Related/Unrelated

I've been feeling a little guilty because I haven't been posting any bookish news lately... I've been kind of busy, and I'm sort of plodding through a Charles de Lint short story collection. I'm not a fan of short stories, but these are all sort of interrelated and I love de Lint, so I'm just reading one or two a night. I'm also halfway reading two or three other things, but I think I'm in a bit of a holding pattern until I start something new (or finish one of these other things).

So, related/unrelated, it's the season of Lent. Related, because we just got some books about Lent, which I am going to read. A couple of them are daily-companion books, and the others are informative or meditative. Disclaimer: I am not Catholic, so I really don't know what I'm talking about. Terri is Catholic, and it meant a lot to her for us to observe Lent this year, so I want to learn all about it. All I knew about Lent was that it came after Mardi Gras (but I don't know much about Mardi Gras either), and you had to give something up during Lent, and then comes Easter. Seriously, that's about it. D'Arcy, stop laughing.

So Terri has been helping me. She said I could either give something up, or "do" something. I decided that rather than giving something up, I'm going to do a daily meditative writing practice. This may or may not take the form of a conversation with Spirit/Divine/God/Whoever/Whatever. I've been reading, and Terri's been telling me, that Lent is about clearing away the barriers that keep you from a close relationship with God. So a writing practice seems like a good way for me to feel closer to my own spirituality.

I mentioned that I'm not Catholic. I'm not a member of any formal religion. I wasn't raised in any kind of formal religion -- sort of a mixture of influences from my mom's vaguely Catholic/Methodist background, my dad's Baptist mother, my friends' Christian religions of various sorts, and my dad's interest in Carlos Castenada's books. So... sort of eclectic. It was all very positive, actually. I've always been intensely interested in all things spiritual, and have been a searcher all my life; but always reluctant to adhere to any particular religion. I would very much like to find a spiritual home.

However, right now, it's more important to me to feel connected to Terri and to have a spiritual practice as a couple. I have some problems with the Catholic Church as an institution, but I am putting those aside to participate with Terri, and to do my own spiritual exploration, and to focus on the beauty of the ritual and the season. I'm looking forward to this very much, actually.

So the books we're reading for Lent include:
* The Essential Lenten Handbook, A Daily Companion
* Lent and Easter, Wisdom from Henri J. M. Nouwen
* A Clearing Season, Reflections For Lent

Also, related/unrelated (related to a post from last week or so): The newest brownie recipe is the Cook's Illustrated Classic Brownies. We really liked Mark Bittman's brownies, but they were a little greasy (although it could be that I overgreased the pan). However, I really wanted to try these. The verdict is in: these are really, really good. The only problem was that I overbaked them ever so slightly so the edges are a bit cakey, but they are pretty amazing. We may have a winner.

(do you see why I chose a daily writing practice rather than giving up, say... chocolate?)

Updated: okay, yes, we have a winner! These are really, really good.

Me And The Doctor

A nice little hers-and-hers meme just for fun.

What are your middle names?
Mine is Ann and hers is Lynn.

How long have you been together?

About five+ years.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
Hmm. At least two or three years.

Who asked whom out?

Terri asked me out, on a series of sneaky not-really dates. She would ask me to coffee because she 'wanted to talk with me about something' and then, once we were at the coffee place, she would say, innocently, "So, what's up?" and completely flummox me, as I was expecting HER to say something. She is a trickster. Our first real date-date was a trip to the cemetery (yes, the one we now live by), followed by lunch at our now-favorite restaurant and a trip to the library (of course).

Whose siblings do you see the most?
Probably hers, although I would LOVE to see my brother, whom I adore, more often (hint, hint!!). Too bad we live in different states, or I am sure we would see each other all the time. Did I mention that I love my brother to bits?



Which situation is hardest on you as a couple?

I don't really understand this question. Definitely having a significant illness in the house is hard. It makes lots of things that wouldn't be that hard, harder. I'm finding this a difficult question to answer for some reason -- maybe that's a good thing! We handle most everyday things very easily and naturally -- whoever is better at whichever task, does the task. I think the illness, and the accompanying varying levels of tiredness (for both of us) is the hardest.

Did you go to the same school?
No, although I would dearly love to go to the same school Terri got her Ph.D. from, and get a Mythology degree. If money were no object I would totally do that.

Are you from the same home town?


No -- Terri grew up in a military family and is mostly from San Bernardino and Pleasanton, both in California. I grew up in a very small logging town in Oregon, called Philomath.


Who is smarter?
Well, one of us is Dr. Terri, so I guess that answers that question. Actually, I think we're about even. We're both very smart in some ways and not-quite-as-smart in other ways. We are complementary. I'm better with everyday facts and how-to kinds of things. Terri is of course brilliant in psychology, anything to do with Soul, everything to do with mental and emotional health. She's also a tireless researcher, so she knows a lot of in-depth things about certain subjects.


Who is the most sensitive?


Hmm. That's difficult since we're both pretty sensitive, but probably Terri. She's almost psychic in how she can pick up what's happening with other people. She is a very sensitive and beautiful soul. That said, we're both the type to cry over commercials and sad movies/books. And we're both total therapist types (she IS a therapist).

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Probably Barney's, a hamburger place just down the street that we love. Neither of us eat meat but they have amazing gardenburgers and fries. It's dangerous having it just two blocks away now. (it's the place we went to lunch to on our first official date)

Where is the furthest you have travelled together as a couple?
We once took a road trip to the Mojave desert in Southern California to see where Terri's dad grew up. That was a great trip, although we definitely have different road-trip styles. I want the driving part to be part of the trip -- stopping and sight-seeing, poking around little towns, etc. Terri is more of the keep-driving-until-we-get-there type. At least, she was on this trip!! We do very well travelling together. I want to do more travelling as soon as we can.

Who has the craziest exes?


Hmm. Craziest? I don't know. She has one crazy ex that I know of. I probably have at least one or two crazy ones too.

Who has the worst temper?



I really don't know. I think we're kind of even here, too, in different ways. I can get very snippy, and Terri gets smouldering angry. Neither one is very nice to be a recipient of, I'm sure.

Who does the most cooking?

Let's see. That would be... me. :)

Who is the most stubborn?


Wow, again, this is really hard to answer. We've both got pretty big stubborn streaks, but I think Terri beats me on this one (except in certain circumstances). I say this only because I'm usually the first to compromise, but only because I want to move forward with whatever situation is at hand, not because I'm conceding anything! (see what I mean?)


Who hogs the bed most?

That's Katie, the cat. Katie gets 3/4 of the bed and we each get one of the outer edges.

Who does the laundry?

Terri usually does most of the laundry. For all my Virgo tendencies, I'm really sloppy with laundry. I just want to get it DONE. Terri's better about sorting and all that.

Who’s better with the computer?

That's probably me, although Terri loves computers and gadgetry WAY more than I do. I'm only better at it because I work on the computer all day and have all the graphics experience.

Who drives when you are together?
Just depends on who feels like it. Usually I do currently, since driving in Oakland can be very overstimulating. But Terri's a great driver, so we definitely take turns.

This Is So Wrong... But So Worth It!

... these are things that should just not go together. Not in my kitchen, at least.

However, I was asked to make a Barbie cake for one special little four-year-old. How could I refuse? At first I was all, "Of course I'll be making the cake and frosting from scratch! Hello? Have you met me?" But then I realized: this is for a four-year-old's birthday party, and this is my first Barbie cake, and am I crazy? So I used mix and canned frosting. It made the whole process *so* much easier since I could just focus on the decoration, because this is a Barbie cake, and it's all about being fabulous, right?

I started with two cakes (half white and half strawberry batter: two boxes total). Baked one in a bundt pan, and one in a large Pyrex mixing bowl. Then I stacked them and put on the crumb coat.

Then I stuck in Barbie. (I wrapped her legs in plastic wrap first.) The cake split a little , but that's what frosting is for.

Then, I used this white-chocolate 'dough' which I colored, and a bunch of sprinkles and a ton of frosting, and voila: fabulous Barbie cake (complete with birthday banner):

Barbie needs a close-up:

The cake-making was fun, but the very best part was that the recipient couldn't take her eyes off the cake when it was brought in.

Her mom is probably my oldest friend (I've known her since birth). I was so honored to make her daughter's birthday cake!

I look terrible (I'd been slaving in the kitchen all day, whaddya want?) but this is what it's all about, folks. Happy birthday, Lindsay.

(PS: Thank you, Lara! Your advice made a huge difference!!)

Book: Memory and Dream

This is a re-read; I think I read this about 8 years ago. I remember liking it then, and I really enjoyed it this time around as well.

Isabelle, a young artist, is taken under the wing of influential artist Rushkin. She is intially thrilled, but when Rushkin turns violent, is torn between her desire to learn the secret magic he is teaching her, and her concern for her own safety. And once the magic begins to work... Isabelle can't stop using the secret and can't stop going to Rushkin's studio. Her paintings become 'gateways' for spirits from another world to enter our world, taking on the form of the subject of the painting.

However, after one violent episode too many, Isabelle finally stops her internship with Rushkin. By this time, her 'numena' (the spirits that have taken on new form) are busy living their own lives all around the city of Newford. Until they start disappearing. And then the darkness really begins.

This is a book about when art has a life of its own, and the insatiable desire to create art. It's also about the deep ties of friendship, being truthful with yourself, and, that old standby, the power of love.

God, I love Charles de Lint novels! Why do I always forget this? He is such an amazing writer and storyteller. I mean, really. This novel is so full of love and magic and amazing lightness and darkness. I really, really enjoyed reading it again.

Isabelle's paintings 'bring over' spirits and they begin their own lives, this really makes me think about why we create art in the first place. It's to contribute, to create, to bring new life to the world from our vision. But then the art gets its own life, in the people who view or use the creations. Don't you think? Each work of art, each novel, each quilt, each meal, is appreciated (or not) in a different way by each person who interacts with it. In this way the art has new life...

Anyway. Not such a new idea, I know. I've just been thinking about art stuff quite a bit lately, so this was a good book to read at this time. Plus Charles de Lint's writing is so clear and lovely anytime. His portaiture of a best-friendship was also spot-on -- the ways we can love someone so much, and how even the best of friends can have blind spots.

This isn't a very well-written review. I'm really tired. But I think I'm on a de Lint spree now. I may even have to reread The Little Country, which was my first de Lint novel, which I loved so much. And then that might lead me to reread Little, Big, (by John Crowley) which I read fifteen+ years ago and loved, although I didn't understand much of it... oh, it's so hard to choose sometimes. Do I read new novels, or revisit old favorites? Do I read one author for a few weeks, or do I split it up?

As age 35 is drawing closer, I am suddenly quite aware of my limited time here (is it a little early for a mid-life crisis?). Not to get all morbid, but I see very clearly that I can't read everything I want (among other things). So. Rereading seems an indulgence. However, I enjoyed this re-read so much, that I think I may have to reread some other favorites, for the comfort and joy it brings.

On that note, I'm off to bed. To dream. And perhaps, visit some old memories.

The Great Brownie Showdown

(this is not a brownie)

I've been on a brownie roll lately. I'm on the quest for the Perfect Brownie. Why is this so difficult?

First, I made the Ina Garten's Outrageous Brownies. These are kind of over the top. I didn't even add the chocolate chips -- they were extremely dark, rich and heavy. I mean, they were good, but they were a bit much. I also overbaked them slightly, which didn't help. We liked them, but they are not everyday brownies.

Then, I made the Baker's One-Bowl Brownies. These were highly recommended by many people. These did have the perfect texture: fudgy and slightly sticky, with a thin, crispy top and chewy sides. However, the flavor was a bit one-note. So much so, that I'm wondering if I did something stupid like left out the vanilla or salt or something. I didn't love them, but the texture was hard to argue with.

So tonight I made Mark Bittman's Brownies. I have to say, I think this might be the winner. I added vanilla and a tiny bit of almond extract (my secret ingredient). Great texture -- fudgy, dark, with a good chewy edge. I think this is definitely way up there. They're a tiny bit too buttery (is that possible?)

I'd still like to try Cook's Illustrated Classic Brownies, but I'd also be happy just sticking with the Mark Bittman brownie recipe.

One more note about brownies. I do have one special brownie recipe that I only make every once in awhile. This is James Beard's brownie recipe (I'm not certain that this link is the exact recipe that I use, I will have to check). This recipe is tricky -- it's very easy to simultaneously over- and under-bake them. This was the only brownie recipe I had while I lived in Finland, and we made every single permutation of these you can imagine, because we didn't always have the correct ingredients, and it was often so snowy and freezing, or we were so poor, that we couldn't get to the store to get the right ingredients. Also, we had to translate metric to cups and teaspoons, so... sometimes they were, um, interesting. One time, when we were really desperate, I even melted down cheap Easter chocolate candies and tried to make brownies out of them. (don't do that, by the way)

So now I only make these when certain friends come to visit (you know who you are!!). They are best eaten while watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Possibly accompanied by Queen. And maybe some rye crackers and cheese.

**
It's taking me forever to read my current book, but I'm enjoying it so much that I don't mind taking a little extra time. I'm also working on my projects and that's taking up my reading time. But I'll have some new stuff soon!

In the meantime, I suggest you make some brownies.

Finding The Light

Today was one of those no-good, rotten all-around bad days. Well, not completely. But by 2 pm, when my computer pretty much ground to a halt and I couldn't get anything done and was pulling my hair out, I felt pretty crummy.

Then I came home and saw the messy table with the half-finished painting that I've been avoiding. Apparently I am too scared to finish it. It's different. It's pink. It has two owls (neither of which are visible yet). I'm nervous. I think it's going to go all wrong. So there it sits.

Waiting.

But, I have a new lamp with a fancy new light bulb. So I could start working on it at any time, right? Right. I'm just grateful that I have a nice big table where my project can sit (for weeks). And a partner who doesn't mind that my project is there on the table, waiting for me to get my creative act together. Which I will. Um, this weekend.

So here's another of my To Do Lists. Just for the record.

* Finish Owl Painting #3
* Work on Secret New Idea
* Update websites, biz cards
* Work on Secret New Idea #2
* Think about New School Idea (because apparently I can't stand not being a student)
* Go to a drop-in life drawing class
* Bake more brownies

I like that last one, in particular.

Couple of Perfect Days

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, and Cupid delivered a special treat for us: Terri felt well enough to go "out" for a few hours. So we took advantage of this and had a lovely day.

We took a cue from this cutie-pie guy sitting in the car across from our house and decided to hop in the car and see where it took us. (don't you love blondes with long floppy ears?)

We headed to Temescal neighborhood nearby us, full of cute little scrappy shops and Oakland hipsters.

Then we headed over to Rockridge, another cute little Oakland neighborhood, and popped into Market Hall, a sort of snooty yuppie fancy food market, just to have a look around and look at pretty displays. It was crowded.

But pretty displays of fancy foods always please me to no end, so we put up with the crowds for a few minutes and browsed. Chocolates were tempting, but we had cookie dough chilling in the fridge at home, so we managed to escape with empty hands (even though this display of salts and spices was quite compelling).

Lots of pretty Valentine flowers out for sale as well.

Then we headed up to the cemetery to enjoy watching the storm roll in.

This little angel looked very forlorn so we chatted with her for a minute.

Lots of corners and interesting gravestones to explore...

I don't know if these are cherry blossoms or what, but they are blooming all over and are so pretty, pink and frothy.

Sort of illustrating the transition from bare winter branches into spring bursting forth.

Remember those cookies I mentioned earlier? They were good. I had no heart-shaped cookie cutter so I just carved these with the tip of a knife. What's not to like about pink sugar cookies?

So yesterday we spent out in the world, and today we spent hunkered down inside against the storm. It's been gray, rainy, cold and very windy -- my favorite sort of weather. We have had a fire in the fireplace all day, and have been watching movies and munching cookies all day long. Warm and cozy. I never *ever* spend all day watching movies, so it's been quite luxurious.

Speaking of movies, we've been on a scary-movie kick. Last night we watched the 1963 version of The Haunting, and the 1979 version of The Amityville Horror (romantic, right?). Neither were particularly scary although they were nice and atmospheric. However, afterwards I got totally spooked out and once in bed, had to send Terri out back into the apartment to get my book, and then to get me a glass of water, and then to shut the closet door. What am I, five? Yes, exactly. I could not get out of bed again -- too scared. It didn't help that the wind was whooshing around our bedroom, rain pounding on the windowsills. Um, it was actually sort of great.

I haven't done any painting or drawing or anything else I'd planned to, but I've had a wonderful, wonderful couple of days. We don't get those too often right now (the Valcyte is no fun for anyone) so they are even more precious and we are enjoying them.

Sorry, Edna, but Charles has won...

It's always very difficult to follow up a Gaiman book. What to read next?

I have in my stack of library books Savage Beauty, a biography of Edna St. Vincent Millay, whose poetry I haven't read in a million years but remember liking. I also have Breakfast at Tiffany's, a collection of Truman Capote stories. I keep picking them up, one after the other, and although both look very good, neither is calling to me (although isn't that a pretty photo?).

Instead, I will start in on my new project of reading all the Charles de Lint novels that the Oakland library system has. I am starting with Memory and Dream, which I have a sneaking suspicion that I've already read, but which I'm going to read regardless. It's about an artist whose illustrations have a life of their own, a story which is calling to me as I try to bring my owls (and who knows what else next!) to life.

I've been having this thought lately, while pondering the big question of what I really want to do with my life. I read an article recently about Rachel Maddow. Her partner has been trying to decide whether to quit her job and become a full-time artist. She said something like, "It's not about what is 'the right decision' -- it's about the fable you want to write about your own life." This has been sticking with me. The fable I want to write about my own life. What a nice perspective.

So that got me thinking about my dad, who, at age 62-ish, is pursuing another world record in his age group, in pole-vaulting (through Masters Track and Field competitions). (He has had a few world records already) This is my dad's greatest joy -- vaulting. He says it's the closest thing you can get to flying, and he loves it so much. He's a good example of what you can do when you really devote yourself to something, no matter what the odds, no matter what the naysayers, no matter about anything except that you love it.

(here's Dad two years ago, unfortunately snapping a pole)

To me, drawing something, when it turns out a certain way, when it has life, is the closest thing to real magic that I know. It's the thing that takes my breath away, the thing of which I am most jealous, neurotic, envious, admiring, covetous, proud, humble... if I could draw the things I have in my head -- what magic that would be! Sometimes I get a glimpse when something turns out right -- and it's that edge of it being almost real, almost magic, that gets me excited. I don't know what I'm capable of -- could be nothing, could be something good. The perfect example of 'you don't know until you try.'

So I'm thinking about it. About magic. About fables, and bringing things to life.
***

Tonight has been spent curled up in front of the fire, doing nothing productive -- flipping through catalogs, reading Apartment Therapy, eating nachos, petting the cat. I feel a thousand times better than I did all day. And now, time for early bed.

Book: The Graveyard Book

There are already so many lovely reviews of this book, I won't go into the grand overview. You can read Nymeth's, and I know so many others have reviewed it (if you have, please let me know and I'll reference you!).

Anyway (well, I guess you need at least the tiniest bit of introduction): This is the story of a little boy named Nobody Owens, whose parents were viciously killed, and, through a curious turn of events, he is raised in a graveyard, whose ghostly inhabitants adopt him.

First things first: of course I loved it! It's Neil Gaiman, it's about a graveyard, it's got good scary beasties, it's very loosely based on The Jungle Book, and the writing was lyrical and effective (as always, from Gaiman).

I have to confess something, though: I loved Coraline better.

I was genuinely freaked out by Coraline, and I thought the story was cleaner and more direct, and I thought the Other Mother was about the scariest thing I'd encountered in a very long time.

I thought that The Graveyard Book was beautiful, and obviously written with a lot of love and heart, but I didn't feel quite as transported as I did while reading Coraline. That said, it was still a wonderful book.

I think Silas was my favorite character. Tall and foreboding, protective but mysterious, and so full of honor (as only those who know what true evil and dishonor are can be). I found the scenes with him the most touching -- especially the end, where I completely got choked up and almost cried. Probably would have, except it was very late and I was very tired.

I also thought the danse macabre was startlingly beautiful. What I did very much appreciate about this book was the layers of meaning and mystery. As with many of Gaiman's books, you can choose to simply read and enjoy the story, or you can work your mind a little and figure out all the little riddles and hints that he drops all over the place. All the men Jack, the Macabray, Nobody (no-body), the Indigo Man, etc. I always love it when there is backstory to be explored.

I will definitely want to reread this in a few years (I like to wait a long time before rereading books; that way they feel fresh again). Then I can be like Scarlett, and think to myself, "I almost remember this... and then, I think... this happens... does it? Yes! I have been here before!"

Other people have written that they want to hear more about Bod. However, I disagree. I'd like to hear more about Silas, but I didn't really find Bod so compelling in himself. I found the story swirling all around him extremely compelling -- but to me, the real mystery, the one who created the most questions in my mind, was Silas.

So. (dusting off hands) Very satisfying. What's next?

The Russian Posts: Kasha Varnishkes

As you know, I'm reading Anna Karenina, and I thought that as I read along I would try some Russian recipes just for fun.

Tonight was the first in (hopefully) a long line of delicious experiments: Kasha Varnishkes.

Kasha is buckwheat groats, toasted. I have very little experience with buckwheat, aside from the occasional buckwheat pancake, soba noodles, or this amazing buckwheat shortbread cookie. However, it was cold and dark and what's not to like about toasty groats, caramelized onions, butter and pasta? I mean, seriously.

I have a suspicion that buckwheat kasha *may* be an acquired taste (it's kind of gross plain), but you acquire the taste very quickly when you add in butter and salt and onions. It's got an interesting texture, but it went very nicely with the al dente pasta.

Kasha Varnishkes

3 to 4 cups chopped onions

1 cup kasha

3 TBLS olive oil (or more)

salt and pepper

2-4 TBLS butter

1 pound bowtie pasta (I used pasta mista, see note below)

1. Put onions in a large skillet with a lid over medium heat. Cover skillet and cook for about 10 minutes, until onion is dry and almost sticking to pan. Add oil, raise heat to medium high and cook, stirring occasionally, until onion is nicely browned, at least 10 minutes or so longer.

2. Meanwhile, bring a large pot of water to a boil. In a separate, medium saucepan, bring 2 cups water to a boil, stir in the kasha and about a teaspoon of salt. Cover and simmer until kasha is soft and fluffy, about 15 minutes. Let stand, off heat and covered.

3. Salt the large pot of boiling water and cook noodles until tender but still firm. Drain and combine with the onions and kasha, adding butter if you like. Season with salt and lots of pepper and loosen your belt.

(note: I found this interesting pasta thing from De Cecco: pasta mista. Looks like all kinds of odds and ends of pasta noodles, but it was really tasty and a good size/texture for this dish)

This seems like a very good Russian-winter dish (I read that it's often Russian Jewish comfort food). It's hearty, tasty, fills you up and is super-cheap to make (I think the whole dish, which serves AT LEAST six, cost maybe $3. I have lunch for at least 3 days next week)

Did Anna eat Kasha Varnishkes? We'll have to see.

In the meantime, I'm quite happy to have discovered this recipe and it will definitely be going in the rotation. Yum.

Friday Fill-Ins on Saturday

Teabird does these each Friday and it's always interesting. And you know how much I love lists! And, I love AdLibs, so this is sort of the grownup version. Complete with a grownup's non-obligation to blog on the correct days.

1. Please don't tell Tiger Lily that she's fat. She's fluffy. And... round. But not fat.

2. Can you read until 3 am in the morning? I can, easy. And do more often than I should.

3. The color red makes me want to cook! All my kitchen goodies are bright, shiny red. I love it.

4. I have a craving for chocolate cake. Thick, dark, gooey yummy chocolatey... wait, what week is it?

5. If my life had a pause button, I'd pause it at around 6 pm every night and make the evenings last a really long time. I love my new house, my partner, my kitties, my books, my art... I want be with them all the time.

6. Eyes are the first to go. Oh wait.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to books and movies, tomorrow my plans include painting and Sunday, I want to uh, paint! (I guess that's why you're supposed to do this on Friday) Oh well. First time for everything.

Interview!

Tammie was so kind as to interview me! I love this stuff.

*Your "about me" states, "I read, cook, make art, and try to figure out what the heck I'm supposed to be doing with my life." How is that going for you, specifically the last part?

Ha! I'm going to choose to believe that you mean that seriously, not sarcastically. How's that going for me... well, it's definitely up and down. I know some things: I'm here to help as much as I can. I'm here to share love. I'm here to... uh, make really good dinners. So the cooking part is going really well. The art part -- eh, sometimes. Career-wise? I'm very happy at my current job, but I would like to pursue other options, even just part-time. There's the side of me that obsesses over the Career Of The Month, and I've been doing prerequisites for a health-related career forever, but what I'd really really like to do is illustrate. Sadly, that's not usually much of a money-maker. However, I'm coming to see that there's no reason why i can't do it part-time and see how it goes. I'd really like to take some classes. advanced classes, not just community learning classes. So I'm looking into that, too.

*You're reading Anna Karenina this year, have you read it before? Are you enjoying it?

I have not read Anna before, but I am LOVING it. I really have a thing for Russian authors. I took a Russian lit class in college and I really wished that I had done a minor in it or something. But then again, if I could, I would have done three majors and fifteen minors (I kind of love school).

*If you could have dinner with any living author, who would it be? What would you want to ask him/her?

Hmmm. That is difficult. I don't know. I think that the poet Mary Oliver would be a wonderful person to have dinner with, perhaps at her house, or a picnic in the woods. I don't know what I'd ask her; mostly I'd want to just listen. I think I might also like to have dinner with Neil Gaiman, who seems like a PERFECT person to have dinner with. I would ask him about his dog, and about Coraline, and about Shadow from American Gods. Again, mostly I'd just want to listen.

*You've been doing owl paintings lately (which I love by the way)and when snooping through your Flickr pictures, there is a photo of you wearing a shirt with an owl on it. Do you feel any connection with this specific bird?

Funny you should ask... my mom always loved owls and we had some of her owl tole paintings and other owl-themed crafts in the house when I was growing up, so maybe it's something of an ode to her. They're in my subconscious for sure, since I was fascinated by the owls on our walls and spent a lot of time looking at them. Also, I think owls are very mysterious and beautiful, and I also think they are very easy to characterize (Owl in Winnie The Pooh, or the owl in The Once and Future King), which makes them sort of loveable.

*The title of your blog comes from an e.e. cummings poem....why did you choose it as your blog name?

Hey, good research! I love that poem very much, and think those first lines are so beautiful:

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

I think it just captures something of the deeper layers of intimacy with another person -- those things you can get close to, the things you can't quite touch but you know are there. The deeper mystery of another person.

I started this blog after a particularly bleak period in my life, and I had had a LiveJournal account for a couple of years, but wanted to start fresh. I reread some of the LiveJournal entries a year or two ago and had to delete the account because it was just so depressing. I never want to be back in that space again, ever. So this blog has been, for me, a way to express some creativity, some joy, some of the things that make me happy (cooking, art, books, etc.). Also, it's just nice to have a place to vent sometimes. Blogs are great.

**
If anyone wants to play along, here's what you do:

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions).
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Book: Not Buying It: My Year Without Shopping

Speaking of not buying it, I'm awfully glad I didn't buy this book.

First, can we just discuss this cover? This could be the ugliest book cover I've ever had my house. It offended my delicate book-cover sensibilities. I was a little shocked when I picked it up at the library. Maybe the publisher was making a statement about consumption (we'll even overlook incredible ugliness in our hunger for consumption?) but I don't care -- U.G.L.Y. It looks like a mistake.

So, you probably know the story. One holiday season, Judith Levine realizes that all the spending and consumption around her is really yucky, and she decides to spend a year "doing without". Not buying it. By this, I guess she means not spending money on anything unnecessary. I found some major holes in her 'rules' but more on that later.

The book is loosely structured as a diary-type narrative: "August 1st: saw some cute pants. Didn't buy them. Didn't even feel tempted. However, was tempted by new bag." Etc. Interspersed, like an unwelcome hole in your brand-new jeans, were long diatribes about: the Iraq war, then-President Bush, free speech, Voluntary Simplicity, a cell phone tower in Vermont, overseas labor costs, greedy marketers, and her own smuggy feelings about not spending and already living somewhat conservatively (that was my interpretation, anyway). This was the bulk of the book. I skimmed the majority of these parts because they were soooooo long and boring and I Am A New York Liberal Who Is Outraged.

The book was relatively light on: what it's like to not spend money on 'unnecessaries' -- what wears out more quickly than she expected, what things she was surprised she missed the most, how she deals with 'deprivation.' Well, she did go into how much she missed movies. A lot. Like, a LOT a lot. Like, at least once every 10 pages. Movies do not even enter into my calculations about what I spend money on, so I found this somewhat interesting. But mostly, really boring. She doesn't really go into what movies represent to her (escape, information, entertainment, community, etc.). She just talks about the fact that she was horrified that she had to miss Fahrenheit 9-11. Puh-leeze. You didn't miss it. Just watch it on video next year when your experiment is over.

She says at one point that they run out of Q-Tips. Q-Tips are deemed unnecessary, so they do without. But what is that LIKE? We get no answer. We also get no answer what it is like to switch from fancy soap to Ivory, or what it's like to watch your grocery budget tightly. Oh wait, she doesn't have to do that. Why? Because groceries are deemed necessary (of course). But apparently, as long as it's not overly-processed, anything goes. Falafel mix is overly processed (apparently). However, sour cream is not. Fancy olives and lox are necessary, but wine is not (unless you make it yourself, which her partner eventually does). Does she make her own bread? No. But how is falafel mix different, then? Why is bread from the deli necessary, but falafel mix, which you have to mix up yourself, is not? I don't get it. I would have written a lot more about what she does in the absence of going out to dinner, how her cooking habits changed, etc. The question of what exactly they are trying to learn/prove/do kept bubbling to the surface. Isn't consuming fancy groceries the same as 'consuming' a pretty bag? Isn't sour cream processed, as Ivory soap is processed, as falafel mix is processed? Where's the line? They have no clear line, and that was distracting.

Because, as she often reiterates, this is not about saving money (although that naturally does happen). It's about not consuming. Or something. Because while this is happening, she and her partner still have three cars, an apartment in Brooklyn, a 40-acre property and small house in Vermont which they are renovating. They are still consuming food. They are still consuming public services. They're still accepting gifts (albeit guiltily). They still have cable TV. The 'rules' are never very clearly laid out, and clearly they have some difficulty navigating what they're trying to do as well. They can buy materials and paint and bathtubs for the renovation, but not Q-Tips? I don't really get it.

What I found MOST irritating was that at the end of the book, there was no Grand Summary of what she learned, what they'll continue to do without, what she's looking forward to buying, how her habits have changed, etc. She just sort of touches lightly on these things, but never really gets into it. I guess I kept wishing this were an entirely different sort of book. It was more a political commentary than a experiential accounting. I wanted the latter. I don't have much interest in the former.

Also under Most Irritating is the fact that clearly she intended to write a book about this all along. A book that people would... buy. WTF? So backwards. She says at one point that she resolves not to title the book, "Don't Buy This Book," because we've all got to do our part in keeping the book industry going (which I agree with, mostly). But still. Irritating.

So, I didn't really like this. I read (skimmed) to the end because I wanted the Grand Summary, and was disappointed. So I'm Not Buying It, Judith. Sorry.

A Day Gone Bad

I should have known. Some days you just wake up and you know you should have just stayed in bed all day.

It wasn't so much the things that went wrong; not all that much went terribly wrong. Just a series of lots of little frustrations and setbacks and inconveniences and mildly annoying surprises, all adding up into a super-grumpy afternoon.

Now I'm making dinner -- our new favorite, bean burgers and coleslaw. The burgers are not turning out very well -- I don't know what I did differently but they are very moist and not holding together very well. I'm still holding out hope that cooking them well over a low heat will do the trick. Thankfully the coleslaw didn't let me down -- I forgot to add carrot, so it's just pure, unadulterated green cabbage and delicious dressing. It's so satisfying.

I'm reading Not Buying It: My Year Without Shopping. It's both incredibly annoying and somewhat interesting. I'm going to finish it, probably tonight, just because I want to see her conclusions at the end. It's not what I thought it would be, and I'm finding it sort of tedious, irritating, and condescending. But, we'll see once I get to the end how I ultimately feel about it.

Also, my new owl painting is not the right color (that's what I get for painting in the bright sun), so it will have to be fixed this weekend. Not a big deal, but annoying nevertheless.

And now, there are some mushy bean burgers waiting to be saved.

The Frugal Series: Skin Care

(this is apparently what jojoba looks like in the wild...)

Because everyone is looking for ways to save money right now... thought I would start a little series and include my own practices.

Today's topic: Cheap Skin Care

I wrote about it last year. I've since refined the process, so here we go.

First, a little about me and my skin. I am very lucky to have pretty good skin to start with. I had very few breakouts even as a teenager. However, somewhere around age 30, my skin started to change a little. I had more breakouts, which manifested as little red bumps on my chin, nose, and forehead (that fabled T-Zone), plus some random inflammation and redness. Also, sometimes I would get an actual pimple, which freaked me out since I had so little experience with them. And I was waaaay too shiny. This sounds like no big deal, but it was stressing me out because the problem just would NOT GO AWAY and was getting worse.

After trying numerous remedies, including at least five different moisturizers (ranging in cost from $5 to $45) which only made things worse, this is what I have ended up with. It's cheap, easy, and best of all, it really works great.

Here's what you need:

* a mild cleanser. I use Trader Joe's Tea Tree Oil Cleanser, but I'm thinking I might switch to watered-down Dr. Bronner's when I run out.

* a loofah washcloth, or use the sugar scrub method (teaspoon of white sugar plus a tiny bit of cleanser)

* a bottle of plain jojoba oil. I get this for about $7 at Trader Joe's, and it lasts FOREVER. Seriously, at least a year. This is the magic stuff: it mimics your skin oil so your skin actually normalizes oil production. Results? Less shine and less breakouts! Terri uses it in her hair sometimes as an all-day conditioner, but I wouldn't recommend this unless you have very thick, dry hair.

* some kind of eye cream, or just more jojoba oil. I generally go with something inexpensive, rich, and natural from the natural food store. This also lasts a long time because with the jojoba oil, you don't need much. You could do without this if you are under 30 or you don't want to mess with it. I like using a bit of eye cream because I'm vain. So there.

* Neutrogena Age Shield Face Sunblock, SPF 70. I had been using a natural zinc sunscreen, but this works better for my skin. Plus, the higher SPF, the better, as far as I'm concerned. I'm very fair and need all the help I can get.

* Neutrogena On The Spot if you are breakout-prone. This is a tiny tube, and you shouldn't need much. My tube lasts well over a year and a half.

* Burt's Bees lip balm. The best.

Here's what I do every day:

1. In the morning, in the shower, I wash my face with Trader Joe's Tea Tea Oil Cleanser, using the loofah washcloth. This is my exfoliation, which I can't do without. If I didn't have the washcloth, I would use the sugar scrub. This really makes a difference.

2. Once out of the shower, while my face is still damp, I lightly rub in 2 drops of jojoba oil. Really, just two drops.

3. Dot on some eye cream (if you're vain, like me), or just smooth a tiny bit more jojoba around the eyes.

4. Apply sunscreen. Yes, every single day, whether it's sunny or gray or whether you're going outside or not.

5. A note about makeup: I don't use much, but I found that creamy makeup just made my face worse, so I invested in some Bare Minerals. I bought one tin of the makeup, which matches my skin amazingly well, over two years ago. I am still not even halfway through it. This stuff works really great for me. Just be sure to let your face dry after the sunscreen before you apply it. Here's another hint: instead of buying the Mineral Veil powder to go over it, I just use a *very* light dusting of pure cornstarch. This works great to control shine all day. Do this before you get dressed.

6. In the evening, I wash my face with the cleanser again (but I don't exfoliate).

7. I apply just ONE drop of jojoba oil, plus a bit more eye cream. Because I'm vain.

8. If I notice any little beginnings of breakouts, I use a bit of the On The Spot. They're usually gone by morning.

9. I put on Burt's Bees lip balm before bed, and it takes care of any dryness around my lips.

And that's it. Everything is available very inexpensively (especially if you keep your eyes open for sales on the Neutrogena stuff). Once I hit upon this method, I have completely stopped 'shopping around' for moisturizers, sunscreen, etc., which has saved me money. There wasn't any 'transition' period -- my skin just immediately started feeling better.

If you try this, let me know how it works for you!

Book: Swish: My Quest To Become The Gayest Person Ever

My local library branch has the largest collection of LGBT library books in the East Bay (which is awesome), so when I was over there browsing the other day, this was face-out, calling my name as an easy, fun read. I was not disappointed!

Not so much a "first I did this, then I did this" accounting of his "quest," this was more a memoir of how Derfner ends up pursuing all manner of stereotypical 'gay' activities, either due to his own desire, his own insecurities, or the urging of his editor.

I'm about as open-minded as it gets, and I have to say that Mr. Derfner could not be more gay if he tried (and he tried!). He has a masters in Musical Theater, is a step aerobic instructor, tried a brief stint as a go-go dancer, loves to knit, has been a cheerleader, bakes a mean apple pie, and has slept with half of the gay population of Manhattan. (I exaggerate, but not more than he does!). He is also now in a deeply committed relationship with an amazing man, with whom he intends to spend the rest of his life.

Written in an extremely literate style (he's also very, very smart and witty, sort of like an ultra-gay David Sedaris, only I didn't laugh until I cried, which I always do with Sedaris books), Swish is more about Derfner personally, than a broad statement about gaydom in general. As they say, the political is personal. Only there's no politics in here (with the exception of a few asides about how STUPID it is that gay people can't marry).

He's also extremely neurotic. As the friend who recommended this book to me says, "If I ever start thinking that I'm too neurotic, I just read a few pages and realize that I'm in the minor leagues compared to him." In terms of the book, this is a wonderful thing. Nothing like saying, "Hey, I do that... only I'm not nearly as neurotic as you are...."

Towards the end, Derfner attends an Exodus conference. Exodus is a large Christian group that believes that you can pray your way out of being gay. Although he admittedly goes to this conference prepared to try and reconvert all the converts, after witnessing the pain of the people at the conference who fiercely believe that it's a deep character flaw (and a sin) that they are gay, he softens and starts to see the humanity of the conference attendees (although his perspective remains different than theirs).

However, some of the misconceptions of the people there brought me up short. For instance, one man believed (he was always "told") that gay people could not have monogamous, intimate, committed relationships. He thought it was impossible, even though this is what he desperately wanted. He figured that if he could find love with a woman, then he could have the monogamous relationship that he desired (nevermind that he has never been attracted to a woman in his whole life). He was astonished when Derfner told him differently. At this, I just felt confused. And grateful. What do you mean? Just because everyone told you that you can't have a monogamous gay relationship, how can you just accept that as truth, when what you WANT and envision for yourself is a monogamous gay relationship? I just couldn't wrap my brain around that. How can you not know that it's possible?

I felt very grateful for many things at that moment. Grateful that I was brought up to believe that whatever you want for yourself, you can have. Also not to believe everything I'm told, if it feels wrong to me, no matter the source. Also that I am loved, no matter what my orientation is or isn't. Also that I live on the West Coast and not the Bible Belt. Also, deeply grateful to be myself, with all my experiences and opinions and mistakes and growth and everything else. I realized right then how incredibly lucky I am to be absolutely fine with who I am, in all my facets. It just breaks my heart that there are people who could be happy, who think that they are condemned, all for just loving the person whom they love. It's a complicated issue, I realize. And I respect people's wishes and beliefs. But I do wish that there was a wider path for these people, so that they wouldn't have to hate themselves so deeply, if somehow they could find another way to be okay with who they are and who they love. I know everyone believes what they're going to believe, but still. Hate, even/especially when directed at yourself, isn't really a great thing. I can't believe God would want that, if God wants anything.

Ok, off my soapbox. BUT, the end of this book was thought-provoking and kindly written and all about love and support and connection and all those good things.

This was different than I expected, but funny, thoughtful, entertaining and also really made me want to go to Camp Camp, because how fun would that be?

Days Like This Should Be Illegal

Um, can I just say that it was AMAZING today??

I wanted to paint, but it was so freaking gorgeous outside that I took all my stuff out to the back porch to do a little au plein air painting. It was about 70 degrees and I actually got hot sitting in the sun. I also had a little friend visit me.

This is little mister Tom Cat Neighborhood Kitty. He is sooo cute. We finally figured out which house he lives at, but he's certainly not picky. He would come in for a snack if we'd let him (if our own kitties wouldn't have a heart attack at the sight of him).

He tried to roar at me. Oh wait. That was a massive yawn.

Then, I got way too hot sitting in the sun and figured I would continue the creative outpouring by taking my camera to the cemetery and have a nice walk.

Like I mentioned, we now live about three blocks from the amazing Mountain View Cemetery. It's really one of my favorite places in the Bay Area and now it's my backyard park. You can read about the history here.

Lots of beautiful water features, right off the bat when you walk in.

This place goes on for acres (226 acres, actually).

I'm so excited to be able to watch all the foliage transform from winter's bare branches to spring's blossoms. They're actually starting to bloom now, crazy flowers.

Here's one of my favorite photos from the day. This pretty little angel is adorned with stars, which I love. She also has a book in her lap. I took way too many photos for this one post, so I'll post more over the next few days.

A closeup of the stars. I would like relief stars like this on my own headstone.

It's so interesting to look at the dates on the graves. This is a lovely example of some of the older ones, 1871. Poor baby Nellie. Lots of children's graves from this period, so heartbreaking.

There are no shortage of amazing memoriams in all shapes and sizes. You just wander and wander and at every corner, something else beautiful pops out.

I think this is called Millionaire's Row (or at least, I've heard it called that). There are two or three rows of these amazing little 'houses of the dead'. Lots of Bay Area historical figures are here now. They have incredible views.

The hill going up can be quite steep. Here's one of the little sprints I've been doing. It's so much fun! After each sprint, the view becomes more impressive.

A stunning view of the cemetery and downtown Oakland.

Once you reach the top, you are rewarded with a view of the San Francisco Bay, including the city, the Bay Bridge, and the Golden Gate Bridge.

This statue has a large anchor at her side, as she gazes out towards the ocean. I think she symbolizes the wives and daughters left behind as the men went out to sea. I've found quite a few stones from the 1800s with "Lost At Sea" engraved upon them.

Back down at the entrance, there are a few buildings meant for the living, including this pretty chapel. I think it needs some flying buttresses.

Stating the obvious:

Right inside the gates is this perfect little picnic spot.

The day was capped off with some excellent Super Bowl snacks and some time spent reading flopped on the bed with the cats. I could do with a few more days like today, I tell you.