Book: The Ghost Writer

OMG!

Okay, so totally not what I was expecting -- but only in the best way!

I love Victorian gothic tales, and this is a modern version, perfectly, hauntingly, agonizingly rendered.

Gerard Freeman, a perfectly ordinary -- even boring -- boy, grows up in Australia, his closest friend is his penfriend, Alice. Alice is a girl, confined to a wheelchair in far-off England, who eventually becomes the love of Gerard's life. She is his life. They do not meet... until much, much later.

Gerard grows up in an atmosphere of mystery. Why is his mother so distant, and fearful? Why is she so overly protective? And why won't Alice agree to meet, or even to talk on the phone?

As Gerard grows up and becomes determined to meet Alice, he begins to piece together bits of his family history. His grandmother (great-grandmother?) was a writer of ghost stories, and through these stories, we begin to see -- as through broken glass -- the horrifying truth of Gerard's family. But will Gerard see it? Will he see it -- in time?

Oh my goodness, this is the type of ghost story that I completely adore. Smart, compelling writing, cleverly crafted plot and unusual twists, and -- towards the end -- pretty horrifying. No ick, all spook.

Much of the book is Gerard's (who isn't much of a character) grandmother's stories. There must have been at least four or five of them. I was actually tempted to skip over them because I tend to get annoyed by plot devices such as stories-within-stories, but I made myself read them and I'm glad I did. First, they were captivating and enjoyable. And second, after about half the book, I started getting an inkling of what was going on with the stories and the main plot of the book. Fascinating! Then I was completely hooked.

The old house is exactly what a haunted house should be, full of dust and mysteries. And some mysteries still remain running around in my head. Why was Alice's last name spelled Jessell, with two "L"s, when every other search turned up only Jessels with one "L"... and even the ghostly clue spells it with one "L"? And what exactly happened to Filly, and to Anne? I'll have to think about it. I like it when stories have lots of mysteries, and you just know that you can figure them out if you think about it long enough. I was completely fascinated by the family history and the series of horrible events that are slowly revealed.

Carefully crafted with a long, slow, dreadful build, the book drew me in and I found myself literally cringing as I read, the press of horrified tension building as I obsessively read straight through to the really wonderful, terrifying end. I loved it!

And now, lucky me, I have The Seance to go straight into. What a great ghost story. If you're tempted to read it, you may want to save this one for October... but I couldn't resist. Especially, if, like me, you grew up with a creaky old attic overhead, and had a penchant for hiding notes, thinking that someone in the future might find them, and if you ever had a mysterious penpal (or wanted one) -- this is perfect for you.

Taking It Easy

I'm not good at taking it easy. As a result, I am often tired. You would think I would learn... however, I decided to take a little break this week. Feeling like I was fighting a cold and so very exhausted, I have had a four-day break. Here is what I have done (in the name of relaxing):

* gone on three runs (yay!)
* slept in until 10 almost every day
* gone to my bookclub meeting
* done minimal petsitting
* babysat twice (both super-easy)
* have not cooked much
* have not done art
* have not cleaned much
* have not gone grocery shopping
* have not run around doing un-fun errands

Mostly, just been hanging around with Terri. We did a little errand-ing on Saturday, which was lovely since the weather has been amazing. Last night I babysat a little boy who was asleep the entire time, and today I babysat another little boy who was asleep 2/3 of the time. That, I can handle.

Um, that's about it. I have not much to report, since... see above.

Book: The Wood Wife

This is my first book for Once Upon A Time III, and it was a perfect beginning.

Marguerite -- Maggie -- Black, poet and journalist, inherits poet Davis Cooper's Tuscon property and papers after his mysterious death. Maggie has been in correspondence with Cooper, but never (to her knowledge) met him. Once she leaves her cosmopolitan West Coast life behind -- gladly -- she enters a world completely unlike anything she expected. The Tuscon desert and her quirky neighbors quickly capture her heart, and the Cooper mystery unfolds slowly and ominously... as Maggie comes to terms with her own heart's desire and the magic of the land and it's mysterious inhabitants.

I know I said in my Widdershins review that I wasn't partial to Native American myth, and this book was full of Native American-style tricksters and earth spirits -- but this time it worked better for me. I quickly fell in love with Maggie and Fox, and was very involved with Maggie's confusion and acclimation to desert life. What I really loved about this book was how author Terri Windling brought the Tuscon desert to life for the reader. I am a West Coast girl and I love my ocean and forests and mists and rocky cliffs... but I found myself longing for the dry Sonoran desert, the saguaros and jackrabbits, and I desperately wanted to hear the coyotes singing. I felt like putting on my CD of R. Carolos Nakai's flute music (if only I could find it...). The mages and various other spirits were not overly 'magical' -- rather they were somber and mysterious, and I liked that. They truly seemed an outgrowth of the land.

I also liked the slow and easy romance between Maggie and Fox -- and can I just say THANK YOU to Terri Windling for making Maggie be a fabulous 40-year-old? I might be gettting cranky in my old age, but I am kind of tired of reading about 20-something heroines. I loved Maggie's worldliness and experience, and her surprise at finding love where she least expected it. I liked her confidence and her knowledge of her own limitations, and her acceptance of the circumstances of her life (pesky ex-husband, no place to call home, good friends...). I liked her ease with her own self. It was a relief to read about a main woman character who wasn't constantly questioning herself and her strengths. She inhabits her own self comfortably, and that made me really happy.

The trickster Crow was interesting, but I was fascinated by the Drowned Girl -- amoral and impulsive, playing with humans for her own amusement. I really enjoyed how these spirits were truly not human -- they had no sense of right or wrong -- only doing things as they feel, as the spiral of time takes them, as circumstances present. It seems cruel to us as humans -- but to them, it's just how things work. I liked that perspective and how it wasn't muddied by too much meandering explorations of what it means to be 'amoral'.

I was also struck by this theme appearing again of art creating actual beings -- or creating shapes for them to wear. Charles de Lint explored this very similar theme in Memory and Dream -- I wonder if these two authors talked about this. It wasn't explored as fully here, but it does seem as though a point is being made that when you make art, you give life to something. Your art lives on in some way. And the desire to make art, to portray something as it is, as you see it -- can drive a person crazy. I think this is one reason why I haven't delved deeply into my own artistic urges -- I like having a well-rounded life, and I can really see how the impulse to create art can take over everything else, to the exclusion of all else you hold dear. It's too easy to block out the whole world and let it all slip by as you work on that canvas. That sounds a bit dramatic, but as I've read about other artists, and as shown in these books -- maybe not so far away from the truth.

I loved this book. It was deceptively simple, but got right into my heart and soul. If you've read the book, you'll know the part at the end I'm talking about, when Maggie finally cries. Oh my god, I sobbed. I wish so dearly that part hadn't happened -- it was too sad. My heart just broke. It was midnight when I finished the book and when I got to that part, I had to put the book down and have a little cry. I'm glad it wasn't a sad ending overall, but that one part -- ouch. It still hurts.

So. One down. Lots more to go. But first, John Harwood calls!

Some Updates, And, A Recipe!

(I haven't posted a picture in awhile... why? Because I am L-A-Z-Y, that's why. Hopefully I'll process some this weekend)

And now... Random Updates!

Hair: It's been... a week and a half? Two weeks? Probably two weeks since I washed my hair with shampoo. It's actually going great! I had one or two days where my hair felt kinda icky, but it wasn't that bad even then. I got some bulk baking soda to wash with, and made a vinegar solution to rinse with. I've noticed that my hair is fuller, curls more easily, and is less fluffy and fly-away. It seems a little dry (I'm assuming that's because the oils haven't worked their way down to the ends yet) so today I used some conditioner and I might do a warm oil-pack deep conditioning treatment this weekend, but I'm pretty happy so far. I think it's still 'transitioning,' whatever that means, but it's certainly not unmanageable and I'm happy so far.

Health: I think I have to go on a no-sugar, whole-foods diet for awhile. My ear (which is easily infected) has been giving me trouble, and last time it was afflicted, it was with a massive yeast-and-staph infection (yuck!!). Given the vertigo I've been experiencing, and the recent heavy dose of antibiotics I took for my leg, and the fact that my tummy has been acting up, I think I need to just bite the bullet and do this thing. No sugar, no processed foods, no 'white' carbs, no caffeine. Sigh. Luckily it's just for a month or two. And luckily my new favorite lunch is steamed cauliflower, broccoli and carrots, with some baked chicken (I'm a mostly-vegetarian, but lately I've been so low-energy I'm reverting back to my old nutrition lessons from growing up and am upping the protein. Just chicken, however). Hopefully this will help that, too. Starting... Monday.

Books: I am almost done with The Wood Wife, and now I see what the big deal is! I am completely enthralled with this book. It's really good, better than I had hoped. I should be posting a review tomorrow, if I keep reading tonight like I have been. And then, even though I should be reading for Once Upon A Time, I have a whole slew of other books to read before getting back into OUAT. They're library books so I'd better hop to it! I also have to post over at Anna; I keep forgetting...

And, the recipe: This is from Orangette, whose book A Homemade Life I really want to read. I read about this last week and wanted to try it... seems like a really good lunch, so inexpensive and delicious, not to mention simple! I made it tonight, and was instantly addicted.

1 15-ounce can chickpeas, drained and rinsed (I am going to try home-cooked next time)
1 tsp. fresh lemon juice
1 ½ tsp. good olive oil
A pinch of salt
¼ cup loosely packed shredded real Parmigiano Reggiano

Combine all ingredients in a bowl, and stir gently to mix. Taste, and adjust seasoning as necessary. Serve immediately, or chill, covered, until serving.

PS: This is really filling, too.

That's about it for now. I am feeling very inspired by the book, so hopefully next week the paints will come out again...

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To A Meltdown

I have been so tired lately. So. Tired. WTF? Seriously. So I'm taking some steps to remedy this. Mostly it involves not doing much. I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not very good at Not Doing Stuff. I don't enjoy it. What I do enjoy is doing stuff that makes me happy. But when I'm so tired that I can't even do that, things are bad. I start to have meltdowns. Large and small. Mini-meltdowns numerous times throughout the day. It's tiring. It's a bad cycle.

I had one the other night. Then the very sweet and wise doctor that I live with reminded me of my plan to Not Worry About It for at least six months. Oh yeah! I totally forgot about that! (being tired also means short attention span and memory loss, apparently).

So once I was reminded of this, suddenly I started to see all kinds of cool things right in front of me. My books are filled with amazing images that I want to paint. My neighborhood has all these great streets that I want to run around in. The library has entire sections of books that I want to read. The thrift stores are filled with funky fashion finds that won't break the bank.

Fun stuff. All right there. For when you're not having a meltdown.

I was reading The Wood Wife last night and it is so full of amazing images; I want to get out large pieces of paper and pastels and get down these ideas. I really, really want to have an art show, even just a little one in a coffeeshop. I want to have an Etsy shop. I want to do more creative things. I want to stop living in fear that this creative life I want won't Be Enough.

The truth is, right now we have enough. And there's no reason why I can't do what I want.

So. I'm reminding myself: The Six Month Plan Which Isn't A Plan. Just do the fun stuff that I want, and don't worry about it.

Starting today (again). Right now!

March 25 Library Loot

I haven't participated in this in awhile, and I've got some good books right now, so here goes...

The Wood Wife: This is for the Once Upon A Time III Challenge. I've just started it but already it's unexpected and beautiful. It's a short book so I'm hoping to get through it quickly, because I've also got...

The Seance: A "gripping Victorian gothic thriller" that seems to be making the rounds in the blogosphere. I can't wait to read it. And then, because we all know how much I love a good glut of same-author books, I ALSO got...

The Ghost Writer: also by John Harwood. I do love those gothic ghost stories. I should be saving these for October, shouldn't I? I should. Oh well.

Then, my turn came up for Drood!! I'm very excited and hopefully will be able to get through these other books before everything is due. Dan Simmons wrote my favorite book of last year, The Terror, so I can't wait to start this as well. I get so excited and request too many books. Because it's not enough to have all these fabulous novels, I also got obsessed with...

Handwriting Analysis (Putting It To Work For You): I've always been interested in graphology although it probably falls into the category of astrology and palm reading, which I also love. I've got this one and Handwriting Analysis, The Complete Basic Book. It's so fun. I am collecting samples (beware! If you've written me a card, or a letter.... just kidding.). I'm also doing my own handwriting. Fascinating. It's going to be my next talent: analyzing people's handwriting at parties. (I am really just kidding about that part.)

I got a few other random books that I don't think I'll read. I have to make my big Once Upon A Time list and start in, but first I've got all these lovely long novels to get through. I can't wait. I just love being a reader. I know I'm a total geek but you know what I mean? I love getting so excited about books, and realizing that there are so many wonderful books out there, and I will never, ever run out of amazing things to read. It's very exciting to a bookworm!

How Do You Choose What To Read?

I've been thinking about this one lately, since I had quite a dry spell towards the end of the year last year, and until my current de Lint gorge, had a hard time finding something to 'get into' this year. I'm dreading the next dry spell and am trying to find a way to avoid it. Forever.

So that got me thinking about my own methods of finding books. I, shockingly, do not keep any sort of TBR (to be read) list -- I'm terrible at keeping track of those sorts of things. I write them down, but then lose the list, and then write something else down elsewhere, and then lose THAT list, and so on. I need to figure out a good way to keep one, because I hear about so many. I *think* I can keep a list on my account on the Oakland Library site -- that would be ideal, at least for books available through the library. More investigation needed. (thoughts, anyone?) I'd love something digital and printable. I love notebooks but, see above -- they get lost.

Anyway, I currently use these methods:

1. Utilize "Best Of..." Lists. You know, those Best American Literature or Best Horror or Most Popular Books From The Harvard Bookstore types of lists. These are all over the internet. I frequently browse these sorts of lists for inspiration. Once I choose a book, I then...

2. Scan Reviews of Books. Either blogs or more formal reviews. I usually don't read in-depth reviews of something I'm considering reading because I find that enjoy books less when I've got a certain idea about how it's supposed to be beforehand. But I do like to get an idea of what it's about, the general consensus of whether it's worth reading, and any 'hype' around it. This method often leads me to other books, as well. However, I usually only use these two methods for very popular books, or classics. Otherwise, I go for methods such as...

3. Take Book-Blogger's Advice. People are so generous with posting wish-lists and favorites and All-Time-Best lists... this is an enormous resource for someone like me who adores reading but is still fairly picky about books. I love finding out about new books and authors that haven't made a splash in pop culture but are bloggers' favorites. This is how I found The Terror, my favorite book from last year. Of course also just keeping up with reading people's blogs nets a wide variety of books I'd love to read. If I find something that sounds amazing, I immediately see if my library has it, and request it. Otherwise... see above... no TBR list, so it gets forgotten. Must find a way to solve this problem.

Other than using the internet, my other favorite methods include:

4. Browsing The Stacks. Of course! At the library, usually. A bookstore is a dangerous place for me. I try to only go to used bookstores because I generally leave the store with at least two or three books and that can get quite expensive when buying new (I know, I know, I need to support authors and bookstores and such, but hey. This is a tough year, we can all only do so much.) but $5 a book, I can do (occasionally). But I try to get as many books from the library as I can. Because also? Books accumulate as quickly as dust bunnies and stay around even longer.

Thankfully I live in a large urban area and have three great library systems at my disposal (four, if I wanted to go over to San Francisco more often). Anyway, I first check the New Arrivals section to see what's come in. This usually produces at least one selection. Then, I browse the genre sections, just seeing what pops out to me. If I like a cover (we all know how choosy I am about book covers) then I'll read the flap. If the book doesn't grab me, I will sometimes read the blurbs on the back to see which authors have blurbed the book and sometimes will then go check out THOSE authors. This usually nets at least one book as well. And then I'll go for a no-brainer -- either the new non-fiction section for something pop-culture-ish, or a check out a favorite author to see if anything new has popped up, or go to the YA section to grab an old favorite.

Once I've got a few good books going, then the real fun begins. I generally then follow one of the following trajectories (you've seen this in action if you've been reading my blog)

5. Read everything by current favorite author. I like to indulge in greedy overconsumption of a current favorite's books. If I love a book, I will then immediately see what else the author has written, and then will find out if there's a particular order in which the books are supposed to be read, and then I completely overindulge and go on a reading spree. Recent examples have included Neil Gaiman, Nick Hornby, Christopher Pike, Ann Patchett, Lincoln and Child, and, currently, Charles de Lint. I find this incredibly satisfying. It's like having an entire box of favorite chocolates all to myself. I just read and read until I'm completely full and feel no desire to continue on the spree. Generally this takes at least three books. In the meantime, I've been...

6. Researching Related Topics. An example of this is while reading The Terror, I became fascinated with Eskimo culture and igloos. If we hadn't had to move, I would have immediately indulged in a few non-fiction books about Eskimos (Esquimaux, love that spelling!) and gone off on an Arctic tangent, I am sure. I will also pick up on references to topics, authors, artists, places or foods in books, and that will take me off on related tangents until I've exhausted my curiosity. Another example which I didn't fully explore was while reading American Gods, I just HAD to research many of those gods and will probably draw from my favorites for the current Once Upon A Time Challenge.

and then when all else fails...

7. Ask for help. I ask friends what they're currently reading. I ask librarians. I ask patrons, innocently browsing. I (gasp!) read the newspaper book reviews. I look on my own bookshelves for inspiration.

See, this is where a TBR list would come in handy, because inevitably, eventually, I run out of stuff to read. And then the withdrawal starts, the shakes and the tremors. I'm very unhappy when this happens and would like to avoid it at all costs.

Would love to see others posting about their book-acquisition methods! We all have to get our fix somehow...

Book: Widdershins

Finally I got to read this book, which I've been dancing around ever since last October when I saw it at the library. Back then, I didn't really know who Jilly and Geordie were, and I didn't know why there was such a big deal about whether or not they would get together. But now, after Dreams Underfoot and Memory and Dream and The Onion Girl, I was ready.

And... of course, it was good! It's Charles de Lint. So automatically it's a step above your average novel. However, I didn't looooove it as much as I loved Memory and Dream, or The Little Country. But that doesn't mean it was anything short of terrific. Rather than being a fantastic stand-alone novel, it felt more like a continuation of a very wonderful, comfortable story with old friends. Which it was. When we last left Jilly Coppercorn, she was The Broken Girl: crippled, unhealed, left with unanswered questions and diminished Light and artistic abilities. Her best friend, Geordie, was in L.A. pursuing a relationship. Her sister tried to kill her. Things weren't looking so great.

So this book is the exception to de Lint's practice of not doing sequel-style novels. This picks up where we left Jilly. It takes place partially in the real world, and partially in the Other World. The Dreamlands. And partially in Jilly's own head. Too complicated to fully go into here, I'll instead focus on the parts that really affected me.

The main thing that impressed me (and always impresses me about de Lint books) is how unfraid of the darkness he is. He is not afraid to Go There. After a series of events leads Jilly to a mirror world in her own head (mirroring her childhood, which is a nightmare), we are faced with the horrors that Jilly has been carrying around with her. Her abusive demon of a brother, Del, is now The Conjurer, where what he says, goes. Her fall-guy imaginary character, an innocent little girl with an enchanted bear, is trying to kill her for leaving her there to take the full brunt of Del's evil ways. And there is seemingly nothing Jilly can do to escape or change the inevitable: she's back in the nightmare. Del has changed her back to her 8-year-old body, and is listing all the ways he's going to make up for lost time. It's horrifying to contemplate.

In desperation, she pulls some of the people closest to her into the world she's created for herself. And... they get destroyed. The horrors continue.

How will Jilly escape? And how can she ever heal these deep, black wounds? Will she ever be whole again? I kept reading to find out how Jilly overcomes her deepest fears and most deeply-held beliefs. I was so glad that de Lint handled this with grace and wisdom, and didn't take the easy way out (with a few exceptions).

There is a lot of Native American folklore/spirit overlap in this book -- a little too much for my tastes. Each character was well-done, but I didn't really get the significance of Grey, even though he was a central character. And I felt that there was too much emphasis put on the distracting cousin/fairy war erupting. I could easily have done without all of that, and instead focused on Jilly and Geordie and how Jilly finally overcame her demons.

It felt a little long. However, totally worth reading for the delightful happy ending which felt very true and right, and now has satisfied my Charles de Lint cravings for awhile. I think also I really love it when he talks about art, and artists, and how art affects the world, and there wasn't as much of that in this book, and I missed it. However, if you're reading all the Newford books, you have to read this to see what finally happens with Jilly! Not to be missed.

**

And now what? I have Son of a Witch by Gregory Macguire. I also have Oryx and Crake, by Margaret Atwood. Both could possibly fit in the Once Upon A Time challenge (I think...). However, first I've got to catch up with my Anna Karenina reading. I have to say that this stretching-a-book-out-for-months thing doesn't work AT ALL for me. I have to pace myself and that's very difficult. I'd rather read it all in one gulp. But, I'll catch up and do some posting over at the Anna K. blog. And then decide what's up next.

...because, why not? Once Upon A Time Challenge III

I shy away from challenges because I just can't commit to much right now, but this is right up my alley and sounds really fun. So, this year, I will participate in Once Upon A Time Challenge III, hosted by Carl at Stainless Steel Droppings! I'm very excited; I'll be checking up on everyone's TBR lists to get some ideas and will post my own soon. I had such a good time with R.I.P. last year, I'm sure this will be fun.

Then comes the hard part; which Quest will I choose?

I think I will do Quest The Third (at least one book each from: fantasy, folklore, fairy tale, and mythology PLUS reading Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream in June) and Quest The Fourth (two non-fiction books or essay collections which treat any of the four genres).

The challenge is from tomorrow through June 20th, so I think I can manage all that. I'm really looking forward to discovering some new authors, genres, and bloggers!

Some early ideas:
* an old-school fantasy like Piers Anthony or Anne McCaffrey

* Russian folklore

* Marie-Louise von Franz' books on fairy tales

* Joseph Campbell's mythology works

* some Grimm

* maybe rereading Little, Big

And, as an added bonus, perhaps doing some art projects which have been rattling around in my brain: my own take on some favorite fairy-tale themes.

OK, now I'm excited.

Easter Egg Tree, Plus, Thoughts

I'm too tired to download all my egg tree photos, but luckily I liked the first one, so here it is! I love this gentle yellow color with the lavender ribbon. You can see some of the other eggs hanging... there is also a half-egg shell that I will be putting a small little chick into, once I find one. It is surprisingly difficult to find small fluffy chicks! Come on! It's Easter season! Chick time!

My mood has been less than great for a couple of weeks now -- a few high points, but mostly pretty subdued. The infection took a lot out of me, and I've just been very tired. I'm trying to eat better and next week will be attempting to get up early and go for a walk in the morning. Note that I said "attempting."

I've been noticing something since we moved. Although I've lived in Oakland before, this time around it feels different. I may have mentioned this before. This time around, I am feeling a strong sense of place -- a strong sense of belonging, which has completely surprised me. I am a born-and-bred Oregonian and nowhere will ever feel as much like "home" as Oregon. However, I am feeling connected to Oakland and it's very comforting. I love Alameda (where I've lived on and off for probably 8 years) but something never quite felt exactly right. However, maybe it's the neighborhood, or maybe it's the house, or maybe it's just life circumstances -- this time, living in Oakland, I am feeling a teensy, tiny little bit of Oakland pride.

It's kind of bewildering, to tell you the truth.

Oakland can be kind of harsh. It's also beautiful, with wooded hills, amazing homes, and art deco architecture so wonderful that they give walking tours to see the downtown buildings. It is one of the most amazingly diverse cities in America. People here are gritty. There is a rough mix of high- and low-income. It's completely different from my roots in the small-town logging community where I grew up. But somehow, it's feeling... almost... not quite... but almost... like home. *A* home, perhaps.

Maybe because Oakland is, if nothing else, a story of struggle. And we are living in struggle right now. So maybe I'm feeling a kinship with this proud but struggling city. It feels kind of good. I like my morning commute. I like my weekend errand routes. I like my neighborhood stores. I like the mix of people.

And I especially like the all-night donut store, which is dangerously close.

Speaking of all-night, it's time for bed.

Creative Weekend

Such a busy and creative weekend!

Saturday, Terri's sister came over for the day (which was lovely) and so I made lunch (my plans of fancy garbanzo salad and lime tart were waylaid by a gray day and a craving for turkey sandwiches and brownies... I did make the bread, and the coleslaw, and the brownies...). I also had a birthday party to go to that evening, and a gift to make. Of course I totally forgot to take any photos of the gift, but it was a sweet little frilly nameplate painting for a dear friend, all pink and Parisian and perfect for her little craft studio. (The party was wonderful, too!)

Sunday I decided to make a traditional Easter egg tree like we'd had when I was growing up. So I got the branches, got the egg dye, and got to work. It is SO FUN to dye eggs. Why is this so fun? It's not so fun to blow out the insides of the eggs, but with a little practice it's not so bad. Anyway, the tree was completed and I took photos, but I forgot to download them. Welcome to my life lately.

The second part of the day was taken up with another little painting for another friend who likes old-fashioned botanical/animal prints. I had these little cards as inspiration:

So I decided to do a little moth painting for her. This took much less time than I would have thought. Either I'm getting into this painting thing or it was deceptively simple. Probably the latter. Anyway, super-fun to do, love the antiqued edges. I'm not completely happy with the wings, but I'm working on acceptance and looking for the beauty in imperfection. Right? Right.

Hopefully I'll download the Easter egg tree photos soon. My mind? Like a steel trap. A rusty, broken, crumbling steel trap.

More Experiments

What a busy day I had today! But only the best way. I slept in late (I felt like a truck hit me, and COULD NOT GET UP) but then had plenty of energy all day.

Photos coming tomorrow (or the next day), but I did TWO crafty projects today, as well as a short errand trip with Terri, and a couple phone calls. This is kind of amazing, considering the state I've been in all week.

This next experiment doesn't really fall into the money-saving category since I only buy shampoo and conditioner maybe once a year, but I think I'm going to try the "No-Poo" thing I've been reading about on various blogs. I've been afraid to try it since my hair is so fine and usually doesn't respond well to not washing, but I keep reading about how other people with fine hair try this and their hair does really well after a few weeks.

So what is this horrifying experiment of not washing hair? From what I gather, instead of using shampoo, you use a baking soda solution on your roots (every day or every few days) and then an optional apple-cider vinegar rinse as conditioner. This balances the natural oils in your hair and your hair, in turn, becomes lustrous and thick and beautiful and you'll never want to wash your hair again. So they say.

The ONLY reason I'm willing to try it is because I do the same thing (sort of) with my skin: once I turned 30, it started getting very oily and the more I used 'oil-free' skin care, the more oily and breakout-prone it became. So I switched to using jojoba oil on my face and within days my skin balanced and has never been more clear and soft. Will it work with my hair? We'll see.

So. To start, my hair is very fine, with quite a bit of natural body and wave. It tends to go flat, however. What I'm hoping is that in the end, it will be more wavy and less prone to flyaways. It's finally long enough that I can reliably put it up for weeks on end if necessary, to get through the possible 'adjustment' stage. I'll give it a month. If it is unbearable, I have no qualms about switching back to shampoo.

However, now that I think about it, I have known quite a few people who didn't wash their hair with shampoo, and they had lovely, thick, shiny hair. So maybe it'll work. We'll find out, won't we! I'll keep you posted with weekly updates.

In other news: the leg is finally healing well. It's still gross, and it's very itchy now, but it's looking much better. Thank goodness!

Five Discoveries

1. Maybe I just needed to *say* I was taking a break to feel better. Because now, I feel better.

2. I can only write so many blogs. Like, one. Maybe I just need to give this one a little facelift to feel like it can encompass all the stuff I want to write about. I just don't have the capacity to do more than one! So, the other blog is going away and will be absorbed here. I have an idea for revising this one that may or may not happen. But it will just be one. With no ads. :)

3. I can only take in so much information. I like Twitter, but I can't handle all the tweets some people make. People! How much time DO you have on your hands?? And blogs. I LOVE reading blogs, but after awhile my eyes start to glaze over. I can only read so many. I have been really selective so far and I just have to remain super-selective otherwise I will just have to stop (and I don't want to stop).

4. I really, really need to keep things simple. I was wondering why I was SO TIRED this week and I realized that, duh! In the past four months I have moved (under less-than-ideal circumstances), set up house, bought all new furniture, gone through the holidays, done more petsitting than humanly possible, started a small freelance design business, started babysitting, started putting serious effort into menu-planning and smart grocery shopping, started a new blog, started doing more art, spent way too much time worrying about the future... hello? All that takes ENERGY. Getting a massive spider bite and infection, and having jury duty -- just put me right over the edge. I like to think I am SuperWoman, but alas, clearly I am not. So. Back to the basics and keeping things simple.

5. I would really rather spend my time going out in the world with Terri when she has the energy, than doing ANY of the the above. So I need to make sure that I have plenty of room for that in my life. Spending time with Terri, reading, doing art, cooking -- all those simple things that sustain me -- are so much more important than keeping up with anything else. This week was a good reminder of this.

So. The leg is slowly healing, and once it's all better, it's back to eating healthy and living simply. Spring's here and I do NOT want to feel like I did this week. Too many of those and it becomes a habit. A bad habit. No thank you!

Book: The Onion Girl

(What? I did say I might post a book review...)

Oh, goodness. Falling so head over heels for Charles de Lint books right now. This has been my favorite so far.

Jilly Coppercorn, artist and former street urchin, has been badly injured by a hit-and-run. As she lays in her hospital bed, her friends are pulling out all the stops in their own ways to help bring her back to health. Jilly is one of those people who can't help but make friends everywhere she goes, so thankfully she has a lot of friends to help her pull through. Friends in this world, and in the dreamword (otherwise known as Faery).

As the extent of her injuries become known (including partial paralysis), she learns that the only way she will be able to fully heal is if she heals those long-hidden hurts within -- the ones she's been running from her entire life. The ones that initially led her down the path of drug addiction and prostitution, the ones that leave an aching hole in her heart. She and her sister are Children of the Secret -- victims of child abuse.

And what of this little sister she left behind when she finally ran away from the horrors at home? Raylene didn't follow the same path as Jilly. Raylene turned to violence, and deceit, and her soul turned black and hard. Raylene, and her best pal Pinky, cut a swath of trashy con games, theft, violence and even murder as they travel around, looking for the next easy target. And through it all, a red rage burns in Raylene against her older sister who abandoned her when Jilly left home. Abandoned her to suffer the same abuses that Jilly suffered. And now, Raylene swears, Jilly will pay.

In the meantime, Jilly has discovered that she can travel to the Dreamland in her dreams -- a real place, where the gods live, where we all have our heart homes (the place we feel most at home at, in all the world), where fairies come from, where magic exists. Jilly becomes torn between wanting to stay in the Dreamland where she is whole and healthy, and trying to heal The Broken Girl, back in the hospital, unable to feed herself, to say nothing of hold a pencil again. What will Jilly decide?

This was so tenderly written, but not at all sappy. Ugliness and harshness were alive through the pages, rage and bitter hurts, bad decisions, unrequited love, terrible crimes. But also, friendship and loyalty, and hope and bravery. All woven together in a beautiful story of the past rushing up to meet the present, and how those dark things we all hide away, can come back to haunt you when you least expect it.

Something I really enjoyed was how characters in this book kind of mirrored bits of American Gods -- perhaps surprisingly. It was a fun surprise realizing that I already knew who Whiskey Jack was, and a few other minor gods and deities that popped up in this book and also in American Gods.

At one point, Jilly is frantically climbing a magical tree in the Dreamlands, trying to reach the top. Her friend asks her what's her hurry? She says, "I'm just trying not to think. If I'm concentrating on hand- and foot-holds, I don't have room for anything else in my head." Her friend says, "It doesn't go away just because you're not thinking about it."

So how do we make these things go away? We can't. We can only integrate them, work through them, come to peace with them. Sometimes in unexpected ways.

***
The best part is, there's sort of a sequel to this book, unlike most Charles de Lint books, which have been written in such a way that you can jump in anywhere. So next, I'm reading Widdershins, which continues this story of Jilly's healing. I can't wait! I have lots of other books waiting to be read, but I have to first find out what happens with Jilly.

A Wee Break

I think I need to take a little break from blogging, etc. Maybe a week or so. I've been feeling *so* tired lately and I know most of it is hormonal and fighting this nasty infection on my leg (which is getting better, whew! But soooo slooooowly), but I am just really feeling the need to simplify for a little period of time and regroup. Computers are seeming very complicated and forming coherent thoughts, even moreso. Maybe being on 4x/day antibiotics has something to do with it, too. I have another five days to go!

I may post a book review or two since I don't want to forget my impressions, and who knows? Maybe after a day or two I'll feel like myself again and the break will have been *really* short. But, I just need to turn off the computer and read and rest and do that introvert thing. I've totally fallen behind on reading other people's blogs and everything else, and I just feel really overwhelmed with the technical world.

So, back to pages and soft beds and simple foods and maybe some photography.

I'll report back in a week or so!

Totally Behind

I'm behind on so many things. And now I fear I won't catch up, so I just have to start over.

The spider-bite thing is totally gross and very disturbing. I was a total baby today. My leg hurt and is so icky, I am very PMS and I'm really tired. If I could have, I would have just curled up into a ball and had Terri bring me lunch on a tray and watch cartoons all afternoon. I was about five years old.

Tomorrow I have jury duty. I really wish that at least the call time would be something decent like 9:30 or 10. What is government for, if not decent hours?! No, I have to be in a yucky little city a good drive away, in morning traffic, by 8:30 am. I am not pleased.

I didn't sleep well last night; I kept waking up feeling bad and icky, with my leg hurting, and then I would remember and then it creeped me out. So I just didn't sleep well.

However, reading another de Lint novel and that makes me happy. I will be sure to bring it with me tomorrow as I sit and wait to be called!

Owl #3 (and a half)

Finally!

This little missy took awhile. I just psyched myself out about her. First, the pink was all wrong. It was bubblegum pink. I wanted cotton-candy pink. So, that had to be all redone. Then I had some trouble with the tree and could not figure out how to do it. So the tree was redone multiple times. Then it just sat. And sat and sat and sat. Until Miss Gray Owl decided she was ready.

And whoooo is there beside her? It's her little owlet! As you can see, she is very protective of him. I actually started out with just her alone, but then got a strong feeling that she was a mother and her fierce expression was one of protection. So she got her little baby.

There's also a little bluebird on the lower branch, perhaps welcoming in spring.

Speaking of spring, spring has sprung here in the Bay Area! Remember our fiery orange trees from when we first moved in? Here they are now, in full fluffy blossom. It smells delicious outside; I'm not sure what it is, but everything is blossoming so I'm just assuming it's some sort of amazing perfume of various fabulous flowers.

In other news: I seem to have gotten bitten by a nasty spider or something. I have a giant open wound on the side of my calf, which then seems to have gotten infected, so I am now on antibiotics (yes, I went to the doctor). It's disgusting, painful and feels really yucky. It's kind of disturbing. It happened so quickly -- I woke up Saturday (yesterday) with a giant blister on my leg and here it is 7 pm on Sunday and it's totally infected and horrible. Yuck.

Anyway. On that delightful note, happy Daylight Savings, everyone!

Adventures In Babysitting

"We get to have ice cream before dinner. No, really, Mama says."

"My parents don't wash my face any more. Really."

"Mmmf, mff, fmm!!" (stuffing entire sponge into mouth during bathtime)

"Boo (kitty) likes getting wet."

"(crying) The bear is making horse sounds!!"

"I can't go to bed yet because I don't have my sleeping bag. I guess I'll have to stay up."

"...giggle..." (small person sneaking down and peeking around stairs corner multiple times...)

Two giggling girls under the age of five, one adult babysitter (trying not to laugh uncontrollably), one amazingly tolerant cat = a surprisingly fun evening.

Well, I guess I can see why people have kids. They're kinda cute.

Lent, Part Two

To recap: this year, for the first time in my life, I am observing Lent. I am not Catholic, nor particularly *religious* in any other way. I am, however, deeply curious and a believer in something.

I've explored (either voluntarily or involuntarily): all manner of Christian paths: Baptist, Congregational, Born-again, Unitarian, various strains of Presbyterian and Protestant, Quakers, Catholicism, etc. I've explored various Eastern faiths: Zen, Buddhism, Baha'i, Hinduism, Taoism. I've peeked into Judiaism. I've dabbled in Wicca, the teachings of Don Juan Matus (Carlos Castenada), various other earth religions and feminist religions.

I would like to say I'm well-rounded, but I'm really just sort of confused. Well, not confused. I just like to explore. I find religions fascinating.

I have a good friend who is very happily identified as a Cafeteria Catholic (I'll take a little of this, a little of that...). I think I'm kind of a Cafeteria Believer. I like this from this religion, and that from that faith, and this other thing from over here. But that is kind of hard to explain, and religions tend to choose these things over those things. I can't choose. The closest I've come to something that felt like a spiritual home to me was Unitarian-Universalist. They take everybody. Even atheists. I like this.

However, my sweetie is Catholic and has a deep love for the symbolism of this faith, particularly the season of Lent. This year we decided to observe it together. She is also strongly Jungian and sees things through a Jungian filter, and that helps me understand it as well.

I mentioned earlier that my Lenten practice this year isn't giving something up, but rather doing something. I'm reading Lent guides and writing each evening. This has been interesting, compelling, and also sort of eerie.

Interesting, because I find stories of all sorts interesting, and the Bible is full of amazing stories. But my readings are not really Biblical readings, they just take a short passage from the Bible and then talk about it in everyday terms. This works for me. I think the Bible can be a great source of inspiration and comfort, especially when someone like me -- not exactly Christian -- can filter it through storytelling and symbolism. So I've been enjoying that.

Compelling, because there is so much emotion in this season (I'm learning). The story is all about Jesus spending 40 days in the desert, where he is with the wild animals, and angels watch over him. So we are instructed to spend some time in our own scary, dark wilderness (where we usually do not go) and spend time with our wild animals (the parts of ourselves we would rather not look at) and listen to our angels/God (our thoughts, messages and signs that appear, etc.). The point is to come face to face with the hard stuff. That can be pretty intense.

And eerie, because each day the readings (we're reading from three or four different books) seem to relate exactly to what I'm thinking or feeling in my life that day. I find myself feeling as though the books are like my horoscope, when I'm particularly in tune with the stars. When this happens, it feels like my horoscope was written for me. This is how I'm feeling with the Lent readings: it's as though they were written for me, at this time in my life. I wonder if it feels like that for most people? (the personal part, not the astrology part)

What I've been most surprised about is how easy it has been for me to "write to God." I have totally shied away from the term "God" most of my life because I have some bad associations with 'the old man in the sky'. I feel like if I use the word "God," then somehow it means that I'm talking about this thing that I don't really want to be talking about. However, for some reason, thsi time around I don't feel much internal struggle with saying, "Hi, God. It's me. Here's what I'm thinking. What do you think?" Maybe it's because I feel like I have been talking to God pretty intensely for the past year and a half or so. I've been practicing. I know what I mean when I say "God." I don't feel like I'm reluctantly borrowing the term.

I don't even know if Lent is a uniquely Catholic thing, but I have really been enjoying the symbolism, too. Terri and I have been in the wilderness -- deep in the darkness -- for about two years (or more). I am finding it very satisfying to talk to the wild animals and acknowledge the angels. This is making my experience of suffering seem to have more meaning. Or at least, I feel less alone, and it feels less like agony and more like a journey, with dark parts and light parts. We just haven't gotten to the light part yet.

I also like how the books are leading us along the path -- first we go into the wilderness, then we sit there and have an experience. Then, presumably, we will be led out of the wilderness and into the light, and then we have a celebration. I'm looking forward to that part, but I'm also experiencing a lot of thoughtfulness and meaning in the wilderness part, too.

Probably I won't ever convert to Catholicism. I don't know if: a) I could commit myself to one faith and b) if I could ever reconcile the beautiful parts of the faith with the parts that I have such strong objections to. I know people do, every day. I know there is room for doubt, and fear. I just don't know if *I* could do it. We watched "Deliver Us From Evil" a few years ago and I was so horrified, I just can't forget that. I don't think *people* who are Catholics are bad, I just have such conflict about the official Church and its practices.

But, I do enjoy the rich tradition of so many spiritual practices (not just Christian practices, either), and Lent is now one of them. I actually feel pretty lucky that I get to tag along on this Lenten journey and see what it's all about for myself. I might even start talking to Mary, who knows? (I've always missed a strong sense of the feminine in most religions, but I know many 'pagans' took Mary for their own when Rome and other conquerors came, and I like that. Also I feel a strong connection to Mary-art and always have.)

Mostly, I don't think God (or Whoever, or Whatever) cares what religion you are so long as you are a good person and kind to others. I refuse anything that promotes hate or separation from others. I like spiritual communities, and I don't mind being a heathen in their midst as long as they don't mind me.

Next week is Week Two of Lent. I am kind of excited. It's been awhile since I've done something completely new, and this is new!

Book: Dreams Underfoot

Technically speaking, I'm not generally a fan of short stories. I get too disappointed when I fall in love with one and it's so short, and then there's no more. I really hate it. So generally, I don't read short stories.

However, I'm currently on a Charles de Lint kick, and have decided that I want to read everything my library system has by him, starting as far back as possible. So, this was next. Even though it's sort of a short story collection.
Although, it's not really. It's more just a collection of stories about one place, with characters interweaving and themes emerging. So, it is and it isn't. I still get to have the continuity that I like, and I get to learn more about recurring characters, but I don't have the disappointment of only getting 10-15 pages of something that I'm enjoying. For a short-story avoidist, this is the best of both worlds!

So, of course I really enjoyed this as well. Set in fictional Newford, with a few characters I remember from Memory and Dream, this collection explores mostly the intersection of the down-and-out, artists, and the other world that exists right alongside our own. Something I really appreciated about this collection was that de Lint clearly does not shy away from harsher realities and disappointments in life. People make wrong choices, regret decisions, even die. They believe or don't believe in the faeries that show themselves. They are addicts, hookers, abused children... and each one has a story to tell.

I wasn't sure what to expect when I started reading this, but as I've read more and more, I've really gotten very attached to this book and was sorry to see it end. However, my respect for Charles de Lint as an author grew immensely, and I already loved his work.

I don't know what my favorite story was, because they were all fascinating. I did like learning more about Jilly Coppercorn, a side character in Memory and Dream. My impression of her from that book was, apparently, completely wrong, so I was glad to get to know her better.

It seems like it took me a really long time to read this, but I was just reading a few stories a night... I guess working on other things takes up a lot of valuable reading time! Must rectify that, post haste.

It's Right There, In Black and White

Me and success, we have issues. As in, Universe says, "You want success? Ok, here you go! The thing is, it's not a straight line."

Me:"But I want a straight line."

Universe: "Uh-uh. Not gonna get it."

Me: "Arrgh!!!"

...and so on, ad infinitum...

I've documented some of my struggle here on this site. I go round, and round, and round, and round (and round...). I try to find a reasonable, logical, step-by-step path to Getting Somewhere (wherever that is). What Am I Supposed To Do.

The thing is: it's clear. It's crystal clear. I just don't want to see it, because it's not SIMPLE. Because IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. Because IT'S RISKY.

Because I'm a Virgo and I like some things to just go the way they are supposed to go. But things, they do not go the way we want. Often. Usually.

The Universe (or my subconscious) likes to speak to me in unsubtle terms. It speaks to me with car crashes (literally). With career roadblocks. And also with unexpected harmony, with outpourings of surprise opportunities. In every way possible, it says, "Go THIS way, not THAT way." And yet I persist in going THAT way.

So here's the thing. As I've said before, I'm good at lots of things, but stellar at none of them. Except... being good at lots of things. I'm very good at that. If I look at things that way, the world becomes wide open with a cornucopia of possibilities. None of them move in a straight line. However, there are LOTS of them.

I consulted Free Will Astrology today. It says, "There's a rung missing on your ladder of success. I suppose you could see that as a problem. It means you won't be able to climb higher by taking two manageable steps, but will be compelled to attempt a giant upward stride. I see this as potentially a good thing, though. The missing rung is exactly the kind of glitch that could activate your dormant reserves of ingenuity. It might even force you to become so smart and resourceful that you'll ultimately rise to a point you wouldn't have been able to if your ascent had come more easily."

Like I said, unsubtle.

So, I hereby launch an all-out assault on the realms of possibility. I'm going to try lots of stuff. Some of it will stick, some won't. If you'd like to come along, I'll be posting my efforts.

One of the first is a new blog: A Penny Earned. All about my forays into various random ways to make a penny (or save a penny). It's brand new, a baby. It'll be growing and changing. It might have ads on it. I'm not sure yet. If you decide to read it, be sure to let me know what you think!

Don't worry. This is just the first of many efforts being launched. I told you I've been busy... lots and lots of ideas cooking. If I just take away the pressure to Find The One Thing and accept that there are lots of things -- another huge roadblock is lifted. Let's see what happens!