2009 In Review: In General

On this last day of the year, I wanted to think about what the past year has been about.

A year of transition: to a new (toxic mold-free!) house; to a new way of thinking about the future; of Terri's health ever-so-slowly (but surely!) improving; to becoming a manager at work; to being a one-income household (but hopefully that will change SOON); to learning to accept what is

A year of getting priorities straight: about money; about health; about stress and shoulds; about putting peace and contentment above obligations (whenever possible); about art (although I'm still working on that one); about love

A year of settling in: to our new apartment; to a new normal; to living in Oakland; to exercising more; to being really okay with who I am

A year of simplifying: simple cooking; going to the library; thrifting; cutting clutter; simplifying wherever we can

A subtle shifting of attitude and goals, ending on a good note, with high hopes and a good attitude about next year. I'm feeling really positive and excited about next year. I've got five days to rest and transition to the new year and I'm really planning on getting some good stuff done. Decluttering the house, doing a little work on my projects, reading a bunch, and sleeping as much as I can.

2009 was much better than 2008, but still hard in lots of ways. We lost our baby girl Tiger Lily and Terri had some rough spots with Valcyte and toe surgery, and the inevitable struggles that come with CFS. I struggled with feeling overwhelmed at times, but overall I feel like I'm starting to see the light. The future seems like it has possibilities again and damn, that's a nice feeling. Happy New Year, everybody!c

2009 In Review: The Recipes

(sadly, not my kitchen nor my photo... randomly found on the web; if it's yours, let me know!)

Well, I'm not sure how I want to do this post, but I have a few favorite new recipes I wanted to share, and talk about how my cooking changed this year.

I've always liked to cook, but since Terri got so sick, we pretty much stopped going out, um, ever (that's slowly starting to change, but in the beginning, she could barely leave the house). But I still liked to eat yummy food of all kinds and so decided that I needed to learn how to make whatever I would previously had gone out for (Indian, or Japanese, for instance).

Once we moved from the nightmare mold house, about a year ago, we needed to really watch money so my cooking became even more important. I intended to be as cost-efficient as possible while still serving really delicious food so we wouldn't feel the least bit deprived.

Overall, I've done a pretty good job. Dinner is still a struggle because Terri's tummy has some issues (another CFS side effect) but we've found that if we make a weekly menu, it helps her to anticipate what's coming, and things seem to go better. Also, making a menu means very efficient shopping and cooking. We've fallen out of the practice in the past couple months but we're all geared up for the new year, making a couple two-week menus that will simply rotate. Also, Terri is branching out and will be making dinner once a week, probably in the crock pot. So that's exciting! (I made a simple reference site for her -- feel free to use it, yourself!)

Anyway. So here are a few favorite recipes and dinner ideas from the past year.

We really like thin-crust pizza, but Terri doesn't like very much cheese and we like it very crispy, which is hard to find, especially delivery (and as we know, hello, not cheap). I already had a pizza stone, which makes this really easy to create excellent crispy thin-crust pizza. I use this extremely easy home-made pizza dough recipe from Smitten Kitchen, which only takes a little advance planning and tastes great. I make a quick homemade pizza sauce by lightly simmering a small can of tomato sauce with Italian herbs and extra basil. Then I heat the oven with the stone in it. I roll the dough and then take out the hot stone, sprinkle cornmeal over it, and then lay the dough out on the hot stone. I spread a VERY thin layer of sauce over the dough (lightly painting it, really), and then a very thin sprinkling of cheese (usually a four-cheese blend, preshredded, which, if you make a ton of thin-crust pizzas and use very little cheese, is actually pretty cheap). Our favorite topping is thinly sliced red peppers and chopped Kalamata olives. Into the hot oven (about 450) for 10-15 minutes, until nice and crispy. This makes very yummy next-day snacking.

I've also always wanted to learn how to make good Indian food. I don't have a recipe on-hand, but I do have a book recommendation. 660 Curries was a great book and my best friend just gave it to me for Christmas! This isn't a vegetarian book but there are a TON of vegetarian recipes in here, and the four that I tried turned out great, very tasty and flavorful without being bland or too sharp, as most homemade Indian turns out. The secret is using fresh spices and sometimes grinding your own when it calls for it. If you can buy bulk spices, it's very economical to buy fresh spices since you can just get a little bit. I'm going to continue trying out recipes and figure out what our favorites are.

Although I don't really like fish, I love Japanese food (well, the stuff that doesn't have fish in it). I especially love miso and udon soups. It took me a very long time, but I finally figured out how to make decent miso soup at home. It's very simple, but you really have to have the dashi. It was surprisingly difficult to figure out how to make this at home. All the recipes I saw were like, "Oh, just add miso to hot water -- ta da! Miso soup!" Not so. The simple recipe I figured out makes very yummy, quick, satisfying miso to which you can add very simple garnishes, or more substantial items for a heartier meal.

As for udon, surprisingly, the instant (or near-instant) udon packs from the grocery store work great and are not very expensive (a little over a dollar a bowl, and that's a BIG bowl of soup). I'm still figuring out if there's a non-pain-in-the-rear way to make the broth. But really, the instant packs are pretty delicious so I might not really bother.

If you follow my blog at all, you'll know that we like brownies here at our house. I went through a period of trying to find our perfect brownies. And then finally -- there they were. Our Perfect Brownies (again I refer to Smitten Kitchen, whose recipes I really love). They're adapted from Cook's Illustrated Classic Brownies. I use regular flour with no problem, and I don't add nuts to ours. They are really, really good.

We also like rice pudding and it's a sure-fire winner when tummies are upset, which they frequently are at our house (mine included). Here's the recipe we've been liking a lot lately, which is adapted from a few different recipes, including, of course, Smitten Kitchen's):

1/2 cup short-grain rice (although I made it with jasmine rice too and that was quite good)

4 cups milk (both whole and reduced-fat are fine)

1/4 cup sugar or less (we like less)

3-4 cardamom pods

1 bay leaf

1/2 teaspoon almond extract

1 tsp vanilla extract

(if you don't have bay leaves and/or cardamom pods, I also like to leave them out and then grate fresh nutmeg on top when it's done cooking)

In a large saucepan, place all the ingredients, except the extracts. Bring it to a gentle boil and then turn it down to a low simmer, stirring occasionally to keep it from sticking to the bottom, for about 30 to 40 minutes. Taste the rice to check for doneness. We like it a bit thicker; you may like yours soupier.

Take the pudding off the heat and stir in the extract(s). Serve and eat!

(word to the wise -- be very careful this doesn't boil over. I actually ended up gluing the lid to the pot and heat-sealing it because I wasn't paying attention. It was quite a comedy of errors trying to get that damn lid off the pot, and it's still warped. So don't do that)

Well, I could go on and on. I also made a lot of cinnamon bread.

The next year is going to bring lots more recipe development and fun with international comfort food. I've got an idea and I think I'm finally going to quit dithering and do something about it. And of course I'll be blogging all about it!

2009 In Review: The Books

Hard to believe it's that time again, but here we are at the end of 2009 and time for the Big Book Roundup! I'll use the template from my "Best Of..." list I did last year. It's hard to believe this is only my second year of book blogging! It's so much fun and I feel like I didn't do as good a job this year as I would have liked, but oh well. I felt like this was an "off" year for reading. I'm hoping that reviewing them all will show me otherwise... anyway, with no further ado, I bring you The Books of 2009!

Books read: 78 (I'm still hoping to read two more to bring that number to 80 for the year, a fairly respectable number). That's a few more than last year, but only because I read a lot of children's books to get through my grief after Tiger Lily's passing, and a bunch of graphic novels. But who's counting?

Best Book Overall: This is a hard one. I didn't have many stand-out winners this year. I have to go with a couple: The Wood Wife (which may win a few other awards in this list), Fingersmith, and Sharp Objects/Dark Places (because I loved both of them equally as much).

Best Young Adult (YA): Probably Wintergirls, or Weetzie Bat. Both of these were pretty original, at least in writing style. Weetzie Bat was probably the more delightful. I'd like to read the full set of these.

Best Chunkster (450+): I didn't keep track of pages, so I'm guessing here, but The Thirteenth Tale was pretty great, as of course was Fingersmith. The Godfather and Let The Right One In were both also worthy of mention in this category.

Best Unexpected Delight: Well, I think I'll have to go with The Wood Wife, which I loved at the time of reading, and which I am loving even more in retrospect. It was just so tender and melancholy and beautiful. I also really enjoyed Murder on the Orient Express, which I had no idea I would enjoy so much. Oh, and The Enchanted April, which was utterly lovely and fantastic.

Best Non-Fiction: again, not a great year for non-fiction, but Spook was terrific. Mary Roach never disappoints. Well, and both of the Ruth Reichl books I read. She's fantastic too.

Worst Non-Fiction: Probably Waiter Rant. It was pretty bad. Sorry, dude.

Best/Worst Self Help: Thankfully didn't really too many of these. Best was probably The Tightwad Gazette (all three), which I will count as self-help since I really found them helpful. Worst would be Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway, which was mildly interesting and somewhat useful... but then I promptly forgot all about it and it's pretty dated and why am I even reading that stuff anyway? (it was on the shelf and I was bored, that's why)

Best Author I Should Have Been Reading All Along: Again I have to say Neil Gaiman, as I've started reading The Sandman graphic novels, and again I say, Hello?!? Why oh why didn't I read these before? I also read a lot of Charles de Lint this year, whom I've read before, but it had been far too long.

Best Horror: Definitely Let The Right One In, which was haunting and sad and scary and fantastic.

Biggest Disappointments: This was a disappointing year for books. I don't know if it was me, or the books, but I felt like so many books missed the mark for me. A few standout examples of books which should have stood out but didn't: Hell House, The Land of Laughs (although I'm definitely giving Carroll another chance -- Ghost In Love perhaps?), Hotel Translyvania, A Wizard of Earthsea, Angel of Darkness... not that these were bad books (well, not ALL of them), I just was disappointed in them for one reason or another. Especially Land of Laughs and Wizard of Earthsea... wanted to love them, but didn't. I still love you, Ursula!

Best Re-Read: The Tightwad Gazette (I, II, and III). Funny, useful, creative, ingenious, helpful, witty, thrifty and fun. Or, any of the Roald Dahls I re-read. Or Mother Night. Must read more Vonnegut next year.

Best Guilty Pleasure: Hmm. Lots of simple pleasures on my reading list (lots of children's books, for example)... but guilty pleasure? Probably The Heroin Diaries, by Nikki Sixx, which I really enjoyed. Rock star god on self-destructive path to hell... what's not to love?

And a couple of new categories:

Books Which I Didn't Give Enough Credit To At The Time, But Have Now Updated My Opinion After Months Of Thinking About Them: Definitely The Graveyard Book, for starters. I wrote that I was disappointed that it wasn't scarier and that I preferred Coraline, and it was pointed out to me that it wasn't meant to be scary, but rather touching and tender. And after thinking about it for months, I see the error of my ways. I went into reading this with completely the wrong mindset. I still liked Coraline better -- I thought it was livelier, scarier, darker, and very original. However, The Graveyard Book was indeed tender and melancholy and lovely and worthy of all those awards it won. I'm also pretty sure that I loved The Wood Wife the first time around, but that book has stuck with me and I find myself thinking about it at odd times. I think I tried to tell myself it was just a simple fantasy fairy tale, but it was so much more, so sad and strange and yet hopeful.

Disturbing Trends In Book Titles: The Short Title: Followed By Long Overly Descriptive Subtitle. I saw so many of these this year. These are the ones I got sucked into reading:

Swish: My Quest To Becoming The Gayest Person Ever

Not Buying It: My Year Without Shopping

Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip -- Confessions of a Cynical Waiter

The Heroin Diaries: A Year In The Life Of A Shattered Rock Star

Busted: Life Inside The Mortgage Meltdown

Spook: Science Tackles The Afterlife

Please! No more! This is only a fraction of the vast array of titles of this sort that I saw at the library this year.

And a little shout-out to the other books that didn't make the list but I still really enjoyed: All the Charles de Lint books except Angel of Darkness; The Woman in Black; The Ghost Writer/The Sceance; Ananzi Boys; The Jane Austen Book Club; The Rescuers; The Book of Lost Things; The Shadow of the Wind; and Called Out Of Darkness.

The entire list is here.

So, upon reflection, it was an okay year... but not stellar. Although I was thrilled about being in the Oakland library system with its amazingly large selection and easy online requesting system, I think my book selections were rather scattershot; I didn't follow my usual reading patterns. Also, although I hesitate to say it, I think I was too much influenced by other book bloggers. Although everyone has such good recommendations and I love to read everybody's reviews, I started to fall into the trap of hesitating to pick up a book unless I'd heard something about it. So I think I missed out on some books which may have otherwise really appealed to me. For whatever reason, my general attitude towards the majority of the books I read this year was "meh." At least, it seems that way. Although clearly there were some books which I really did enjoy a lot.

I also failed to read Anna Karenina or just about any other book I said I would... but that's okay. Lesson learned: don't make overly specific reading goals. It's like making a goal to exercise more: once you say it, it's harder to do it. Better to just follow whims and see where my reading takes me.

I'm not going to make any specific reading goals for next year. There're a few specific books I'd like to read, and a few trends I'd like to follow (more classics, more in-depth reading of certain authors), but mostly I'm going to go back to drifting through the library with nothing in mind and see where that takes me. I'd also like to follow up on some of the interesting books mentioned in the London Review of Books (and I'd like to blog more about these essays in this publication, which are totally fascinating and wonderful). But, no specific books. We'll just see what comes up.

2010, here I come. I think you're going to be a great year.

Next up in 2009 In Review: The Recipes.

Book: Wintergirls

I've heard a lot about this book lately, and YA books are always good in a slump. So I read it in one go, last night.

And you know what? It was pretty great.

I had to think about it all day today to figure out what I wanted to say about it. I've read (for various reasons) many books about anorexia. This wasn't exactly original in the ground it covered, but the writing was phenomenal.

"Here stands a girl clutching a knife. There is grease on the stove, blood in the air, and angry words piled in the corners. We are trained not to see it, not to see any of it. {...body found in a motel room, alone...}

Someone just ripped off my eyelids."

Lia and Cassie are the best of friends, bound together by a love of books and secret obsessions. Something happened about six months ago, and then they weren't friends anymore. And now Cassie is dead, found alone in a motel room. And Lia begins to drown, to freeze, to whittle herself down to nonexistence. To join Cassie.

But is that what she really wants?

The writing in this book is really beautiful, and sometimes kind of brutal. Dancing on a fine line between reality and dream, between realtime and dreamtime, sanity and madness. The writing saves the book, because the story is all too familiar. Girl from well-to-do family is somehow never good enough. Dad is distant. Mom is controlling. Girl feels invisible. Tries hard, by starving herself, to make herself strong and small and perfect. But of course it never works.

The stepmother is the only character which breaks the mold. When Lia is in her downward spiral, haunted by the ghost of Cassie and determined to whittle herself down to triumphantly small numbers, stepmom Jennifer has had it up to here with the crap. When her daughter, Lia's stepsister, breaks her arm, Jennifer needs Lia to drive to the drugstore to pick up a prescription. Lia hasn't eaten in who knows how long, and isn't sure she's able to drive.

Jennifer reaches into the glass jar on the counter, pulls out an oatmeal raisin cookie the size of my head and shoves it at me. "Can we take the spotlight off you for just one minute, Lia? Put some food in your mouth, quit whining, and go to the damn drugstore."

I wanted to cheer. I liked Lia, actually. I felt sympathy for her illness and the desire to annihilate herself. But when you're 18 and you have your whole life ahead of you and sure, you and your family has issues, but who doesn't? -- I have to say I was losing patience with it. On the one hand, I get it. I get what anorexia is. It's an illness. It's an addiction. It's someone doing the best they can to do what they think they have to. But on the other hand, maybe I've just outgrown a certain degree of my own body issues, and maybe I've had a little taste of what real-world problems are, but another part of me felt like Lia was self-centered, selfish, stubborn, and self-destructive. She wants to die, end of story. Until she wants to live, there's not much anyone can do about it. I was glad that the book says as much. Lia could go to treatment for a third time, but unless she actually wants to live, really live, nothing's going to change.

So does she? You'll have to read the book to find out.

The writing was truly beautiful and the story was good, although if you've read The Best Little Girl In The Whole World or any other "the thinner is the winner" anorexia books, you'll not learn anything new here. However, Lia is sympathetic and her family is drawn realistically, and then there's that awesome writing.

Once I closed the book, I took a deep breath of gratitude that finally, at age 35, I feel mostly at peace with my own body, and can truthfully say I don't worry about it very much anymore (with very occasional flares of freakout, which thankfully only last a few hours at most). I feel like I waited all through my 20s for this body-acceptance that everyone said would come when you're over 30. It took a few years, but I'm awfully glad I feel okay about myself now. What a freaking relief, what a burden of self-absorption to have lifted.

Wintergirls doesn't break any new ground, but it's a beautifully written book and worth reading.

Holidays 2009: Got It Right This Time

I have some photos, but I'm too lazy to upload them. Maybe later.

I have to say, this was the nicest holiday season I can remember since moving here to California. Possibly in my adult life -- is that crazy to say? Here's why:

Last year's holiday season was so awful. Just dreadful. From just before Thanksgiving all the way through New Year's, it sucked. I was determined to make this holiday season a nice one -- not overstuffed and stressful and trying-too-hard, but really nice and enjoyable. That's been my motto all year -- just trying to enjoy things rather than trying too hard.

So what did I do to make it so great?

1. I handmade almost all my gifts. One would think that this might make it more stressful, but it made it less stressful. I chose things that I thought everyone would actually enjoy (and wouldn't just be more stuff), and they were all easy and fun to make, and I gave myself all month to do it. I found this to be much more enjoyable than shopping. Also, much less expensive (and therefore, less stressful). And hopefully, more meaningful to the recipients.

2. I did only the things I wanted to do, and made sure to include the things I really wanted to do. I made a few batches of cookies, but when tempted to make one more batch (which I wasn't in the mood to make), I decided not to. I didn't spend very much time shopping (which, I think, was key for the enjoyment factor of the past month). We got a tree, which we really love. We did a little bit of decorating, but not too much. Just enough. I went to a holiday concert with a friend. I watched a couple silly holiday movies. I didn't over-plan for Christmas dinner. When it became obvious that Terri wasn't up for the big family party, we scaled it waaaay back. It worked out very well.

3. Sounds cheesy, but I really focused on all the good things we have to celebrate this year rather than all the negative/scary/frustrating stuff I could focus on. There's plenty of that stuff to worry about. But I really wanted to enjoy myself this holiday season, so I just decided to focus on enjoying things and being thankful. It really worked. I feel like we are so rich and lucky. I had only two days where I felt that icky holiday stress. One was the day I had to buy a new sewing machine, and the other was at the grocery store when everyone was pissed and stressed out and I almost got sucked into the bad energy. Other than that -- it was pretty dang nice.

It all culminated with a very nice Christmas Eve spent running a few errands and shopping for groceries (the stressful trip - seriously, Berkeley Bowl people, take it easy!), and doing a tiny bit of last-minute shopping with Terri, which was fun.

Christmas Day was perfect. I slept in, and then went and did the few petsitting jobs I had to do. Came back and got back into bed to read while Terri slept in with the kitties. Once she woke up, we had our stockings. Santa decided to keep the stockings strictly practical and/or delicious, so I got a magazine and some special imported candies which I really like but never have, and Terri got some favorite treats and a brain teaser book. We both got new toothbrushes. :)

After we both woke up a little, we warmed up the living room and went out to open gifts. We had wonderful presents from everyone, including each other. Mostly practical and much-needed/appreciated, plus a few fun items such as a beautiful snowy owl necklace from Terri (photo from the artist's Etsy page) and a Wii from my fabulous brother!! The rest of the afternoon was spent playing with the Wii, completely wearing ourselves out. We're both actually sore today!

Our lovely and low-key friends Vanessa and Steve came over for Christmas dinner. The menu was really great: spinach dip, salad, butternut squash gratin, pesto pasta, mashed potatoes, roasted beets, and fresh homemade caramel corn for dessert. Then we snuggled in to the living room to watch Elf, and then they went home and we went to bed to watch a Buffy episode and ended the night watching National Lampoon's Christmas and talking about what a nice Christmas we had.

I have to say, on this day after Christmas, I am extremely happy, grateful, thankful, content and peaceful. Which is a pretty dang nice way to end the year, and the perfect antidote to last year's badness. It was a rough year in many respects, and we missed our Tiger Little very much, but I worked really hard to make last year a good one and in spite of the rough patches, I think I succeeded. I'm actually looking forward to next year! Now that's an accomplishment.

Coming up next: the Year In Books review, and plotting out the upcoming year. Hope you all had nice holidays, no matter what you celebrate, and although I'm feeling a bit computered-out, I'm going to try to catch up with blogs in the next day or two. I'm a bit out of the loop. But happy!

Book: Hell House

I've had this sitting around for awhile and, being in a complete reading slump, figured I would give it a try.

It's by Richard Matheson, who also wrote I Am Legend, Stir of Echoes, and some other fairly well-respected scary books. It's been on many Top Horror Books lists, and my library didn't have it, so I actually bought the book (used).

The premise is that there is this horrible house, reputed to be the most-haunted house in the world or something like that, from which no investigators (save one) have ever survived. So, of course the new batch of investigators (including the one survivor) decide that they are different and will make it through. This band of sillies includes a parapsychologist, who thinks that all paranormal activity is natural, generated from our own subconsciousness. Also along for the ride is his wife (a timid, easily-frightened woman -- why did he take her, again??), and two psychics, one of which previously survived the house.

What follows is supposed to be one of the most original and scary haunted-house books ever. However, I preferred The Haunting of Hill House, which is awfully similar to this one. Supposedly this is one of those books from which many more-current books and movies are based upon, but I think Shirley Jackson's book had that honor before this one.

Still, it was scary, I guess. There were only a few moments that got me shivery, but mostly it was the unsaid that was disturbing, rather than what actually happened in the book. It seemed fairly predictable and I didn't really care about any of the characters, and it also lacked a certain suspense, without which it felt a little flat.

So maybe I didn't really love it. I wanted to, though.

It would be a good RIP book, if anyone is creating their list early!!b

A Holiday Novel, After All

Just finished reading Hell House (review soon). Yes, on Christmas Eve morning.

Here I was feeling slightly out of sync, reading a horror novel on Christmas Eve... but then I read the last words of the book. I kid you not, "Merry Christmas."

So, even Hell House wishes you a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays and a lovely return to the light and Happy New Year!

A Christmas Meme

Because I have holiday-brain and am now officially in the Christmas spirit... a Christmas meme from Barefoot Mama who got it from someone else...

Eggnog or Hot Chocolate?

That's a tough one. I like eggnog in my coffee this time of year (I limit myself to one carton per season), and I like hot chocolate instead of dessert during the holidays. Because frankly I'm starting to get sick of baked goods by now.

Does Santa wrap the presents or leave them open under the tree?

Santa always left a few wrapped presents under our tree. I think everything was always wrapped. Sometimes he would even leave a candy-cane trail. And of course would always sample the cookies left out on the mantel. We had a wood stove and I was always very concerned about how Santa would get down the narrow pipe... I can't remember how that one was explained. Probably "magic."

Colored lights on a tree or white?

I like white lights but Terri likes the old-fashioned big colored ones. Actually I like those too, since that is what we had when I was growing up, plus bubble lights. I would like to find some of those bubble lights. The tree just has to have lights -- it doesn't really matter which color, I suppose! I wish I had planned ahead to put white lights on our mantel, but oh well.

Do you hang mistletoe?

When I have it. Sometimes someone brings some in to work to share (from up in Sonoma County). At home in Oregon you can find it in lots of trees.

When do you put your decorations up?

Usually around December 10th-ish, or whenever we get the tree. I can only take a few weeks of Christmas. I like it to feel special, and not get used to the decorations/tree. We got our tree on the 14th, this year, I think. It comes down about a week after New Year's.

What is your favorite holiday dish?

Well, cookies. And my great-grandma's coffeecake. I don't really have any special holiday dinner dishes that I'm particularly attached to. There's a special salad which we like which is becoming "holiday salad" -- other than that, if there's potatoes and dessert, I'm good.

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?

We usually did growing up, and Terri and I open up pajamas on Christmas Eve. I like that tradition. But just one.

How do you decorate your Christmas tree?

Ever since we were born, my mom has given my brother and me a Christmas ornament every year. Once we were old enough, we got to choose our ornament. So I grew up having a very treasured collection of ornaments which I absolutely love, even the funny little raggedy ones from when I was little. Each one has a story. As I got older, I started to gravitate towards very pretty, showy glass balls as my ornament. My mom still chooses one for us, which I think is so sweet and I look forward to it every year. I sort of assumed I would take over the tradition and buy it for myself, but it's really nice that my mom still does it. So our tree is full of very pretty glass balls, a few 1970s-style doll ornaments, two made-by-me kindergarten ornaments (a Santa and a pre-PC-in-schools baby Jesus). Terri is starting to collect some now too -- so we are getting a very nice collection of ornaments. I think we're starting to lean towards a bird theme now... but I'm not sure.

Snow. Love it or hate it?

I love snow. I got plenty when I lived in Finland, but other than that, growing up we only had a few days of snow a year. Of course here in Oakland we never have snow, except every once in awhile in the hills. We had some a few weeks ago! I do love it. I like weather of any kind. I get very tired of same-old-same-old sunny-and-nice all the time. Lately the weather has been terrific - cold, sunny or cloudy, a bit of rain -- variable. Oh, but I'm getting off-topic...

Can you ice skate?

Yes, but nothing fancy. I do love to skate though. I also love to ski!

What is your favorite holiday dessert?

I do love holiday cookies, especially gingerbread. I also like cherry cheesecake, which was a traditional dessert in my family growing up. I like pretty much any holiday dessert. Yep.

What is your favorite holiday tradition?

Hmm. Probably choosing and decorating the tree. When I first moved to California, my ex-husband and I didn't have a tree usually. No room, and he didn't care that much. I really missed it -- it doesn't feel like Christmas without a tree. I think Terri and I have had a tree every year we've been together. When I was growing up we always went to the u-cut place to choose our tree and cut it down together. For FIVE DOLLARS. (smacks forehead, thinking of how much trees are simply one state away...) I love choosing the tree, setting it up and getting all the decorations out and up.

I also like making at least one batch of gingerbread cookies, and I actually like wrapping gifts as well.

Candy Canes. Yum or yuck?

I'm really not into candycanes. They make me kind of sick.

***

A few notes about Christmas. Although my upbringing was not very religious, my grandmother (dad's mom) was Baptist (but a kinder, gentler Baptist) and so we had lots of emphasis on the Christmas story, which I absolutely loved. I loved singing religious carols and learning to play them on the piano, and I loved the Christmas books my grandma would give us, beautifully illustrated with the Nativity story. I do love that story. I loved all the Christmas stories -- the religious ones, the Santa ones, all the gentle children's stories that come out this time of year. Especially if it involved animals.

So, even though I'm not particularly Christian, I love the Christmas story and I love the message, so I feel perfectly comfortable celebrating Christmas in our household. I think about my grandma, whom I loved, and I like carrying on certain family traditions, like the ornaments.

I've always been fascinated with Solstice celebrations (Yule logs, etc.) and so I'd like to incorporate more of that as well in the future... but no matter what holiday you celebrate, this time of year is a time for enjoying yourself, being thankful, spending time with family and friends and resting up through the darkness. Which we are doing, and I'm very happy.

This year I handmade the majority of the gifts I'm giving, and that feels fantastic. I've only had one day of holiday stress -- the rest of it I've completely enjoyed. So... mission accomplished!

I'm off to enjoy the GIANT stack of books I just got from the library, nibble on some Chex mix, and watch some holiday movies.

Peace on Earth, good will to all!

A Serious Reading Slump

I have been in a seriously bad reading slump since around November. I'm not sure why. All of a sudden I ran out of books that demanded immediate reading (either because of due dates or irresistibleness), and I had a lot of magazines to catch up on, and I've just been an odd mood in terms of book-interest.

I've also been falling out of the habit of reading blogs other than my usual few favorites -- I just feel overwhelmed by information lately. I can't take too much online browsing or reading, and I'm having a hard time getting into any books. This happened last year too, but I had the Move From Hell to blame for it. This year I'm not sure what my problem is.

I think this year has felt "off" for reading all year anyway. I've read quite a few good books, but only a handful of real winners. I think I've been doing less random browsing at the library and more book-blogger-recommended reading, which is great because everyone has such terrific recommendations, but I think I fell out of the rhythms of my own reading muse. You know how that is?

I can't wait for the year-end Reading Roundup because I'll be able to take a measure of all the books of the year and see if it was as ho-hum as I'm thinking, or if I'm just being influenced by my current book-blahs.

But, I find the new year to be totally inspiring in terms of reading, so I'm sure I'll come out of this slump after Christmas. Right now I am completely distracted with making gifts, baking, work stuff, and planning a few non-reading projects.

I've been told to read The Song Is You, and I'd like to read some more Sandman, and I have Wintergirls sitting here too. I'm reading Hell House by Richard Matheson and it's pretty good as far as haunted house stories go... it totally reminds me of The Haunting of Hill House. As long as my boss's computer keeps its mouth shut, I should be able to enjoy it fairly well and then move on to some other stuff.

Maybe I need to switch gears. Read some more non-fiction. Report on The London Review of Books (which is fascinating and always a good read). Etc.

But right now, I'm deciding which cookie to make tomorrow and planning my sewing projects, and thinking about a Christmas dinner menu. You know, important stuff.

Brittany and Mexico, Close To Home Photo Journey

My friend Vanessa invited me to brunch today over in the Mission District in San Francisco. Since the restaurant she wanted to go to is very close to a BART (subway) station, I said yes. I love taking BART and it would make the trip easy and fast.

I drove to the closest station, at Rockridge (North Oakland). This is a nice station with beautiful views of the Oakland hills from the platform.

I forget how truly beautiful these hills are, especially on a chilly winter morning.
I had already taken a brisk walk in those hills this morning (in my beloved local cemetery) and so I was really hungry. But first, a very homey cup of cafe au lait. I really like this photo.

The restaurant, Ti Couz, is a creperie. But not just any creperie; they do authentic Brittany-style buckwheat crepes. Large and thin and filled with amazing savory or sweet goodness, they are amazing and I wish I had another one right now. I had a mushroom-and-cheese crepe. It had this very delicious sauce on top and I could barely talk, I was so busy eating. Yum.

After a really fun visit and being completely stuffed (too stuffed for Nutella-and-banana crepe, dang!), it was time to stroll back to BART. The Mission district in San Francisco has a strong Hispanic/Mexican history, and is colorful and full of great restaurants, thrifting, little produce stands and tons of hipster bars. It's a fun place to wander around.

Showing colors of one kind (hooray, rainbow flag!):

And of another. I loved this pretty buildings and awnings against the blue sky.

Then it was down to the subway again. I was struck by the colorful, busy street and the quiet dark passageway down to the tunnels.

Standing around waiting for the train.
And then home again, to our house and our Christmas tree. (maybe pics of the tree in daylight, tomorrow)
It was a perfect local adventure. I really wish I had another crepe right now. I wonder if I can learn to make those. It was amazing.

Book: Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 8 (The Long Way Home)

We've been watching all of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series straight through for a few months now. It's been so much fun introducing Terri to the series, and it's even better watching them the second time around (for me). I'm struck by how powerful the emotional story is, and how it's such a classic example of the Hero's Journey. What they managed to do with a fairly silly premise is nothing short of amazing. If you haven't watched it, DO. (note: first season is shaky, but it really gets going in the second season)

So, I was doing a little geeky internet-searching over the weekend and discovered that there is a whole world of Buffy comics (of course!). My library had the first volume of the "Season Eight" series -- basically a continuation of the story where it leaves off at the end of Season 7 (the last of the TV episodes). I've been in a serious reading slump lately so I thought I would give it a try.

So how did I like it? Well, as you might say in Buffyverse, "Not so much with the likey."

There's nothing wrong with it, and I'm sure it's actually a great comic series, but compared to the richness and depth of the show, it really lacked the emotional power. The show has such fantastic dialogue, and you can't put all those words in a comic, so it really fell flat for me. Buffy's (the show) has always been great at summarizing giant cataclysmic events in a few witty sentences, but in the comic, we are reduced to a few mere words. I didn't feel very connected to the story.

The art was good, but it was a little, um... super-hero-y. Which Buffy is, of course. But I didn't love it.

So, I was a little relieved that I didn't love it, because there is a whole slew of Slayer comics and such, and my library doesn't have many of them, and I can't justify spending the money on comics right now. So... I was saved from a terrible, terrible consumer fate. By Buffy! Go Buffy! Even if I don't love your comic, you still saved the (my) world.

I think I'll stick with The Sandman in terms of graphic novels. My library system has all of those and now I'm totally invested in that storyline.

And again I repeat, if you are into Joseph Campbell, mythology, or even just witty dialogue and vampires, please please watch Buffy the TV show. Once you get past the silliness of the first half of Season One, it is something really incredible.

True Story

Ok, so this just happened today. True story.

I'm sitting in my boss's office with her and we're working on stuff at her computer. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, her computer says (yes, it actually SAYS): "...daphne..." in this little, computer voice.

We both stopped, looked at each other, and then I'm like, "I'm skeered!" We couldn't figure out where it came from or why her computer would say that. Reasonable explanation is somehow it picked up my name from the document we were working on, and used voice-reading technology, but she says it's NEVER done that before.

I was laughing, but I was also so freaked out that I almost started crying. It's my worst nightmare! Inanimate objects coming to life! Saying my name! Aaaahhhh!

We kept working but I was keeping a close eye on her computer. I swear if it said one more word, I was going to go all Office Space on it.

Portrait of an Extrovert

(oh wait, no photo because I am clearly not an extrovert)

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you'll probably note that I'm not a social butterfly. I'm the sort of person who makes a few very close friends and I keep them forever (hopefully forever!). I prefer one-on-one time to a group. I like in-depth conversations -- I'm terrible (really terrible) at small talk.

On the flip side, if I don't know someone very well, I definitely prefer a group because then I can 'blend' and I don't have to have a starring role. I am TERRIBLE at smalltalk or even mediumtalk (that stage before you get to a real, good conversation). I'm a walking, talking stereotype.

"Oh, hi, Daphne. What's new?"

"Oh, um, not much. Yeah. Uh... we've been having some sunny days lately, eh?" (this, in the middle of summer, when we don't have anything BUT sunny days)

It's PAINFUL. I do not know how extroverts do it.

(However, REAL conversations, I adore.)

Yesterday I got my hair cut. My hairdresser is a very nice girl, but she's not a huge talker. She talks just enough to keep things going, but she's not a chatterbox (I do better with chatterboxes because then I can just smile and nod). I'm the direct opposite of chatterbox. My appointment was two hours long and by the end of it, I was completely exhausted from trying to keep up my end of the conversation. We ended up talking about cheese. Yes, cheese. Pardon the expression, but I milked that cheese topic for everything it was worth. We spent at least half the appointment talking about cheese, because I am vaguely well-acquainted with different sorts of cheeses, and I love cheese, and I had NO IDEA what else to talk about. My cats? Shoes? Ummmm. Yeah. I have no idea.

It's the holiday season, and you know what that means. Lots and lots of chitchat. Office parties, family parties, friendly people in the stores. I'm a complete doofus and cannot handle myself in a party situation. I need one of those "How To Make Small Talk For Dummies" books. I need to study current events or something. Good lord, it's bad.

Sometimes I can pretend to be an extrovert and I do pretty well, but inevitably something will sneak up on me and I'll be completely at a loss, and then my cover is blown.

Frankly I wish everyone would agree to just talk about cats and books, or go straight to the good stuff and give me all the dirt on their marriage or have a soul-searching conversation about what to do with the rest of their lives. That's my comfort zone. It's cats, or destiny.

'Tis The Season... for many holidays

(I suppose this might be a rant. Be forewarned.)

Usually I think of myself as pretty quiet. Kind of a keep-my-mouth-shut kind of person. But there are a few select instances where I just can't keep my mouth shut; specifically when faced with bigotry, closed-mindedness, prejudice or injustice. I'm just about ready to burst so I need to write about it here in my blog, which is the best platform I can think of where I can write without worrying that I'll get attacked from all sides.

There was a thread on Facebook from some old schoolmates of mine, talking about how at a particular small-town school near where I grew up, they are having an "actual Christmas program" this year, as opposed to a Holiday program. This is all fine and good, whatever. There are, in reality, probably not a lot of Jewish, Islamic, or pagan kids at this particular school. There is this leeetle matter of separation of church and state, and it is a public school, but again, whatever. Merry Christmas.

What got me feeling riled up were the follow-up comments, saying things like, "So it will actually be Merry Christmas!" "And there will actually be Santa!" "There's a real Christmas tree!" and my favorite, "It's about time we stopped having to please the non-believers!" Um, again I say, this is a PUBLIC SCHOOL. Not a Christian school. P-U-B-L-I-C.

Around this time, my blood started to boil and I had to really, really work hard not to make any further comment than this: "I remember growing up in (my small town) and we had a Christmas program, which I loved, but I also remember learning the dreidel song and some Solstice traditions as well, which has stayed with me all my life." This is true. In my itty-bitty, hard-workin' logging town, where this particular acquaintance is also from, we had a pretty open holiday program. We sang some carols, some secular Christmas songs, and we also made dreidels and Yule logs, and talked about winter holiday celebrations of cultures all over the world. Heck, we even sang Feliz Navidad. In Spanish. I think that's pretty cool. I was raised to be respectful and appreciative of all cultures -- even though I lived in a teeny-tiny logging town. So I know it's possible no matter where you grow up. This was not a particularly liberal town, either. This is Philomath, Oregon. (for the record, I love my hometown dearly)

I don't have a problem with this acquaintance, or their choice to post about this on Facebook, and I don't even really have a problem with the kids being able to celebrate Christmas at their school. But I have noticed a trend on Facebook (and other places) which is really upsetting me.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS, everyone! Not Happy Holidays! It's CHRISTMAS!"

"I have a CHRISTMAS TREE. Not a Holiday Tree. Only Christians have Christmas trees." (note: huh? what?)

"I think the White House should have a CHRISTMAS tree, not a holiday tree. It's America! We're Christians!"

You see how this is going.

What bothers me is not so much that these folks want to have their Christmas traditions -- go for it! I'm all for it. I celebrate Christmas, myself. I have no problem with celebrating Christmas and the birth of Jesus and anything else you want to celebrate. Put up a gigantic Nativity scene on your lawn! I'll drive by and applaud it.

But it's the assumption that Christmas is the only holiday in December -- or worse, that it's the only holiday worth celebrating and acknowledging. This is what makes me angry and offended to the core. Maybe they're just upset that they haven't been able to celebrate Christmas at their school in the past. But I don't think that's it. Something about "...not having to please the non-believers!" makes me suspect that there wouldn't be similar outrage if a family was upset about not having a menorah represented along with the Christmas tree.

A Christmas tree is not exactly outlined in the Bible as a Christian tradition. Neither, I might add, is Santa. These are secular traditions, with non-Christian roots, adapted by Christians and added to religious celebrations. You don't have to be Christian to have a holiday tree. I have quite a few friends who are Jewish who have a Christmas/Holiday/Whatever tree. Who doesn't like a gorgeous, decorated tree? It's beautiful and brings awe and delight. Let's have one. Call it a Christmas tree at your house. (call it a Christmas tree at MY house!) But not everyone celebrates Christmas.

What bothers me about this trend, and about other trends like "Make English America's National Language!" and so on, is the underlying message of "You are not like us. Your culture/language/skin color/tradition is not worth including."

But really, who is "us"? Last time I checked, America is a pretty diverse place, with people from all cultures and languages coming together. We set up our nation to welcome people from elsewhere (lawfully, of course). It is in our constitution that people should be free to worship and celebrate their religion without fear of persecution. Yes, that includes Christians... but I don't see any threat to Christmas. Have you looked around lately? Um, it's everywhere.

I just don't see how including celebrations and traditions and religions from many cultures should be threatening. I don't see why this is a problem. I really, truly, do not understand.

It's not just Christmas. It's what I hear on the news, it's what I hear from certain friends and relatives, it's what I see on Fox News and Facebook and street corners. You Are Not Like Us. Quit your whining and be happy we're not lynching you. Want to get married? Ha, ha -- your beloved is not of the opposite sex. No dice. Want to save yourself and an unwanted child from a lifetime of poverty and abuse? Well, you'll have to risk being shot by pro-lifers to go in to Planned Parenthood. Lost your job and your health? No health care for you! Too bad, so sad, your bad luck. These things are Other and would never happen to me or my family, praise the Lord.

I just can't stand that stuff. I think Jesus also said, that so long as ordinary people stand up for the right things and do not retreat from those who seem to have more power, what's right will prevail. Jesus is all about peace, and understanding, and helping the downtrodden and overlooked and persecuted. Right? (for a really interesting article about this, click here) So the fact that so many of these anti-humanitarian, hateful sentiments are expressed from people who also claim to be Christian, is almost more than I can bear. So I have to say something. And I'm saying it now.

I'm glad those kids at that school get to sing Christmas carols. I just hope that if a Jewish family comes to town and wants to light some candles for Hanukkah along side the giant stuffed Santa, they won't get any guff.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Holidays, Peace on Earth, Goodwill to ALL people (including the ones I'm currently crabby about).

Goal For Next Year

You know me. I'm not big into arbitrary goal-setting. (actually, I'm *totally* into it... I just abandon them all the time and then tell myself not to make them again. And then I do it again.)

However, I have a good one for next year.

Today I had a few extra minutes inbetween rushing all over the place, and I have been having a major craving for udon soup. I was driving through Oakland's Chinatown and happened to spy a parking spot (a rare occurrence! it's a very busy neighborhood). So I pulled over, and walked to the nearest store that looked like it might have udon noodles. It didn't, but it did have everything else, including some terrific huge soup bowls, and pretty little fish-printed soup spoons, and taro-stuffed mochi and those honey-sesame candies. Oh, and a huge pack of chopsticks for $1.39.

Although I didn't get my noodles (I got them later at my beloved Berkeley Bowl), I had such a good time looking around the shop that I thought to myself, "Why haven't I taken the time to *really* explore Oakland Chinatown before?" Unlike San Francisco's Chinatown, Oakland Chinatown is a real, working neighborhood, filled with Asian locals and a huge variety of intriguing shops.

So I think that next year, I'm going to fully explore Oakland Chinatown. I'm going to find "my" Asian grocery store, "my" noodle shop, "my" housewares store. I always want to go get fresh noodles or whatnot, but I have no idea where to go. So, in the spirit of adventure, I'm going to explore every block and every street and just see for myself what's what.

Actually I started to do this a couple of years ago, but I didn't continue on my journey. So I'm picking up where I left off. I'll post photos and report on my finds!

Surrender (you know you want to)

Have I posted about these before? These are the World's Best Home Fries (also called cottage fries, I think).

We don't have these very often but they are so wonderful when you are cold, hungry, grumpy, and need something very, very delicious and comforting.

Many people seem to turn to sugar in times of stress. I prefer my comfort food on the starchy side. Potatoes are perfect. I can also eat a ton of biscuits (if only my pants didn't complain the next day). But potatoes? Potatoes spell happiness for me anytime. I like them boiled, fried, baked, scalloped, gratineed, mashed, or in a salad or just about any other preparation you can think of.

It's freaking *cold* here this week (which is making me so happy, although dang, it's COLD in our house), perfect potato weather. If you're in the need for comfort food, make up a batch of these. You won't be sorry, I promise. We eat them for dinner, but they'd be yummy with eggs on a Sunday morning.

Perfect Home Fries (adapted from Cook's Illustrated)

2 1/2 tablespoons oil

1 medium onion , chopped small

1 medium red pepper, chopped small

1 pound Yukon Gold potatoes (2 medium) or all-purpose potatoes, cut into 1/2-inch cubes (see below)

1 1/4 teaspoons table salt

1 tablespoon unsalted butter

1 teaspoon paprika

1 teaspoon ground cumin

Ground black pepper

1. Heat 1 tablespoon oil in 12-inch heavy-bottomed skillet over medium-high heat until hot but not smoking. Add onion and sauté, stirring frequently, 5-7 minutes. Add red pepper, continue stirring another 5 minutes. You can either leave the onions/peppers in the skillet to fry with the potatoes if you like them well-browned, or take them out and add them back in after the potatoes are done. I leave them in.

2. Meanwhile, place diced potatoes in large saucepan, cover with 1/2 inch water, add 1 teaspoon salt, and place over high heat. As soon as water begins to boil, about 6 minutes, drain potatoes thoroughly in colander. (yes, this technique really works well to help potatoes keep their shape and not get mushy!)

3. Heat butter (or Earth Balance) and remaining 1 1/2 tablespoons oil in skillet with onions (or not) over medium-high heat until butter foams. Add potatoes and shake skillet to evenly distribute potatoes in single layer; make sure that one side of each piece is touching surface of skillet. Cook without stirring until potatoes are golden brown on bottom, about 4 to 5 minutes, then carefully turn potatoes with wooden spatula. Spread potatoes in single layer in skillet again and repeat process until potatoes are tender and browned on most sides, turning three to four times, 10 to 15 minutes longer. Add onions back if you took them out, paprika and cumin, remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt, and pepper to taste; stir to blend and serve immediately.

You will be happy.

Wish: Granted

So remember how I keep complaining about how warm and not-wintry it is here? Well, my wish for winter weather has been granted. It's quite cold here (about 40 out right now, and dropping, with snow in the hills and surrounding cities -- we are somewhat insulated from hot or cold by low elevation and proximity to the Bay). And although today was sunny and cold and bright, it's supposed to be rainy and snowy and stormy later in the week. Which makes me VERY happy.

However, the one part about the winter weather which I always forget is that our house is freezing. I realized today that this is the only the second time I've lived in a house with electric baseboard heating, and the other house that I lived in that had the electric heat also had a wood stove (and room for a ton of wood out back) so that helped. I've either had wood heat, gas heat, or steam heat. All of which are lovely. Electric baseboard heaters, in a virtually non-insulated house, are a joke.

So, we are hunkered in our bedroom, having abandoned the rest of the house, which is a balmy 50 degrees. We only venture into the kitchen for hot tea or food, which we bring back to the bedroom. We have our trusty oil radiator heater on low, which warms up the room nicely, and if we keep the door closed, it's quite cozy. Everybody's in here, me and Terri and the kitties.

Actually, if we wanted to be in the living room, we could warm it up with a combination of the oil radiator and the baseboard heater, and we could have a fire and it would be fine. But frankly, it's pretty darn cozy and comfy in the bedroom, so why bother? Here's another view, with what we refer to as the "sinful" new TV, which, having figured out all the problems (and actually we just got a different TV), we love. It's so decadent having this lovely TV in the bedroom. We feel very luxurious, all cozy and snug with a movie on.


We still haven't got all our art up on the walls, just random pieces that we like. It's a work in progress. But the bed is fabulous, especially when we tuck in the hot water bottles. It's seriously warm and cozy.
Katie takes up the entire middle of the bed, and we are relegated to the sides. She is the Empress of the Bedroom, so it's only right. She allows us on the bed (usually) and we are very grateful.

My mood seems to have improved -- it was headed for a serious downslide a day or two ago. Funny how appropriate weather and a good talk with your sweetie can make everything right.

Now, back to hibernating under the covers! We made this recipe over the weekend and it is PERFECT for a cold winter night. So delicious and cozy and healthy.

Recipe for Happy Imperfection

Take two little girls, one creative Auntie Daphne, a batch of cookies, some frosting and random candies, and some ingenuity, and you get a perfect lesson in happy imperfection.

Witness: our beautifully decorated holiday cookies:

If I had done these myself, I would have needed to try and make them "perfect." And I would have missed the point completely. These are so exuberant and crazy; I love them.

We had a bunch of frosting leftover, so I made a small "gingerbread" house out of an empty tissue box and a cut-up cookie box, held together with snipped-up bandaids because we couldn't find any tape.
(if you're ever in a pinch for tape, bandaids work pretty good) The girls then got to decorate the house. They did such a good job working together, it was adorable.

I used to love to make gingerbread houses. FYI: cardboard works pretty great. Yes, this is Santa's disembodied head peeking out the window.


We had crazy red, green and white frosting. The house is... um, colorful.

So, if you need some distraction from holiday madness and want to witness pure joy, just grab a couple of cute kids....
...leave your need for perfection and order at the door, and have some fun.

'Tis the season, after all.

Book: Fingersmith

I'm now in the Fingersmith club: oh the twists and turns! The reveals that continue on and on -- how many more layers can there be? Like a Victorian woman's dress, this book has so many mysterious layers and each one reveals more than you'd expect.

It starts out in Victorian London, in a house of thieves. Young Susan, raised in these questionable surroundings, has been pampered (relatively speaking) since birth. Her mother, a murderess, was hanged when she was a wee baby, and her foster mother, Mrs. Sucksby (I can't get over that name) raised her like she was her own. "Someday, Susan is going to make our fortune," she says all the time.

And one day, the time comes for Susan to head out into the world and make that fortune. A mysterious grifter named Gentleman comes to the house with a crazy plot. He wants to marry a sheltered heiress and get his hands on her money, but he needs Susan's help to convince the heiress. Once they get the money, they'll put the heiress in a madhouse and escape to live the life of luxury. Although pricked by her conscience ("Isn't it, well, rather a bad thing we mean to do?"), Susan decides to go along with the plan and soon heads out to the country to serve as a lady's maid for the heiress.

The heiress, Maud, is kept virtual prisoner in her uncle's house. Forced to read to him and help him in his library work, Maud knows nothing of the outside world. She welcomes Susan with open arms and the two become quite close, confidantes, even. And then Gentleman arrives, and the plot to snare Maud must begin in earnest. Only, Susan feels quite tender towards her mistress, and hesitates to send her to her doom. Still, Gentleman is forceful and convincing and so the plot goes forward. Not without a hitch or two, and a night of passion which no one can forget.

However, once they are on the path to freedom, everything shifts and suddenly the world as we know it (for Susan and for the reader) is turned on its side, and we start to question everything we thought we knew...

Unfortunately, that's all I can write about the plot without giving it all away. What I loved about this book is that you are pretty sure there is a big twist -- everyone says there is, right? What I didn't realize was that there was not just one twist, but several, and I couldn't see any of them coming (except the first one, which I had a vague idea about but still couldn't quite figure out until it happened).

I've read a couple of Waters books (Affinity and Tipping the Velvet) and so I knew I would enjoy this book, and oh, I did. As usual, she writes with incredible style and balances that line between being "literary" and very readable. Her characters are well-drawn and compelling, and quite complex and conflicted. You are never quite sure if someone is supposed to be "good" or not -- and I really appreciate that as it feels more true to life. The setting, of dark-and-dirty London and secluded country house, was so interesting.

I especially liked the parts about the thieves house -- how they ran their small-time crime operation, how they considered themselves "honest" thieves.

The women in the book, Maud and Susan (and to some degree, Mrs. Sucksby), were full and vibrant. Complicated and troubling, but also so sweet (well, not Mrs. Sucksby). As usual, Waters writes about lesbian themes with such natural grace that nothing feels jarring -- it is presented, as it happens in real life -- as something that happens naturally and with a feeling of wonder, a gift. A big deal, but really, not such a big deal. I looked her website and saw this fantastic quote:

"... lesbian passions and issues are there in my books in the same way that they are there in my life: they are both vitally important to me, and completely incidental."

I love that, and that's exactly how it feels in her books. The key relationship between two women is both vitally important in that the plot hinges on this affection, and yet, it's like any other relationship and nothing extraordinary at all.

It's how I feel in my own life: my relationship with Terri is of vital importance, and yet, I don't feel compelled to make a big deal out of it. She's the person I love, and that's how it is. No big deal, no fanfare, no need to identify any particular way. She's my sweetie and it's no big deal, and yet it's a very big deal, because hello? She's awesome! :)

Anyway. If you haven't read any Sarah Waters yet, get thee to the library and pick up one. If you like a shorter book, read Affinity. If you like a big fat book to really get into, choose Tipping the Velvet or Fingersmith. I can't say which of these three are my favorite, but I did really, really enjoy Fingersmith.

Now I'm reading a friend's unpublished book (the second in her series) and I'm going to start reading Anna Karenina again. I think I will follow the example of some other book bloggers and write about Anna along the way, since I think it will take me a few weeks to finish, and will be much more than I can put into one post.

Also, small note: I put up a 'followers' link on my sidebar for convenience for folks. I might take it down as I find it strangely painful to see readers come and go. I guess we are all 7th graders at heart and want people to like us, don't we? Maybe I'll leave it up and use it as a good way to remind myself not to worry about whether people like me (or my blog) or not. Yes, that's what I'll do. However, feel free to 'follow' me! :)

This Holiday Season: Getting It Right

It's December 1st, the beginning of the holiday season. The winter holidays are not my favorite (Halloween has that top billing) but I used to love Christmas and all the family rituals. The last 10-15 years, however, I really haven't enjoyed the holidays as much as I used to. Everyone talks about the commercialization of Christmas, and I think, yes, it kind of bums me out. I get sick of the decorations and the pressure to buy the perfect gift, decorate the perfect tree, throw the perfect holiday party...the pressure for everything to be perfect. I felt very stressed out all month and was relieved when it was over. I ended up not doing the things I wanted to do, and really not enjoying any of it.

The past couple of years have taught me very clearly that nothing is perfect and to think it ought to be and to wish it were so, is just silly and a recipe for disappointment and frustration. How much nicer to just enjoy how things are. The same goes for the holidays. Last year was the worst holiday season of my entire life, but certain things were made very clear.

I enjoy: the tree and the accompanying decorations, a little bit of certain types of holiday music, a few holiday cookies, buying a few gifts for certain special people, going to holiday music events and seeing pretty decorations, and old Christmas TV specials. I also like doing a big "project" of some small crafty or baked goods gift to be given out at work and to friends. So those are the things I'm going to focus on this year. If I don't want to do something or if it makes me feel bad, I'm not going to do it. That way I'll have more energy to do the things I do want to do, with a full and happy heart.

I have a very very small shopping list and most of it is already done. Now I just get to do my favorite things: making cookies, decorating the tree, enjoying the lights and maybe getting out the keyboard and playing some favorite songs (my fingers are sure to be awfully rusty, but oh well). I'm going to try out some new cookie recipes and look up Oakland holiday music events. We'll have a small family party sometime during the month to see Terri's family. I'm looking forward to attending the Unitarian services this month and enjoying the full spectrum of holidays which occur in December. And mostly, I look forward to really having a good time and not being a grump. I'm surprised by my actual enthusiasm for the holidays this year and I think it's because I see very clearly what I want to do, and what I don't want to do, and I feel no guilt about not doing the things I don't want to do!

The past year has opened my eyes to a lot of things. How I look at money, how I look at myself and what I really want out of life. I expected this past year to be really hard and scary, and sometimes it was, but mostly, it was full of really good things, most of them small and not noticeable to most people, but very noticeable to me. I'm feeling pretty good right now. I feel very happy and secure, and optimistic, and full of hope and energy for doing the things I really want to do. I'm going to make next year even better, starting with this holiday season.