A Day Out (massive photo post)

Today we went out for a bit since it was a gorgeous fall day here in Oakland.

First, we went up in the hills for a short walk in one of our favorite regional parks.

Not much for fall foliage yet, pretty dry and dusty, but still pretty.



We stopped on the way down to take some pictures of the view. You can't really tell here, but this is a view of San Francisco, including the Golden Gate Bridge.

And the San Mateo Bridge (and rest of the bay).
We took the long way home, going through downtown Oakland to get some favorite pasta sauce at a little store we know in Old Oakland. This is the famous Oakland Tribune Tower, reflected on some anonymous downtown office building.

And the newly renovated Fox Theater. They are getting some amazing shows there. I really want to go. Pixies, anyone?
Love this sign...
Oakland has some really wonderful architecture.

And some not-so-wonderful architecture.
And who can pass up a trip to the Glamor Beauty Supply shop?

We stopped at our local store for some garlic bread for tonight's viewing of The Godfather II.
Me, in full no-makeup glory.
Our bookstore, just two blocks from our house.
The movie theater, also two blocks away.
And requisite adorable ice cream shop.
And finally, home.
And, at long last, some fall foliage.

Book: Rosemary's Baby

I was so excited to find this at the library the other day. I'd been looking for it forEVER... always seemed to be either checked out or filed as lost... but suddenly, there it was! I grabbed it.

I think the only other Ira Levin book I've read was The Stepford Wives. When I read that, aside from the basic story what struck me the most was this perfect 'moment in time' that he had captured. I missed the late 60s (being born in the 70s) but what these two books, more than any books I remember reading, really drive home why the feminist movement occurred. I consider myself a feminist simply because I believe that women can do everything a man can do, and should get paid the same amount to do it. I also believe women to be *better* than men at some things (multi-tasking, anyone?) -- but I won't go off on that tangent. So, reading these two books with their know-it-all asshole husbands, trapped wives (with their endless hostess duties) really reminds me of how lucky I am to be able to do, pretty much, whatever I want.

If you have been living under a rock for the past 40 years, here's the basic gist of the story. Rosemary Woodhouse, a young wife of an rising-star actor, is desperate to live in the Bramford apartment house (I believe, modeled after The Dakota). When their name comes up on the waiting list, even though they've already agreed to another apartment, they pull some tricks (or rather, her husband pulls some tricks, as he is in charge of these things and she happily waits for him to do so) and soon they are moving into their dream apartment. I loved the description of the apartment. Sounds like MY dream apartment:

"...the first room on the right was the kitchen... it was as large, if not larger, than the whole apartment where they had been living. It had a six-burner gas stove with two ovens, a mammoth refrigerator, a monumental sink; it had dozens of cabinets, a window on Seventh Avenue, a high high ceiling... The living room had large bay windows, two of them, with diamond panes and three-sided window seats. There was a small fireplace in the right-hand wall, with a scrolled white marble mantel, and there were high oak bookshelves on the left."

So they move in, and all seems well. They meet their kooky neighbors, including the odd and meddlesome but friendly Castevets. Although Guy, her husband, is having some trouble with his career, they are happy. Although Rosemary senses something is 'off' about the Castevets (quite nosy, and almost too friendly), Guy seems to take to them, and is soon spending evenings over there discussing theater with Roman, the husband. Then, due to an unfortunate case of sudden blindness in the lead actor, the perfect part for Guy opens up -- and then his career starts to take off and everything falls into place for perfect happiness. Rosemary and Guy decide to try for a baby. After a weird night (and, let's face it, a case of marital rape), she becomes pregnant and couldn't be happier.

Except that the Castevets are so meddlesome. And the new doctor assures her that the grinding pain she is in is normal. And her husband is strangely distant. And she becomes more and more ill. And she keeps hearing strange noises from the Castevet's apartment next door... but her baby is safe, right? She can keep her baby safe from whatever is brewing...

If you've seen the movie, you know what happens. I won't ruin it for anyone who doesn't know. It's so part of the modern lexicon that it's not really a surprise, but it's still a bit shocking.

I clearly have not read many novels set in the 60s. Some things stopped me in my tracks. Like:

* There are no African-Americans in the novel. Not even any black people. No, they are all Negroes (including of course the elevator boy). In 1967!

* When they furnish and decorate their apartment, they get everything new and all the best, including a "plug-in phone with three jacks." I puzzled and puzzled over this. Why are there three jacks? Aren't the jacks in the wall, not the phone? Why would you need three jacks?

* A little girl comes out of an apartment and cheekily asks Rosemary, "What's your name? Did you eat your eggs? Did you eat your Captain Crunch?" "My name is Rosemary, "Rosemary said. "I ate my egg but I've never even heard of Captain Crunch." When was Captain Crunch put on the market? For some reason I was sure it was the 80s... but if not, how could a 24-year-old woman not have heard of Captain Crunch?? Impossible.

* Talking about growing herbs and plants in the apartment, Rosemary says, "I'd like to have a spice garden some day. Out of the city of course. If Guy ever gets a movie offer we're going to grab it and go live in Los Angeles. I'm a country girl at heart." What? Los Angeles? Country girl? Wha??

Anyway, these 60s cultural references were highly amusing. Guy's portrayal as a complete asshole husband seems, while somewhat stereotyped, typical for the period. What a jerk. I see a strong resemblance to the husband in The Stepford Wives. Which makes me think that this was more a reality than a fiction. Because wives are such silly little things who don't really matter in the grand scheme of a husband's happiness, right? Right.

So -- great book. Lots of fun, a quick read, great story, good writing, perfect snapshot of late 60s bourgeois white-collar marital "bliss." Oh, and Devil-worshipping, of course.

Book: The Thirteenth Tale

It seems like everyone else but me has read this book... and I can see why!

Wow, that was pretty darn good.

As usual, I remain disappointed in the spook-factor, but let me tell anyone considering whether or not to read this: READ IT. Especially if you are a book-lover, a Jane Eyre-lover, a Wuthering Heights-lover, or just plain love stories. I loved it, and it's the sort of book that, as I mull it over, I'm loving even more as time goes on and I remember bits of story.

(I was only disappointed in the spook-factor because for some reason I was expecting something completely different from what this book actually is -- it is a kind of ghost story, but mostly it's just a plain old good story.)

This is one of those books which is very difficult to sum up, but very easy to love. A writer, Miss Margaret Lea, is contracted to write the biography of the nation's most-beloved author, Vida Winter -- an author shrouded in mystery and false 'truths.' As Margaret gets pulled into the story, a classic Gothic family mystery evolves. The storyteller, Vida Winter, is so compelling as a character. As Margaret gets to know her, she begins to grow attached... and so did I.

The mystery of the twin girls (Emmeline and Adeline) is twisted, crooked and puzzling. The Angelfield house is a classic haunted mansion, complete with wizened gardener and batty housekeeper. The twist at the end of the story is the sort that your mind has been puzzling out for the past few chapters but never quite got around to figuring out -- and then, of course! All becomes clear.

I agree with Margaret: my favorite sorts of books are those where there is a clear beginning, middle, and end, and all the loose ends are all tied up. I totally appreciate modern novels with unsolved mysteries and gnawing heartaches that go on forever... but in my heart of hearts, I just like a good story, and I like to have my mind put at ease by the last page. As Margaret puts it, "... and you can tell how long you've got until the end of the mystery by feeling the thickness of pages left to go." (something like that) This book was clearly written by someone who feels that way as well. In fact, at the end, all loose ends are tidily and delightfully tied up, and I closed the book with a light heart and a smile on my face.

Which is not to say that this was a 'light' read at all -- no, it had some pretty heavy family drama (very Gothic, as I've said). I really adored all the parallels to the classics so frequently mentioned. This is a book for book-lovers, clearly written by a book-lover. I understood Margaret's and Vida's passion for books so clearly. At one point, Vida poses a hypothetical question to Margaret: If someone, a stranger, were systematically destroying all your favorite, beloved books -- every single copy in the whole world -- how long would it take before you killed them to stop the destruction? Margaret implies to Vida that she would not take the stranger's life to save the books. But she lied. And I loved that.

It's funny that this book reminded me of some other book... or perhaps many other books... it's like all my old favorites wrapped up and retold with a fresh twist and a wounded narrator.

While not exactly spooky (though definitely atmospheric), clearly this is a sort of ghost story, and certainly RIP-worthy. I only wish it had been cold and raining as I snuggled in front of the fire, with a large pot of tea next to me. I could have devoured it in a single day.

Has Diane Setterfield written anything else? Clearly she has promise if this was her first novel. I really loved it. I like to leave a long time before I re-read books... but I don't know if I'll be able to wait more than a year or two to reread this one.

My New Motto

'Relax and let everything go to hell.' ~ Sol Lewitt

(from this interview with Keri Smith)

My Version Of A Rest Day (and a very cute visitor)

So yesterday was my first full day of vacation (Saturday I was still wrapping up chores and jobs). I thought, "Cool. Let's make it a Day Of Rest."

Of course, when you are resting, you must have something yummy to snack on, yes? So I made a pan of Apricot Bars. These things are amazing. There is a reason I only make them once or twice a year. Serious oatmeal-brown-sugar-apricot goodness.

Then I read for a bit. Then I went to the library. Oh, and to the drugstore and the grocery store. But only to get ingredients for my fabulous dinner experiment (trying to teach myself how to cook passable Indian food).

I got home from my (enjoyable, it must be added) errands and decided to do my sewing project. Last winter our living room was so cold. So I thought this year that we ought to have big snuggly down comforters to curl up in, and we could use them as either guest bedding or extra covers on our bed for when it got really cold.

So I bought inexpensive down comforters from IKEA (at $30 each, you really can't beat it) and decided to use one of the top sheets from this king set I had laying around. The bottom sheet had started to pill pretty badly, so we weren't going to use the set anymore, but the top sheet was still just fine and such a pretty color.

So I folded it sideways, trimmed and sewed and did ribbon ties for the closure, and ta-da! The best thing about using the sheet was that there was no hemming involved!! (the gorgeous quilt on the back of my chair is my double-wedding-ring quilt that my talented mother made for me. It's one of my most-prized possessions. You can see that I did not quite inherit her talent for sewing)

(it was 85+ degrees yesterday, so I pretty much thought I was crazy for working on a down comforter, but today it's in the low 60s and I'm all curled up in it as I write this, so my efforts definitely paid off)

After sewing, I remembered that I needed to finish this birthday card for Terri's dad, who grew up near the Borax factory (and did some work at the borax mines). You know, 20-Mule Team and all that? We visited the area a few years ago and it was very beautiful. So I worked on this card for awhile. Have to finish it up today. (shh! don't tell. I'm hoping he doesn't read my blog)

And what next to do except start on my dinner experiment? I had gotten an Indian cookbook from the library (660 Curries by Raghavan Iyer) and decided to make a favorite dish of ours, Aloo Gobi (curried cauliflower and potatoes). It turned out VERY well, really yummy. I also made saffron/cardamom rice to go with it.

After my day of "rest" I was totally worn out (but happy).

**

And also, Saturday we had a very cute doctor come to the house for a specialized sort of therapy.

Golden Retriever Therapy. It's very effective, you know. Cures all ills, turns frowns upside down. (see? Here he is, showing us how, with a little help from Terri's sister)

Dr. Bluto, at your service.

Ironic

I still get confused over the correct usage of the word "ironic" but nevertheless, here's my irony for the week.

After being grumpy a few nights ago about all the Dream Big!! stuff that was bothering me (I deleted the post, because I felt like it came from a very ungenerous part in myself, and I didn't really want to be putting that out there any more), suddenly, after saying I didn't want any of that -- here I am, dreaming big.

Fine, Life. I get it. Humble pie. Here I am, eating it.

Last night I watched Project Runway. They were doing a costume challenge. I felt so inspired and envious and a deep longing to do something like that. I just wanted to hop up and start making stuff. I thought to myself, "I need to MAKE stuff! Every day!!"

Then started the downward spiral, of wondering why I haven't been able to sit down and do many projects like I always say I want to. After wallowing for a bit, Terri very kindly and helpfully pointed out that this hasn't been the easiest year on record, and I've been much busier than usual. So, okay. That helped me feel better.

Then suddenly, I had ideas. All kinds of ideas. Crazy ideas. Not-very-practical ideas. Which I promptly fell in love with. I'm going to sit with those ideas, and if they stick around, maybe share them. I have a whole week to let them simmer.

Sooooo, I guess I'm not immune to The Big Dream, after all. Perhaps this is not a bad thing.

(me, resolving to keep crankypants mouth shut from here on out)

I have a painting all ready to be put down on canvas. It's supposed to be HOT tomorrow, so maybe I will start it on Monday. I will post progress!

Ahhh.

Funny how tonight I feel much better and not so grouchy and prone to snarky comments. Wanna know why?

Because I'm on vacation! Woohoo!!!

I'm so happy.

Tomorrow I'm still pretty busy but by Sunday, I'm home free.

For now, I believe that the term "fried" is not even close to how crispy my brain is.

We drove around downtown Oakland tonight for a little bit. People, if you want some darn fine people-watching, downtown Oakland on a Friday night is the place to be.

Vacation Dreaming

Yes. It's happening. We are going on vacation.

!!!!!!!

We're actually going to stay at home. It's more restful for everyone, plus the kitties (and we) are still in mourning for Tiger Lily and we don't want to leave them.

However, for 11 days, I am not doing any work. No work-work, no petsitting, no babysitting, no freelance design, no nothin'. I can't wait!!

So what will we do? My plan is to act like we are at a fabulous, comfy cabin which happens to have all the comforts of home, and do all the things we would do if we were, you know, hours away and staying at a cabin. I think this way is actually better because we have a WAY comfy bed, plus cute kitties, plus all kinds of fun stuff lined up.

Some of which include:

• Having tarot cards read at Ancient Ways
• Going for a drive and photo shoot in the beautiful Oakland hills (see above, Lake Temescal)
• Making some sort of very amazing baking and/or breakfast project
• Going to San Francisco
• Watching all three Godfather movies (and making kettle corn)
• Spending a lot of time painting and maybe art-supply organizing
• Reading, reading, reading
• Photo tour of the neighborhood
• Going out for a really good meal
• Sleeping. A lot.
• Halloween decorating
• Terri birthday fun!

I plan on having a lot of rest and a lot of fun.

And doing a major portion of my RIP reading!!

Book: By The Pricking Of My Thumbs

Well, shoot. I didn't love this as much as I had hoped.

Oh, it was good. Tommy and Tuppence were very charming, and I seem to never tire of tea-and-cake scenes. I liked the mysterious, alluring house by the canal. I liked the small village and the unlikely cast of characters. I liked the surprise ending.

But I didn't think it was that creepy, as I've heard. The bit about the child, and the doll -- that *could* have been creepy, but it didn't really go there. It just wasn't that sinister, and the ending sort of felt a little too neat-and-tidy to me. And maybe a wee bit silly.

I still like Agatha and can see that these books will become total comfort reads from here on out. I just really enjoy those sort of cozy English novels. I would like to have tea everyday at 4. When I lived in Finland, we had coffee (khavi) every day at 4, and I loved the ritual. I should start my own ritual, even though I'll be at work.

Anyway... so, it was okay. I liked the English setting and Tommy and Tuppence were kind of adorable. But the mystery was kind of 'eh,' and I wanted it to be more of an RIP book, and it wasn't.

However, next on the stack is The Thirteenth Tale, which I've very excited about.

BBAW Meme (better late than never)

I didn't participate at all in Book Blogger Appreciation Week, but I like doing memes, especially book-related memes, so here goes...

Do you snack while you read? If so, favorite reading snack? I don't usually snack when I read because I don't like to get the pages dirty... but I do like to have popcorn when I read sometimes, and I love a cup of tea to sip on. I like crackers and cheese, too (although I rarely have this). I love the idea of John Bellairs' character Johnny Dixon (or was it Louis?) having pimento cheese spread on crackers and laying on his bed reading.

Do you tend to mark your books as you read, or does the idea of writing in books horrify you? I like the *idea* of writing in books, but I never do. Probably because the vast majority of books that I read are library books, and I have much respect for library books. I do like writing in textbooks. I also *love* reading manuscripts and writing editing comments. In another life I am an editor.

How do you keep your place while reading a book? Bookmark? Dog-ears? Laying the book flat open? I always use a bookmark, although my definition of 'bookmark' is pretty loose. I will use receipts, scraps of paper, gum wrappers... even another (thin) book, if I'm really desperate. I would never dog-ear a page or lay a book flat. I've been given some really lovely bookmarks but I'm always afraid I'll lose them, so they end up in drawers to be 'saved.' I should dig them out. My favorite are free bookmarks from bookstores. I also like to make my own but I usually forget to do this.

Fiction, Non-fiction, or both? Both. I usually read fiction, but I'll read anything.

Hard copy or audiobooks? I never listen to audiobooks. I once listened to "Silence of the Lambs" and it was a very enjoyable experience, but I so much prefer to actually read the book. Sometimes I think I'd like to listen to some, but I never remember to and I can't think of when I'd actually choose to listen to one rather than just read it.

Are you a person who tends to read to the end of chapters, or are you able to put down a book at any point? I read to the end of the chapter, or to the paragraph break if I need to stop before the chapter. I'm pretty good at picking up where I left off so it doesn't really matter, but I like a sense of closure before I stop reading.

If you come across an unfamiliar word, do you stop and look it up right away? I really like looking up words, but I always forget that I have a dictionary by the bed, so I rarely do it. On the very rare occasion that I can't figure out the word from the context, I will look it up, but usually I figure it out as I read, and if it really bugs me or if I really like the word, I will confirm its meaning later.

What are you currently reading? I'm currently reading a friend's unpublished trilogy, and it's very good. I've got a stack of other books ready to go: By The Pricking Of My Thumbs, The Thirteenth Tale, and Rebecca.

What was the last book you bought? Um, oh! I bought Hell House by Richard Matheson. I like haunted house books so I bought this for RIP. I haven't been able to find it at the library so I treated myself to a used copy. I rarely buy books anymore, but it's very difficult to go to Dark Carnival and not buy something.

Are you the type of person that only reads one book at a time or can you read more than one at a time? I definitely CAN read more than one at a time, but I notice that I read them faster if I read just one at a time, so I usually stick to that. Sometimes I will have one that's my 'daytime' book and one that's a 'before-bed' book, but usually I just stick with one because I like to read quickly. If I get more than 3 or so, then I tend to lose focus and it takes me months to complete them. I don't like that.

Do you have a favorite time of day and/or place to read? I will read from the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep, if I can. I like reading in bed, and I like my cozy chair in the living room. My parents had the perfect reading sofa when I was in high school and college and I could spend hours there (and did). I don't like reading outside. Unlike many people, I like reading in the car or on airplanes.

Do you prefer series books or stand alone books? I like either... it really depends. I love stand-alones, but if I really love the author or the story, I like series. I like series that have a definite arc, however. I'm not a fan of the eternal series. After awhile the quality starts to suffer. I like trilogies a lot. I also like books that can be read out of order, but which feature a recurring character. That way I don't have be all anal about the order in which I read them.

Is there a specific book or author that you find yourself recommending over and over? Not especially. Sometimes if I've just read something that I really love, I'll gush about it to the people who I know love to read, but usually I find it difficult to recommend books. I'm really picky and I assume other people are, too. However, I will readily chime in if someone is discussing a book I've already read.

How do you organize your books? (By genre, title, author’s last name, etc). Uh, what? Organize books? Ummm. Yeah. I don't really do that. We had to get rid of SO many books when we moved, and haven't gotten around to organizing the ones we have. I usually just group them by type: children's, travel/reference, and then by themes. No other specific order. I tend to put them back in the same place, so I tend to just know where they are by memory. But right now we only have three bookshelves of books (not counting cookbooks) so it's easy to find something if we're looking for it.

**

And to all the book bloggers -- what fun you all are. I'm so glad I discovered this community. I rarely feel like I fit in anywhere, and I love feeling like I have something to contribute. You are wonderful writers and readers and truly wonderful people.

Book: Preludes and Nocturnes

Another brief review... not really up for writing quite yet, but didn't want to forget my thoughts about what I've been reading.

I think I've read this before, actually. I'm not really a graphic-novel reader (I get distracted by the pictures... which I know is the POINT, but still). But I love Neil Gaiman, and I'd like to read this entire series. So... anyway. Where was I? Oh right. I don't usually read graphic novels, but I liked this one.

I loved the stories, although I really didn't understand very much of them. I feel like I was missing a lot of backstory. For instance: what is this "battle helm" that the Sandman lost/regained? Why is it that particular shape? And what was the whole deal with the madman? How did he know about the Sandman's tools? How did he get into the dream world? Why did everything go so wrong when the Sandman's tools were stolen?

I really didn't understand much of the stories, although I liked them, and I liked the melancholy Dream. I liked the art, too, although it is completely NOT to my taste -- I don't really like it when things remain half unformed and so rough. Rather than inspiring mystery and imagination, it just bothered me. I thought much of it was really ugly. What can I say, I like softer edges, I guess. However, it suited the story and some of the images I liked better than others. I could appreciate it, even though I didn't personally feel drawn to it.

And of course, I loved Death, in the last story. I can't wait to read more about her. And I liked how morose and gloomy Morpheus (Dream, the Sandman) is.

I guess I can sum up by saying that I love the idea, I love the world created in the story, and I loved the characters... so I will definitely be reading more. I know Gaiman himself says that these first ones are just sort of sorting out how the stories are going to be, and that they are rougher than what comes later. So I'll read a few more and see how it goes.

Book: The Godfather

Just a few quick thoughts... just wanted to post about this before I forgot completely.

So, if you've seen the movie, you know what the book is about. The movie (from what I remember) follows the book pretty closely, although I don't think it went into as much about what happened to Michael in Sicily. Actually I don't know if I've ever seen the entire movie all the way through -- I think I may have seen about 3/4 of it at different times. I am going to remedy this with a big old Godfather Marathon this fall. Some rainy weekend, it'll be us and the cats and a fire and the Godfather, all three movies.

Anyway. The book was surprisingly readable. I was completely drawn in from the first page, and enjoyed the entire book. I did skip over the horse-head part. A little too sensitive about animals right now. However, the rest of the book was well-written, the story was incredibly engaging, and the characters were unforgettable. I am sad that Mario Puzo did not write all three books, because otherwise I would be signing up for the other two. I think I'll just stick with the movies. I have a whole other pile of books to get to.

Parts that I loved: anything about Michael. Such an interesting character! I have not seen The Godfather II, so am really looking forward to seeing what happens to him. I also love the portrayals of the Sicilian women and the Family culture. Lots of bravado and women not asking questions and lots of spaghetti. In real life of course I hate all that stuff (except the spaghetti) but in the book, it was fascinating and really fun.

Not too gory, not very troubling (aside from the part about the horse), and very readable. I loved it, actually. What's so funny is that even though I knew there was a movie already made, I couldn't help but think, "Wow, this is so good -- they should make a movie out of this!" It's just made for on-screen storytelling.

overcome

I told myself I wouldn't write one of those sad blog posts in memoriam of our sweet Tiger Lily. I thought, who needs that?

Turns out, I do. I am completely overcome with grief about Miss Little. This blog is my main form of self-expression right now, so I've got to write about it a little.

We all loved her so very much. I'm thankful that it was clear when it was time for us to help her on her journey. I couldn't bear to let her suffer. She was the sweetest, dearest heart. Each of our girls have such a distinct personality, and Tiger Lily's was made of pure love.

She had all the things she loved best, at the end. Her mommies. Soft blankets. Her very favorite food. Lots of snuggles and petting.

At one point, I was laying on the floor with her, petting her and talking to her as she panted. I asked Terri to light a candle for her. Terri was named after Teresa of the Little Flowers, and she had a saint's candle (of St. Teresa) which had never been lit. Since Tiger Lily was nicknamed "Little" and she was our sweet little tigerlily flower, it was appropriate to burn the candle for her. Terri also said a rosary for Little, and received a message of peace, that everything would be okay. I found this very comforting. I don't know anything about the rosary, but it seemed appropriate and really helped me to feel like we were preparing Little for her journey.

Terri was amazing all through the whole heartwrenchingly sad day. I could not have asked for a better partner to go through this deep grief with.

At the very end, I kissed our sweet girl and told her I would see her again, and not to worry. I wanted her to feel free to head on over to the next stage. Whatever that is. We decided that Terri's mom was waiting for her, surrounded by all the family pets that have passed over, and that Little would have a nice soft lap to go to immediately, to be comforted and loved and welcomed.

That's really the only thought that has helped me; to think that she is now, at this very moment, surrounded by love and all her favorite things. All she really wanted was love. From the very first night I had her (after finding her, skinny and sad, under an apartment building, over eight years ago), all she ever wanted was to be snuggled and loved.

I'm so sad that this little girl is gone. Every single night, she would hop into my lap and snuggle in. I really don't know how I'm going to make it without her in my lap. It feels horribly empty. Tiger Lily was truly a special kitty and we miss her terribly. I'm so thankful we have Cleo and Katie to help share the grief, and to snuggle and comfort us. They know. They miss her too, we can tell.

I like Mary Oliver's poetry a lot. I happened across this one today, as so happens when you need to read something particular but didn't know it.

After Her Death

I am trying to find the lesson
For tomorrow. Matthew something.
Which lectionary? I have not
forgotten the Way, but, a little,
the way to the Way. The trees keep whispering
peace, peace, and the birds
in the shallows are full of the
bodies of small fish and are
content. They open their wings
so easily, and fly. So. It is still
possible.

I open the book
which the strange, difficult, beautiful church
has given me. To Matthew. Anywhere.

~ Mary Oliver

I like the part about "the trees keep whispering peace, peace..."

Peace, sweet Tiger Lily. My heart breaks open for you.

Goodbye, Sweet Girl

This cat was made of sweetness and love. The best-natured kitty in the whole world. We will miss her and her talkativeness, her snuggliness, and her huge personality, forever.

Goodbye, Miss Tiger Lily. To us you will always be our Little, and we will always love you.

Thirty-Five (updated)

Yep. The big 3-5. What is it about those five-year increments?

Anyway. Not feeling very much like celebrating this year. My little kitty Tiger Lily is very sick and heading downhill quickly. Mostly I just want to sit in 'our' chair and snuggle with her and try not to cry and try not to think about the decision we'll have to make for her pretty soon, much sooner than I want to acknowledge. Not exactly conducive to happy-birthday thoughts.

However, despite that sorrow, am having a good day. Terri made me a fabulous cake, and we might go out to dinner at a nice restaurant just a block away from our house (taking advantage of our great neighborhood).

I have book reviews to post as well, for Sandman and The Godfather, but kitty-snuggling is taking precedence over everything else.

Anyway... if I'm a little quiet over here, that's why.

Updated to add:

In fact, it was a very happy birthday. Kittycat ate a whole jar of food (feeding her ham babyfood), I got wonderful presents from my sweetie (not to mention an awesome cake), and we went out to dinner. Um, the last time we went out to dinner? Over two years ago. So, it was awesome (even though the place we wanted to go was a bust -- on the menu were rabbit and other exotic meats. We are not exotic-meats people. So we went to an old favorite place. And it was lovely). And I bought myself new art supplies and a book. Life is good. Thirty-five is good. And getting a full night's sleep, even better. Off to bed now.

Important Healthcare "Meme"

I got this one from Stefanie, who got it from Emily.

"This is so important to pass on that I'm tagging everyone who reads my blog to please post it on yours and encourage your readers to do the same (especially those of you who have a huge readership, which I don't), and if you can relate a personal anecdote that highlights how horrible the current system is (one that touched/is touching you or someone you love), all the better. "

So here's my story.

I never gave health insurance much thought. I've always been very lucky to be healthy. I've gone without it at times in my life, but have never had any bad experiences (thankfully). All that changed when my partner got diagnosed with severe Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. This illness, misunderstood and often not taken seriously, has decimated her life. You can read about it on her blog. This has been the hardest thing in my life -- to watch her suffer and to be unable to do anything about it. So, the intial diagnoses was a hard blow. And then we started getting pushback from the insurance company. No, they wouldn't pay for this drug. No, they wouldn't pay for that treatment. And no, they certainly wouldn't pay for one of the few doctors who knows anything about this disease. They wouldn't pay for acupuncture, massage, or any treatments which are shown to help ease symptoms.

So as soon as I could, I switched insurance to the fanciest option available to me at work, a PPO. I enrolled in the Flexible Spending Plan (putting money aside for healthcare not covered by insurance). This helped some. Of course, her CFS doctor still isn't covered by my insurance, and the crazy-expensive drug treatments aren't covered. But some other treatments ARE covered, and we have access to better regular doctors to treat all the myriad side-symptoms of her disease (neurological, gastrointestinal, circulatory, etc.). So that's good. And once we spend $1000 on out-of-network doctors and treatments (the bulk of her treatments), we can start to send in our bills to get partial payment on those bills. Still. That's after $1000.

However, she is unable to work because of this illness. If California did not have legal domestic partnership laws, and if I didn't have access to insurance, she would not have any treatment options at all. That thought scares me to death. She would be unable to see ANY doctor, as she has no income. (and the Social Security Disability system is another topic altogether...)

As it is, because the Federal Government still discriminates against LGBT people, I can't turn in receipts for her care to my Flexible Spending Plan, because it's a federal program. I can turn in receipts for myself, or any receipts which have my name on it, but all those hundreds of dollars spent on doctors visits, treatments, supplements -- which I would be reimbursed for if I had a husband, not a partner -- as far as the federal government is concerned, she's nobody to me.

I'm extremely grateful for my insurance, and for my job. In so many ways, we are incredibly lucky. But all that could change with one shift in the wind, with any number of small things going wrong. If she becomes uninsured, it could be nearly impossible for her to become re-insured because of this pre-existing (expensive) condition. I don't know what our options would be. I don't make a fortune by any means, but I am thrifty and frugal and we've been okay so far. But it worries me, being the sole breadwinner, with so much riding on me having a job.

I don't care who comes up with the plan to fix all this. It just needs to be fixed. My partner, my mother, my out-of-work friends -- should have an affordable, quality option. Nobody should be punished because they can't afford decent health insurance.

Affordable, quality healthcare in 2009 should be within the reach of everyone in the United States (and the world, but that's another argument). It is a crime that it is not. This is not a political issue. It's a moral issue and it's a very important issue to me since it directly affects my life partner and other people that I love. I don't care what the solution is, and I don't care who comes up with it. I think the government has too much to say about too many parts of our personal lives, but I'd welcome a government-sponsored option if it was affordable and if it meant that my partner would not have to be without care if something happened to me. I'd welcome ANY option which meant people would be able to get quality care if they become ill, with ANY disease or condition.

My top peeves are hypocrisy, bigotry, and NIMBYism... which is why I'm trying to keep an open mind. I am trying not to say anything bad or disrespectful about the folks who are obviously very worried about this healthcare issue for all the myriad reasons but maybe are expressing their fears in a not-very-productive way. So I maintain -- if you don't like what's on the table, come up with something better. Please. We need it.

The Longest Book Ever?

And here I was thinking that The Godfather wasn't that long of a book. Hello?! It's taking me forever to read this thing. It's fantastic, though. I don't want it to end. I sense a Godfather-movie-viewing-marathon in our near future. Complete with spaghetti. And cannolis. And some fat men sitting around plotting murders.

Well, maybe minus the fat men.

Which brings me to a thought I've been thinking. I have this goal about reading 75 books this year. But really, that's pretty arbitrary. Some books are big. Some books are small. Some books have big type. Some books are graphic novels and take fifteen minutes to read.

So really, how do you guage 'how many books' you've read? Or am I am just being all Virgo about this? Does it really matter?

It doesn't really matter, I know. Still. If you read War and Peace, Don Quixote, Atlas Shrugged and Les Miserables, that's only four books. Four of the longest books EVER, but still. Do they only count for four?

Only a book geek would worry about these things. I hate to 'pad' my count by adding in some shorties or YA books. I get all caught up in wondering whether only books over 200 pages count, or what. Am I crazy?

Ultimately it doesn't matter, of course. What matters is that I'm packing in maximum enjoyment of many, many books. What matters is that I stuff my brain with lots of new thoughts and new authors and various subjects. What matters is that I have a good time.

But still. I've got some work cut out for me to read 75 books by the end of this year. I'm a tad behind. But it's RIP season (as soon as I finish The Godfather) and I'll hopefully (pardon the pun) rip through a bunch of books really quickly. And celebrate my achievement with... another huge round of books.

Isn't life great?

Big Fall List Of Fabulousness

Fabulous photo by the lovely Shea. I hate photos of myself. But this one is pretty good (I guess). My hair looks weird. Sigh.

So anyway, let's hear it for September! Woohoo! It's the start of Fall and I love it. I'm pretty excited about this season, especially in our new neighborhood. I intend to give you a photo "walking tour" of our new 'hood soon.

All year I've been saying that this fall lots of things will kick into gear. Well, I don't know about 'kicking into gear' but I do have a number of projects I'm excited to start working on. Here's a sampling, both big and small.

1. Goal setting: Okay, I don't usually set goals for myself because I have a hard enough time keeping up with everyday life. HOWEVER, a long-standing wish has been to have a little art show. Maybe it's in a coffeeshop, maybe it's in a group showing somewhere, maybe it's an open-studio thing. I don't know. However, I would like to have a little show somewhere, somehow, next fall. One year from now. That's a pretty good goal, right? That means I have to make some art, right? Right. I'm thinking a forest theme. That way the owls can show up too.

2. School: I'm on the verge of deciding to enroll in a part-time program for a Masters in Social Work. Yes, after all that hemming and hawing and clothing-rending, I've (almost) decided. Why social work? Mostly it's because I want to stay in my current field (mental health), and also because I'd like to do work with art therapy some day. It's something I'm interested in, it's totally do-able part time, and it's not a radical change. It's something that I can fold into my life as-is. Every single occupation/personality test I take recommends counseling or therapy or social work or art or teaching for me. I can do all of those things with an MSW. So... I haven't *quite* made the final decision yet (still investigating programs, etc.) but I'm very excited about it. Finally moving out of the world of pre-requisites into an actual degree program! It only took 7 years... (yet another illustration of "Do it now -- the time will pass anyway...")

3. A number of smaller goals: Make a graphic design website for my teeny-tiny freelance gig, set up Etsy shop for prints, work on outline for book idea Terri and I came up with, start a local support group for couples with the unwelcome guest of chronic illness...

Some other fall wonderfulness:

* Decorate for fall! We love to decorate for autumn and winter holidays. I especially like making Halloween crafts.

* Autumn menu planning! Bring on the butternut squash -- it's my favorite food season.

* RIP books galore! I have quite a list. I'm currently reading The Godfather because I don't have anything else yet from the library -- does that count? (somehow I doubt it)

* October movie viewing! I like a good scary (not gory) movie. We want to watch a lot of spooky things in October. A friend's husband made us a fabulous list (below, in case you'd like your own scary-movie viewing party, or have something to add)

Scary Movie List (by Steve)

Ghost Stories

* “The Haunting of Julia”- Mia Farrow
“Don’t Look Now”- Donald Sutherland
“Ghost Story”- Fred Astaire
“The Changeling”- George C. Scott
“The Black Cat”- Lugosi / Karloff (sort of)
“The Body Snatcher”- Lugosi / Karloff (sort of)
* “Carnival of Souls” - 1962
* “Repulsion”- Roman Polanksi, 1965
* “The Fog”- 1980, Adrienne Barbeau, directed by John Carpenter
“Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte”- Bette Davis
“The Nanny”- Bette Davis
“Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?” Bette Davis, Joan Crawford
“Let’s Scare Jessica to Death” – 1971
“White Zombie”- Bela Lugosi

Vampires

* “Dracula”- Bela Lugosi
* “Horror of Dracula”- Christopher Lee
“Dracula Has Risen From the Grave”- Christopher Lee
“Nosferatu”- 1922 (silent)
“The Hunger”- David Bowie
“Fright Night”- 1985, Roddy McDowell
“Salem’s Lot”- 1979

Haunted Houses

* “The Shining”- Jack Nicholson
“Wicker Man” 1973 (sort of)
* “The Innocents” 1961
“Poltergeist”- Craig T Nelson
* “Session 9”- David Caruso
“The Haunting”- 1963

"Ju-On"

I can't wait to start in on the list!

Anyway. Just kicking off my favorite season with a happy post.

Book: Spook -- Science Tackles The Afterlife

(I'm not feeling great today so forgive the less-than-stellar writing... because, you know, usually the stuff in this blog is Pulitzer quality. I mean, we all know that, right?)

Oh, I love Mary Roach. She is so funny, witty and upfront. I like a girl who knows what she doesn't know and isn't ashamed to flaunt her ignorance in front of highly respected experts. Gotta love it.

So, I chose this for my first RIP book because we already had it in the house, and because, hey, afterlife! It was great, but if you're looking for chills and spookiness (title aside), you'd do well to look elsewhere. However, if you are completely fascinated by what science is doing to prove (or disprove) whether the soul lives on after death (or whether we have a soul at all), then this is a great read.

Mary Roach approaches her books in an extremely straightforward manner. She is not afraid to go there. She asks the questions we all want to ask (but don't): Do those ghost-detector thingies really work? If you take a class on how to be a medium -- well, how is that? Is the ectoplasm seen in photos of Spiritualist mediums really ectoplasm, or is it... you know, gauze? (or worse yet, sheep omentum!) Was that 21 Grams movie full of BS or does the soul really weigh 21 grams?

She fearlessly travels around the world asking these questions, accompanying researchers on their quests for proof. She goes to a small village in India to talk to children who are "actually" reincarnated adults. She goes to Donner Pass to listen for ghosts. She inspects operating-room setups designed to help prove or disprove out-of-body near-death experiences. And she does it all with such snappy writing. I love her!

So what does she think of all this life-after-death stuff after all this research? Well, you'll have to read the book to find out, but she ends the book with her opinion altered. I'll give you that much.

I personally love ghost stories and my favorite show is Ghost Hunters. I'm like Mulder -- I want to believe. I really, really want to believe. Unfortunately my nature is more like Scully -- I kinda need proof. But I still want to believe, so I keep hope alive. Our house was (probably, maybe) slightly haunted when we were kids. My brother and I both have stories. I don't think the Ghost Hunters would find anything there, but there's definitely a feeling in the house still. I wish she'd been able to go along with that crew.

I don't really know what I believe about life after death. I think it's one of those unknowable things -- we'll find out when we get there. I'm okay with that. I'd rather not know, actually. However, I'd still like to see a ghost some day. Preferably in a nice, gloomy cemetery, or an old house. Yes, please!

Life According to Literature

Using only books you have read this year (2009), cleverly answer these questions. Try not to repeat a book title. It’s a lot harder than you think!

Describe Yourself: The Woman In Black

How do you feel: Danny, Champion of the World

Describe where you currently live: The Land of Laughs

If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Hotel Transylvania

Your favorite form of transportation: Murder on the Orient Express

Your best friend is: The Onion Girl

You and your friends are: The Stepford Wives (funny, but not true)

What’s the weather like: When You Are Engulfed In Flames

Favorite time of day: Mother Night

If your life was a(n): Heart Shaped Box

What is life to you: Memory and Dream

Your fear: Dark Places

What is the best advice you have to give: The Hard Facts About Grimm's Fairy Tales

Thought for the Day: Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?

How I would like to die: Danse Macabre

My soul’s present condition: In The Woods

Book: Madapple (and chat with the author!)

So how often do you get to meet with the author after you've just finished a fascinating book, and actually ask her "What about this? And what about that? And what did that mean?!?"

Last night my book club met, and we reviewed Madapple by local author Christina Meldrum. She was there for the first part of our meeting, which was quite a treat.

The book is a little difficult to summarize because it is multilayered and quite complex. It's been marketed as a YA novel, but the author (and my club) feel that it could easily have been an adult novel. Good writing and a dark topic (or several dark topics) make it a mature YA novel in any case.

Aslaug, fifteen and extremely sheltered, is set free into the heretofore unknown world-at-large when her mother (a difficult and very ill woman) dies, leaving her to the social-services wolves. Determined to find any family which may exist, she sets out to town, carrying a few clothes and a mysterious suitcase full of money. As luck would have it, she finds an aunt and cousins, whom she previously did not know existed.

From the skillet to the fire, she is quickly absorbed into a new world of Pentecostal religion and deep family secrets -- some of which are hers. And the secrets get deeper and darker and more dangerous the longer she stays with her newly discovered family. Murder? Incest? Virgin births? It's all there, and completely fascinating.

What is also so fascinating about this book is the way it combines comparative religions, medicinal/herbal plant lore, family secrets and some fantastic courtroom drama. How do you find your way when what you know of the world has been limited to (obscure, censored) books? How can you know what the truth is, when everything you knew is now thrown into question? When your mother -- your only teacher for 15 years -- has clearly left out some pretty important points?

We asked the author about several things which we were unsure about: Aslaug's father, the mystery of the mirrors, those courtroom scenes. While I don't want to give away the answers since they are key to the drama of reading the book, what I will say is that she said it took her 10 years from start to finish to write this book, and that she loved the plant lore so much that she learned it herself just to keep it in the book. She used to be a lawyer, and so that's why the courtroom scenes feel so real and intense.

This is her first book and she has two more coming out in the next couple of years. She is a great writer and was so charming in person. I hope we get more local authors to come to our meetings -- really, what a treat to be able to quiz her as we discussed the book!

Anyway -- wonderful to read a book that I didn't know anything about, and it's by a local author, and it was great, and we got to meet the author! A complete win-win situation.