovated perfect charmers in extremely dangerous neighborhoods (painful to see these and then look at crime reports)

or sometimes

* incredibly tiny one-bedroom condo jewels in decent neighborhoods

None of these really fit what we're looking for. So, we're looking east. Either we stay where we are (nice retro 1-bedroom apartment in fantastic neighborhood which we adore) and don't buy anything, or we move farther out to various suburbs. Which isn't a bad option, just... far.

So, we are temporarily not really looking. We'll wait until the SSDI hearing to see what we've got to work with. And then start touring.

Art and Such

Who knew I was such a wimp? As previously noted, our house is COLD. There are no heaters in the room I use as art studio, and if I plug in a heater, it's a 50/50 chance that the fuse will blow (yes, fuses. See: retro apartment). So. It's been cold and rainy for a really long time now (which I like in theory, but not when our house is freezing) and so... i haven't been painting. However, I have one in progress. I decided to start playing around with abstracts, just to get creative-juices flowing (aside: does anybody else cringe when people over-use the word juicy? Bleck.) I was doing really good with it... and then I over-did it. So time to backtrack. And maybe turn it upside down. And try some gold leaf. Gold leaf makes everything better, don't you think?

A few more words on creativity: sometimes it just KILLS me that I'm not messing around with art stuff every single day. Wasting time! Wasting talent! Waste! Waste! It breaks my own heart that I do this to myself.

And yet: Cold! Worried! Working really, really hard! Really, really tired! Those things suck up creative energy very quickly.

Still, as soon as it warms up, am totally going to resume at least one night a week of art, plus at least one afternoon per weekend of art. That should help. I may have to move my target of "art show" (meaning: have something up in a public space) back a few months, but that's okay.

My other idea, which was a cookbook, has been put on-hold as my energy is being eaten up by all this other stuff. Not ditching that idea yet, however. Just... rationing out energy.

Other Stuff:

Feeling pretty good about progress in other areas.

* I got both of my websites updated (although I am seriously not happy with the graphic design one and will be redesigning as soon as I figure out my options). Have been wanting to do this for over a year, so Yay Me!

* Despite feeling discouraged, the ball is actually rolling in house-buying arena. Major accomplishment.

* Despite feeling mad at myself, I'm thinking more about art than I have in a long time. I think as soon as I have warmth/energy/can quit worrying, I'll make some real progress.

* Have had better luck with books so far this year. Am enjoying just reading "whatever I want."

* Am feeling like after the SSDI hearing, I'm going to hop right back into that "Make Stuff Happen" mode and start... well, making stuff happen.

* Although lately I have been really very tired and kinda crabby, my optimism remains firmly in place (only falling off the tracks every once in awhile). We have approximately one more week until the hearing, and then we'll know what's what.

***

A few more thoughts on creativity.

I have been thinking about what sorts of things foster creativity. I look at my own world and I see that although I have a very full, rich reading life, and I am great with cooking creatively, I'm not doing a whole lot visually. I don't go to art shows, I don't go to museums, I don't look at art books, I don't read artist biographies.

There seems to be two schools of thought about this sort of thing. One is: don't look at anybody else's stuff, because you'll either start comparing yourself (and get paralyzed) or become overly influenced (and become unoriginal). The other school says to surround yourself with creative stimuli all the time: books, people, shows, classes, etc.

I've been in a visual vacuum for awhile, so I'm going to try the other way and see how that goes. I got some books on abstract art (more instructional than theory), and I need to make a point of going around to local galleries and just seeing what's there. There is an Art Murmur in Oakland on the first Friday of the month, so maybe I ought to start going to that sometimes as well.

I know part of why I don't do these things is because it breaks my heart to do them without Terri, but maybe I can do them sometimes anyway, just an hour or two here and there.

So, as spring starts to warm things up around here, I'm going to try and step out of my own box.

And I PROMISE to not start "marinating" in my own "juicy" creativity while "honoring" my "authentic self." People! Use regular words!!!

(have I said lately that this tiredness is making me slightly crabby?)

in which our author has an Idea

So, I'm sure other people have thought of this before me, but I saw Eva's post with the adorable pink cottage, and got to thinking: wouldn't it be fun to have a book blogger retreat? Nothing like BlogHer or anything crazy like that, but something warm and intimate and cozy.

Other bloggers (crafty, small-business types, mostly) seem to have retreats all the time. They always sound fun, but kind of vaguely intimidating. Is it just me? Anyway.

So I was thinking, what if I organized something actually relaxing? Like a slumber party for grownup girls who love books? The only criteria would be that you needed to love books, and either love reading book blogs or have one of your own. (I wouldn't be real strict about this)

(eventually I would love to do a week-long summer camp for book lovers. Now wouldn't THAT be fun!)

My loose idea:

• Rent a lovely cottage or house somewhere fun, like Calistoga. Something like this?
• That way, there are plenty of spa experiences available for those who want them. I could organize a few day trip options.
• Lounging at the cottage (maybe there would be a pool?) would also be an option.
• Other activities could include a "book club" where we all read a specified book in advance and then one evening have a "meeting" where we talk about the book in detail.
• Book swap?
• Book art project?
• Perhaps it might be arranged around an author-speaking date?
• Lots of time for reading!
  
• Game of Authors in the evening
• Featuring of course fabulous food and coffee and literary gossip and possibly book-theme movie-viewing

What do you think? Doesn't that sound nice? Maybe it's just me, craving some relaxing time to just lounge around with my books, and maybe have some yummy food and a massage.

I don't know many bloggers here on the west coast, but I *could.* And maybe this could be enticing enough to lure folks from elsewhere.

Thinking, thinking, thinking...

joke of all jokes? (possible TMI!)

Happy April Fool's Day!

We're all friends here, right? So: true confession. Most of my life I've had some sort of foot-and/or-toenail fungus thingie happening. I blame growing up in Oregon and wearing soggy shoes most of the year. Anyway, aside from being a minor annoyance, I've never really thought much about it. It never goes away, right?

So, without going into detail, I have a new incentive to get rid of it once and for all. The doctor would like me to go on Lamisil, and recommended getting rid of all my shoes.

Let me repeat that: getting rid of all my shoes.

Why could this not have happened when I was in college and had, like, three pairs of ratty shoes, all of which I hated? I finally grew up and now have a lovely shoe collection, all nicely cared for. You get older, you buy better shoes. As in, more-expensive shoes. Which you intend to keep for many years.

I have to go back in next week for the test results and prescription, and I will clarify this with him. Do I have to get rid of ALL my shoes? All of them? Really? Or can I salvage the ones I only wear rarely, all my pretty dress-up shoes? I'm okay with replacing the ones I wear most often. That would be probably 3-4 pairs, maybe 5. Expensive, but, okay. Worth it. I'm not sure I can get rid of ALL of them. There's got to be an alternative, even if it means doing some sort of treatment before and after wearing them (since I only wear them each a couple times a year).

On the plus side: shoe shopping! (he said he wished he could write me a prescription for Nordstrom's). On the down side: expensive!

Well, this will get me to do some serious shoe-sorting, anyway.

And come this summer, I will have the cutest, prettiest feet EVAR.

let's not get crazy now

...but I redid my pet-sitting website too. Ahhh! So freaking cute!

I have to say that Yahoo's site-building software (site-builder) is SO MUCH EASIER than GoDaddy's (which I used for my graphic design site, and which I am not very happy with).

Dilemma. I already paid for my GoDaddy site (for TWO YEARS. I was thinking positively, what can I say? Thankfully, it was cheap). But it's really not the greatest, I'm not too happy with the design, and it's frustrating to work with. I am tempted to chalk it up to experience and trash it and rebuild it in Site Builder. What does a frugal small-business owner do? Sigh.

Anyway. I'm very happy with my cutie-pie petsitting site. I think I need new business cards now.